I chuckle softly as I type your initials. My initials have quite a joke to them as well, so I don't find it completely jarring.

I think I feel love for you, but with more practical rational to it. It's harder now a days to be lost in love, but I care more for that, given how many times I've been hurt. You are sunshine to me, even when-

Stop. 

Fast forward. 

I'm old now. I still remember that sunshine, I can close my eyes and cry, because what we had was beautiful in my eyes, but you resent me. I have no friends from high school because I guess I was "toxic", as you so lovingly told me when I tried to make amends. But I can't hate you. I instead hate myself. I was an awful person, with secrets, and you were my best kept one, because I loved you, truly I did. Maybe even do. I would lie to my family, so we could kiss in the car, and your love made the guilt fly out the window. Now there is no love, only guilt and regret. 

I envy the person who completes you, because I already know it's not me. Two years and my heart has bled out, yet somehow there's more to bleed. I've tried to date others, fall in love, but the memory of our lips touching has spoiled it for me. The one that got away? More like the one that never left my heart.