⚠️ Warning - this chapter contains detailed descriptions of sexual assault. Please read with caution. ⚠️

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~ Daniela's POV ~

"You want to take a shower?"

"I'm cold."

It was ironic really, I was cold and I could feel how cold I was, but I also felt numb.

Completely and utterly numb.

"I know but you'll feel better after."

Or he'll feel better knowing I'm clean after what just happened.

I nodded my head which was enough for Carson to guide me into the small, dimly lit bathroom attached to our room. I heard him turn on the shower while I kept my eyes focused on the floor in an attempt to avoid meeting his gaze or my own in the mirror.

I didn't need to know what I looked like on the outside, if what I felt like on the inside was anything to go off, I knew I looked disgusting.

"I'll be outside if you need me." Without another word he left the bathroom, leaving me on my own.

Apart from the fact that the water was ice cold, the feeling that I felt was so familiar. It reminded me of exactly how I felt after Ayden had his way with me. The feeling of the water flowing over my sore body, the stupid belief in my head that a shower would wash away all the memories of what just happened to me. It all felt familiar.

Once I was under the water, I started by washing my body and my face trying to get the left over make up off my skin. Once I was done I washed out my mouth as many times as I could, letting the water go as far back as I could before I spat it out.

I could have done it twenty or thirty times before I finally stopped, although I didn't feel any cleaner. Even after I finished my shower and I brushed my teeth so many times, I still didn't feel any better.

I don't think I'd ever forget the feelings and the images in my head. I'd never forget how it felt when he grabbed my hair and pinched my nose to get me to open my mouth. I'd never forget the feeling of his member reaching all the way down to the back of my throat, or how he wouldn't let me up for air even when I began to cry.

I'd never forget that feeling of panic that spread through me when I began to run out of air and when my lungs began to burn. Until he finally let me go and I took the biggest breath I could which not only hurt me but seemed to arouse him even more.

He did this over and over again until he was finally done and he forced to me swallow his entire load.

Then it was Mark's turn.

The images clouded my mind as I brushed my teeth and the more I remembered what happened, the slower my brushing became. As soon as my mind went back to the moment Mark finally released his load into my mouth, giving me no choice but to swallow it, I felt the bile rise up in my throat.

Whatever little food that was in my stomach from earlier during the day came straight back up without warning.

By the time I was done throwing up, I was back to brushing my teeth again.

I don't know how long passed before I was finally done, all I knew was that my mouth and tongue were completely numb.

I changed into some clean clothes before I finally opened the door, stopping in my tracks when I saw Carson leaning against the wall in our now dark room, right outside the bathroom.

The moment his eyes met mine, worry and concern flashed in his eyes as he stood up straight, turning to face me properly. I knew he heard me throw up, he didn't need to say it. He held my stare for a moment, but before he could say anything, I stepped around him, making my way over to the bed.

"Daniela-"

"I'm tired Carson, I just want to go to sleep." As I spoke in a hoarse voice, I turned around to face him, trying my best to appear as in control of my emotions as I could in that moment.

I tried, but he could see straight through it, that much was clear for me to see.

I watched as he took a few steps towards me, closing the gap between us as his expression softened.

"You don't have to pretend in front of me."

"I'm not." This time my words came out in a soft tone and I could feel whatever resolve I had, begin to crumble. All he did was nod his head before he reached around me to pull back the blanket on the bed.

"Let's go to sleep then." I got into the bed, shuffling to my usual spot by the wall before Carson got in next to me.

As much as I wanted my own space and to be alone, the moment he pulled me into him, I savoured the warmth of his body against my ice cold skin from my shower. I rested my head on his shoulder as I held the pendant of my necklace in my hand, trying to take as much comfort from it as I could.

We lay there for a long
while in silence although we were both awake. There was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep very quickly after what happened, maybe he was the same.

"Carson?"

"Hm?" When he responded I glanced up at him to see that he was already watching me. "Do you know who Christopher is?"

It seemed to take Carson a moment to process what I'd just said before he suddenly moved back a little to look at me properly.

"What did you just say?"

"I said do you kn-"

"How do you know about- wait, was he the one who-..." As realisation hit him, he cut himself off before he could finish his sentence, although I knew exactly what he meant.

"Daniela, tell me you didn't do anything to upset him."

"So you're on his side?" I gave him an incredulous look as I sat up in the bed, watching as he did the same. "You think I should have just done what he told me to do? That I should just shut up and let him use my body how he wanted to?"

The longer I spoke, the more Carson began to realise how I'd taken his meaning and he quickly shook his head.

"No that's not what I meant. There's a lot you don't know, everything that's going on here is because of this guy. He's sick and he's dangerous."

"Yeah I already know that, but thanks for the heads up, jerk."

Of course I knew he couldn't have given me a heads up about him, but I wasn't thinking completely rationally at the time. It was unfair to him but it didn't matter to me then.

Carson narrowed his eyes at me, his familiar cold glare resurfacing as I shook my head. But, before he could say anything, I continued speaking.

"He mentioned you Carson, he told me to come and tell you all about what he did to me."

"Are you trying to say it's my fault? Because if you are, then just say it."

In hindsight I didn't really believe that it was his fault, he wasn't at fault for anything that had happened to me since the moment I stumbled across him in New York, but I still said it.

Of course I regretted it almost instantly after the words left my mouth.

"It was your fault."

Carson continued to glare at me and although the anger on his face was clear to see, I also didn't miss the flash of what seemed like hurt in his eyes.

It was easy to understand why my words could have hurt him. He didn't seem like someone who could ever commit anything like sexual assault, he was one of the most respectful men I'd ever come across when it came to boundaries, especially considering how close we've been in our bed.

But I'd also been through a lot that night, not to mention my crazed hormones. I wasn't in my right state of mind. So I said it.

"Go to sleep Daniela."

<<<<<<< >>>>>>> <<<<<<<

An entire day had passed and Carson and I still hadn't said another word to one another. A whole 24 hours of silence.

It had been a week since George disappeared which also meant it had been a week since we'd been talking after we 'made up'. The silence just reminded me of the first week that we spent in this room which was pretty much in silence too. At that point Carson hated me, I still wasn't sure exactly why but it was probably because I was stupid enough to get myself kidnapped with him.

All I could say was that the day after the poker game and my argument with Carson was depressing as hell. We didn't speak, we didn't even look at each other. I was pretty much alone with my thoughts which definitely wasn't a good thing for someone like me.

Since the death of my parents I'd been prone to these 'attacks' as I called them, when my mind would just start reeling with these thoughts about myself.

You're so ugly.
You deserve everything Ayden has done to you.
It's your fault anyway, what kind of idiot moves in with someone like him?
You're just there to pleasure him, that's all your purpose is.
You deserve to be lonely.
You deserve to be broken.
Your sister couldn't wait to get away from you, she even moved away to France to get the hell away from you.
Your dad killed himself and your mother just to get away from you.
You deserve it.

So while I was busy trying to cope with those thoughts, Carson didn't want anything to do with me that day after what I said to him. He didn't even lie down next to me to keep me warm like he usually did during the day when he wasn't working out or restless. He just sat in different places around the room while making sure to stay the hell away from me.

At least during the night he was nice enough to keep me warm otherwise I probably wouldn't have managed to fall asleep.

They really were just keeping the temperature down in the room to torture us even more.

The next day after what I called the deadly day of silence, I finally gathered the courage to speak to him but only because I was desperate.

"Carson?"

When I said his name, I saw Carson tense up from across the room on the bed before he eventually glanced up to look at me.

"Can I borrow one of your shirts after my shower? All of mine are still wet."

Yes, I really spent time doing laundry since I was that bored yesterday. Unfortunately since the room was colder than Antarctica, everything took days to dry properly and there was no way I would ever wear damp clothes unless I wanted to give myself pneumonia.

Instead of using words to reply, he just nodded his head before looking down at the floor again like he had been for the last half an hour or so. But, by the time I'd taken my shower and changed into one the shirts meant for him and a pair of my shorts, he was now lying on the bed.

When he heard me come out the bathroom, he turned his head in my direction, his eyes zeroing in on his shirt for a second. I watched as he quickly averted his gaze away from me like he had been doing since our little argument two days ago, before he began to get up off the bed.

"You can have your place back."

"My place?"

Carson nodded his head as he stood up, stretching out his muscles as he did. "You always lie in the bed, it's your place."

I can't have been the only who mentally 'aww'd' at that, can I?

Of course it only made me feel even more guilty when he was nice to me. For the past two days I knew I was in the wrong, I just couldn't find the courage to apologise to him.

So, instead of apologising, I decided to use one of the old tactics that I used on my parents whenever they were upset with me.

It always works if the person actually likes you.

Making my way over to the bed, I had to try to ignore the way my heart was pounding in my chest from how nervous I was. As soon as I was next to him, before I could reconsider what I was about to do, I wrapped my arms around his waist, hiding my face in his chest as I hugged him so that he couldn't see my inevitable blush.

Carson tensed under my touch for a moment before after what felt like years, he finally wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault Carson."

I mumbled the words into his chest, holding onto him until he eventually gently pushed me away from him so that he could speak to me.

"You don't need to say sorry Daniela, after what happened you-"

"That's not an excuse. It really wasn't your fault, I shouldn't have said it, I'm sorry."

This time, he just nodded his head before letting out a sigh, pulling me back in for another hug.

"My shirt looks good on you."

His shirt?

"It's not just yours. They gave us a random pile of clothes so it could be for me too, they didn't specify." As I said this, I felt Carson's chest rumble as he laughed causing me to pull away from him in order to look at him.

"What's so funny?"

"You really think they would give me a Valentino shirt?"

When he said this, I gave him a confused frown as I looked down at the T-shirt I was wearing. As he said, it turned out to be a Valentino T-shirt. I don't really know how I missed it, the word was written right across the front.

"Oh." It was the shirt he wore the day we were kidnapped.

Once again he just laughed before he pulled away from me, allowing me to get to the bed.

"It's okay Daniela, like I said, it looks good on you." I could tell he was still amused, causing me to roll my eyes as I got into bed, gesturing for him to get in next to me.

Part of me was trying to be nice to him by letting him lie with me but the other, colder part of me, just wanted his body heat. As we lay there in silence, I was once again busy admiring his tattoos on his arm.

Over the last two weeks that we'd been here, I'd had a lot of time to admire Carson's tattoos although most of them I couldn't figure out what they said or what the meaning was behind them.

It was just another mystery. Everything about Carson was mysterious to me. The way he held so much power and authority even in the hopeless situation that we'd found ourselves in or how he could make you want to cry just by looking at you. He had this ability to shut off his emotions if he needed to and yet, his eyes held so many secrets and different emotions.

He'd also hardly told me anything about himself or his life, which I guess added to that mysterious aura.

"Can I ask you a question?" Of course, he didn't say anything he just rose his eyebrow at me like he usually did.

"Why do you have so many tattoos?" When I mentioned his tattoos, Carson glanced down at his arm where I had been looking.

From what I'd seen when he took his shirt off to work out or after he'd taken a shower, his tattoos covered both his arms down to the back of his hands, he had two on his back, which spanned over his shoulders and onto the side and the back of his neck. He also had a couple on his chest too.

"I like them." He shrugged his shoulders causing me to internally roll my eyes at his purposely vague answer.

"Well, which one is your favourite?" I knew I was kind of pushing my luck when I questioned him again, especially after his vague response and when he let out a sigh.

I thought he was going to tell me it was none of my business like he did once before when I asked him about his business with George, but he didn't.

"I have one on my chest for my mom." I just nodded my head in response to this looking away from him and after a moment, his lips tugged up into a smile. "You want to see it, don't you?"

"A little bit." My response caused him to let out a laugh before he pushed me away from him so that he could sit up enough to take his shirt off.

Have you ever been in a situation that you both absolutely love and hate at the same time? Because that's how I felt in that moment.

Part of me, a huge part at that, was drooling over the sight of him shirtless next to me, but the other part was suddenly very much aware of the dynamics of our relationship.

He wasn't my anything. He wasn't even my friend, a week ago he couldn't even stand the sight of me.

"This one." When he settled back down next to me, he pointed at a tattoo which was placed on the left side of his chest but still towards the centre.

It was an infinity symbol with some words written in a language I couldn't understand.

"What does it say?"

"'Because of her I will not fall'. It's in Latin."

A small smile formed on my lips as I looked at the tattoo which was placed right above his heart.

"You must miss her a lot." I was too busy admiring his tattoo to think about my words before they slipped out but when he tensed up next to me, I very quickly realised my mistake.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"I do. Every damn day." A frown formed on his face when he spoke, cutting me off before I could apologise. "She was on her way to Paris that night when we were taken. She kept asking me to go with her but I told her I had to work."

Among many emotions on his face, the one I could pinpoint most clearly was regret.

"I should have just gone with her Dani."

This is the first time he's ever called you Dani.

It's really not the time to be thinking about that.

As soon as he said those words, it reminded me of all the times I'd wished I never moved in with Ayden. There were about a million things I could have done differently which would have meant I never even met him, but I knew in my heart that was the wrong way to think.

"That probably would have been better for both of us if you went with her, but you couldn't have known this would happen. You can't beat yourself up about all the things you should have done or the things you wished you did. You didn't and that's just how it worked out, you shouldn't ruin your future by regretting the past."

"What future? You and I both know our chance of getting out of here is very low. She probably thinks I'm dead or something."

Now instead of regret on his face, all I could see was the pain that he'd been hiding for so long.

And even though I still hardly knew him and our relationship wasn't exactly the best, it was something I knew I never ever wanted to see again.

"But you're not dead. The only way you can make her feel better now is if you get out of here, and you won't do that unless you believe that you can."

As soon as I used the word 'believe', a glare surfaced on his face causing me to instantly regret my choice of words and for all my confidence to shatter.

"Believe? I'm not a damn kid Daniela, I'm not going to believe in some crap that will never happen just because you tell me to."

"Well maybe if-" As soon as I spoke in a soft tone, he let out a scoff and shook his head, sitting up again so that he could put his shirt back on.

It seemed like his bad mood was only getting worse the longer the seconds passed and his thoughts spiralled. That was only confirmed to me when he turned to face me, still glaring at me.

"Don't ask me about my family again Daniela, you're not my friend, you don't mean a thing to me."

His words instantly caused me to flinch as I averted my gaze away from him, images of Ayden suddenly coming back to me whenever he would say things to me to release his anger.

He's not Ayden.

Like I said, Carson has this power to make you want to cry just by looking at you which is exactly how I felt in that moment under his intense glare, especially while only being inches away from him.

Just like I always did, I reached up and wrapped my hand around the pendant that my mother gave me for some sort of comfort. It was one of the only things that had helped me through some of the hardest times I'd had in here.

"Daniela..." A moment later when he finally spoke, his tone was much softer, but it didn't matter to me. Without letting him say anything else, I turned over in the bed to face the wall, which was my pathetic way of telling him to leave me alone.

It's not like I could leave the room, unless I wanted to go into the bathroom which was cold and tiny. I wasn't leaving the warm confines of the bed for anyone.

I thought he would have just taken the hint, maybe even happily knowing I wasn't going to ask him anything ever again. But instead, I felt him come closer to me in the bed as he lay back down, placing his arm over my waist.

He pulled me in close to his chest as he held me in me in some kind of hug, nuzzling his face into my neck from behind.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't reply to him, but it didn't mean he moved away from me. He just lay there, holding on to me as a comfortable silence settled around us for a while before he spoke again.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Of course I am." My words came out in a low mumble while I kept my eyes on the wall ahead of me.

"But I gave you a hug."

Why is that so cute?

"So? Carson you were so-"

"Horrible? Nasty? Mean? A jerk? I know Daniela but I'm sorry."

Letting out a sigh, I shuffled around in his arms so that I was facing him again, while trying my best to keep a glare on my face although it probably looked more like a pout.

Mustering up all the courage I had, I asked him a question I wasn't sure I really wanted the answer to.

"If I forgive you, can we be friends?"

When those words came out of my mouth, Carson frowned in response. I nervously watched him as his eyes shifted away from my own, instead focusing on my hand which was holding onto my necklace.

And then he changed the subject entirely.

Why would he want to be friends with someone like you?

"That necklace, why are you always holding it?"

When he changed the subject, mentioning my necklace, I glanced down at the silver pendant that I was holding before I looked back at him. Trying to keep the disappointment from seeping into my tone at his rejection, I forced a small smile onto my face instead.

"My mom gave me this just before she died. It's one of the only things that helps to calm me down or give me comfort when I need it."

Carson nodded his head, his eyes still focusing on the pendant of a little angel in my hand.

It was fitting really, she gave me a necklace with an angel on before she died and became one herself.

"It's pretty." Even though I was still mad at him and pretty embarrassed that he rejected me, I couldn't help but smile at his attempt at a compliment, nodding my head in agreement.

"It is."

"Does it help?" I could tell from his vague question that he wasn't exactly comfortable asking me about necklace, I'm not sure why though.

"Help with what?"

"I don't know...does it help you feel closer to her?"

This time it was my turn to frown when he looked at me with a weird expression, I didn't know what it was exactly.

Maybe he's thinking about his own mother again?

"It really does, it's the only thing I have left of her."

Once again Carson didn't say anything he just nodded his head.

"You can hold it if you want to feel close to my mom." When I gave him a small smile trying to lighten the mood, he let out a laugh, shaking his head.

"It's okay, if I need comfort I'll just hold onto you instead."

I can't 😍😩

Even though I wrote this every single time I read the last line I just lose my shit it's so cute 🥺😍😩

What did you guys think? I hope to enjoyed this double update! ❤️ Thank you so much reading, don't forget to vote and comment!