Chapter 15

Tahimik lang kami ngunit napapansin ko ang pagnakaw n'ya ng iilang tingin sa akin. He would open his mouth but it would gradually close. Parang nagpipigil siya sa pagiging madaldal.

I was mute in my past life. Hindi ko rin inakala na madadala ko ito hanggang ngayon ngunit mas may kapayapaan akong nararamdaman kapag hindi ako nagsasalita. In my current life, I learn that most of the time your words can be twisted and be used against you; it was better to be silent that be judged wrongfully despite your good intentions.

Subalit ngayon na kasama ko siya ay pakiramdam ko walang mali sa aking mga sasabihin. Even if I was wrong, Ragh wouldn't judge me. I feel safe around him despite the risk that he had in himself.

"Hoy, ano 'yan?"

Nagulat kami dahil nakasunod sa amin ang isang pamilyar na lalaki. Patakbong lumapit sa amin si Merculio na halos nakasando lang, kitang-kita ang magandang pangangatawan n'ya. He was tan contrast to Ragh's fair skin. Matangos ang kan'yang ilong at kapansin-pansin ang mata n'yang mapagmatyag.

I miss Merculio too. Hindi man kami sobrang naging close noon, I felt like he was one of those people who really remembered me.

In my previous life as a daughter of the air, I saw Merculio paying tribute by putting flowers on the sea on the day that I disappeared. Madalas nila ako pagusapan ni Ragh ngunit hindi ako p'wedeng magtagal sa pagmamasid sa kanila kaya naman hindi ko rin nalaman kung ano ang pinaguusapan nila tungkol sa akin. I can only hear my name being said by both of them.

"May date kayo?" tanong ni Merculio na may kunot sa noo.

Ragh was hesitant to answer however I wasn't feeling the same. Agad akong umiling bilang tugon kay Merculio.

"Wala naman. Titingnan lang naman ang estatwa ng sirena sa dalampasigan na ito."

"Oh. . ." Merculio subtly gazed at Ragh. "Alright. Enjoy n'yo sana dahil minsan lang mailawan ang estatwa na 'yon. Kadalasan ay patay ang ilaw kaya naman hindi rin nakikita ang sirena."

"Bakit?"

Merculio shrugged off. "Hindi naman kasi maganda ang itsura ng sirena, no offense—gusto ko pa po magka-lovelife."

He formed his hand in a peace sign.

"Ano?" naguguluhang tanong ko. Hindi ko maintindihan ang gusto n'yang iparating.

"It's better if I'll tell you on our way there," Ragh said. Binigyan n'ya ako ng isang maliit na ngiti.

My heart froze for a bit. Pinilit kong ibaling ang atensyon upang hindi mapangiti nang wala sa oras. His smile was beautiful. The kind of smile that makes you want to smile back at him.

"Sama ka kaya, Merculio?" anyaya ko sa kan'ya.

Nanglaki naman ang mga mata n'ya sa akin. Nakita ko rin na bahagyang napalunok siya at agad na dinaan sa tawa ang nerbyos. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit tunog natatakot ang kan'yang tawa.

"Busy rin kasi ako pero kaya ko kayo samahan hanggang sa gate lang kung saan p'wedeng sumilip sa estatwa ng sirena. Puno kasi ang harapan ngayon dahil nga minsan lang nabubuksan ang ilaw kung kaya't marami rin ang naga-abang doon." ani Merculio.

Tumango naman ako. Napabuntonghininga si Ragh sa tabi ko ngunit wala rin namang nagawa kundi tanggapin na kasama namin si Merculio.

As we approached the area, I wanted to clarify something. Tumikhim ako upang kunin ang atensyon nilang dalawa.

"Ragh, do you know why mermaids can't cry?" tanong ko sa kan'ya habang binabagtas namin ang patungo sa estatwa.

Ragh tilted his perfect sculpted face, making me reminisce about the reason why I was willing to risk my whole existence for a touch of his lips on mine. The whole reason why I wanted to go beneath the land and pursue what's unknown.

Masuyong ngumiti sa akin si Ragh.

"Bobo ako e, bakit ba?" Napakamot si Ragh sa kan'yang ulo. I chuckled softly.

"Sa tingin mo?" Merculio chimed in. "Bakit nga ba?"

"Tanga kasi, ano. . ." Raghnall frowned, a serious look slowly manifesting on his face. "Lulutang yung luha nila kasi 'di ba under the sea sila? Pero theory ko pa lang naman 'yon."

"Tanga ka talaga," angil ni Merculio. "Wala silang luha kasi di nila nakikita, napapalibutan sila ng tubig 'di ba?"

Humalakhak ako sa kanilang mga haka-haka. I know the truth though, mermaids can't cry because we have no tears. We're incapable of producing tears.

"Actually, I think tears do not exist for mermaids. Kaya naman kahit gaano na sila kalungkot, hindi nila kayang umiyak. . ." paliwanag ko.

Natigilan naman si Ragh sa akin. Binalot ng lungkot ang kan'yang ekspresyon. Agad ko naman siyang nilingon at nginitian.

"Bakit, Ragh?"

"I don't know. . ." Ragh sighed. "Nalungkot lang siguro ako sa kanila." he looked down on his feet falls. Pinapanood lumubog ang bawat hakbang sa buhangin.

"Hm? Bakit naman, Ragh? If it is because they can't cry, maybe all they can feel is happiness. Never silang makakaranas ng sakit o pighati. I don't know if that's bad," singit ni Merculio.

I wanted to refute his claims. We do get hurt. A lot more actually, because unlike the humans—we can't let it out. Hindi naiintindihan ng mga tao na regalo ang pag-iyak dahil sa pamamagitan nito ay nalalabas nila ang sakit, nakikita ng iba na nasasaktan na sila at higit sa lahat ay ang bakas ng luha na nagmimistulang paalala na tao ka rin—nasasaktan ka rin.

As I lived with the humans, they tend to suppress what they feel. They tend to hide that they're already hurting. They would rather say that they're okay when they're not. Hinding-hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit. I was in their shoes once, but maybe my feet didn't fit in. Thus, even if the situation is the same—it all boils down on the perspective and how the person copes.

"On the contrary, I feel like they can't express what they really feel," Ragh pointed out. "Hindi ko alam pero pakiramdam ko kapag nalulungkot sila ay sila lang ang nakakaalam. That's suffocating for me. And I hope no one experiences that."

Napangiti naman ako. Yet, I know a lot of people are in denial and won't admit that they're hurt.

Nakarating na kami sa gate. Merculio only gave a small smile before saying goodbye.

"Ayaw mo talaga sumama?" tanong ko. Sayang kasi dahil malapit na rin naman siya.

"Hindi, okay na talaga ako," muling tanggi n'ya. "I hope you can get pictures though."

Tumango naman ako sa kan'ya at nagbigay ng thumbs up. Merculio chuckled before opening the small gate, hanggang baywang lang namin ang gate at ang binabantayan lang nila ay isang makipot na daan patungo sa isang mala-bangin na lugar.

Tuluyan na kaming naglakad ni Ragh. Sa liit ng daan ay kinailangan ni Ragh na sundan na lamang ako. He was on my back as we followed the trail.

Nakarating na kami sa pinakadulo. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba malamig na ang gabi kung kaya't nagtataasan ang mga balahibo ko. The view was magnificent. Kitang-kita ang malawak na lupain at dagat. There was a statue, a huge one, in the middle of the sea. My lips parted as I slowly leaned to see it more. Nagulat ako dahil biglaang inilawan ang malaking estatwa na ito.

"It is a mermaid," I gasped upon seeing its form. Hindi ako makapaniwala dahil kuhang-kuha nito ang buntot noon ng mga sirena. It was attached to its body. However, the mermaid looks sad. Melancholy was written all over her face, kahit pa natatakpan nito ng kan'yang mahabang buhok.

"Do you like it?" Ragh asked. Agad akong lumingon sa kan'ya. Hindi napigilan ang ngiti sa aking labi,

"I do. . ." I sighed as I admired the statue. It was nostalgia that brought me into tears. Hindi ko mapigilan dahil naaalala ko ang sarili ko noon.

Hey, Cerenia. . . You're finally a human now. Tao ka na at may kaluluwa ka na. You must be so proud, huh? I whispered to myself.

"Bakit ka umiiyak?" tanong ni Ragh sa akin. Nagulat ako dahil pinahid n'ya ito sa pamamagitan ng kan'yang daliri. I look at him and smiled.

"I'm proud of myself," I mumbled.

"For being here?"

"Yes, for being here." I said, in a different context. I'm finally here as a human.

"Are you happy?"

Nagulat ako dahil sa tanong ni Ragh sa akin. It was out of the blue and I couldn't understand how a simple question can render me speechless. Hindi ako agad nakasagot sa kan'yang tanong.

"Alam ko parang ewan 'yong tanong kasi umiiyak ka pero masaya ka ba na nandito ka?"

"I don't know. . ." I honestly said. I could say that I'm happy but I wasn't. Hindi ko magawang maging masaya dahil sa mga nangyari sa akin noon.

Because even if you're in the present but you live in the past—it's almost impossible to be happy.

"I know that I just said that crying is a form of outlet but. . ." Ragh went near me. Hinawakan n'ya ako sa aking mga balikat. Umangat ang tingin ko sa kan'ya.

"I hope you'll cry because you're happy," he said. "Because I, for some reason, really want to see you happy, Cerenia. It is not just because I'm attracted to you—"

"Wait, you're attracted to me?" putol ko sa kan'ya. Nanglalaki ang mga mata ko. Hindi ko na naman mapigilan ang puso ko sa pagtibok. I couldn't stop myself from feeling all the butterflies in my stomach.

To hear that from him directly. . .it was still surprising to me.

Pinigilan ko naman ngunit kusa talaga akong nalalanta sa kan'yang mga pahayag. The old Cerenia would probably squeal or even dance in joy however my heart was thumping against my chest. I was afraid to fall. Lalong-lalo na kay Ragh.

Ragh was stunned but he gradually smiled.

"I am. . ." he answered sincerely. "I know that people come here to see the beauty of the statue. . .but I came here to see the beauty of you."

𖠵 ｷ 𖠳