Even though this chapter is so sad I still love it so much, also it's long as hell so I hope you enjoy ✨

Don't forget to vote and comment ❤️

~ Daniela's POV ~

I think it took somewhere between half an hour to an hour for Carson to calm down enough that we could leave the basement to go back upstairs to his room.

After that short exchange of words when he asked me not to leave him, he hadn't said another word to me, only listening when I told him to come upstairs with me once he'd run out of tears. Once we got upstairs he only took a second to take off his hoodie before he dropped down on the bed.

"I need to call my brother." When he spoke his voice came out low and thick from the crying as he took the phone from my hand when I handed it back to him. Sitting down next to him I held onto his free hand as he dialled his brother's number, waiting for him to answer.

"Kai? Where are you?" For a moment he stayed quiet listening to his brother speak before he finally spoke again. "Okay, yeah I'll pick you up from the airport tomorrow."

It fell quiet again as I watched him before he let out a shaky breath. "I love you too."

Without another word he hung up the phone, gripping it tight in his hand as we sat there in silence. "Did he already know?"

"Yeah, the hospital called him. He's still in Chicago but he's coming home tomorrow morning." He barely even looked at me as he spoke, still keeping his eyes trained on the floor ahead of him. "What did she say to you?"

"Who?"

"The woman from the hospital." When he asked me that question I turned properly to face him, giving him a frown. "Carson I don't know if-"

"Freaking tell me." When he forced those words out, he turned to look at me surprising me with the anger in his eyes. "Sh-she said that they were pulling out of a parking lot for a convenience store in Manhattan when a lorry hit them. They..."

When my sentence trailed off he gave me another look pretty much forcing me to finish the last part. "They were both killed instantly."

Somehow just from the look on his face I knew he didn't believe that it was just a lorry, or just a coincidence that it happened. First I thought the same thing when I remembered Ayden's threat, but there was no way he would go after Carson's family, would he? It didn't seem very likely that he would hire someone to hit them with a lorry.

But now wasn't the time to think about who was at fault or if it was just an accident. He needed to grieve, he needed to process it properly before he launched into trying to find out if someone was responsible for it.

"You want to lie down?" When I broke the silence that fell around us, he turned to look at me with a frown shaking his head. "I don't know."

"You want a hug?" This time he just ignored my question.

"I need a drink." As soon as he mentioned that, I instantly shook my hand, grabbing his hand to stop him from getting up. "Carson don't do that, please. Alcohol will only make it worse."

"What the hell do you want me to do then? Huh? My mother and sister just freaking died Daniela!" Flinching at the way he pretty much screamed those words at me, I tried to reach out and grab his hand again which he only pulled away from me. "Don't touch me."

As he spoke he stood up from his place on the bed turning to glare at me. "Carson-"

"They're dead Daniela! Hugging you isn't going to bring them back, lying down with you isn't going to bring them back." Keeping his eyes on me he started pacing in front of me as I watched him completely unravel.

I guess I should have expected him to channel his hurt and his pain into anger. As much as it hurt me to hear him shouting at me, I knew I just had to sit there and take it. He needed it, it was his way of processing and dealing with his emotions. I know it wasn't exactly fair for him to shout at me, but right now I was the only one there.

In that moment his rawest emotions came out and his natural instincts which were always anger whenever he was upset also came out. He usually did well to control his anger, but it would have been so unfair of me to expect him to do it in that moment.

It was probably the hardest moment of his entire life and he was reacting the way he knew how and I loved him more than anything else in the world - of course I was going to take it. I didn't mind one bit when I realised in that moment just how fragile life was. It could have been him in the car and if it was, I would have been the one screaming and crying wishing I could have had one more second with him - even if he was shouting at me.

I was just grateful he was still standing in front of me.

"We can talk about it if you-"

"Talk." When he cut me off with a scoff, he shook his head as he continued to pace around. "You always want to talk, talking just fixes everything with you doesn't it? Tell me Daniela, is talking going to bring them back? Is talking going to make the pain hurt less? Is talking going to kill McKnight?"

When he spat the last words at me, he held my stare with a glare before he eventually shook his head as silence fell around us. I don't know how long he paced around until he suddenly dropped back down on the bed next to me, resting his head on my shoulder.

"I can't believe they're dead Dani." When his voice broke, I turned to look at him as he lifted his head, his eyes shining with tears again. "They're both gone."

"I'm so sorry." When I whispered the only response I could come up with, he just pulled me into his arms again. A long while passed while we just sat there together before we did eventually get into the bed, still in silence.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you." When he mumbled the words to me, while I ran my hand through his hair in an attempt to comfort him, I just shook my head. "You don't have to say sorry Carson."

"No I do, I can't lose you too." This time when he spoke as he lay next to me in the bed, he opened his eyes to look at me. "You're not going to."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do now Dani. I don't have anything left." I'm sure that if he hadn't been crying so much already, he probably would have started all over again just from how sad he looked. "Just be there for your brother Carson."

"But I did all of this for my family, for my mama so that she could have a better life." I knew then that he was referring to the mafia, which I should have probably seen in the first place. "Baby you just need to take some time, you love the mafia and...you still have me. One day we're going to have children and..."

Although I was only trying to remind him that we would one day have a family we would need to support, as soon as I realised what I saying to him when his eyes met mine, my sentence trailed off. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

"She's never going to meet them Dani. That was the one thing she wanted." All I could do was nod my head, reaching out to stroke his cheek. I'd already been through all of this when I lost my own parents - the realisation that they wouldn't be there for anything in my future.

There was nothing anyone could ever say that would make it better so I knew all I could do was try to comfort him while he processed all of this. So for the next hour or so I just lay there with him, comforting him when he cried and talking to him and just listening to him whenever he spoke.

It was only when he finally fell asleep that I picked up my phone off my nightstand, sending a text each to Fox, Avi and Grey just to check if they were okay. Once I did that I somehow found myself on the group chat that Aviana and I had with Poppy.

The last thing we were talking about was her date that never happened yesterday when she got stood up but the last message she sent us was a couple of hours ago when she said she was going to the store with her mom to get some ice cream. Apparently since they were stuck at home they were going to have a movie night and they ran out of ice cream.

The entire time I read through our messages through blurry eyes I kept one hand over my mouth to muffle the soft sobs, when it slowly became more real for me.

I know I didn't know them as well as Carson and everyone else did, but they were still important to me. One day they would have become my family properly, they would have been the family of our children.

After that I found myself on her Instagram page, scrolling through some of her most recent photos. It's funny that sometimes you don't think about how your social media page might be one of the last things that you leave behind. When you're posting things and commenting, you don't think about how someone might come onto your page after you die just to feel close to you again...just to feel your presence.

A few minutes after that, I was about to put my phone down when it buzzed in my hand indicating that I got a text from Grey.

'When Carson goes to sleep come to my office.'

A frown formed on my face as I read the text before I glanced over at Carson who had a deep frown on his face as he slept, gripping the sheets in tight fists. Reaching my hand out I gently stroked his forehead wishing I could smooth out his frown before I leaned down to kiss his cheek.

Carefully getting out of the bed, I quietly tip toed towards the door, leaving him in our bedroom before I headed downstairs. Wiping the tears away from my cheeks, I headed down to the first floor, softly knocking on his door when I reached it.

"Come in." When I heard his voice I opened the door, frowning when I saw him sitting on the couch in his office with his laptop on the table in front of him and a bottle of bourbon. "Grey?"

"Come here." When his eyes met mine, I couldn't see any signs that he was drunk as I walked towards him, taking a seat on the couch next to him. "I've been trying to figure out what happened."

"Is this really the time to-"

"It is. We need to know." When he cut me off with a hard tone, I just nodded my head as I turned to look at the laptop noticing he had some traffic cameras up. "So what did you find?"

"I've been watching the security camera footage from the parking lot they were in. You know a lorry hit them, right?" When he looked at me I just nodded my head in response. "I don't want to see the footage Grey."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to show it to you. I want you to see this instead." When he spoke he hit play on the camera footage of the lorry which seemed like it was taken before the crash. On the screen I watched as the driver spoke to someone on the phone for what seemed like a few minutes before he took the plates off the lorry.

"He's taking the plates off so the vehicle can't be identified, that's enough to show it was planned. The only question is, who planned it?"

"Do you guys really have that many enemies?" When I gave him a frown Grey only nodded his head. "Do you recognise him?"

When he turned to look at me, I kept my eyes focused on the man on the screen. "I don't think so, why?"

"I don't know, I just thought if he worked for McKnight you might recognise him."

"You really think it was Atticus?" When I turned to look at him, he nodded his head. "I do. Once I find out who was the behind the wheel, we'll know for sure."

I know it wasn't the right time to be thinking about it, but the fact that he might end up working for Atticus and Ayden meant that Ayden really did mean what he said when he told me I would regret it.

If it was the Irish Mob behind this...then it would have meant I could have prevented this whole thing if I just listened to him.

If I didn't let everyone talk me out of it.

"But didn't they find him at the scene?" At this Grey shook his head as he reached out to take a drink of the bourbon. "No, it was a hit and run."

"Don't they have security?" I knew Poppy messaged to say they went to get ice cream from the store, but I thought they always travelled with security - and now it should have been increased after the threats. "They do, but I guess the timing was just right. It happened as they pulled out of the parking lot. Security details can protect you from a lot, but sometimes not everything."

For a moment we just sat there as Grey set up a search of the man's face on some facial recognition software that seemed like something only the FBI would have access to.

"How are you holding up?" When I broke the silence turning to face him he just shook his head. "I'm trying my best to keep a clear head for Sara. She doesn't have anyone else to look after her."

"I can ask Eleanor? Grey you need to grieve too, I know how much she meant to you too." When I spoke in a soft tone he clenched his jaw, taking a second before he turned to look at me. "I feel like if I let myself think about anything other than finding out who was behind it, I'm just going to lose my mind."

"Then just let go. The longer you try to hold it back the worse it's going to get." At this he only shook his head, taking another gulp of the alcohol. "I can't let go, I'm the underboss Dani. There's no way Carson will be able to work right now and when he's not working, then I have to take over."

"Let me help you." When he heard my suggestion he gave me a frown but before he could shoot it down, I quickly continued. "I'll take care of everything and you can just supervise me when you need to. We need to keep things running around here like normal and like you said Carson isn't in the right state of mind to handle things but neither are you."

For a moment he held my stare before he let out a sigh, nodding his head. He probably just didn't have the energy to debate this with me. "Okay."

"Now give me a hug, I should probably get back upstairs before he wakes up and-" Before I could finish my sentence, Grey's computer beeped indicating that the software had found a match.

Forgetting about leaving for the moment, for the next few minutes I sat there and watched as Grey tried to find out who the man was now that we finally found his name was Liam Maguire.

"I was right. He works for Atticus." When he finally came to that conclusion I felt this indescribable wave of panic and guilt rise up in me as I shook my head, my eyes filling with fresh tears. "No."

"Dani-"

"I told you...I told you to let me go Grey! You all tried to stop me, you told me nothing would happen..." The longer I spoke the faster the tears began to fall down my cheeks when I realised I was the reason for this.

I was the reason Carson lost his mother and his sister.

I was the reason they were dead.

I could have stopped it.

"What have I done? What have I done Grey? This is all my fault." When I turned to look at him, he just shook his head as he easily pulled me in for a hug allowing me to cry into his chest, holding me tight the entire time while I cried.

"Look at me." A few minutes passed before he gently pushed me away from him, forcing me to look into his eyes. "It's not your fault. None of this is your fault."

"It is-"

"No, it's not. Dani we've been at odds with the Irish Mob for years, yes you were caught up in it but it's not your fault. They would have done something like this eventually, even if you went back to Ayden. The only difference then would have been that we would have lost all three of you."

As he spoke he held eye contact with me the entire time before he reached out to wipe away the tears from my cheeks. "It's not your fault Dani, none of this is on you."

"You promise?" When I mumbled my response he nodded his head as few of his own tears fell. "I promise. None of us blame you, mama or Poppy would never have blamed you."

"Grey..."

"They're dead Dani." When he whispered those words to me, all I could do was pull him back in for a hug, doing my best to comfort him the best I could. For a while I held him in my arms before I finally pulled away from him. Just as he reached out to grab the bottle of bourbon again, I grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Go upstairs and go to sleep Grey, don't drink anymore. In the morning I'll talk to Eleanor to ask her to take care of Sara and then we're going to figure out how to keep everything running around here and how to end the Irish Mob once and for all."

When I spoke in a firm tone, something I'd never really used with him before, he held my stare before he finally let out a sigh nodding his head. "Fine."

Giving him one last hug, I stood up from the couch grabbing the bottle as I went towards the door. "You know I have like three more of those in here, right?"

"If I find out you drank any of it, it won't just be the Irish Mob I'll be after, I'll come for you too." Despite the dampness on his cheeks from the crying he just did, his lips tugged up into a small smile as he nodded his head. "Got it Mrs Boss."

Giving him one last smile I left the room, heading back upstairs to our bedroom. Leaving the bottle in the living room, I quietly went back into the bedroom before getting back into bed next to Carson's sleeping figure.

Just seeing the pain that was so evident on his face as he slept, and now knowing it was the Irish Mob who was behind it, caused this flare of anger inside me.

I know Carson had this plan that he wanted to carry out and end them all sometime next year, but that wasn't quick enough for me. It was only the 23rd of December and I'm sure Grey and Carson decided to wait until at least the middle of next year until they killed them all off when Atticus went crazy from the paranoia.

But that wasn't fast enough.

The last thought on my mind before I fell asleep was the promise I made to him, myself and Maya and Poppy that I would end the Irish Mob before this year came to an end.

And I would be the one to kill both Ayden and Atticus McKnight.

<<<<<<< >>>>>>> <<<<<<<<

"Oh my..." Lifting her hand to her mouth in shock, Giana stood there staring at me with wide eyes. "Are they okay? Oh of course they're not...oh no..."

Shaking her head she stepped away from me as tears filled her eyes from the news I'd just told her. So far I hadn't seen anyone, apart from Carson who barely said two words to me when he woke up and then went to take a shower. Since then I'd already told Eleanor what happened explaining to her that everyone here had a strong attachment to both of them - especially Maya.

Thankfully she was okay with taking care of Sara for however long Grey needed her to. She felt indebted to them anyway for helping her get away from her husband - she said there wasn't much she wouldn't do for them to show how thankful she was.

"Giana please...just ask the maids and the cleaners to be careful. I don't know how they're going to react over the next few days but I think it's important that everyone gives them space for now." I didn't really know if it was Giana I should be speaking to about this, but she was the only one who knew how to contact all the staff who worked here like the cleaners and maids.

"Of course I will. Please, if there is anything I can do, please let me know." Nodding my head I gave her a small smile as she used her apron to wipe away her tears. "Breakfast will be ready soon."

"Thank you." Giving her one last smile I left the kitchen, heading into the entry hall where I found Dallas standing. The moment he saw me, he came over to me with a frown. "What's going on Dani? Where is everyone? No one is answering their phones and we have so many meetings and-"

"Dallas stop." When I quickly cut him off, I grabbed his hand to pull him into the nearby living room, deciding it was better to have this conversation in private. "What are you doing?"

Pulling his hand out of my grip, he watched me with a frown as I closed the door turning back to face him. "Carson's mother and sister were killed last night."

When I spoke in a soft tone, struggling to keep a hold of my emotions like I had been all morning, Dallas's eyes softened as he frowned at me. It was kind of hard to be the one to keep repeating that line to so many people without even shedding a tear. "What?"

"After I saw you in the kitchen I got a call from the hospital, the woman said they both died on site. Grey found out last night that the Irish Mob were behind it but no one else knows that yet. Don't say anything." At first I saw the expected anger pass through his eyes before he eventually nodded his head keeping his eyes focused on me.

"You look exhausted Dani." When his voice softened, I nodded my head letting out a shaky breath. "I barely slept. I have so much to do, I feel like I have to take care of everyone and-"

"I know what you mean, but don't forget to take care of yourself Dani and don't...don't forget your meds." When he mumbled the last part apprehensively, at first I gave him a confused frown until it finally dawned on me. "That's private."

"I know Dani, but I had to make sure the doctor was trustworthy before you went to him so Carson told me. I was the one who told him about the mafia and made him take omertà. I promise I haven't said a word to anyone, nobody else knows."

For a moment I just stood there staring at him, trying not to let my emotions get the best of me, although they kind of did. "You've known all this time?"

When he heard the hint betrayal and hurt in my tone, he stepped towards me. "I'm sorry, I wasn't allowed to tell you but now...you need someone to look out for you while you're busy looking out for everyone else."

At first I was mad, of course I was mad, but then...something about his words brought me this sense of calm and security. Like I had someone else to turn to, someone who would take care of me.

"Are you...are you my friend?" When I pathetically mumbled the words to him, he seemed taken aback for a second before he nodded giving me a soft smile. "Of course I am."

Nodding my head I stepped towards the door, deciding it was better to go and handle everything else instead of having this awkward conversation.

I somehow had this power to make things extremely awkward when they really didn't need to be.

"I'm going to help Grey to fill Carson's role for a while until he's able to do it again, but I'd really appreciate it if you could try and keep things moving as smoothly as you can. I know you're kind of knowledgeable of how everything works around here and-"

"Dani I've got it, don't worry. I'll do my best and let me know if you need any help with anything." When he gave me a smile I nodded my head, opening the door to head back into the entry hall. This time when I did though, my eyes landed on Carson who was coming down the stairs dressed in some sweats and a hoodie holding a pair of sunglasses.

His cold eyes met mine as soon as I stepped out into the entry hall until his eyes shifted to something behind me, somehow becoming even colder when they did. Turning my head I looked at Dallas who quickly walked away, heading down the hallway as I turned back to look at Carson who put the sunglasses on and then went into the dining room.

Without a word I followed him into the otherwise empty room, taking my usual seat next to him while he poured himself a cup of coffee. A few moments passed as I put some fruit onto my plate, noticing how he only sat there with his coffee.

"Aren't you going to eat?" All my words earned were a shake of the head. "Are you sure?"

When I gave Carson a frown he only nodded his head sipping on his black coffee. "But baby you need to eat, breakfast is important."

"I'm not hungry." That was the only thing he said to me before Grey and Aviana came into the dining room followed by Fox a moment later.

That was the first time I'd seen both Fox and Aviana since last night, neither of them had replied to my texts too. I could tell Avi had been crying since she didn't try to hide it but both Fox and Grey chose to do the same as Carson and wear sunglasses.

I guess that was a thing then - whenever they were going through shit they chose to wear sunglasses to hide it.

None of them said a word as they sat down at the table, taking a little bit of the food that Giana had laid out for them. While they were busy eating, Grey subtly lowered his sunglasses raising an eyebrow at me. It took me a second to understand what he meant when he gestured towards Carson before I shook my head, taking a sip of my water when he turned to look at Carson.

"I found out who was behind the crash." When he broke the silence around us, both Fox and Aviana turned to look at him while Carson kept his eyes firmly focused on the table. "It was the Irish Mob."

Grey's words hung in the air as I sat there trying to gauge Carson's reaction which was much harder since he was wearing the sunglasses. I thought maybe he would give an order or some instructions on how to deal with them, maybe even just some kind of angry reaction, but none of that happened.

"I have to go." Putting his cup of coffee down, he started to stand up when Grey suddenly frowned at him. "Where?"

"If you must know I need to pick Kai up from the airport and then we have to go and identify the bodies at the morgue." His words came out in a harsh tone as he pushed his chair back, stepping away from the table.

"You didn't tell me you were doing that." When I spoke in a confused tone he turned to look at me although I couldn't see his eyes through his sunglasses. "I don't need to tell you everything Daniela."

Right.

"But Carson, you can't go alone." This time it was Aviana who spoke, her eyes following Carson as he walked to the door. "I won't be alone."

"I'll go with you." When Grey suddenly stood up, Carson only glanced back at him but he didn't bother to say a word, instead just leaving the room with Grey following close behind.

Once the two of them left the room, an awkward silence fell around us in the dining room when I was left with only Avi and Fox.

"Are you guys okay?" When I spoke in a tentative tone, they both turned to look at me although my attention was mostly focused on Fox when he suddenly put his fork down and stood up.

Without a word he left the room causing me to frown, but nonetheless I turned my attention to Avi instead. "I'm okay Dani."

"Can I do anything to help you?" When I spoke in a soft tone, trying my best not to upset her, all she did was shake her head. "No."

After that neither of us said another word until she finally got up and left too a few minutes later. Once I was left alone in the dining room I let out a shaky breath, looking around at the huge amount of food still left out.

I don't think any of them really ate a thing.

I knew it was going to be hard, of course I knew that since I knew how close they all were. But I didn't expect to feel like such an outsider after so many months had passed since I'd met them all.

I'd known them for four months now, and Carson for five. I guess it didn't sound that long, but I lived and worked with them for most of that time. I thought I was finally at least a little accepted into their family, but from the cold looks and short glances in my direction I revived that morning, I don't think I ever was.

Letting out a breath, I wiped away the few stray tears that had fallen from my eyes as I pushed my chair back, standing up to leave the dining room too now that I'd lost my appetite. Heading through the house, I made my way upstairs to my office to grab my laptop and some files that I'd need before I went into Carson's office using the key I took from his nightstand this morning.

After putting things down on his desk, I took a seat in his chair as I looked around at his quiet, empty office. Honestly I didn't think he'd even want my help after the way he spoke to me in the dining room just now, but I also knew I loved him enough to do it anyway.

Not that I had much clue of what to do.

For the next hour or so, I had my own laptop open trying to get through the work that I had to do like paying what we owe and also calling to have our money paid to us. At the same time I had Carson's laptop open, trying to make some sense of how he did all his work.

What I kind of figured out was that he had a huge stack of deals that he had yet to look through, he had about a hundred emails in regards to current open business deals, issues and problems to do with drugs and weapons shipments and a load of other things I hadn't even touched on yet.

My guess was that his emails were the most important thing that needed dealing with since he was getting another one every few minutes. So, once I'd done some of my work, I turned my attention to his emails working my way through them.

For most of them I had no clue how to answer them but if they seemed important I responded with a professional message explaining that Carson would get back to them in due time. Some of the others were proposed business deals which I used my accountancy expertise to decide whether they worth Carson's time and then for some of the problems I sent photos of the emails to Grey with my phone.

Thankfully he responded instantly to every message I sent to him telling me how to answer them or what to do to fix the problem - and there were a lot of problems. Now it made sense why he was always so stressed out, one in three emails were to do with some sort of issue that he had to fix.

By the time I'd finished getting through his emails, a few hours had already passed and I was in much worser mood than I was this morning thanks to the pounding in my head. Working two jobs is hard, but when one of those jobs is 'Acting Boss of the Mafia' it's much harder. Especially when you actually have no clue what you're doing.

"You all missed lunch." When I stepped into the kitchen where Giana was cleaning up, I nodded my head as I headed over to the sink to grab a glass of water to wash down my pain medicine for my headache. "I've been busy and I don't think Grey and Carson are here."

"What about Miss Aviana and Mr Fox?" All I could manage was a shake of the head as I went over to the cupboard where the medication was. "You're not well?"

"I have a headache." When I mumbled the words to her, popping the pills out of the packaging I was aware of her coming over to me. "You need to eat cara. No one ate breakfast or lunch."

"I have too much to do." When I tried to decline her offer she gave me a soft smile. "I ask for five minutes of your time, just five. Eat a little bit and your headache will feel better."

After a moment I finally gave into her, allowing her to guide me over to the island where she helped me to sit down before she went to make me a plate of food. A moment later she put the plate down in front of me with a fork, reaching out to rub my back.

It reminded me of how motherly Maya was whenever I spent time with her. She always made sure I had eaten, and even if I'd already eaten enough to feed the entire house she'd still force me to eat more.

"You're working too hard, not enough rest." Shaking my head as I took my first bite, I turned to look at her. "I have to, someone has to keep it going here."

"You're the one who is going to keep this family together." When she gave me a smile, taking a seat next to me I let out a sigh. "I don't think so, I don't even feel like I'm part of it."

"Of course you are cara, don't be silly. You've taken all their hearts, not just Mr Agnello's. As the chef I see everything here. It's a hard time for them all, but they will appreciate your work."

I listened to her words as I ate my food before I took another sip of my water. "What if I'm not enough to keep them together? Mama was the only one who could do that. She's gone."

"You love them, that's enough. Just do your best to be there for them." Giving me one last smile she stood up from her place next to me to finish clearing up while I finished off my food. Once I was done, I put the plate in the sink, heading to the door before I turned back to look at her.

"Thank you Giana." When she heard my words she lifted her eyes to look at me, giving me a soft smile. "I'm always here for you my cara."

Nodding my head, I stepped out of the kitchen into the silent entry hall. The house had been silent all day which I'm guessing was because of the mourning period now that everyone knew two members of Carson's were killed last night. Taking a step towards the stairs, my movements faltered as I glanced down the hallway in the direction of the basement. Giana's words lingered in my head as I contemplated the thought of going to check on him.

Then somehow I already found myself walking down the hallway, heading down the stairs and then through the hallways of the basement until I reached the gym. Much like the rest of the house the basement was dead silent too, including the gym when I walked inside.

But, the person I was looking for was standing in the middle of the room, wrapping some tape around his wrist.

"Fox?"

My tentative voice echoed around the silent gym as I nervously stepped inside, watching his every move. When he heard my voice his back visibly tensed as he was still facing away from me.

For a moment I thought he was going to ignore me, until he finally turned around surprising me with the furious expression on his face. Actually, the longer I looked at him, the more I realised it wasn't fury.

It was hatred.

"Fox...I just came to check on you, to see how you're doing." As I spoke I felt his steely eyes on me as I stepped towards him, trying to close the huge gap between us just a little. Still when he chose not to say a word, instead watching my every move, I tried again. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to...I just though maybe you could use a hug?"

It was pathetic really. All I could ever offer any of them, even Carson, was a hug or the chance to talk to someone if they wanted to. There wasn't much else that I could do.

"Get out Daniela." When he finally spoke for the first time, it sounded like he forced the words out through gritted teeth. "But-"

"Get the hell out!" When he suddenly screamed those words at me, I flinched back at the volume of his voice instinctively taking a step back when he took one towards me. "This is all your fault! All of this is your fault and I hope you damn well know that."

"How?" Along with the doors to the gym opening behind us, my soft tone contrasted greatly with his loud, angry shouts as he continued to come towards me. "You should have gone back. Your life is worth nothing compared to theirs. They're dead because of you!"

"Fox." When Aviana spoke with a warning tone from behind me, Fox was the only one of us who glanced in her direction although his eyes were back on me straight away. "But you told me not to go."

"And if I knew it was either you dead or them, I would have driven you back to Ayden myself."

When he spat those words back at me in response, he stepped even closer to me allowing me to see the burning hatred in his eyes. "This is all on you, their deaths are on you Daniela and now you have to freaking live with it."

"Fox..." When I said his name barely above a whisper, my eyes filling with tears as each word of his caused a sharp pain in my heart, he only clenched his jaw still glaring at me. "I thought you were my friend."

Of all the people who I would have expected to blame me for their deaths, I didn't think it would be him. Fox was my friend, I told him everything about my life with Ayden, we spent so much time together when I was either sad or sick and after my surgery, he saved me from Eva Hollande and then comforted me...he called me his Little One.

I guess I should have known people like him and friends like that didn't exist in the mafia. Not for me anyway.

"Get the hell out of here before I kill you myself."

Holding his stare for a few more seconds, I finally took a step away followed by another and then another. Turning around to face the door, my eyes landed on Aviana who didn't even look at me, her eyes instead focused on Fox.

So she felt that way too?

Without another word I walked out of the gym, closing the door behind me, doing my best to hold back the floods of emotions threatening to escape until I reached the safety of Carson's office.

~ Aviana's POV ~

I stood there as she quickly left the gym, avoiding my gaze as she left while I kept my attention on Fox. He held my stare for a moment before he turned away, going back to whatever he was doing before Dani came in here.

It seemed like he was trying to wrap that tape around his hand, the type that boxers wore under their gloves, except he couldn't do it.

"You shouldn't have said that to her." When I finally broke the silence that fell around us, he didn't say a word as I stepped towards him, watching his every move. "It's not her fault."

"I know."

When he finally responded to me quite a while later, he didn't take his eyes off the tape he was struggling to wrap around his hand before he finally just threw it on the floor out of frustration. Without a word he dropped down onto the bench near to him, resting his head in his hands.

I stood there for a moment watching him before I went to sit down next to him, choosing to stay silent for a few minutes. After knowing him for eleven years, I knew it was better to give him some time before I spoke to him. But, I also knew he didn't want to be alone - not really.

"I can't believe she's gone." When Fox broke the silence around us, I turned to look at him although he kept his eyes trained on the floor ahead of himself. "She took me in Avi. She treated me like her own son even though she already had three children she couldn't afford to look after. She was there for me when I needed her the most and she never asked for a thing in return."

"She did it because she loved you." My words came out barely above a whisper he nodded his head, turning to look at me. "Tomorrow is Christmas Day, we were supposed to see her, we were supposed to wake up early and do presents and then have the pancakes shaped like Christmas trees and then spend the afternoon watching that stupid movie she loved before we had dinner and-"

"Fox stop." When I reached out to take his hand to stop him from speaking, mostly because what he was saying sent a pain straight through my already aching heart, he stopped rambling as his eyes filled with tears. "I miss her Avi. We didn't even get to say goodbye to them. I can't remember the last thing I even said to Poppy."

"Come here." Tugging on his hand, I pulled him into me, wrapping my arms around him in a hug. As he hugged me, it was silent around us - the only sound being his occasional sniffles. "I just feel like killing them, or anyone. I have all this anger inside me and I just need to..."

When his sentence trailed off his body began to tense and I saw he had his jaw clenched as I pulled away from him. "Anger and violence isn't the solution. It's only going to make things worse."

"No it won't. I have to release it and-"

"And nothing Fox. You're going to hurt the people around you if you don't control it. Look, I know it's hard Fox, but you can talk to me if you need to. It usually helps."

"I don't do that." When he mumbled the words looking away from me I nodded my head since I already knew he wasn't much of a talker. "Maybe it will help."

"It won't, I'd rather be angry than cry." As he said that he looked down at his hands that were clenched into fists causing me to frown. "And if you're angry you're going to end up pushing more people away, not just Dani."

She didn't deserve what he said to her. He knew how Ayden treated her when they were together and he still said he would have taken her back.

"Does it even matter anymore?" When he turned to look at me, I held his stare as I spoke. "We're still a family Fox, we still matter to each other. They wouldn't have wanted us to-"

"We're not a family without mama, or without Poppy."

"What are you talking about? Of course we are." When I gave him a frown he shook his head. "Mama made us a family, she was the centre and Poppy was the light that made our dark world so much brighter."

He really was hurting, anyone could see that. Fox had a complicated personality, most of the time on the outside he was the happy go lucky guy, but he only did that to cover up what was really going on. He had anger issues, he felt things deeper than most people did, he had a certain few people that he totally relied on - mama and Poppy included. If anything went wrong he was protective, he'd risk himself for anyone he cared about. But he could also be the most lethal and ruthless person when he wanted to be.

And he could be the most loving, gentle person after that.

"Mama and Poppy helped to make us a family, yes but they weren't the only reason. We all love each other, that counts too. We have each other and as much as this hurts, we just have to keep moving forward."

All he did was let out a scoff at this, turning to look at me again. "Forward? For what? The mafia? I have nothing left Avi. Mama was my...she was my everything. She reminded me I was still good, that I could still be good. She made me feel like this wasn't our only life, whenever she was here we were just normal people. Now I have nothing but the mafia - I'm nothing but a killer."

"That's not true Fox, you-" Before I could finish my sentence he abruptly cut me off. "Of course it is! They were the good in our lives Aviana! The only other person is Dani and she's never going to talk to me again and now I just...I have nothing Avi...I'm all alone."

"You have me."

When those words very quickly left my mouth Fox fell silent, his eyes piercing into mine as we sat there on the bench in the empty gym. I don't know how long we sat there until I found myself leaning in closer to him. Maybe it was the grief and the sadness that I was feeling from their deaths, maybe it was the anger that I had towards the Irish Mob or the sudden loneliness that I felt now that Ignacio and I weren't together anymore.

But something I was feeling was strong enough to cause me to close the gap between us, pressing my lips to his when he leaned in closer to me.

As soon as his lips met mine, I felt something inside me shift, like it all just changed. I'd never once in my life looked at any of them this way, I'd never even considered it, but as soon as I kissed him...it was like all those feelings were unlocked.

And they were all towards him.

At first it was slow, like we were both just testing it - testing to see if it felt right. That was until one of his hands went to my waist and the other went to the back of my head, pulling me in tighter to him.

Now I know why he has so many women fawning over him all the time. He's the best kisser I've ever come across.

As soon as the intensity of the kiss increased I was now closer to him on the bench with one of my hands running through his perfect hair and the other on his arm. I was just lost in the kiss, melting under his touch as he held me in his arms. It was perfect, like my body moulded perfectly with his, as if it was meant to be.

And then reality kicked in.

When we finally pulled away to take a breath breaking the kiss, all I could do was stare at him, someone who I thought for the last eleven years was one of my best friends on the entire planet.

Someone who I thought was only a friend.

I could feel his eyes on me as he watched me very carefully to gauge my reaction as the panic very quickly began to set in inside me. He was my friend...and I just ruined all of that. Eleven years of friendship would be gone in seconds, this was that one line we were never supposed to cross.

"Fox..."

"Aviana." The obvious panic in my tone caused him to quickly grab my hand to stop me from getting up. "Don't go."

"We kissed." The only thing I could think about in that moment was the thought of losing him as a friend, or not being as close to him anymore if things changed between us.

Or if it changed things between the four of us.

I'd already lost mama and Poppy, Carson wasn't himself right now, I couldn't lose him too. But how could we go back? It was too late to go back.

"What have we done?" My words came out in a quiet whisper as tears filled my eyes, while he still held me close to him. "Look at me Avi."

When he spoke in a soft yet firm tone I forced myself to meet his eyes, for the first time ever noticing how perfect the shade of hazel in his eyes was. For a moment he just held my stare, lifting his hand to wipe away the tears from my cheeks before he slowly leaned in again.

This time when he kissed me, it was so gentle, as if it was his way of telling me everything would be okay.

This time when he pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine, closing his eyes as he let out a breath. "I don't know what's happening...but it feels right. Tell me you can feel that too."

His voice came out low and husky as he spoke before he looked at me, waiting for me to respond although all I could manage was a nod.

"I'm scared." When I forced those words out, whispering them so quietly as if I was scared anyone else would hear them although I knew we were the only ones in the gym, he nodded his head. "I know, but you can't do that thing you always do."

"What's that?"

"You block things out, you run away from how you truly feel. You can't do that Avi." I don't know why it frustrated me when he said that, I felt like he was trapping me in and forcing me to deal with all of this when I had no clue what was even happening.

"You don't know how I feel." When I gave him my best attempt at a glare, trying to pull away from him all he did was tighten his grip on me. "We both know that's not true."

"You're grieving Fox, we both are. You were angry and you took it out on Dani and now you're probably just lonely and vulnerable so you kissed me. After eleven years do you really think that there's something between us that we've never seen before? You spend all your time with different women every night and you've never once thought about me like that and now-"

Half way through my rant, my words were suddenly cut off when he crashed his lips to mine. At first I just froze, then I kissed him back, for quite a while and then I pushed him away.

"Stop doing that!" This time when I sent him a glare, his lips twitched up into a small smile. "This is exactly what I meant when I said you run away from how you truly feel."

"It's not funny Fox, do you know the kind of storm that's about to hit us? What about Grey and Carson? They're not going to be happy with this and-"

"And nothing." When he cut me off, he reached his hand up to stroke my cheek, his captivating eyes piercing into mine. "I don't give a damn what they think. Avi I just told you I don't know what's going on right now, but if you want to even try to figure this out, you need to stay calm."

"I am calm." When I muttered those words to him, he only shook his head pulling me in for a hug. I'd hugged him so many times over the last eleven years, he'd even kissed my cheek and my forehead every single day and yet this just felt so different. It felt so much more intimate.

"What do we do now?" When I mumbled the words against his chest, he let out a sigh. "I don't know."

For a while we just sat like that, until I whispered my next sentence to him after I spent ages building up the courage to say it.

I thought Ignacio made me nervous and flustered, but for the first time I think ever, I was nervous to ask Fox something.

And when I say nervous I mean, I was probably blushing - something I never ever do.

"Can I kiss you again?"

When I whispered the words to him, I lifted my eyes to look at him while he just frowned. "I didn't hear what you said."

Oh please someone kill me now.

Instead of letting me hide my face in his chest this time he held my stare, waiting for me repeat myself.

"I said, can I kiss you again?" When I pathetically mumbled the words, trying ignore the heat that rose to my cheeks and the way my heart began to race in my chest, he took a second before he cracked a smile. "You're so cute when you're nervous."

It only took me a second when he chuckled to realise that he heard me the first time.

"You did that on purpose! That's not even funny you b-"

Of course before I could get my insult out, he kissed me again to cut me off. This one out of the few that we'd shared was so much more intense, enough to bring him to pull me into his lap, placing his hands on my waist while I straddled him on the bench with my legs either side of him.

But before it could get any further, the sound of someone's footsteps coming down the hallway towards the gym broke the silence around us.

Almost instantly I pulled away from him, letting out a yelp followed by a groan when I fell backwards onto the cold floor of the gym. Lifting my eyes in his direction, I sat up while giving him a glare which intensified when I saw the amusement on his face. "You could have caught me."

"Sorry." When he flashed me a small amused smile, he reached out to help me up as he stood up too and then he used his hand to fix my hair and my shirt. "We'll finish this later."

"No way, you have that bet with Grey remember? And I'm not that easy, you're going to have to work for it - when we're all feeling a little better." Just as I finished my sentence, the doors to the gym opened revealing some idiot who wanted to train with Fox, like he didn't know mama and Poppy had just died.

And then Fox's bad mood from earlier was back while he started shouting at guy, distracted long enough for me to leave the gym before he could stop me.

I needed a damn drink.

~ Daniela's POV ~

After I got back to Carson's office following my encounter with Fox, I decided to throw myself into the work I had to do just to take my mind off everything that was going on. I couldn't let myself cry because I knew once I did, I wouldn't stop. So, instead I just started working, wiping away the few stray tears that managed to slip out of my eyes although I never let myself fully just let go.

I guess I should have taken my own advice that I gave to Grey when I told him not to bottle it up otherwise it would only get worse, but in that moment I knew I had work to do. I didn't have time to cry.

It's funny how I always gave Carson hell for doing that, but now I realised just how good of a coping mechanism it was.

Anyway, that's how I found myself on the phone to the someone in the Brazilian drug cartel that Carson had been having problems with recently. They'd already been supplying drugs to us for a year and now they wanted more money.

"You're not listening, Grey offered you the extra money that we're willing to pay you, but if you don't accept that then-"

"Then you'll buy from someone else, yeah I got that. There's only one problem with that sweetheart - you haven't got anyone else." When I heard his thick accent through the phone I resisted the urge to cringe at how obviously high he was.

Technically in São Paulo it was still business hours and this guy was as high as a kite.

"I've already told you three times not to call me sweetheart. Now here's what we're going to do - you're going to accept the extra money that you really don't deserve and you're going to send us the next shipment on time as you have been for the last year." When I spoke I used a firm tone trying to bring my inner mafia leader out - she had to be in there somewhere.

Of course he only laughed at that, which made me realise my inner mafia leader was not out yet. She'll make an appearance soon, I'm sure of it - unless that bitch wants us to die.

"It's not going to happen sweetheart, I've given you my price. Now, since I have you on the phone I would like to know if you're interest in upgrading to the platinum package? We include an extra ounce of cocaine for your personal use in every shipment."

The entire time he spoke in a salesman tone, I could hear the amusement in his voice while I just sat there glaring at Carson's desk. "You know what Raúl? You can go screw yourself and shove that cocaine up your ass."

"I can't do both at the same time sweetheart." When I heard a few chuckles in the background I shook my head. "I think you should take this as your formal notice that we no longer require your services."

"See there's another problem right there - you don't have the authority to do that bitch."

Not so amused now, huh Raúl?

"I think you'll find I do." I really didn't. "Have a good day Raúl."

With that I hung up the phone letting out a shaky breath as the adrenaline pumped through my veins. The proud feeling I had for myself only lasted a few seconds until I realised I'd just fired our main drug supplier.

"Oh."

Letting out a breath as I leaned back in Carson's chair, I took a moment to try and keep the panic at bay, doing my best to clear my head.

Okay just focus. All you have to do is secretly and quietly, find a cartel who will provide us with the best quality drugs for the same price of 700 million dollars a year, and then you have to find out how you're going to map the shipment routes into the USA and to the rest of the world.

That's totally not a big deal...

Oh my gosh, I'm so dead.

Maybe I could call Raúl and apologise?

Okay, no absolutely not. He called us a bitch and he called us sweetheart six times.

But at least we won't die.

Bitch please, you got this. Just focus and think like he would. How would he fix this? What would Carson do?

Letting out a breath, I sat there for a moment trying not to think about the fact that his chair was so much more comfortable than mine and instead trying to focus on the task at hand.

You think he'd notice if I swapped his office chair with mine?

I think he'd use your chair to wheel your dead body out the building if you don't think of a way to fix this.

So after that very graphic thought, that's how I found myself on the phone to another cartel, this time Manuel - the leader of the Mexican cartel that we purchased the rest of our drugs from. So this could either go two ways, one - he'd be nice enough to negotiate a good deal for us to buy all our drugs from him alone, or two - I'd accidentally fire him too and then cripple the entire mafia and get myself killed.

I guess I had to be a little nicer to him then. Sitting there I tried to relax while I waited for the leader to come to the phone. I'd already spoken to one guy who only asked which organisation was calling, probably to determine whether I was worth his boss's time.

"¿Hay algún problema con el envío? Hice que mis mejores hombres lo prepararan y lo enviaran a su contacto en Los Ángeles, todo debería ser según sus estándares." (Is there a problem with the shipment? I had my best men prepare it and send it to your contact in Los Angeles, it should all be to your standards.)

Oh crap...he speaks Spanish.

Well he's from Mexico honey.

"Uh...I'm not sure what you just said." When I responded in an awkward tone, the voice on the other side of the line fell silent for a moment before he spoke again. "Where is Carson?"

"Well...he's a little busy right now, I'm his accountant - Dani." When I nervously forced out the words I was met with more silence before he spoke again. "Is there an issue with the payment? We've already received this months-"

"No, that's not it. I'm actually calling to see if you're open to negotiating a deal with us."

Cue another silence.

"We already have a deal in place, if anything is to change I'll talk to Carson about it." When he spoke in a firm tone, I could tell he was about to end the call before I quickly jumped in to stop him. "Please can you just hear me out?"

As much as I wanted to tell him how desperate I was since I'd already screwed up so bad, I knew I couldn't do that. If I wanted to get a fair deal I couldn't start off the negotiations by telling him I was desperate and he held all the cards. "Fine, you have two minutes."

"Well, you already provide us with 40% of our drugs, we're currently looking for someone to provide the other 60%." Because I was the idiot who just fired that guy.

"I really think it would be in your best interests to negotiate a deal with me. It's almost double what we're already buying from you which is...a lot." While I sat there waiting nervously for him to respond to me, I held onto the necklace Carson gave me, hoping I could somehow fix this whole thing.

The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint him again after what I did last time when I gave the Romano family half a billion dollars. Not to mention the fact that this time his mother and his sister just died.

"Before I even consider it, I want you to be honest with me. I don't deal with people who I don't know, or people who are hiding things from me. Why isn't Carson calling me himself? This isn't a deal his accountant would ever handle."

"Well I'm not just his accountant...I'm his girlfriend too."

Oh honey...I'll be over here planning the guest list to our funeral.

"His girlfriend?" He didn't sound very impressed, at all. "Yes."

Hey, do you think a mahogany coffin or a dark oak coffin would go better with our complexion?

"And why are you calling me?" If I knew anything about these criminal men, the tone of his voice told me he was very close to losing his temper. That meant I had no option but to tell him the truth.

"Carson's mother and sister were killed last night by another...organisation. They meant a lot to everyone here, including his underboss who would usually be dealing with things when something like this happens. They've both been gone all day identifying the bodies and I guess planning for the funeral...so I'm doing my best to try and handle things here. As for the deal, they've been having problems with their previous supplier and I just fired him."

Once I was done telling him my entire life story, he took a moment to process what I just said before he eventually responded to me. "What's your current price?"

"700 million a year."

"Send me your list of required products and the quantities per year, I'll get you a quote as close as I can to that figure in the next few minutes. Then I'll call you back and we can iron out the finer details." When I thanked him, all he did was hang up the phone causing me to let out a frustrated sigh.

I really didn't like Manuel's attitude.

Once I'd sent him the list of drugs, the quantities and the prices we previously paid per year, I sat there nervously waiting for my computer to make that pinging sound indicating I had an email in response. I ended up sitting there for five minutes before my phone started buzzing on the table next to me.

"Hel-"

"I can do 650." When he cut me off a frown formed on my face until I realised what he just said. "But that's-"

"Lower, I know. You'd be buying all your product from us which is a hell of a lot of profit for us. So just think of it as mate's rates."

"We won't be friends if you keep cutting me off Manuel." When the words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them, all he did was chuckle. "Sorry. So, if you have time I can plan the drop off points with you now and then as long as we receive payment by tomorrow we can get your first shipment to you in...three days?"

"Yes please." When I spoke in a soft tone too surprised at how nice he was being, he just laughed again. "You got a map Dani?"

For the next half an hour after that we planned out the drop off points for the next shipment all along the Mexican border, some in California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas. Once I got off the phone with him, I spent another hour working on the routes and how to get the drugs easily transported throughout the USA and to the ports where they could be shipped to Europe and Asia.

By the time I was done I was absolutely exhausted and drained just ready to sleep for eternity.

But, when I started getting confirmation texts and emails from the guys in the warehouses and the shipping ports that the routes worked out and it would all go ahead once the drugs were crossed over from Mexico to the USA, I felt...proud of myself.

I did it - I fixed one of their biggest problems and I got them a discount without asking for anyone's help.

I guess my inner mafia leader was coming out, even just a little bit.

Once I was finished working for the day, I let out a breath standing to my feet in Carson's dimly lit office. It was already dark outside which made sense since it was Christmas Eve in New York. The days are short, dark and cold as hell.

Leaving his office I locked the door behind myself before I went to find out if Carson was back yet. I knew he had to pick his brother up from the airport and then identify the bodies, but I'm guessing that since they'd been out all day, they probably did a lot more than that.

By the time I'd finished checking everywhere, I was just about to text him when the sound of the front door opening caught my attention from where I was standing in the kitchen. Letting out a nervous breath when I heard multiple people enter the house, I stepped out into the otherwise silent entry hall to see Carson, Grey and Kai coming into the house.

It took a moment until his eyes met mine and his movements slowed while I came towards him as Grey closed the door. I could tell just by looking at him that he'd had a day from hell. Although he had his hood up on his head, he was no longer wearing the sunglasses from this morning which meant I could see his tired, puffy eyes, the redness in them from the lack of sleep and crying. From what I could see his hair wasn't as neat as it usually was and he also hadn't shaved that morning making him look even more tired.

But what hurt me the most was the missing light that was usually in his eyes whenever he saw me.

Shifting my attention away from him, I turned towards Kai who looked equally as broken and tired. I was about to say something to him when he suddenly walked away, heading straight upstairs before I could. So, instead I turned my attention back towards Carson.

"You want to stay here tonight, or we can go home?" When I spoke I used a tentative tone unsure of what his reaction would be. For a moment he held my stare but instead of replying to me he just turned around, opening the front door as he walked out.

The fact he didn't slam the door behind himself was the only thing that told me it was okay to follow him. Unfortunately for me, I had to run upstairs first to get my purse and my laptop since I didn't exactly mean, let's go right this very second.

By the time I got back downstairs Grey was nowhere insight, I was out of breath and the front door was left on the latch instead of wide open. Letting out a breath I rushed out to the car where Carson was waiting for me.

"Sorry, I had to get some things from upstairs." Getting in the car next to him, the scent of his cologne and the cigarette he was smoking hit me as he silently started driving, resting his hand on the edge of the open window.

The entire drive back home was silent, this time we didn't even have any music on since I was too scared to put any on. I thought about maybe telling him about the work I did just to start some kind of conversation, but I knew he wouldn't have cared at that moment.

So instead I just sat there staring out the window as he completed the six minute drive back to our house, smoking his cigarette as he drove.

By the time we pulled up to the house he'd already flicked the cigarette stub out the window, something I would usually give him a piece of my mind for, but that day I just stayed quiet. For a moment after he turned the car off we just sat there in silence until he finally broke it.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you this morning." Even when he spoke he didn't look at me, instead staring at the steering wheel in front of him.

"You don't have to say-"

"No I do, you didn't deserve it. I want to be able to tell you everything, I just..." When his sentence trailed off, he finally turned his head to look at me. "I didn't want to say it."

"I know baby." When I reached over to take his hand, I rubbed my thumb over one of the tattoos on the back of his hand. "Will you come with me in a couple days? We have to sort out all the details for the funeral."

"Of course I will, but isn't that what you did today?"

"No, tomorrow is Christmas Day so we had to do all the formal things today - identifying the bodies, sorting out the death certificates and mama wanted to donate her organs so...we had to sort that too." As he finished his sentence, he let out a shaky breath, resting his head back against the leather seat as he closed his eyes.

I'd never seen him so emotionally drained, he just looked exhausted.

"Have you eaten baby?" At this he only shook his head keeping his eyes closed as he swallowed causing his Adams's apple to bob up and down. "I didn't get time."

And he didn't even eat anything at breakfast this morning either.

"Let me make you something then. After we eat we can snuggle together by the fireplace in the living room?"

Carson always hated it whenever I said I wanted to snuggle. He said something about the word sent shivers down his spine, and not the good kind. But this time when I said it he only nodded his head, not even having enough energy to comment on my choice of words. "Okay."

By the time we'd finally both changed and I'd made dinner for us, another half an hour had passed before we ate dinner in silence in the kitchen. Then, as much as I knew he wanted some alcohol, I made us some hot cocoa before we sat together by the fireplace.

It may not have been the Christmas Eve that we imagined even just 24 hours ago, but I still treasured every second that I spent sitting with him. The events of the last 24 hours were just the best example to show that life was so short, so fleeting.

You never truly know how long you have with someone.

"Today when we went out - at the airport, the gas station, the morgue...everyone just seemed like life was carrying on. My entire world felt like it ended last night and nobody cared. No one gave a damn."

When he broke the silence around us I turned my head to look at him while he still just continued to stare at the dancing flames in the fireplace.

"I keep forgetting she's not here. If anything bad - like seriously bad ever happened to me I would always call her. During school when I was bullied for being poor, when I got overwhelmed taking care of Poppy and Kai on my own at night while she worked multiple jobs, whenever something bad happened after I took over the mafia, I would always call her for advice."

As he spoke I just sat there listening to him, keeping my eyes on him when he suddenly turned to look at me with glassy eyes. "I've called her four times already today Dani, but she didn't answer the phone."

When his voice broke, the tears silently spilling over onto his cheeks as he looked at me, I could feel this pain in my heart, it was indescribable but...it really hurt. "I keep forgetting she's gone."

"I'm so sorry baby." I didn't really know what else I could say as I shuffled closer to him where we were sitting with some cushions on the floor in front of the fire. "I didn't even get to say goodbye to them Dani. I was so annoyed at Poppy when she went on her date and now I'd give anything to hug her again - just one more time. She had so many dreams Dani, she wanted to be a fashion designer and to travel the world. She always said she wanted to work for a little bit and then she wanted to have a huge family and that...."

When his sentence trailed off, he took a moment before he continued, the tears still running down his cheeks.

"She used say she would never let her children grow up how we did. She would make sure they had the love of a mother and a father, that they would never be bullied or sad, that they'd never have to struggle for anything or go hungry. She was going to be the best mother Dani."

All I could do was nod my head, trying my best to keep my own tears at bay so that I didn't break down while he was talking.

"I'd do anything to get my little flower back." When he used her nickname, the name she apparently hated so much, I could hear the raw pain so clearly in his voice. "I'd give my life for hers in a heartbeat if it meant she could be happy, if it meant she could be safe away from all this."

The mafia.

"It's my fault Dani."

"No baby it's not." Almost instantly he shook his head in disagreement, getting ready to argue with me before I quickly spoke again. "You're the leader, but if it wasn't you it would have been Kai. The mafia is in their blood as much as yours Carson, just because you're the one who became the leader that doesn't mean they're not part of it too."

Thankfully he either saw that I had a point or he just choose not to argue with me, instead choosing to stay silent. Taking his hand in mine, I brought it up to my lips pressing a kiss on the back of his hand. "I'm here Carson, I know I can't do much but you can just talk to me."

At this he nodded his head, squeezing my hand gently in his. After that it fell silent for a few minutes while he just sipped on his cocoa probably wishing it was something much stronger.

"Why do you always put marshmallows in?"

"They're nice." When I gave him a shy smile he just shook his head, eyeing the marshmallows in his mug. "They're freaking irritating."

"You're the only person I've ever met who doesn't like marshmallows in his cocoa." My words caused his lips to twitch up into the smallest smile although he still refused to look at me. "You're the only person I've ever met who keeps putting the damn marshmallows in my cocoa when I ask you not to."

"I'm just hoping that maybe one day you'll see the light and realise how delicious they are." When he turned to look at me, I gave him smile which soon faded when he continued to stare at me, without saying a word.

"What?" For a moment I held his stare before I eventually looked away, touching wiping my mouth when I thought I might have chocolate around my mouth, while he still continued to stare at me. "Do I have something on my face?"

"How are you?"

When I frowned giving him a weird look, he only continued to stare at me. "What?"

"You're so concerned about me, but I can tell you've been crying my queen."

"Carson I'm fine." When I shook my head, turning away from him to look at the fireplace again instead, I could still feel his eyes on me. "You look exhausted, you have that cute little frown which tells me your mind is preoccupied with something and I can tell you've been crying today - your eyes are puffy."

"So?"

"So, you remember that promise you made to me?" When his tone softened, I turned my head to look at him. "No matter what's going on in my life, you still talk to me."

When he whispered those words to me, my mind went back to that day at my parents house when he made me promise to come and talk to him about how I felt no matter what was going on in his life.

"I'm not going to do it Carson. I'm taking my medication and-"

"I never said that baby." Shaking his head he quickly cut me off with those words. "But your mom and your sister just died Carson, it's not about me. I need to be there for you."

"I love you Dani...you're the last thing I have left, I can't lose you too. Even if I'm sad right now, I'm still here for you baby, I always will be." As he spoke, he kept his eyes on me reaching out to move some hair away from my eyes. "You can talk to me, you can tell me anything Dani."

The longer he looked at me like that, with so much care and love in his eyes, the more and more my composure began to slip until I finally just broke.

From the moment I received that call last night I did my best to hold it in, yes I slipped up a little when I cried as I read my messages to Poppy and when Grey told me it was Irish Mob who killed them. But apart from that I did my best to control my tears even when I felt like I took the weight of the world onto my shoulders trying to do my job and Carson's job which felt like it was the toughest in the world.

I pushed the thoughts of mama and Poppy to the back of my head, and even when Fox told me he would kill me and that I had to live with their deaths being because of me, I just held it all back.

And then he looked at me like that and I lost all my composure.

"Carson..." When a whimper escaped my lips, my eyes filled with tears as he pulled me into his arms. "I'm so tired Carson. I spent all day working and everything is just...I thought we had everything, that things were going to be okay now. We had a family, I finally had friends and Poppy was...I only had a few weeks to spend with her properly but I could see her becoming like my sister one day. And mama...she was everything I've missed for five years Carson. From the moment I got that call I just tried to take care of you and everyone else and-"

"Shhh, baby shhh it's okay." When he whispered those words to me, holding me against his chest I shook my head. I knew half what I said didn't make much sense, it was all jumbled and crazy, but I guess the flood gates just opened after that day I had. "But you're the one who lost your family Carson and now I'm going the one crying."

"You can cry too Dani." As he spoke he stroked my hair moving some away from my face while I continued to speak through my sobs. "Why do bad things keep happening to us? Why can't it just stop now?"

"I don't know baby."

Neither did I. It felt like every time something good happened something bad had to happen straight away. Whenever Carson and I were in a good place, something always happened to ruin that.

To ruin our happiness.

Once my cries finally stopped, for a while we just sat there lost in our own thoughts while Carson kept an arm wrapped around my shoulders keeping me close to him.

"I'm sorry for crying." When I broke the silence, I still kept my eyes on the lit fireplace ahead of us. "You never have to say sorry to me Dani. So what did you do today?"

"Work." When I gave him my simple response I saw him nod from the corner of my eye. "So why did you need to keep texting my underboss then?"

This time I turned to look at him with a frown noticing the amusement in his eyes. "Every few minutes his phone vibrated and your name came up on the screen."

So maybe I forgot how observant these mafia men are.

"Well, I was kind of doing...your work?" When I said the words in a tentative tone he rose an eyebrow at me. "My work?"

"Someone had to do it. Grey was gone but if I had an questions or problems he helped me." For a moment he didn't say anything instead turning back to look at the fireplace. I couldn't tell if he was upset or not, so those few moments were definitely uncomfortable for me.

"What did you do?" When he spoke this time his voice was void of any emotion making it that much harder for me to know how he felt.

"Well...I worked my way through your emails, sorting some of the problems out and looking through some of the deals you'd been sent and-"

"What did you say to Raúl?" When he suddenly cut me off, he turned to look at me with a look that told me not to even bother trying to lie to him.

So he already knew everything.

"Well, when I spoke to him he was kind of rude and he was high so that made it harder for me to communicate rationally with him and then he kept calling me sweetheart which was annoying me and-"

"Get to the point."

"I told him I had the authority to fire him after I told him to go screw himself and shove his cocaine up his ass." When I finally told him the part that I was sure would get me into a load of trouble, he only nodded his head. "And what did you say to Manuel?"

Oh great so he knew about that too...

I think a dark oak coffin would look better with our complexion compared to mahogany - the reddish tones in the wood won't look right.

That's exactly what I was thinking, great minds think alike and all that.

"Well, I told him that I fired the guy who supplied 60% of our drugs and that I needed him to supply us instead. Then he wanted me to be honest about why you weren't there so I told him about...what happened and then he said he can do it for 650 million a year instead of 700 million and then I planned out and confirmed all the shipment routes. The first shipment is coming in three days after I pay them tomorrow."

When I finally finished speaking, he took a while before he finally turned to look at me. "When were you going to tell me?"

"Soon. I just didn't know if you'd be in the mood and I also didn't want to disappoint you."

"You didn't disappoint me Dani." When he shook his head I gave him a confused frown, deciding to put the coffin talk on hold for a second. "I didn't?"

"You could have handled parts of it better, but no you didn't. I'm proud of you, for handling it all so well on your own and you got us a discount." When he gave me as much of a smile as he could muster, one of my own tugged at my lips. "Really?"

"Really baby. I know I don't say it that much, but I am so proud - not just in work but everything, after everything you've been through." As he spoke he held my stare, reaching out to take my hand in his. "I love you Carson."

"I love you too baby." Leaning in closer to me he pressed a kiss to my cheek before I spoke again. "How did you know?"

"You really think they wouldn't call me after they spoke to you? First I had Raúl on the phone shouting that he wanted you fired and then I had Manuel asking me to confirm the deal."

Freaking Raúl.

"You know that Brazilian guy Raúl is a bitch. He was laughing at me with people in the background while I was trying to talk to him maturely." When I let out a huff Carson only nodded his head in agreement, pulling me in closer to his side. "So what did you say to them when they called you?"

"I told them whatever you say goes. You're the boss when Grey and I aren't there."

I could have melted when he said that.

"I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." When I muttered those words more to myself out of shock, for the first time he let out a laugh causing me to turned my head to look at him.

"I've missed your smile." When I whispered the words to him, he leaned in pressing a soft kiss to my lips. "You know you're the only person who could ever take my mind off all this? Even for a minute or two."

"That's what I'm here for - you can either talk to me or I can just make you laugh if you want." At this he nodded his head, letting out a sigh as he rested his head on my shoulder. "Does it get easier?"

"It will, eventually. The pain doesn't go away, but I guess you tolerate it better as time goes on." When I gave him my honest response, he took a moment before he responded to me. "I'm scared Dani. I don't know how to live without mama, apart from when we were kidnapped I've never had to live without her or even without Poppy."

"I know baby, all you can do is take it one day at a time. I'll be here with you, we'll get through it together. You're not alone Carson."

"I miss them, so much." This time all I did was kiss his cheek before we sat there again in silence savouring the comfort we gave each other, even in silence.

~ Grey's POV ~

There were three suites in the mansion on the third floor, Carson had one of them, I had the other which two bedrooms and while she was staying with us, Eleanor took the third since she also had a son and needed another bedroom.

That's how I ended up in her living room when she opened the door for me late in the evening. First I spent the whole day with Carson sorting things out for Mama and Poppy, then I came back and caught up on some of the work I missed.

Now all I wanted to do was get drunk and forget all about it, but I didn't have that luxury since I had my baby girl depending on me.

"Sorry about that, I just put them to bed but Noah has a very specific bedtime regime." When she gave a shy smile, I shook my head. "It's fine. So she's asleep?"

"Yeah, I can get her for you if you want, but I don't mind keeping her over night."

Usually I would never even consider leaving her with someone I didn't know, but there was just something about her that told me she was the best thing for my daughter right now.

"Are you sure? It's not too much trouble?" At this her previous smile reappeared. "I'm sure, she's a little angel."

"Thank you. Has everything been okay for you here? You haven't had any problems or anything?"

"No everything has been fine, the house was pretty quiet today so I just kept the children up here." When I nodded my head, Eleanor's smile faltered as she looked at me. "Are you okay Grey?"

Oddly, she was the first person to ask me those few particular words since it happened and although I'd only met her yesterday, something just made me want to talk to her. I don't know why, but it did.

"No." When I shook my head giving her my honest answer, she took a tentative step closer to me. "You want a hug? Noah says I give good hugs."

When she gave me a small smile, I felt my lips tug into a smile as I closed the gap allowing her to pull me in for a hug. For a moment we stood there as she wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head against my chest.

"How is it?" When she whispered her question to me, I glanced down at her while she just continued to stare off to the side. "The hug? Pretty good, I might need a little longer though, just to get a better idea."

"Smooth." When I heard her laugh I couldn't help but smile as I finally let her go, taking a step away from her. "I should go. Thank you for taking care of her Eleanor, it means a lot to me. I don't have anyone else right now that I can count on and..."

When I awkwardly scratched the back of my neck completely unsure of what to say to her, all she did was flash me her beautiful smile again. "You're welcome Grey, I'll take care of her any time that you need me to. Noah loves having another kid around for once, even if it's a girl."

"He doesn't have any friends his age?" When I gave her a frown, knowing exactly what it's like to be a parent to a child who can't see other children and has no one around her age to spend time with, she just nodded her head. "I never had the chance to do normal things like take him to play groups to get a chance to meet any other moms."

"Sara is the same, she's never been to nursery or anything like that and her mother wasn't exactly the best." Maria never used to neglect Sara, I was sure about that, but she wasn't a good mother in the end. As much as it would hurt her in the future to know what kind of mother she had, I was glad to get her away from Maria. She didn't deserve to go on living somewhere that she wasn't wanted.

No matter how screwed up it was that I was currently raising her in our mafia base, at least she was surrounded by people who loved her.

"I'll see you in the morning Eleanor." Giving her one last smile, my eyes lingering on hers for a moment longer, I finally left her room.

It was weird really, before I went into her room all I wanted to do was have a drink I was in that much pain in my heart. But, although I did cry when I went back to my room, when I closed my eyes all I could about was how she smelled so mouthwatering when I hugged her and the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled.

And that smile...damn.

Aw ❤️

What did you guys think?
What do you think of Aviana and Fox? Do you think Fox ever deserves forgiveness for what he said?

Thank you for reading! I'm hoping to get the last few chapters up in the next week or so, but I'm still writing the epilogue because it's longgggg 😭

Also, I created an Instagram for my writing it's @_dreams_xox so please go and follow it! ❤️