OneShot/Harry Potter
Sprache: englisch
Geschrieben 2021

Ok guys, so here is the deal: In January 2021 @xsvara and @LenchenLovegood speculated about Harry being Minister of Magic in the comment section of one of my stories ("Senkrechtuniversum"). So then Lena prompted me to write a oneshot, to which I (20, stupid) replied along the lines of "well, I wouldn't even know a plot". Which of course then led to them planning and proposing ideas.
And obviously, because it was 11pm, in a flash of Eh Fuck It Who Needs Uni Anyway ... I wrote something. Why is it in English? I don't know, ask my brain.
So, here is 800 words of Harry Potter hating his life, enjoy.

Also, quick warning, I do use the word 'fuck' a few times, so I'm sorry if anyone is uncomfortable with that. Otherwise: Have...fun (?) I guess...

32 Days In

Harry truly hated democracy. Well, he didnt, obviously. Democracy was great, yay. He just hated it when he got the short end of the stick in it. In this particular moment the short end being elected as Minister of Magic when he abso-fucking-lutely did not want to be Minister of Magic.

He hadn't even really wanted to work in the Ministry in the first place. He hated paperwork, he hated making decisions and he hated being in charge. So yes, in this exact moment he really, really hated democracy. Democracy and the person who decided that if no one really wants the job no one gets to chicken out in the elections - thank you very much, Rosalind Gilbert from Personnel Management for this brilliant idea. Because as you probably calculated very well no one will vote for Rosalind Gilbert from Personnel Management if they can vote for Harry Potter, the Chosen One, the Savior of the Magical World and what else ridiculous nicknames the press liked to call him these days.

Merlin, Harry hated his life.

So, naturally everyone thought it a great idea to have Harry Potter as their Minister, because apparently having someone with skills and an actual education in the field of politics is not so important as having someone with a history of being a hero. Not that Harry himself liked that title, thank you very much, his ego was not as big as one particular blonde reporter liked to picture it.

He just wanted to live his life in peace, marry Ginny, have two or three kids and a lowkey job and play Quidditch on the weekends.

But apparently life and 32 out of 56 cabinet members in charge of electing the Minister made a different decision. So now he was tied to a position he did not want and was pretty sure he sucked at. No, scratch that: he knew he sucked at it. Because a mere month after appointing him to make decisions for the wizarding world, the cabinet had decided that they didn't actually like how he made these decisions. And obviously they hadn't decided that collectively and filed a complaint (which might have led to Harry losing the job, so he definitely had not hoped for that to happen, no, why do you ask?). No, they had decided that individually, each of the 56 members of cabinet. So Harry now had 56 more or less lovingly folded paper planes on his desk, criticising his decisions but not giving any insight into how he could do better next time. Ah, there was nothing as amazing as constructive criticism.

Therefore Harry started day 32 of Hell, ignored the memos and started making decisions not on the basis of principles in the magical world (because, as he had mentioned various times during the election period, he actually had no idea what those were nor where to properly research them) but off his moral compass. Which led to his decisions being mostly of humanitarian character. Which was quite obviously a political disaster, because who wants the people in the country to be happy and have good life quality, right?

It's not that Harry had already started this job miserable. No, the first week he had really thought he could make this work. He had loads of advisors to count on, a lot of books in his brand new office and quite a bit of common sense. And obviously a lot of people had thought he could do it, so why not? How bad could it be?

Turns out: really fucking bad. Because the advisors didn't like his non existent political agenda and the books had a lot of words in it, but didn't make any sense (even Hermione had said so).

His best friend was probably the only glimmer of light in this whole mess. Unlike Harry she was actually qualified to be a politician in this world, even if not such a high-ranking one (who would have guessed that, them being 22 years of age). And she did everything she could to help him through this disaster.

Harry truly didnt understand why she hadn't been elected instead of him, but he suspected it might have had something to do with the fact that 23 out of 56 cabinet members were incredibly sexist and another 16 were also sexist and on top of that purebloods. But that was just a hypothesis of his.

Anyway, Harry was buried over the top of his head in work he was unable to finish (time-wise but also knowledge-wise - hell, half of these spells he had never even heard of, how should he choose which one to use for the new defense-system?)

So when Gary Pitcher, one of the 16 congress members with both of the aforementioned valued qualities, stormed into his office to complain about how Harry had not acknowledged his very precisely worded, just a little racist and not even overly disrespectful memo he just sighed, nodded and waited for Gary The Arse to leave.

Then he took up his quill, drew a deep breath and wrote a note appointing Hermione as interim Minister before he disapparated, vowing to never again set foot in this building.

Fuck them all.