A/N

So this chapter isn't really focused much on Jongho, more San and how he feels after what happened and the guilt of it. I hope you enjoy

San's POV

I can't believe it. How selfish can I be? I couldn't bear to stay in that room and receive comfort when I had caused pain to our Maknae, I didn't deserve it. After I slammed my door closed and locked it, I flopped down onto my bed and began to sob. I pushed my face into my pillow to muffle my sobs and just cried. I know what Monophobia is, my friend from when I was younger had it and it wasn't very fun. He used to pass out after hyperventilating if someone left him alone suddenly and now I've gone and caused that same pain to Jongho because I was selfish and wanted to talk Yeo and Woo. I was laughing and having fun while my little brother was somewhere all alone and having a panic attack, not just one, but two panic attacks. I felt my chest get tight so I sat up and clutched at my shirt, gasping for air. This isn't a panic attack, this is just guilt eating away at me. I deserve to feel this pain, in fact, I should be feeling more pain. I dug my nails into my palms and clenched my eyes closed, taking short breaths as tears rolled down my face. I was no longer loudly sobbing, just silently crying instead. I don't know how long I was sitting there for before I heard a soft knock on my door.

"Go away," I said quickly, not wanting anyone to see my like this. If they see me now, they'll pity me and try to help me when I don't deserve it, not today at least.

"Sannie." I froze when I heard Jongho's voice, my breath catching in my throat.

"Sannie can you open the door please," he asked softly. No, this is what I didn't want. Jongho is the one who should be getting looked after by me, not the other way around.

"I said go away Jongho. Have a nap, you're probably really tired," I said, struggling to keep my voice from wavering.

"I am, but I can't sleep," he replied.

"Why not," I asked furrowing my eyebrows slightly.

"Because I want to sleep next to you." It was silent for a while after I heard those words. Me just processing them and him just waiting. I mean it is the least I could do after all the fear and anxiety I most likely put him through.

"Wooyoung is here as well and he wants to cuddle too," he added when I didn't reply. Looking after Jongho, and cuddling with Woo? I walked up to the door and slowly unlatched to lock before stepping back. The door opened and Wooyoung and Jongho walked in, quickly closing the door behind them.

"Oh Sannie," Wooyoung breathed out, going to hug me but I quickly stepped back, making him freeze.

"Don't, please don't. Let's just help Jongho sleep and please don't hug me back," I said shaking my head.

"Hyung-."

"Please" I begged, cutting Jongho off as tears sprung to my eyes. He sighed sadly but nodded and we walked over to my double bed which was thankfully a double bed. Jongho lay down first and then Wooyoung went in front of him, wrapping his arms around his waist. I went behind him and cuddled up to his back, also wrapping my arms around his waist. I felt a hand slip into mine and I went to pull away quickly but Wooyoung tightened his grip and pulled me closer to the both of them before pausing. He sat up quickly, making Jongho and I look up at him in confusion.

"Oh my god San, what the hell," he gasped, running his thumb over my palm. I flinched as I felt a stinging sensation and Jongho sat up as well. He grabbed my other hand and gently turned it around. There on my palm were four small crescent shaped indents that were deeper than I expected, they were bleeding.

"I'm fine, Jongho needs to sleep," I said quickly, ripping my hands from their grasp.

"No Hyung, we need to look after those," Jongho said shaking my head.

"I said I'm fine. Let's just help Jongho sleep," I said shaking my head.

"I'm not helping until we disinfect those and wrap them up," Jongho said crossing his arms with a determined look on his face. I sighed and looked down, giving a small nod knowing that Jongho can be really stubborn when he wants to be.

"We're gonna need someone to help out, anyone specific," Wooyoung asked me. I just looked up at him in the eye and he nodded, knowing what I was trying to say.

"I'll go get him," he whispered before walking out.

"I don't get you guys, how do you do that," Jongho asked suddenly.

"Huh," I asked confused.

"You didn't even say anything and he just knew what you were thinking. That's some soulmate shit if I've ever seen it," he said shaking his head in awe. I gave him a quick, small smile before frowning sadly again. I jumped when I felt arms wrap around my waist and turned my head to the side just as Jongho placed his head on my shoulder and let out a, contended sigh? Why would he be content?

"You smell nice," he whispered.

"Are you sure you're ok, you're acting weird," I said, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not mad you know. I'm not even upset with you," he told me.

"You should be, I caused you pain," I said looking down.

"No you didn't, not really. I wasn't in pain, just scared and that wasn't your fault. Sure you left me to go hang with the other two which was a little annoying but you didn't know about my phobia because I never told you. I can't blame you for that, and neither should you," he said, wrapping his arms tighter around my waist.

"You should blame me because when it comes down to it, it was what I did that caused you to panic," I pointed out.

"Well I don't blame you. And you blaming yourself is upsetting me, having I been upset enough today," he asked with a pout. That little manipulative shit. Obviously Wooyoung's been teaching him the different ways of getting someone to do what you want.

"I hate you," I said after a couple of seconds and he chuckled slightly. A small smile formed on my lips as I heard his chuckle, it was much better than his cries. The door opened again and in walked Wooyoung and Yeosang who was holding a first aid kit. Wooyoung quickly came over and sat down on the bed next to me as Yeosang knelt on the floor in front of me. He wordlessly grabbing my hands and began to clean the small cuts with disinfectant, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand whenever I let out a small gasp from the sting. Jongho stayed hugging me until Yeosang finished wrapping up my hand and put the kit down next to him.

"You wanna tell us how you got these," Yeosang asked softly but firmly.

"Do I have to," I asked, knowing that I would definitely have to but, you can always try.

"Yes baby, you do. Unless you want me to get all the other's in here and you can tell them yourself," he said with a shrug. If I whined slightly at the nickname that rarely leaves Yeosang lips, no one would know.

"I deserved it," I mumbled.

"Pardon, you've got to speak up so we can hear you please Sannie," he said as the other two came closer.

"I hurt Jongho, so I deserve to be hurt," I said, looking up at Yeosang. I saw a flash of hurt pass through Yeosang eyes and I felt tears brim in my eyes as I realised he was probably mad for hurting Jongho as well.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm a bad person," I said trying to move away from them.

"No baby, no. You aren't a bad person. It was an honest mistake that anyone could've made. No one's mad at you," Yeosang said quickly as Wooyoung started to run his hands through my hair which was really comforting.

"Seonghwa Hyung and Hongjoong Hyung are, as they should," I said quietly.

"That's it, let's go. Jongho grab the idiot," Yeosang said standing up quickly. I squeaked as I was lifted into the air by the strong Maknae and I was suddenly being carried out of the room as Jongho and Wooyoung followed Yeosang to the living room.

"Hyungs, everyone come to the living room," Yeosang yelled out.

"No, no, please don't," I begged, trying to get out of Jongho's grip but he was too strong. I didn't want to be yelled at, I already knew that I was stupid and useless, I didn't need them yelling at me as well.

"Hyung, it's ok," Jongho whispered as he put me down on the couch but kept his grip on me. I quickly buried my head in his shoulder, not wanting to see the disappointment on everyone's faces. God, I can't even keep to myself right. Here I am getting everyone's attention when they should be looking after Jongho and he should be resting.

"San," I heard Yunho question and I quickly pushed closer to the Maknae.

"Is he ok, what's happening," Mingi asked.

"He's beating himself up about what happened earlier," Wooyoung said.

"Were we too hard on him." I paused in confusion at Hongjoong's words. Too hard on me?

"He thinks you guys are mad at him and he thinks he deserves to be hurt because he says it's his fault that Jongho was upset. He squeezed his fists so hard that he drew blood on his palms. We asked him about it and he said that he deserved to feel the pain," Yeosang said. I heard a few gasps and then everything went so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. See, I knew they hate me. I squeezed my eyes tighter shut so I wouldn't cry again and squeezed Jongho's shirt in my fists. I heard some shuffling and then a hand was placed on my back gently.

"Sannie, can you look at me please." I slowly turned around, blinking my eyes open and faced Seonghwa who was kneeling down in front of us.

"I want you to listen to me closely alright, and I want you to acknowledge this exactly how I say it to you ok," he said firmly. I can't exactly tell if he's still really mad or only just a little bit mad now.

"Ok," I said quietly.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier, I was just a little stressed but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. While you did go off with Yeosang and Wooyoung, it was not your fault what happened with Jongho. It could've ended up happening with anyone at any time. If anything it was a good thing because Hongjoong and I found him relatively early so now we know and can look after him without anything too bad happening. It is not your fault Sannie and in no way to you deserve now or ever to be hurt. I need you to tell me that you understand that ok," he said softly. So, he's not mad?

"San," I blinked quickly and looked back at Seonghwa.

"I need you to tell me that you know you don't deserve to be hurt," he said wringing his hands together.

"Why," I asked quietly.

"What do you mean why? Obviously because no one wants you or any of us to be hurt," Hongjoong asked suddenly as he knelt down beside Seonghwa.

"Oh, right," I replied.

"San come on, it's not that hard to say you don't deserve to get hurt, you're worrying me now," Yunho said quickly.

"I don't deserve to be hurt," I said with a shrug.

"No, you need to actually mean it. It's not your fault and you don't deserve to be hurt. No one is mad at you, nor does anyone blame you for what happened," Seonghwa said firmly. I looked around the room, taking turns at looking into each person's eyes to see if they really weren't mad. To my surprise he was right, no one looked mad, if anything they looked like they were worried.

"It's not my fault and I don't deserve to be hurt," I said finally.

"Ok good, and one more time just to be sure," Hongjoong said gently.

"It's not my fault and I don't deserve to be hurt," I said more firmly.

"That's great San, now can you come give Hyung a hug please. I'm really craving a San hug right now," Seonghwa said holding open his arms with a small smile. I hesitated for a second, but only a second before I left Jongho's grip and engulfed Seonghwa in a tight hug. He chuckled lightly before hugging me back tightly and swaying back and forth soothingly. Slowly, I started to feel other arms wrap around us and soon enough we were all huddled up together in the middle of the living room just quietly hugging each other.

"I love you San. I love all of you, just remember that ok," Seonghwa said gently.

"We're a family guys and we will never be mad at each other ok," Hongjoong said.

"Well, not for long anyway," Mingi added, chuckling as a couple of the other's tried to whack him. I smiled to myself and snuggled closer to Seonghwa, letting out a soft sigh. I'm just glad that no one's mad at me anymore.

"Hyung," I whispered.

"Yeah," he whispered back.

"I love you too," I said quietly, so only he could hear. He smiled and leant forwards before placing a kiss on my forehead. He pulled me closed and I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck, content with how warm I was feeling...

A/N

Here is the last part of Jongho's Monophobia, I hope you enjoyed it.

I don't have any requests as of it yet so it would mean a lot if someone could possible request something on the first chapter but if not that's ok.

I have another one in mind so I'm beginning it now!

I hope you're all having a lovely time at the moment and are happy!