Kohana was really scared about her dreams becoming a reality. She never thought that day would have come. It was a remote possibility or something unreacheable before, but now her point of view changed so fast she needed some moments to think about it deeply.

After she went to the temple and she left there one hundred crabs, she layed down in her bed staring at the ceiling questioning herself what she was doing. Her parents had already gone to bed and she had not seen them since the moment she had left home earlier. She didn't know what they thought about the cruise she was about to jump on and if they changed her mind. Maybe it was all a crazy idea after all. "What is wrong with me?" She whispered to herself.

Couldn't she just desire for a simple life, get married and have children? No way ! Holding her fist in the air she got up and went closer to the mirror. She put her hands alongside the body and she breathed deeply.

She looked at herself in a way she had never experienced before. She saw a young woman with asian traits, but her eyes were bright and shining. Her red hair fell gently as a waterfall on her naked shoulders.The little freckless on her face were still imperfections in her opinion and her skinny body made her feel uncomfortable. The little breast she never liked gave her the sensation of being useless. She hated so much what she saw she dressed again and got ready for bed. After that she felt better and she reminded herself about what she wanted to accomplish, so she fell asleep in no time.

During the following days Kohana prepared her luggage. Her clothes were like stardust all over the chamber. First they were messy and scattered all around like it was a galaxy then they were gathered and put in separated piles. They were clean and they smelled like soap. As if they were planets, they took a shape and a direction. Some of them were put in the wardrobe again, some in the luggage.

"Bring only what you need." Said Master Gondra.

"Where do you think you are going?" Asked Kohana's mother.

Meanwhile she folded paper sourrounded by all her clothes.

Eleven, fourteen, twenty, forty-five...

The more she folded the more her train of thoughts got derailed by her focus. She was so concentrated she had no time for insecurity.

"What exactly should I find?" She asked.

"Just enjoy the company of strangers, move along the rhythm of life and you'll be richer than ever." Answered Master Gondra.

Twenty-five, sixty-seven, eighty-eight...

She started to see some progress with her behaviour. Her parents were less hostile "because when you cospire to help the universe, it will send you strenght back" as Master Gondra had told her.

"So you are determined to leave for this trip after all. Can I help you pack your things?" Asked Lin.

"During the trip you must seek an answer to the sun goggles I gave you." Gondra was telling her daily.

At night time Kohana was meditating around the two pillars that holded the shintoist sign, the torii.

That place was up on a hill and people reached it to light an incense or bring some flowers to the world of the deads. Instead of giving energy to the place the girl was asking for the wisdom that could lead her through her trip and find out who she really was and where she belonged. She delicately put her paper creation all around her and she started talking or singing to them. Luckily nobody was going there late at night. The crabs wanted to dance with her and they moved shy to the rhythm of her songs. Cold blown of winds raised from the east and it felt like a flute was playing.

"The east wind is a good sign. It means your prayers had been listened to." The old man told her.

"Where are you going so late at night with that giant bag Kohana?" Asked many times her mother without receiving a reply.

Fifty-eight, seventy-five, ninety-four, one hundred and two...

The folding activity took more and more of her time.

"Can I bring you some tea while you are doing whatever you are doing?" Asked her mum.

In town there was a little museum filled with antiques and old paintings. Every kid on the island knew it and every summer they gave direction for the little building. During winter it was almost always closed and lately even in the hot mounths there had not been visitors for a long time. The chimes hanged before the door rang when Kohana walked into the museum. An old man was reading a newspaper. He slowly took some tickets from a closet and after he blew the dust away he gave one to the girl who paid right away.

The history of Japan was described all around with photos of mountains and the descriptions of the kami and gods that molded the islands. Some objects were put under little lights that made them look very important. The girl twirled around the carved stones and the ancient manufacts. She read everything until she stumbled into something she had never considered important in her previous visits as a kid.

"They discended from the sky. They were many, bringing gifts. Everybody cheered their arrival. People started to stare at the stars hoping to see them."

"Who were they?" She asked to herself.

"Well done Kohana. The mind is the mirror of the body. You look less pale since you work hard on your crabs." Said Master Gondra.

She smiled and bowed with devotion for her mentor.

The night was a quite moment in which she could rest and meditate. Every night she observed the moon becoming full. All alone in that solitude she could melt with her surrounding and truly listen what was around her in the present. In that solitude she felt finally complete and something she had been hiding from herself came out. Tears were running downwards to reach the earth. The memory of her parents making her responsible for the loss of his little brother made her feel hopeless. What was her fault in that? She still was in her mother's womb, but she could feel the weight of the crime. It was just an accident. He drowned in the lake not far from her house. Her mum was not fast enough because of the pregnancy. Now all she had was pain for something she hadn't lived. That was the main reason she wanted to go away. She wanted to start again in a place where she couldn't be judged for her past. She lighted two incenses wiped her eyes out and went home.

One hundred and fifty, one hundred sixty five,one hundred seventyseven...

"I still feel full of guilt."

"You aren't what happened to you, but what you chose to become." Replied Gondra gently.

"Everybody is pointing fingers at you because it's easier. Admitting the truth may destroy your parents. They're trying only to protect their ego and their sense of self. You can easily forgive yourself and them. Once you do that nothing can't stop you."

Kohana took her cup of tea and brought it close to her lips letting the smoke go into her eyes.

"Kohana! You need a jacket in case it gets cold where you are going." Said her mum.

"Thank you mum, but I have no time now."

One hundred ninety, one hundred ninety seven, two hundred five...

Kohana room was messy and filled up with paper. She needed to stop folding for a while and massage her tiny fingers. Her hands were like tiny branches coming out in spring time. She stood many times in front of the mirror and she didn't accepted what she saw. She shook her head and run away from that image starting to fold paper again.

"I can't make it." She said to master Gondra.

He smiled back pointing at the tree outside the window. It was an old one that took the shape of a hook because the weight of the snow.

"I don't understand." She protested.

He didn't reply.

Two hundred fifty , Two hundred ninety-five, three hundred fifteen...

Kohana's mother was eating a second plate of supper left.

"Why are you not eating? This is worring me."

"Sorry mum, but I'm too nervous to eat. I will be leaving tomorrow "

"Can I do something to help you ?"

"This is something I must face on my own. I appreciate your presence."

Saying that she moved upstairs to get ready for the temple visit. She collected all the paper creations from the floor, put her clothes from her bed to her luggage and she wore a warm sweater. She breathed soundly, left the house and walked up to the stairs. Up on the hill there was the shrine she had been visited the past three days. The all area was surrounded by trees that covered the place from the outside noise. That dimension was different from the rest of the town. She reached the torii, but just past to it Master Gondra appeared. He was holding a stick in both hands and waiting patiently sat on the side of the path.

"Why are you here Master?" Asked the girl.

"To say goodbye to you. Next time I'll see you I may not recognise you, not by your shape, but by your presence."

Kohana had a perplexed smile, but bowed in front of him anyway. She took the crabs out of her bag and she started putting them beyond the long shadow of the torii. After that, she light two incenses and she sat close to the old man. They stayed in silence for a long time staring at the little crabs gathered in a huge circle. They moved a little helped by the wind, like they were following the breaths of the humans close to them. The air was cold and without master Gondra to notice it she started shivering. Suddenly a blown stronger than the previous ones scattered all the tiny creatures. Kohana stood up but the wise Master Gondra put his stick before her legs.

"Just watch."

"The wind is carrying them away!"

Indeed half of the crabs where scattered all around. Some of them flew away, some hid in the tree tops and some run in the tall grass all around.

"The crabs are filled with the thinking you had during these days. The ones you created with hope and love are here to help you. The ones you create with doubt and fear, they no longer serve you. Learn to let them go."

Kohana moved closer to the crabs and looked closely.

"They took the shape of a tear." She said.

"That's the yang symbol my dear. This rapresents the bright side of things, the active and so it is a good sign for your departure. The yin, the dark part, is left hallow so you can refill it with joy and love. You wanted to run after your bad thoughts and illusions as you were following your mind that tricked you in roads with blind endings. Learn to watch yourself, to observe your thoughts and you will understand that sometimes the most powerful action we can do is doing nothing at all."

Kohana sat on the side of the yin and scratched her head.

"I don't think I understood completely."

"Remember the tree just outside my house?"

"Yes, the one that has the shape of a hook."

"Exactly. His seed sprouted in a hard time. That spring was a very cold one and it was snowing. Did you know what I did ? Nothing. I believed it had already the strenght inside him to endure the cold weather. It grew and, facing hard winters, it took a peculiar shape. Did he worried ? Did he complain about the snow? He just took the shape of its story and now it's showing everybody what he had achieved. Somebody may find it ugly, somebody may find it beautiful. The truth is, it is how it, not how we want things to be. This is all."

Kohana looked at her feet and then even if she was embaressed she hugged her Master.

"Good night and safe travel, little flower."

"Good night." She replied.

"I went to the museum and I saw a writing..." She added.

Master Gondra had disappeared.

She felt something inside while she was walking the stairs and by the time she arrived home a huge smile was drawn on her face.