Keith knew that he wanted attention. Not from anyone but from a certain Cuban boy. He didn't understand it but sometimes he just craved Lance's sympathy or worry. He told Lance his problems more than anyone because he wanted the blue eyed boy to worry about him and focus on him. It was a weird thing that he had yet to figure out. He has spent countless hours trying to figure it out but he has gotten nowhere. 

When Keith couldn't sleep he hoped that Lance noticed the next day. He would force himself to stay awake even later just so the bags were more prominent. 

When the purple eyed man was having an anxiety attack he always thought of what Lance would say or do to help him. It was selfish of him to do and he knew it. He didn't always whine to the Cuban because he knew what he was doing wasn't normal. To make it more difficult he had found out that Lance had a huge crush on him so what did Keith do? He tried dating even though he had no feelings of love connected to the boy but he wanted to try to be normal. When Keith couldn't feel the spark or "floaty feeling" when you fall in love he gave up. 

He focused on everyone's imperfections and he hated that people had them. He knew he had them but he didn't want to date anyone with them, which was literally impossible. He tried to shut his brain up but it kept pointing out flaws on Lance, who was still madly in love with him, and he knew he would never date him.

He knew these thoughts weren't nice but he couldn't stop them. If people heard his thoughts about everyone they would be appalled. If people heard his thoughts about the brown haired man, they would think he hated Lance but here he was wanting his attention; even though Lance sucked at helping, he just wanted Lance to know how fucked up his life is/was.

Lance and Keith made out and had sex some nights because they were horny teenagers; the next day Keith was always gone and out of bed when Lance woke up. Lance ended up telling him it meant something to him because he still liked Keith but Keith didn't feel anything. He didn't feel love or admiration for Lance. He didn't really care about anyone although he knew he should. nOrMaL pEoPlE would care for their "family". He didn't really care because he KNEW everyone died some day. 

Keith knew he would break Lance if he told him that it meant nothing to him so he just offered a 'sorry' and went to the dining room to join the others for dinner. The others could sense the tension between the two paladins and how Lance seemed less cheerful. The didn't dare bring it up and Keith was so glad they didn't. He finished eating and put his plate in the sink before going to his room. He laid on his bed and just stared at the ceiling for awhile deep in thought about how different he was. He grabbed the blanket and wrapped himself up like a burrito before turning over to face to wall. He traced the lines on the walls with his eyes before he sighed and closed his eyes. His mind kept saying how messed up he was but he couldn't fix these intrusive thoughts or how he reacted to them. He hoped that other people weren't like this because he would hate them for thinking so lowly of him and everyone; but there he was doing the thing he never wanted anyone else to do. 

Keith used his pale hand to pull the sheet over his head before listening to his breathing and falling into an fitful slumber. He knew when he awoke the whole cycle was gonna start again and he hated it but for now he slept and slept and slept...

Hi guys, it has been a long time. It has been a lot this past year... My friend killed himself and 2 of my other friends attempted suicide. Three of my animals have died and I finally quit my job. It is summer so I probably will have time to update. I hope you like this. Sorry it is short and different from my usual style.