Chapter 14

"Cerene? Ano na?" Coleen snapped her fingers in front of my face. Agad naman akong nagising sa maikling pagkahimbing.

"Hindi." I shook my head. "Ayoko dahil hindi naman laruan ang damdamin ng tao."

The way she regarded Ragh made me feel like it was only a game for her. It just doesn't feel right. It never felt right. Parang sinasapak ang puso ko dahil sa mga siniwalat n'ya. If she's saying this because she's interested in Ragh, I'm also quite scared of the possibilities for the both of them.

"It's not like he's also serious with you. Malamang ay naghahanap lang din 'yon ng libangan n'ya. And you're there," Coleen said, in a matter-of-fact tone.

My heart struggled to processed her words. Hindi ko inakalang masasaktan ako sa sinabi n'ya. She was right that Ragh might not be serious but it still hurts. Mas masakit pala marinig ang katotohanan sa bibig ng iba.

Kalaunan ay unti-unting tinanggap ko na baka nga tama rin si Coleen. If Ragh was not serious with me, why would I even waste time meeting him? Sa tuwing nagpapadala tuloy siya ng mga pagkain ay hindi ko na lamang ito pinapansin.

"Galit ka ba sa akin?" tanong ni Coleen habang sinusuot ang kan'yang hikaw. It was out of nowhere.

Agad akong umiling. "No. Wala ka namang ginawa na nakakagalit."

"I just wanted you to say that you want him too." Coleen sighed, looking at me directly. "Hindi naman mahirap umamin ng nararamdaman."

Oh, it wasn't that easy. Kapag umamin ako na nagugustuhan ko rin ang atensyon na binibigay ni Ragh—baka bawiin muli ito sa akin. Baka tanggalan ulit kami ng koneksyon. And beside, if we didn't end up together before—what's the assurance that we can end up together in this life? Wala rin naman. Umaasa lang ako sa wala. Kaya hanggang maaari ay pinuputol ko na ang ugnayan namin.

"Wala nga," I sighed exasperatedly. Ngumiti na lang din ako upang pagtakpan ang nararamdaman na ilang. "It's okay. You can flirt with him. . .but please don't play with his feelings."

Coleen stared at me.

The odd thing about human creatures is that despite being hurt, we are still capable of desiring the happiness of those who have hurt us. We can still wish that they could live the life that we couldn't live because of the hollow feeling that they left in our chest.

Tumingin lang sa akin si Coleen nang hindi maipinta ang ekspresyon. I don't know but guilt passed through her eyes. Agad naman siyang umalis nang walang pasabi. I watched her go and didn't dwell on her whereabouts anymore. I enjoyed my time in the tiny space that I have while she wasn't around.

Lumipas na ang hapon at lumubog na ang araw ngunit hindi pa nakakauwi si Coleen. I started to get worried because she should at least text me. She's reckless but she also doesn't forget to remind me if she'll come home or not.

Coleen:

Hi, this is Ragh.

Pasundo sana si Coleen.

She wants to see you.

She's drunk.

Natuldukan ang kaba ko kay Coleen ngunit may panibagong problema naman ako na kinaharap. Sunud-sunod ang mga mensahe na natanggap ko mula kay Coleen o kay Ragh. My eyes were fixated on my phone because I was too stunned to even create a reply. Ano ba ang sasabihin ko? That I can't come because once again I was avoiding him?

Medyo nanikip din ang dibdib ko dahil napagtantuan ko na magkasama nga silang dalawa. Coleen really did approach him. Alam ko naman na dapat wala na sa aking ito dahil tanggap ko na kahit sa buhay namin ngayon ay hindi kami puwede ni Ragh.

Cerenia:

Ok. s@n k?

Ragh:

Bar.
Malapit sa dulo ng dalampasigan.

I groaned as I grabbed my showl. Kailangan ko bilisan dahil bukod sa gabi na, medyo malayo pala ang pinuntahan ni Coleen. We were from the opposite side of where she is right now.

Nanginginig pa ako dahil iba talaga ang dala ng hangin mula sa dagat. May halong hampas talaga ito sa iyong balat. I was half-running towards the bar. Nalaglag ang aking panga nang makita roon si Coleen na walang bakas ng pagkalasing. She was just waiting for me. Nagawa n'ya pang kumaway sa akin nang mamataan ako.

I clamped my jaw closed. What the hell, Coleen?

"Nakausap ko na si Ragh!" Halakhak n'ya sa akin at nilapitan ako. "I just want you to be here to see our progress."

Nangunot naman ang noo ko sa sinabi n'ya. What was that for? Bakit kailangan nandito pa ako para makita silang dalawa? I was shaking, I don't even know if it's because of the air or is it because of what she just said.

"Ayaw mo ba talaga umamin?" Coleen arched an eyebrow. "Na gusto mo rin si Ragh?"

"I don't see the need to say something that I'm not even sure of," paliwanag ko sa kan'ya. "At hindi ko rin nakikita kung bakit kailangan kong sabihin agad kung gusto ko ba si Ragh o  hindi."

Coleen groaned and even looked upwards in the sky.

"Because you're in denial! At hindi ko maintindihan bakit ayaw mo pa aminin na gusto mo rin si Ragh. You won't get hurt by saying that you might like him too." asik ni Coleen sa akin. My eyes widened because of her outburst. 

"Hindi ko nga siya gusto," giit ko sa kan'ya. "Wala siyang makukuha sa akin."

"Kahit landiin ko pa siya sa harap mo?"

"Coleen!"

"See?! Ayaw mo lang umamin pero gusto mo rin siya. Wala namang masama. I talked to him and he seems to be nice. Kahit fling lang ang i-offer sa 'yo, hindi ka na rin talo sa experience 'te!"

"Coleen, I don't want to. Okay? Hindi ko siya p'wedeng. . ." I stopped to find the proper continuation but I couldn't. Hindi ko rin masabi na fling o ano dahil hindi naman deserve ni Ragh 'yon.

I just wished him genuine happiness and love even if it's not me. Hindi na rin naman ako umaasa na baka mabalik n'ya ang nararamdaman ko noon. And it's not like I still feel the same. I might just love the memories but not the person.

"Coleen," someone called from behind. Nilingon ko naman ito at nakita ang taong iniiwasan ko.

Ragh was wearing a dark red shirt partnered with cargo pants. May hawak siyang bote ng beer habang ang mga mata ay nakatuon sa akin.  His hair was slightly wet, it was probably because he just went for a swim. He swallowed hard upon seeing me.

"Cerenia," he called for my name, a little relieved. "You really came."

"You texted me." Kumunot ang noo ko sa kan'ya. "Sabi mo lasing si Coleen."

"Sabi n'ya ay sabihin ko raw na lasing siya dahil baka hindi ka pumunta kapag ako ang nag-text sa 'yo." Ragh shyly confessed, humawak pa siya sa kan'yang batok.

Napalingon ako kay Coleen na ngumingiti sa aming dalawa. So she planned all of this? Hindi ko talaga siya maintindihan. She says one thing but acts like the other.

"Sayang din kasi ang gabi dahil malapit na ang piyesta ng sirena," agap ni Ragh.

"Piyesta ng sirena?" ulit ko.

"This beach has a legend apparently," Coleen laughed, kinuha n'ya ang beer sa kamay ni Ragh. She looked at me and raised the bottle as if to cheer. "Ragh, ikaw na lang ang magkwento dahil baka iba pa ang marinig n'ya sa akin."

Tumango si Ragh. "That's true, there's this legend that the locals celebrate. It was the origin of this beach, kaya nga tuwing dulo ng buwan ay nagkakaroon sila ng mala-piyesta na pagbati sa isang sirena."

"Ano ba ang kuwento?" I asked, curious about the story. Nakita ko naman na bahagyang nagulat si Ragh sa atensyon na binibigay ko sa kan'ya.

Napangiti siya. "Nabuo raw ang dalampasigan sa mapapagitan sa pagluha ng isang sirena na gustong maging tao." ani Ragh. Natutop ang labi ko at hindi agad naproseso ang sinabi n'ya.

Kung gano'n ay pakiramdam ko pinagkakaisahan talaga ako. I don't know if I was really the little mermaid or my memories are only a figment of my imagination. Pero sa tuwing naaalala ko ang sakit ay hindi ko mapagkakaila na totoo ang mga alaala ko. I wasn't just sure how my story was made as a fairy tale. It was one of the mysteries that I still need to unravel.

"That's not possible," I snickered. "Mermaids can't cry."

"Paano mo nalaman?" Coleen raised an eyebrow. "Sirena ka ba?" she laughed and Ragh joined in. Naging seryoso muli ang mukha ni Ragh nang makita ang kunot sa aking noo.

"I just know. Even the little mermaid stated that. . ." I coughed and looked away. "Hindi lang ako makapaniwala na naniniwala ang mga tao rito sa mga sirena."

"Wala namang mawawala kung maniniwala sila. A statue is even build as tribute for the mermaid who cried for this beach," ani Ragh habang diretso ang tingin sa akin. "I also believe in the mermaid. . ."

Coleen raises her eyebrows. "Really? Kahit hindi mo nakita?"

"Even if it isn't true, I want to believe that this beach was made because of someone's love." ani Ragh.

"Unrequited love," I corrected. "Let me guess, hindi siya minahal ng tao na gusto n'ya kaya n'ya hinangad maging tao at siya ay naging bula?" napipikon na saad ko.

Hindi agad nakasagot si Ragh. Hindi ko napigilan ang timpla ng aking mukha, it was sour and bitter because the legend was obviously just a rip off. Siguro ay pinakalat lang nila ito upang makakuha ng mga turista, kahit ang pagtayo ng isang estatwa ng isang sirena ay isang marketing strategy lang nila.

The original story didn't even come from the Philippines. Kaya nga nagtataka ako kung bakit sa dami ng mga tao sa mundo ay ako pa ang nagkaroon ng alaala tungkol sa pagiging isang fairy tale character.

"Real or not, I think it's a good origin story." Ragh shrugged off. "Imagine knowing that some place was made because of someone's love. . ."

"Hindi ko inakala na mahilig ka pala sa mga gan'yan, Ragh. I thought you might find it corny," ani Coleen.

"I find it romantic, Coleen." Ragh chuckled. "I'm a romantic myself. Mapagmahal kaya ako, di mo nga namamalayan mahal ko na si Cerene."

"Ano?" I shot him a glare.

Agad naman n'ya akong tinaasan ng kan'yang mga kilay. Isang ngisi ang gumuhit sa kan'yang labi. "Gusto n'ya rin talaga ulitin . . ." nangingiting tinakpan ni Ragh ang kan'yang bibig. Parang ewan naman ito!

"Anyway, hindi ako papayag na masayang ang punta mo rito," Coleen shoved me to Ragh's chest. Hindi ko naman sinasadyang mapakapit sa damit ni Ragh nang sobrang higpit.

"Dalhin mo na 'yan patungo sa estatwa ng sirena! Hindi ba't 'yon din ang dahilan kung bakit mo siya ti-next?"

Kita ko naman ang gulat sa mukha ni Ragh. He looked at me as if I caught him red handed. He wanted to go with me?

Hindi mapigilan ang kabog ng dibdib ko. Hindi ko rin maipaliwanag kung bakit namumuo na naman ang pagasa na baka may alam din siya sa nakaraan. It was too much of a coincidence if Ragh only wanted to go there just because. . .

He must know something.

"Puwede naman, Ragh." sabi ko. "Tara, puntahan natin. Sayang naman kung hindi ko ito makikita."

"Seryoso ka ba?" Umawang ang labi ni Ragh. "Papayag ka talaga?"

"Oo nga? Sayang naman kung di ko rin sisilipin."

Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang itsura ni Ragh. He looked like he was grateful. Hindi rin mapigilan ang paglawak ng ngiti n'ya.

I let him hold my hand as we departed from the bar. Nakita ko na natigilan siya nang tuluyan n'yang mahawakan ang kamay ko. I don't know why but I felt his pulse and it made my heart beat, tila ba napasa sa akin ang tinitibok ng kan'yang puso.

Tinitigan ko si Ragh na nangingiti habang naglalakad kami patungo sa estatwa na sinasabi n'ya. Coleen was even cheering from afar for me. Hindi ko talaga siya maintindihan. Subalit mas hindi ko rin naiintindihan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

I know that this was a risky move but the warmth of his palms made me feel otherwise. After a long time of floating in the waters, I think I'm finally on the shore.

𖠵 ｷ 𖠳