9: Convince Me

DEARIL

"Dearil man, are you serious? You let yourself take its human form after 250 years?"

Ajal took some grapes and slid it inside his mouth. Why did I even tell him about what happened at the human's house?! He's a grim reaper who, although I keep denying as a friend, the only one I talked to, save for the higher ranks who give orders. I mean talk with random things. I find grim reapers boring so I'd rather not talk to them if no souls were involved.

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked.

"No man, that was good! After 250 years! You finally did kahit ilang beses na kitang pinilit na magkatawang tao para uminom tayo sa mga high-end bars. You always declined. KJ. That's what humans will call you, Dearil."

Yup, 250 years passed and I never once showed myself as human. Nothing really changed, except that people can see me. I am a mischievous grim reaper, known to do crazy things and get in so much trouble but not in my human form. Ajal holds that title.

"And why did you even do it?" Ajal asked. He's a grape monster by the way. Siya ang umuubos sa ubas na nasa pamamahay ko.

"There was a man who wanted to do something bad."

Ajal giggled. "Bad in a bad way or bad in a good way?"

My eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Zab is a bad girl." He winked. And I think I want to claw his eyes out for winking at me. Crazy Ajal. "So, is this man that we're talking about bad in a kinky way or bad that he wants her dead or have sex against her will?"

I frowned. "Why do you even known it has something to do with sex?"

Ajal laughed like a mad man. I hope he chokes on a grape. Unfortunately, he didn't. "Man, the girl's a slut."

No, don't think so. "Well, not really."

"She asked me for sex!" Ajal said.

And me, too. "But she doesn't really mean it."

"She's a whore."

"Not even close," I said.

"A trollop," sabi ulit niya.

"She's just crazy."

"In a scale of 1-10, how crazy is she?"

I thought hard. "100 numbers above 10."

"Man, she's really crazy!" ngiti ni Ajal. "Maybe I'll try to get in touch with her."

"Why?"

He frowned, "Because, dude, I'm a hot grim reaper and she's surely someone who screams yes daddy—"

"Get lost or you will burn into ashes here. I don't want to make an 800 pages report." Apparently, killing a co-reaper requires an 800 pages shitty report. In one flick of my fingers, Ajal will be in ashes and he cannot even identify what time is his own death.

"Okay. Chill, man. I'm just kidding. I think the reason you took your human form is because you wanna do her."

"Shut up."

"Admit it man." He nudged my side. "You're tired of fucking grim reapers and demons so you want to try something new and that's Zab for you."

I'm a word away from burning Ajal. The only thing that's preventing me is the 800 pages report. No, I don't want to do that. Can I just burn him down and let his ashes write the report?

"Tinulungan ko lamang siya. The assface wanted to tape her."

Lumayo sa akin si Ajal at ngumiwi. "I can feel your flames around, Dearil, so I will not say any word and just disappear from your room. Have a nice day, red hair."

If he didn't disappear, he's ashes by now. He called me red hair, trying to mock me with the human's tag to me. Normally, I get angry and burn anyone who calls me red hair. They know better than to mess with a cursed grim reaper who can burn anything into ashes in a split second.

***

I reaped 14 souls today. Five were involved in a car accident and died together. The other four were due to fire, and five random deaths due to suffocation, heart attack, old age and overdose. I'm done for my job today so I decided to visit her house.

It's oddly quite at the living room but I hear water running in the bathroom. I sat on her white bed and waited for her to come out.

White bed.

It is exactly the opposite of mine which is black. And her house... it's a house good for at least four persons but she's alone so it seems quite empty. She came out of her bathroom with only a towel in her body. She made a face when she saw me.

Then she confidently walked to the side, wore a pair of underwear, removed her towel and rolled it on her hair. With her lacy underwear on, she scanned the hanged clothes on her closet. Tiyak kong aabutin na naman siya ng ilang oras sa pagpili ng kanyang damit.

She picked a far from slutty black dress and slipped on it. Okay, that's surprising. Nang umupo siya sa harap ng kanyang tokador ay bahagya niya akong sinusulyapan mula sa salamin.

"What now, human?" I asked. I know she wants to ask something.

She sighed, biting her lower lip. "This is all your fault."

Oh, what's my fault?

"Pinakita mo ang sarili mo kay J3, and that fucker cannot spend a second without telling anyone kung ano ang nangyari sa buhay niya. He told my sister about you!" she hissed at me, looking distressed.

But wait, is that a problem? "So?"

"And Diana is so much like him. Hindi siya mabubuhay na hindi binubwisit ang buhay ko sa anumang alam niyang paraan."

Okay, so how does this make it my fault? "At ano ang kinalaman ko?"

"You showed yourself, naked, on my bed—"

"Half-naked," I corrected her.

The human rolled her eyes, not bothering to change the previous word she said. "On my bed, red hair, and Diana told my mom something that made her faint."

Oh, maybe the woman's time is almost up. "And what is that?"

"Na may ka-live in ako."

"What's wrong with live in?" tanong ko sa kanya. It's just pretty much living in the same roof.

She looked annoyed. "Live in is so wrong in my parent's vocabulary. They believe in marriage, you stupid red haired idiot. Because of you and that thought, my parents believe they are not the best parents in the world! Dearil, 20 years old na ako pero may curfew pa rin ako. 20 years old ako pero I was prohibited to watch a fucking kissing scene on television and if something like that happens, I have to cover my eyes in front of them tapos ngayon, iisipin mong okay lang sa kanila ang salitang live in?"

I don't really get her point. She's now 23 and living alone. She already had sex with a few guys, she wears slutty clothes, she stripteases... and how does live in make her mom faint?

"Do you want me to pretend as your boyfriend?"

Her nose wrinkled. "Hell, no!"

Yes, human, you're going to hell.

"I want you to clarify things, that I don't even know you. That you're some crazy dead spirit who knocked on my door looking for some girl whose name's almost the same with mine. That we're not living together although you're someone who can walk inside my house anytime you want. That you're a red haired grim reaper who read J3's good for nothing memory and that you think you have to help me get away from his sexual assault. Don't cover up a lie with another lie because it will be so messy in the end."

Oh, the human is so honest. But what she asked for is impossible.

"...telling them I am a grim reaper will worsen the situation. Do you really think they will buy that crap?"

"Show them your tricks! Walk through walls, bring your black cloak, teleport, get hit with a bus without a single broken bone or whatever."

I shook my head. She's stupid. "Can't do those in human form."

"But you tricked J3 with a gun!"

"Illusion and setting things on fire, that I can do."

She dropped her jaw. "Are you a crazy arsonist?!"

I shrugged. She's crazier. "I can only tell them I am someone you asked to hookup with—"

"Tell them that and I'll kill you."

"You can't kill me." Yea. So how many times do I have to shove it on her face? Oh, so human's a good girl in her parent's eyes.

"Whatever. Just do something about this. Make sure you skip the part where I had sex and striptease."

I nearly laugh. "But that's something I want to tell them."

"Fuck you, red hair!"

She got claws. And she's seriously pissed. I'm not even up for this 'explain her side' thing. I walked away, towards the wall.

"Hey, saan ka pupunta?"

"My place," sagot ko.

She slapped her forehead in great frustration. "Hindi mo ba talaga ako tutulungan?" Her tone changed. Siguro, alam niyang hindi niya ako madadala sa pagsusungit niya so she used her damsel in distress card.

Now, this is fun. "Convince me."

Saglit siyang napangiwi ngunit muling ibinalik sa nakaaawa ang ekspresyon ng kanyang mukha. Human, that's not gonna work on me.

"I'll bake you the best cake."

"I don't like cake."

She gritted her teeth in annoyance. "So tell me what do you like."

"I like underworld berries. I like canoeing on underworld's river of flame. I like setting things and places on fire and watch them turn into ashes. I like pissing off angels and lower deities and I like to pet a sleek black cat with green eyes."

Her nose twitched. "Stupid. I can't find underworld berries here. There's no river of flame either and surely, hindi kita madadala sa bunganga ng bulkan at ihulog sa mainit na lava. There's no angel here for you to piss off but you're so great in pissing me. Setting things on fire is illegal here and I can get a black cat for you but..."

"But?"

"Black cat's a bad luck."

"Says who?"

"Everyone knows that!" sagot niya. "Masamang pamahiin na makasasalubong ka ng itim na pusang tatawid sa daan! And the best way to avoid such is to get rid of a black cat! White ones are better, or orange, or striped!"

"Do you realize you're being racist to a cat?"

She rolled her eyes. "Aayusin mo ba ang gulong 'to o hindi?"

"Give me a black cat."

She squeaked in annoyance before throwing me her hairbrush. "Fine!"

Good.