I've had a fear of public speaking since I was a kid, which probably isn't the greatest when you're the leader of a well-known KPOP group. The first time I had to give a speech with Stray Kids, I ended up passing out backstage and waking up at the hospital because the boys had freaked out. I explained to them then about my fear and since then we've figured at a way to make me feel at ease and help me get through all of my speeches. Minho decided to try holding my hand during my next speech and surprisingly, it kept me calm and focused so ever since then, it's become a tradition for Minho to hold my hand and keep me calm during all of my speeches. It's worked ever since then and now it's just become second nature to us. The good thing for me, is that when I'm singing and dancing, it doesn't trigger my fear, only when I'm making a speech and can see so many people in front of me. Every thing was fine, I always had Minho by my side for my speeches, but I didn't account for the fact that he might not always be there when I need him...

"NO THIS IS RIDICULOUS. HE NEEDS TO OWN UP FOR HIS ACTIONS," Minho yelled as he poked his finger into my chest.

"MY ACTIONS! MY ACTIONS? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO-."

"HYUNGS SHUT UP." We both went silent and turned to look at Hyunjin who was hugging a crying Jeongin and was frowning angrily. Shit, we made the Maknae cry.

"Whatever shit you guys have going on, keep it to yourselves. Yelling at each other in a room backstage when we have to go out in 15 minutes to possibly get an award and scaring everyone else in the room is not going to help anything," he said with a frown. I looked around and saw Felix was also crying as he was being consoled by Changbin and Jisung while Seungmin was just glaring at us.

"I'm sorry Innie, Lix," Minho said with a sigh before he walked off. I frowned before walking over to Hyunjin and Jeongin.

"Innie," I said gently as I placed a hand on his shoulder. He jumped in surprise but turned his head to face me with tear filled eyes.

"I'm sorry aegi, Hyung didn't mean to scare you," I said gently. He sniffled before moving from Hyunjin's grasp and hugging me tightly.

"I don't like it when Hyungs fight," he said sadly.

"I know you don't and Hyungs sorry for that," I said as I placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

"It's ok," he said as he pulled away. I gently wiped the tears off his face and gave him a small smile.

"Why don't you go and get your makeup fixed up with Hyunjinnie," I said softly. He nodded and grabbed Hyunjin's hand before they both walked off to get his makeup redone. I sighed before going over to where Felix was waiting for me after the other two had walked off so I could talk to him.

"I'm sorry Lix," I said with a small sigh as I reverted to English.

"It's ok Channie Hyung, I know you've just been a bit wound up lately," he said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder.

"That doesn't give me an excuse to make you cry Lixie," I sighed as I rubbed the back of his neck gently.

"I'm ok Hyung, really," he said, lifting his head up and giving me a small smile. It hurt to see the tear tracks that ran through his makeup but I gave him a small smile back.

"I'm gonna go and get this fixed up, don't get into anymore arguments while I'm gone," he said with a chuckle before walking off. I don't get how that kid can go from sad to happy so quickly, it's a little worrying sometimes. Changbin walked up to me and let out a sigh as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I don't need a lecture Bin, I know I shouldn't have done that," I said with a frown.

"I'm not here to lecture you Hyung, I just wanted to make sure you're ok," he said gently. I was surprised but felt a bit better at his words.

"I feel bad for making Lix and Innie cry but I'm ok," I nodded.

"What were you and Minho Hyung even fighting about," he asked me.

"Just stuff that happened back at the dorm. He did something I didn't like so I retaliated. We'll deal with it later though, right now we need to get ready for the awards. We're going up soon and if we win, I'll need to give another speech and we'll have to make sure we're all happy," I said with a sigh.

"It'll be fine Hyung, you've done this plenty of times before, this time isn't any different," he said, giving me a reassuring pat on the back. I nodded and we both went off to finish getting ready.

~~~~~

No matter how many awards you win, it's still the best feeling in the world when you hear the name of your group being called, signally that you've won yet another award. We began jumping up and down and I pulled Jisung into my arms as he grinned and hugged me back. We were excited for a few minutes before the other groups left the stage and we were presented with the award, signalling the time for my speech. I grabbed the microphone and stepped forwards to get ready before freezing. I looked down at my unoccupied hand and looked around to see that Minho was standing at the very end next to Seungmin and wouldn't meet my gaze. H-Hold up, he's supposed to be next to me and holding my hand. He always holds my hand! I felt my breathing pick up slightly as I looked out at all the people watching us from the audience. I can't do this I ca-. My thoughts were cut off when I felt a hand slip into mine and squeeze it gently. I looked down to see Felix looing at me worriedly as he held my hand. It wasn't enough to stop my panic completely but it was enough to delay it so I could rush the words out and say thanks. My heart was pounding and there was a ringing in my ears, I could hardly even hear myself talk. My hand was shaking as I held the microphone but I got through and managed to hold it in until we got backstage. The minute we got backstage, I stumbled and clutched onto the table in front of me.

"Channie Hyung," Jeongin said as he placed a hand on my shoulder. The feeling of his hand set me off for some reason and I flinched back, shoving him away from me. I heard gasps but I didn't stay back to listen, I rushed out of the room. I began to sob as I ran down the seemingly endless halls, not knowing where I was going but I didn't really care. I turned a corner when a hand was suddenly wrapped around my wrist and I was pulled into someone's chest. I went to struggle and get out but they embraced me tightly and put their hand on the back of my head, moving it down to rest on their shoulder. I gave up and hugged them tightly as sobs wracked through my body. I was scared and angry and upset and I just needed to breakdown. So here I was, in hall, sobbing my heart out into some strangers arms in the middle of an award show. They ran their fingers through my hair and slipped their hand under my shirt to rub my back. I was surprised at the gesture. I knew for sure from the feeling of the hug that it was none of the boys but how did they know that skin to skin contact calms me down quicker? I mean all the boys know that from experience but it seemed like this person did too. My heart was still pound, but at a slightly slower rate and my breathing began to slow down. No words were exchanged between us as we just stood in the hall with them embracing me tightly, as if they were holding me together, which it felt like they were. My sobs quietened down and I felt exhausted, barely able to hold myself up. The person who was holding me, gently lowered himself to the ground, along with me until we were sitting on the floor and they pulled me into their lap. I cuddled down, resting my head on their shoulder, not even caring anymore how embarrassing it was that I had a break down in front of some random person, I was too tired.

"You're ok Channie Hyung." I half recognized the voice but I couldn't place the face to the voice.

"I'm tired," I whispered.

"I know. Close your eyes and get some sleep, I've got you," they said gently.

"I c-can't. We're in the middle of an award show," I said shaking my head and trying to open my eyes but they felt heavy and wouldn't move.

"It's ok, you can relax. You're safe and everything's going to be ok, I promise," they whispered as they cuddled me closer. Their words were gentle and soothing and I felt myself slowly drifting off against my will.

Unknown POV (Let's see how long it take's you to guess who the unknown person is just for some fun)

I was walking down the halls on my way back from grabbing a jacket from the dressing room as it was quite cold when I heard sobs. I quickly shrugged my jacket on before running down the halls in search of whoever was in distress when I saw a familiar person stumbling down the hall. I picked up my pace and just managed to catch Chan's wrist as he rounded the corner. I quickly pulled him to my chest and wrapped my arms around him as he continued to sob. I felt him begin to struggle in my arms but I just tightened my hold and guided his head down onto my shoulder. At that action he seemed to give up and he hugged me back, his sobs coming out full of pain. I'm not really sure what this about but it sounds like he's having a panic attack so I'm just going to console him as best as I can. I held him tightly but softly, as he broke down completely and was sobbing into my shoulder. I could feel it getting wet but I didn't care, I was more worried about trying to calm him down before he passes out or hurts himself. I ran my fingers through his hair before I remembered something that Changbin once told me. He said that Chan benefits a lot from skin to skin contact while he's panicking, it helps ground him or something. I gently slipped my hand underneath his shirt and ran my hand over his back softly, immediately noticing how he relaxed a bit. I know how hard it can be sometimes as the eldest of the group but Chan has it harder as he's also the leader. His breathing began to slow down and his sobs quietened down before stopping completely. It felt like I was the only thing holding him up and stopping him from collapsing to the floor so I gently lowered us both down to the ground, not wanting him to get hurt and I leant back against the wall. I pulled him into my lap gently and was surprised to see how quickly he curled up and rested his head on my shoulder, letting out soft breaths that tickled my neck slightly.

"You're ok Channie Hyung," I said gently.

"I'm tired," he said quietly. I bet he is, that would've been pretty draining.

"I know. Close your eyes and get some sleep, I've got you," I told him softly.

"I c-can't. We're in the middle of an award show," he said shaking his head. I mean that's true but he's really in no state to be going back out and he really needs rest right now. I know I told the other four that I'd be really quick and get be back soon but Chan takes priority right now and they'll understand.

"It's ok, you can relax. You're safe and everything's going to be ok, I promise," I whispered, pulling him closer and trying to get him to relax. I continued to whisper into his ear and pretty soon, I felt him go completely limp and his breathing evened out, signalling that he was asleep. I quickly pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialled Changbin's number. It took about 4 rings for him to answer.

"Yeonjun, I'll have to call you back later sorry," he said before hanging up without letting me talk. Wow, thanks. I rolled my eyes before dialling again.

"Yeonjun I can't talk righ-."

"Seo Changbin I swear to god if you hang up on me again, I am going to take Chan back to our dorms," I said with a frown.

"Ch-Channie Hyung? Do you know where he is," he asked quickly.

"If having him asleep in my lap counts as knowing where he is, then yes," I told him.

"Why didn't you just tell me that," he asked, raising his voice but I could hear the hidden relief that he was masking.

"Because you hung up on me," I pointed out gently.

"Oh right, sorry. Is he ok," he asked me.

"He's fine right now but why don't you come here so I can tell you what happened. We're just down the hall from your dressing rooms actually," I told him.

"Thankyou Junnie, we'll be there soon," he said with a small sigh.

"No problem Bin, I'll just be waiting here," I replied before hanging up. It only took a few minutes for the rest of Stray Kids to come running down the halls but they slowed down and went quiet when they saw us sitting against the wall. Minho and Changbin knelt next to us while the other's stayed back and it wasn't hard to notice the tears that were running down his face.

"W-What happened," Minho asked shakily and I decided it was best not to acknowledge the tears.

"I came back to grab my jacket when I heard sobs so I ran over to take a look and found Chan. I pulled him into a hug and managed to calm him down before he passed out but he was exhausted so I sat us down and helped him get to sleep. He was worried about the rest of the show but I think it's best to leave. You've already gotten your award and he really needs some sleep," I told them. Minho started crying harder at my words and it was slightly worrying.

"You ok," I asked him gently. He quickly wiped his eyes and nodded.

"It's my fault he panicked. We got into a fight and I changed up the routine we have to keep him calm and it set him off," Minho said shaking his head. I didn't really understand what he meant but it's not my place to pry.

"Well, he should be ok so there's nothing to worry about," I said gently. He nodded before holding out his arms and I slowly and softly moved Chan into them before Changbin and I helped him stand up. Chan subconsciously wrapped his arms around Minho's neck and curled up in his hold as he held him bridle style.

"Thank you Yeonjun, for looking after Channie Hyung," Jisung said as he stepped forwards.

"No problem Sung, just make sure you look after him. Don't forget that he has a lot of pressure being the eldest, and the leader. And definitely don't forget that despite being older, he also needs you guys to look out for him," I told them. They all nodded and thanked me as they walked towards their dressing room.

Minho's POV

I felt horrible when Chan ran out with a sob after pushing Jeongin away. This was my fault. I was so petty that I refused to do the one thing that would keep him safe and calm, the one thing that I KNOW would stop him from freezing up and getting scared. What kind of person would do that? What kind of person does that make me?

"Should we go after him," Seungmin asked awkwardly.

"And do what? He just shoved Jeongin away for touching his shoulder. This is your fault you know Minho. Why the hell would you do that," Hyunjin asked me angrily.

"Don't Hyunjin, we don't need another fight," Changbin said quickly.

"No, he's right. You know that Chan Hyung holds your hand so he won't get scared and panic and yet you refused to even be near him. I had to hold his hand but it's not the same and he was already starting to panic by the time I realised," Felix said angrily. Felix doesn't get angry easily, which means I really messed up. God, I'm so stupid.

"Felix don't-."

"No he's right, it was so stupid," I said, turning away from them as tears welled up in my eyes and spilled over.

"Minho Hyung," Jeongin said softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said quickly, not turning around. A sob slipped out and my shoulders began to shake as I cried.

"Shit, Hyung I didn't mean to make you cry," Felix said quickly and I felt arms wrap around me. If anything that made me feel worse, I'm getting comfort for feeling guilty while Chan is somewhere panicking with no one around. And it's my fault in the first place.

"Don't Lix, I'm fine," I said, shrugging him off and turning around as I wiped my eyes. Wiping my eyes didn't really help because I kept crying but the other's seemed to understand to leave it alone.

"We're gonna need to find him before he passes out or something. It can be really dangerous," I said with a groan as I ran my hand through my hair. I was starting to get really worried now, he really can get hurt if we don't find him.

"We should go look for him," Hyunjin nodded as Changbin's phone started ringing. He frowned before walking over and rolling his eyes and answering with a sigh.

"Yeonjun, I'll have to call you back later sorry," he said before hanging up. He went to say something else when his phone started ringing again and he groaned.

"Yeonjun I can't talk righ-." He stopped talking as it seemed like Yeonjun cut him off.

"Ch-Channie Hyung? Do you know where he is," he asked, gaining everyone's attention.

"Why didn't you just tell me that," he asked as his voice rose but everyone could see the relief as his shoulders sagged. Which hopefully meant that Chan was safe, hopefully.

"Oh right, sorry. Is he ok," Changbin asked. It was annoying not being able to hear the conversation but I waited patiently.

"Thankyou Junnie, we'll be there soon," Changbin said with a sigh, putting his phone down not long after.

"Yeonjun has Chan by our dressing rooms. He said he's fine but he's asleep on his lap." I let out a breath of relief as he said that he was fine but I was still guilty for making him panic in the first place.

"Let's go," Hyunjin said quickly and we all rushed off. We ran down the halls until we turned a corner and saw Yeonjun sitting against the wall with Chan indeed in his lap. We quickly slowed down and went quiet to make sure we wouldn't wake him up and I felt tears begin to fall down my face again, relieved to know that he really was safe. He's my only Hyung, the only person who I can always count on to look after me and I've just hurt him pretty bad. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't want to talk to me after what I just did, especially after I did it out of nowhere on live TV. God what the hell was running through my head? Changbin and I quickly went and knelt down next to the two boys on the floor.

"W-What happened," I asked as my eyes ran over Chan's sleeping form. He didn't seem to be hurt but one never knows.

"I came back to grab my jacket when I heard sobs so I ran over to take a look and found Chan. I pulled him into a hug and managed to calm him down before he passed out but he was exhausted so I sat us down and helped him get to sleep. He was worried about the rest of the show but I think it's best to leave. You've already gotten your award and he really needs some sleep," Yeonjun said. The tears streamed down my face quicker as he told me how much distress Chan was in all because of me.

"You ok," Yeonjun asked softly. I nodded quickly as I wiped the tears from my eyes quickly.

"It's my fault he panicked. We got into a fight and I changed up the routine we have to keep him calm and it set him off," I said shaking my head.

"Well, he should be ok so there's nothing to worry about," Yeonjun assured me. It did help me feel a little bit better knowing that he'd be ok but it didn't get rid of the guilt. I held out my arms to take Chan from him and Yeonjun quickly placed him in them. Changbin and Yeonjun helped me stand up and Chan moved a little bit before wrapping his arms around my neck and curling up. I placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head and let out a breath.

"Thank you Yeonjun, for looking after Channie Hyung," Jisung said.

"No problem Sung, just make sure you look after him. Don't forget that he has a lot of pressure being the eldest, and the leader. And definitely don't forget that despite being older, he also needs you guys to look out for him," Yeonjun said. I'm gonna make sure to remember those words because it's true. Sometimes we forget that he still needs to be looked after. We all thanked Yeonjun before we walked into our changing room where our manager and other staff members were.

"Hyungnim, is there any chance we can go back to the dorm," Jisung asked our manager.

"What? No, we're in the middle of-. Wait what's wrong with Chan, is he ok," Manager-nim said as he quickly walked over to me.

"He's ok now but he had a panic attack earlier and he's exhausted," I told him.

"Ok, we'll get you guys back to the dorm then. I'll get someone to let the hosts know we'll be unable to stay attending today. Head out to the van and I'll be there shortly," he said. We nodded and headed out.

~~~~~

Half an hour later, we were home and I carried Chan inside.

"I'm going to take Chan Hyung up to his room and I'll look after him," I said with a sigh. The other's just nodded so I quickly took him to his room. I gently placed him down on the bed before getting rid of jacket, shoes and socks. I then sighed and slipped under the blankets with him, pulling him close to my body and keeping my arms wrapped around him. His eyes slipped open slowly and he looked up at me.

"Min," he asked tiredly.

"Hey Channie Hyung," I said softly, blinked back tears that were threatening to fall.

"Wh-Where are we," he asked as he tried to get up but I tightened my grip. He seemed surprised but moved closer to me and placed his head on my chest. My breath caught in my throat at the unexpected gesture, I expected him to push me away, not cuddle closer. The tears started to fall down my face and I buried my head in his shoulder as I sobbed.

"Min? Min. Minho, hey it's ok. Why're you crying," he asked quickly as he sat up and pulled me to his chest.

"Hyung don't, please don't. I don't deserve it," I sobbed, trying to pull out of his grasp but he held me tighter and I couldn't get out of his grasp. He really is strong.

"No you don't. You don't deserve to be crying like this, that's what you don't deserve," Chan said gently.

"Yes I do Hyung. It's my fault what happened to you," I said shaking my head. He pulled away from me and I thought he was finally going to leave but he just looked up at me.

"It's not your fault Minho. It was a stupid fight that we both went too far with," he said shaking his head.

"But I didn't hold your hand. I knew how much you needed me to hold your hand but I didn't," I said sadly.

"It's not your fault Minho. I can't have you there every time I need to speak in public," he said softly as he cupped my cheek and used his thumbs to wipe away my tears.

"I know but I was there and I could've helped you but I didn't," I said sadly.

"It's fine Minho. You were angry and so was I, I'm not going to hold that against you," he said gently.

"But you should Hyung," I whimpered. He sigh sadly and placed his forehead against mine.

"Listen to me Minho, are you listening," he asked. I nodded slightly.

"We got into a fight alright. A really stupid and useless one but one nonetheless and fights happen. It's nothing different then what happens between most people, everyone fights," he said quietly.

"But it wasn't the fight that I'm upset about. It was what I did to you on the stage, on live television," I said sadly.

"That's ok Minho. You made a mistake and the fact that you're guilty means you regret it and you're not going to do it again. You're allowed to make mistakes Lee Know," he said gently as he slipped his hands into mine.

"But you got hurt because of this mistake," I pointed out.

"No I didn't. I'm not hurt at all. I was upset and panicked slightly but that's not the same as getting hurt," he said.

"Why are you consoling me. Aren't I supposed to be consoling you," I asked him with a small chuckle.

"Nope, never. I'm the Hyung and it's my job to make sure you're ok," he said leaning back slightly and shaking his head.

"Yeah but you need to be looked after as well," I pointed out.

"I know, and when I do need to be looked after, I always go to you and you're always there to look after me," he said.

"But I wasn't today," I pointed out.

"Stop beating yourself up about it. I told you I don't care," he sighed.

"But I do, I shouldn't have done it," I said shaking my head. I really shouldn't have and he shouldn't be making excuses for me.

"I know you shouldn't have done it and it hurt that you did but the fact is, he did do it. But you've realised that you shouldn't have done it and you'll learn from that. I'm not going to hold a grudge for you making a mistake. How many times have you held my hand while I've had to make a speech, how many times have you held me while I've panicked or looked after me when I've overworked myself. When it comes down to it, you've probably done over 100 things to look after me and you've made one mistake, one lapse in judgement. I'm not going to dwell on that," he told me. I paused as I thought over his words. They're true but I should still do something to make it up to him.

"I'm gonna stay here tonight and make sure you sleep well," I said nervously, hoping that he'd realise what I'm trying to say. Thankfully, Chan can pretty much read me like a book.

"Alright. Why don't we get some rest now," he said as he lay down and opened his arms. I nodded and lay down as well, cuddling up to his side and resting my head on his shoulder.

"This has been discussed now. I don't want you dwelling on it and feeling guilty ok," he said gently.

"Ok Hyung," I nodded before letting my eyes slip closed. Chan isn't the only one who is exhausted, we've been working really hard lately and not getting any breaks really.

"I love you aegi," he whispered.

"I love you too Hyungie."

A/N

This was requested by @Shae and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for reading and I hope everyone's doing well.