3: Nice Try

DEARIL

I watched the crazy woman toss out every piece of clothes in her closet. She wore a skimpy panty short and a flimsy bra as she tried on dresses but ended up tossing each one of them. Wala siyang pakialam sa presensya ko. Sa halip ay naiinis siya sa sarili habang hindi makapagdesisyon kung ano ang kanyang isusuot.

She threw herself on the pile of clothes on her bed and shouted. “Wala akong maisusuot!”

There’s so many clothes there!

This human is crazy.

Normally, people would freak out seeing a stranger in their home. She didn’t and instead, she just enjoyed her sleep. Ni wala siyang pakialam sa posisyon niya. Last night, she slept in her yellow dress. Her skirt was twisted upward, giving me a view of her glittery underwear and garters.

When I woke her up, she didn’t freak out again. Instead, she just told me she has a shovel under her bed and if there’s a dead body, I can just use it.

I checked under her bed, there is really a shovel!

And the bathroom really has 30 bottles of liquid bleach!

I told her I am a grim reaper. She’s as calm as a lake.

I disappeared in front of her and reappeared. She’s amazed and asked me to teach her the techniques.

And she keeps on telling me that she’s not Elizabeth Alexis Cruz.

So I checked with Dabria, the angel of death. And she’s right. The higher grim reapers gave me a wrong address on the black paper. So she’s Elizabeth Alexis Cruiz, not Cruz. Born on December 17, not December 7. I’m on the wrong track.

But she can see me... so I checked again if her name is on the Death Book.

No Elizabeth Alexis Cruiz there which means she’s alive.

And she’s crazy.

She can see me.

And she wanted to hookup with me.

She doesn’t look like a whore

... but she talks like one

... except that she’s not asking for money.

Seriously, how crazy can this woman be?

“Hey, red hair!” Napatingin ako sa kanya. She was holding hanged clothes in both of her hands.

“What?”

“Stop roaming your beautiful eyes on my ass and tell me which of these two is better,” wika niya.

I am not staring at her ass. I’m wondering how crazy she is.

“The black one,” I replied.

She groaned. “Useless beautiful eyes. These are both black.”

I know. “Then both.”

Binato niya ako ng bra. This woman is really... really something. “Obviously, you cannot wear two dresses at the same time. What are you, a stupid yet hotnoyying red-haired anime guy?”

Naiinis na napaupo siya sa kama, her chest bouncing. “Bakit ko ba hinihingi ang opinyon mo sa fashion? I mean, just look at you. This is no Hogwarts for you to be in a cloak.”

I almost sneered. Does she really think I’m naked under my hooded cloak? I live in luxury—perks of being a grim reaper. My clothes are from designer brands that humans are dying to purchase from.

“Where are you going?” tanong ko.

She lowered her voice and flashed a serious face. “To my part-time job.”

Oh. I thought she’s unemployed that’s why she does stripteasing. “And what is that?”

She looked around and gestured like she’s whispering. “Hitman.”

See? Her screws are really loose.

Tumawa siya at tumayo sa kama. “Kidding. I don’t do anything like that. Pero ngayong naisip ko ‘yan, your job is something like that right?”

I nodded. I reap souls who died in a different ways. I can also reap their souls even if it’s not their time yet. If I do so, I have a lot of paper works to do to explain such sudden death.

And I hate paper works.

It’s a 500-page report. Very hassle.

“So where are you really going?” tanong ko.

“Blind date,” sagot niya at kumuha ng bagong tuwalya.

Blind date?

Ah, maybe a hookup.

“What comes after a blind date?”

She shrugged. “Depende.”

Oh, I have wild guesses.

She walked towards the bathroom and stopped to look at my direction. “Dearil?”

I looked at her.

“Don’t follow me inside the bathroom if you’re not gonna fuck me there.”

I glared at her. Nice try. I’d rather satisfy myself with my hand than be with a crazy woman who I’m not sure is free from HIV.

She walked towards the bathroom and seconds later, she was singing the alphabet song along with the sound of the dripping shower.