Will's P.O.V (ish been sho long!)

~Starting with a Flashback hoe~

"I'm sorry, but I can't be with you," I said, trying to maintain a stoic voice. "W-why?" She asked, pain and heart ache obvious in her tone of voice. I felt a sharp stab of pain in my chest and I tried to ignore it as I replied, "I can't tell you" I simply sealed my last goodbye with a loving yet passionate kiss on her soft lips, lingering for as long as I could before I was forced to pull back from the lack of oxygen. "I love you," I whispered before I turned away and started to walk home, my heart shattering into millions of pieces as all the wonderful memories I shared with her came to mind. I gently reached up and touched my lips, remembering the first time we kissed. It was such a beautiful moment for me, and I knew I would always remember it clear as day. It wasn't as though I was going to be alive for much longer anyway.

~Two Week Time Skip~

I could feel my hands shaking violently as I slowly picked up the metal object. My father's last words to me continued to ring like bells inside my head, reminding me of the horrible future I was destined to live. For the first time in two weeks I allowed tears to escape my eyes, dropping onto the floor with a slight tapping sound. "Goodbye," I whispered as I shoved the end of the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger.

~Flashback end ~

I woke up screaming bloody murder for at least the third time this month, the dreadful memory of that day still haunting me. My messy hair stuck to my sweaty forehead while I sat up in my bed, desperately gasping for air as my heart raced. "Will, what's wrong?" I heard Grell mumble from under the covers before he sat up, pulling me into his arms. He tenderly kissed the sensitive part of my neck and I involuntarily let out a groan. Pushing him away from my neck I told him about my flashback as he rubbed circles into my back in an attempt to soothe me. "Can I ask you a question?" Grell asked softly. I nodded in response and he took a deep breath in before asking, "If you left her before you became a Shinigami, then how did my little Seabear become a half breed?" I knew that someone would eventually ask that question so I didn't hesitate to say, "I found her a few weeks later and things got pretty heated before I had to leave again" The depression was obvious in my voice so Grell didn't reply, only pecked me on the cheek and pulled me onto his lap. I sighed and relaxed onto his chest, falling into a dreamless sleep soon after.

~Anudder flashback~

My eyes forced themselves open and I took a deep breath in as I lay on the floor, a tall man with standing above me with a giant scythe. I quickly shuffled away from him as I took in his appearance. He wore silver rimmed spectacles with a fancy black suit. While the large, sharp scythe itself was terrifying, the intimidating look on his face didn't help either. Although his face looked young, his long grey hair said otherwise, making me question his age. A small scar was visible on his smallest finger as he approached me. "William T Spears, eh?" He asked himself as he eyed me up and down. He kicked the gun on the floor before pulling out a book and opening it, flicking the pages over for a while until he finally stopped. "Afraid to say your story as a human ends here, Mr. Spears" I didn't know how to explain it, but the way my name rolled off his tongue sent a shiver down my spine. "Anywho, its now my job to introduce you to the life of a Shinigami and to teach you the basics before you leave for training" I felt a sharp stab of pain in my head as he said, 'Shinigami,' and I I raised my hand to my forehead on instinct as I screwed up my face in pain. The headache only seemed to get worse as the man rambled on, almost as though he forgot I was here. "W-what is this pain?!" I shouted at him, making him shut up and stare at me like he only just noticed that I was here too. "The newbies never pay attention," I heard him mutter under his breath as he glared daggers at me. I shivered again before he continued to talk, "Yes, you will experience excruciating pain for the rest of your 'life,' but you will learn to live with it after a while. Its a secondary punishment we have to live with until we are forgiven for our sin, for our suicide" I saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes as mentioned being suicidal and I nodded, thinking that I may as well believe him. "Your job as a Death God is to view the Cinematic Record of a human whose name is on the to die list, followed by deciding whether this human be 'worthy' enough to receive a second and final chance at life" 

~Flashback End~

Once again I woke with a start, although I didn't scream this time, I only sat upright as my heart pounded in my chest, however my heartbeat couldn't begin to compare to the agonizingly painful headache that was attacking my brain. I whimpered and Grell shushed me, gently rubbing my temples. "It h-hurts, Grell... It hurts so... b-bad," I whispered, trying to focus on anything other than the pain. "I know," he replied quietly, referring to the constant soreness in his left wrist. I knew, because he was always shaking his hand, as though there was something in his arm itching to get out. I whimpered again and shifted in his lap, trying to avoid pins and needles for not moving this whole time. "G-Grell... Make it go away. Please m-make it s-stop" He shushed me again, placing a finger on my lips. "I promise I'll try, William. I love you," he said, expressing so much emotion in his words. I sighed as he started stroking my fake arm. I obviously couldn't feel it, but the soft sound of his long, blood red nails scratching on the material I had yet to learn the name of told me he was stroking it. "Grell..." I muttered under my breath as I grabbed his arm and wrapped it back around my waist, leaning back into his chest once again. "I love you too"

Yeah... It was confirmed quite recently in the manga that Shinigami were humans who committed suicide and had to watch other people die until they were forgiven. I might be able to find a photo for you. Will shot himself, Ronald walked off a building, Alan (I think) overdosed, Grell slit his wrist, Eric and Undertaker are kinda hard to tell though... Its chapter 105 or you can check this image in the link. (it has labels of which Shinigami is who)

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/11904733_730512113750423_7902813544487426776_n.jpg?oh=93674c3982ba5134c6dc72d0ed7f8234&oe=5669B5BF 

If this link doesn't work then try this Facebook page and scroll until you find it :)

https://www.facebook.com/Black-Butler-616174695184166/timeline/