I have a death wish.

That's all I can think as I look around Knox's study that was left unlocked and caught my eye in passing. I stepped in and now it's been minutes and I've yet to step out. There's also the fact that he should be home any minute now. Not exactly my smartest move.

Movement outside the door catches my eye and I tense up, relaxing again when I see it's just Teresa heading for the front door. She reaches toward the doorknob to close the door to the study but stops when she sees me, her eyes widening.

"What are you doing in here?" She scolds. "Come out!"

I put my hands up in surrender. "I'm just looking for something."

"What could you possibly be looking for in Mr. Marino's study?"

My vibrator.

But of course I don't say that out loud nor do I mention I already went snooping around in his room and didn't find it there either. That was expected, though. I'm pretty sure Knox only uses that room to sleep. There's nothing but a bed and dresser of minimal things. This study is where everything of his goes, including his time.

"He took something of mine," I answer vaguely.

And I want it back. No way is he going to make me come crawling back to him by keeping the damn thing hostage. He was so freaking smug when he walked out of my room while I was still lost in my orgasm. How satisfying would it be if he discovered he no longer had the vibrator and that he had to come crawling to me if he wanted more? The answer is extremely satisfying, so when I saw the study door cracked open I leapt at the chance to take a look around.

Teresa shuffles nervously, eyes darting around. "He is not going to be happy if he finds you in here. This study is off-limits. He makes no exceptions, even for you."

Even for me? She makes it sound like I get good treatment from him or something. I'm no special case and it's beyond me why she would think otherwise.

I wave a hand. "Go home, Teresa. He wouldn't do anything to me if he found me in here."

At least I think.

But I must sound convincing enough because she bites her lip in obvious contemplation and nods once, throwing out a quick good night that I return. When the sound of the front door closing meets my ears I go back to snooping.

Technically I'm not doing anything wrong, right? I live here so it's my house and I should have the freedom to look around if I want. Not to mention Knox has completely invaded my space time and time again so who is he to tell me where I can and can't go?

I don't understand why he treats his study like freaking Narnia anyway. It's not that special from what I can see. Floor-to-wall bookshelves line the wall behind his desk and across the door. The layout is very Victorian style, complete with an accent rug and wooden furniture. It even has a fireplace that's burning bright in the darkness, the soft crackles of the ember disturbing the otherwise quiet house.

The only eye-catching thing is his desk. Each drawer is locked and looks like they all require different keys. What could he possibly be hiding that needs this kind of security? I know there's a lot about Knox I don't know but this just seems shady. I see a couple of documents on his desk in yellow folders but when I thumb through them I don't find much. Dates and locations and some of them span back to almost twenty years ago. There's also Polaroid pictures of random objects I can't make sense of.

Only one catches my eye and I'm not sure why it gives me pause. It's nothing special, the picture. But it's what's in the picture that draws me to lean down and try and make sense of what I'm seeing. I experience an odd rush of deja-vu. I think...I think I've seen this somewhere. But where? And why would it be something in Knox's study of all places that I'd come across it again? The problem is, I can't remember where I've come across it before and I wrack my brain to try and remember.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?"

The deep and harshly spoken command snaps me out of it, makes me straighten up and turn around instinctively. I meet Knox's eyes who's watching me with a blazing gaze that would put his fireplace to shame. I think it's safe to say I've never seen him look so pissed off.

I lick my suddenly dry lips and back up into his desk as he stalks toward me like so many times before.

"The door was open," I defend, holding my breath when he stops right in front of me. We're toe-to-toe and I have to tip my head back to look at him.

"And?" He inquires. "You took that as some sort of invitation?"

I shrug, trying to appear indifferent despite the fact that my heart is point blank racing. "Didn't think I needed one. Isn't this my house too?"

The joke flies over his head. It's not that he looks angry. He looks angrier. That means he was already pissed before he found me in here and I'm not doing myself any favours here. I swallow hard when his nostrils flare and his jaw locks tight.

"How many thousands of square feet is this house? You could go to any fucking inch of it if you wanted but you ventured into the one place you know you couldn't. Do you get off on acting like a spoiled little brat?"

I narrow my eyes on him. Somehow, in the near two months I've been married to him, I've started to pick up on the kind of person he is and the things that make him act a certain way. The Knox in front of me right now? Only one thing makes him recklessly angry when he's usually frustratingly cool and collected.

"You were with my father," I state rather than question. The flicker of surprise on his face is all the confirmation I need. "Didn't go so well?"

He watches me for a few calculating seconds. I try not to bristle under his stare. He always looks at me like he knows me better than I know myself. He's so confident about it too that sometimes I even find myself believing it.

At thirty-five years old, he's eleven years older than me and has the kind of wisdom and experience I don't. I never realized how sheltered and naive of a life I've lived until I got to see the way Knox leads his own life. He takes charge, has immense responsibility on his shoulders, and is usually the one standing in the line of fire while everyone hides behind him. So when he looks at me like I don't know any better, I only find myself hating that because it's probably true.

"No," he finally says, snapping me out of it. He peers down at me and I can no longer read his face. His poker face is criminally good. "Between the two of you I can't decide who's the bigger nuisance."

Maybe I've become immune to his insults because I'm not the least bit offended. Instead, I raise a brow. "Pretty sure my father takes the cake. I might be a nuisance to you but at least you can fuck it out of me."

Oh my God. What the hell did I just say?

And for the second time today, I catch Knox by surprise. He blinks at my mouth, slowly, as if he's trying to process what just came out. That would make the two of us.

My face catches on fire. I'm so hot from the neck up that my throat actually hurts. I can't look away fast enough, so freaking embarrassed with myself. I have no idea why I said that. None. I didn't even know I was going to say it until the words left my mouth. Maybe it was at the back of my mind and that's not surprising considering he gave me the best orgasm of my life but do I seriously lack this much self control around him? Unfortunately, I think I do.

It's wishful thinking but I try to make a beeline for it. While he's still frowning intensely at me I push around him and haul ass for the door. I don't care how dumb I look literally trying to make a break for it but it's better than standing in front of him and waiting for what will probably be a smug response.

Only I don't get very far.

As soon as I grab the doorknob a much larger hand encircles mine and forces our joined hands to push the door closed. A second later, I'm pushed against the door with a strong chest against my back pinning me in place. I gasp, both at the unexpectedness of what just happened and the suddenly cool sensation of my cheek pressed to the door of the study.

A second gasp gets caught in my throat when Knox's other hand comes around my throat, fingers tightening as his lips come to rest on my ear from behind me.

"What did you just say to me?" He demands in a low voice.

He's pressing me against the door so tight there isn't an inch of him I don't feel. I can hardly breathe, partly from his proximity and partly because he squeezes his hand tighter around my neck.

"Nothing," comes my clipped response. It's bad enough I said it once. I sure as hell won't be repeating myself.

I hear an impatient grunt, not the least bit prepared for the palm that comes down hard on my ass. A surprised sound slips past my parted mouth immediately. My entire body flinches in both pain and shock.

"Try again," he orders. My ass grows warm with pain but Knox soothes it with an almost gentle caress just like last time, dimming the sting a little. "What the fuck did you just say to me?"

I hesitate, my heart rate going erratic when Knox chokes me harder. He squeezes the sides of my neck, careful not to crush my windpipe so I can still breathe. My breaths are nowhere near regular even still.

I can feel him hard against me. I can feel his own unsteady breaths gently cascading down the back of my neck. My eyes close in defeat, giving in to the suffocating desire he always makes me feel. There's no room for anything except want and lust and I don't care enough to try and fight it.

"I said you could fuck me," I admit on a whisper.

"Stupid woman," he whispers back, voice harsh. He tips my head backward until it's resting on his chest and his lips glide down my newly exposed neck. My mouth parts to release a shaky exhale and I fight to keep my eyes open. "You have no fucking idea what I'm going to do with you."

The hand on my ass slides to the front of my body and down between my thighs. I'm unable to stop my soft moan when he uses two fingers to rub me over my sleep shorts. "Then do them."

I'm spun around in an instant, my back crashing into the door painfully. My wrists are seized and pinned up high above my head. Knox holds them captive and stares down at me with hooded eyes that are somehow dead and on fire at the same time. I swallow hard.

"I don't fuck pretty," he warns and warmth erupts deep in my belly from anticipation. "I'll fuck you like I own you, because I do, and that entails using your body as my personal plaything. That includes degrading names I will enjoy using on you. You're going to feel violated, but extremely satisfied nonetheless. So don't fucking spread your legs for me if you can't handle what's going to come between them."

I shouldn't feel so painfully turned on by his words but I do. I want exactly what he's saying. I never thought I could be the girl that wanted her body used, that wanted to be fucked dirty instead of lovingly by the man who is supposed to be her husband, but Knox is too enticing. He makes me want things I shouldn't want and do things I shouldn't do. Giving into him feels like the sweetest rebellion.

Part of me is wondering what the hell is wrong with me but part of me feels an unmistakable thrill at the prospect of what's about to happen. I don't break his stare as I nod slowly to make sure he believes me.

"I can handle it," I tell him for good measure. I stamp down any semblance of embarrassment when I make myself say, "Use me. Use your wife, Knox."

He pulls in a hard breath, releasing his hold on me and taking a step back. Our gazes stay locked as his hands move to his belt to undo it. This is happening.

"Bend over the desk," he orders. "Fuck yourself and get that cunt ready for me. I'm not doing it this time."

My insides shake. Liquefy. His dark eyes follow me as I walk over to his desk on shaky legs. It's easier to not look at him so I keep my back to him as I grab my shorts and panties and pull them down my legs in one fell swoop before kicking them away. Nerves make me hot all over and I'm choking on the intensity of it all. I bend over the desk and place my hands between my thighs, finding myself ridiculously wet already.

"Play," he commands. His voice sounds closer than before. A moment later I feel his hands grip my thighs tightly before he yanks them to the sides and spreads me further apart. I gasp. "Put your fingers inside of yourself. Loosen yourself up a little so you can take my cock."

I've never been dominated like this. Never had such filthy words spoken to me. It rocks me to my core that tightens and aches from how turned on I am. My brain is so clouded with lust that I don't even hesitate to follow his orders. I slide two fingers down my slit and push them inside myself. My body accepts my fingers easily, wet as I am. In and out I pump knowing damn well Knox is watching. I can feel his hot stare where I'm completely bared to him.

"Fucking soaked, aren't we?" He taunts. "Two fingers are barely causing friction. Make it three."

God, he's an ass. He knows how much I want him and he'll seize every opportunity to throw it in my face. But if he didn't then we wouldn't be here right now, seconds away from fucking, so I comply and add a third finger. I'm stretched out now and I bite my lip to hold back my moan at the addicting sensation of pleasure and pain.

I'm so lost in pleasuring myself that I don't notice Knox round the desk. It isn't until I hear one of his desk drawers open that my eyes snap open and meet his.

He's standing behind his desk while I'm bent over the front, putting my face inches away from his body. Knox holds my gaze as he retrieves a condom and lazily tosses the foil beside me. His hands go to his unbuttoned and unbelted slacks and he pushes them down his thighs. My stare follows, drifting down and landing on his cock when it springs out, hard and thick and bigger than most I've seen. More than his size, it's the thickness that makes me clench involuntarily. He's going to stretch me so damn wide.

"Did I say you could stop playing?" He asks sharply and I realize I stopped, caught up in my gawking instead. "You're not getting my dick if you can't follow the simplest of instructions."

I bite my lip to stop myself from apologizing, freaking apologizing, and start moving my fingers in and out of myself again. I pride myself in dishing back whatever he gives to me, for always having some kind of remark ready to throw back at his face and piss him off as much as he angers me, but it's different when we get sexual. His attitude is a turn-on I don't want to fight and I'm surprised at how I seem to become instinctively submissive.

My breaths pick up as I watch him wrap one hand around his dick, lazily pumping it up and down. His hand is big enough that his fingers meet where they fist around his cock, hard knuckles protruding the harder he squeezes, but my hand is much smaller than his and it definitely won't look like that if I grab him.

"That fucking smart mouth," he mutters, staring down at me coolly. "Open it."

Oh. I lick my lips in preparation and part them for him. He grabs the back of my head and pulls it back until I'm chin-up and then he puts himself in my mouth. A little sound of protest crawls up my throat. Shit, he's too big. My jaw is stretched as much as it's able and it pulses in pain, trying to adjust. I breathe through my nose to relax and my jaw naturally drops a little further until it's easier to take him.

"Talk shit now, Mariana," he goads, pumping himself in and out of my lips. His fingers tighten in my hair. "Try and piss me off when that smart mouth is too full of my dick."

I can feel how much wetter his words make me. I'm so turned on that the three fingers I continue to push in and out of me no longer feel too filling.

Knox groans deeply and his head falls back, Adam's apple bobbing with a harsh swallow. Encouraged that I'm making him lose the control he obsesses over, I suck him harder and take him as deep as I'm able. With each suck I take him in further and further until he hits the back of my throat and then I pull back before I can gag on him. I focus on the tip of him instead, licking the underside of the head and then the slit at the very top where pre-cum leaks at an alarming rate. The taste of him hits me hard and makes my walls clench in warning.

Maybe it's the moan I let out that tells him but he brings his head back down and snaps, "Stop."

I pause, both from sucking him off and moving my fingers, unsure of why the hell he would ask that when we were both so close.

He pulls his dick out of my mouth and grabs my jaw, shutting it closed and tipping my face to look up at him. I hold my breath as he leans down until we're nearly eye-to-eye. "Did I say you could come? Do you think you're even remotely in control here?"

I don't know what comes over me. All I know is I want more of his attitude. His temper. I want to see what he'll do about it.

"Considering I'm the one fucking myself and not you," I start, moving my fingers again. My eyes hood involuntarily when the sensation of my previously building orgasm comes back. "I think I'll come whenever I want."

A definite wrong move.

His eyes flash with a fresh wave of impatience and then he's rounding the desk again until he's behind me. Without warning my fingers are taken out of me when Knox yanks my hand away. He grabs my other hand too and crosses my wrists together high up on my back, naturally making me arch my ass out. I recognize the material of his silk tie from last time but this time they go around my wrists to bind them together. It's a tough knot too. I tug against it and find myself completely locked in.

Knox's palms slam on the surface of the desk on either side of me, making me jolt when the desk shakes underneath the top half of my body. I feel the weight of him on my back when he leans over me and can't suppress the slight shiver when I feel his lips behind my ear.

"Now what?" He growls. "Touch yourself now. Prove that you're still in control."

I feel the fast pace of his hot breath on my ear and I'm breathing just as fast. I swallow hard and admit, "I can't."

He nips the skin underneath my ear, hard, and I jolt again. "That's what I fucking thought."

His weight disappears from behind me and I know what's coming next. My heart races erratically at the sound of ripping foil and the tense silence that follows. I try to look over my shoulder to see what's happening but Knox wraps my hair around his fist and forces my head forward again. He keeps that hold on me, his other hand grabbing my hip.

"Are you a virgin, Mariana?" He asks, catching me off guard.

I can't help the laugh that bubbles out of me. "A little too late to be asking that, isn't it?"

"Am I fucking inside of you yet?" He snaps. It's not the kind of comeback that he says in his version of banter. That pissed him off big time. "It's a simple yes or no."

I grow somber too once I realize how serious he's being. "No."

And it's the truth. I lost my virginity on my high school prom night, as cliché as that is. I'd thought I would be married off once I graduated like so many other girls I grew up with, some of them even forcefully engaged when prom came around.

I've always been a rule follower but I couldn't deny the streak of rebellion I had hidden inside me. I'm not as innocent or good as Alessa, who I suspect hasn't so much as kissed anyone yet. So when prom came around, I gave in to that little voice telling me to just take a shot at freedom before it was too late and I ended up losing my virginity to a football jock that would have fucked anything that breathed. Classy, I know.

I was caught completely off guard on graduation day when Father asked me what university admissions I'd responded to. I'd told him none and he looked me and simply said, "You have my permission to continue your education. Choose a university and I will take care of your fees."

I lost my virginity for pretty much no reason. Once I went to college I figured I'd already lost it so what was the point in being a Virgin Mary when everyone around me was fucking? I've engaged in casual sex whenever it suited me and only stopped once I got married. I wonder if Knox did the same like he said.

"Is that a problem?" I ask him, realizing my own stupidity.

Made Men have always expected virgin wives. I know of men who have killed their wives upon finding out they weren't virgins, labelling them as good for nothing whores and completely disposing of them due to "dishonour." The thought makes me tense and I feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner.

"No," Knox responds, surprising me again. No? Really? But I don't have time to dwell on it too long because I feel his hands tighten on me. "Remember to tell me enough when it's too much."

That's when he slams into me.

"Fuck," I gasp in shock. I'm stretched so wide it burns. I bury my face into the hardwood of his desk and try to catch my breath, try to relax so that my body will accept him and the pain will go away. I've never felt so full and I feel like I can't breathe. "Shit. Shit."

"Jesus fuck." I hear him grunt. His harsh panting is the only sound in this room louder than me. "Even this wet you're goddamn tight."

I can't answer. Not when I'm so focused on how deep he feels inside of me. There's so much of him I can't think straight. I can only feel, so, so much.

"Relax, Mariana," Knox instructs. "You can handle it."

I nod and find some twisted solace in his words. They actually help me calm down a little and my body stops tensing so much. The walls of my pussy pulse but this time with pleasure. Still a little painful but not as much.

"There," Knox approves in a husky voice when I relax against him. He slides out and slams back in, eliciting groans from the both of us. His hand tightens in my hair as he starts moving in and out of me at a controlled pace. "Fuck, that's it. Take me just like that."

He isn't pounding into me, which I appreciate. Instead he tortures me with controlled strokes that aren't too fast or slow. I was already teetering on the edge of an orgasm and the way he's fucking me is sending my body back over that edge.

"Oh God," I moan when he rolls his hips, hits a spot in me so sensitive that my knees buckle. If I wasn't half on top of this desk I'd have fell. I can't believe how good this feels. "Knox."

His hand comes down on my ass and I moan again. "Louder. Don't you fucking forget it's me doing this to you."

That's when he goes faster. Gradually, his thrusts become shorter and harder and anticipation makes me tighten all over. He grabs one of my legs and lifts it up on the desk, opening me up wider to him. If I thought he felt deep before, it's nothing compared to this.

"Oh!" I curl my fingers into my palms, tugging at the tie that holds my hands captive behind my back. "Please, Knox. Oh God, more."

I could be mistaken but for a second it almost sounded like he laughed between pants. "Greedy fucking slut."

His weight comes down on my back before his hand comes into view, shooting past me and grabbing the edge of his desk in front of me. He doesn't go any faster than he already is but he fucks me harder. The desk moves forward inch by inch each time his hips slap against my ass. My toes curl into the soft rug under my feet when that familiar sensation of an orgasm breaks through and rocks through me.

"Oh my God!" My orgasm hits me hard. I'm shaking all over and coming harder than I ever have, unable to stop trembling from head to toe.

"Fuck!" Knox jerks his hips into me one last time and then I feel the inside of me grow warmer when he comes into the condom. He thrusts, once, twice, and keeps his hips pressed against me as he groans deep in his throat. His grip tightens in my hair, his forehead pressing into my sweat-soaked shirt. "God fucking damn it."

I rest my cheek against his desk when my orgasm finishes, the coolness of the wood doing wonders for me. I stay there with my eyes closed and try like hell to catch my breath. I've never been fucked like that and even though we just finished, I already want more. This is so, so bad.

I feel the weight of him disappear off my back but his hands remain on me.

"Why were you in my study?" He rasps after a few silent moments, both of us still breathing hard.

Right. That. I swallow, my mouth parched. "I was looking for my vibrator."

"Hmm." He pulls out of me and my eyes fall shut. I'm torn between feeling relieved because that was too much, and wanting him back because it wasn't nearly enough. "You won't be needing it anymore."

He sounds so arrogant I have to frown. "My vibrator can do things your body can't."

"And my body can do things your vibrator can't, which is the real reason you were in here." He undoes the knot on my wrists in one smooth motion. "I'm going to go clean up. Make sure you're gone by the time I get back."

I turn my head toward the door, where he's headed, and watch him through drunken eyes. "You walked through my door first, Knox."

He stops in his tracks, back to me. I expect some kind of insult or remark. Instead he looks over his shoulder at me and the slightest smirk curls the edge of his mouth.

"That's exactly how you start a game, sweetheart."

I'm afraid he's right.

___________________________

A/N

WHAT'D I TELL Y'ALL?? SMUTTIEST BOOK I'VE EVER WRITTEN. And this is sex scene numero uno. You already know more kinks and filthier words are headed your way.

Also, that's not to say my other books aren't super smutty either. My OG readers know how serious I am about writing good, sensual, non-cringey smut. I take this part of writing VERY seriously. If you're looking for smut that'll make ya puthay throb literally read any of my other books. You're good.

See you on Tuesday besties! You got more smut to look forward to. YOURE WELCOME <3

Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter!

Happy Reading :)