Chapter 12

Ragh walked towards me and his fingers gently removed the falling tears from my eyes. Nagulat ako dahil sa naging kilos n'ya at bahagyang napalayo.

"I'm sorry," ulit ni Ragh. "Hindi ko rin talaga alam bakit ka umiyak pero pakiramdam ko may kasalanan ako."

"CR kasi 'yon," depensa ko sa naging reaksyon ko. "Hindi lang ako sanay na may nakikitang naghahalikan sa kubeta. Of all places, sa CR pa talaga?"

Ragh playfully grinned. "It's exciting! P'wede natin i-try kung gusto mo."

I scowled at what he said. Agad kong winaksi ang kamay n'ya. Binanatan ko siya ng isang masamang tingin bago tuluyang naglakad papalayo.

"I haven't even gotten your name," he said, half-yelling.

"Hindi mo na kailangan. Hindi na rin naman tayo magkikita."

"Nah, I doubt that." He shrugged off, I can still sense that he's still following me. "This was the third? Fourth time? Pangalan mo na lang ang kulang, pakiramdam ko ay itinadhana na tayo."

Itinadhana? Natigilan ako sa sinabi n'ya. Was I destined to get hurt by him again? Uulit na naman ba ang nangyari noon?

"Pakiramdam ko, antok ka lang." I cut him off. "You don't need my name. I'll make sure there won't be a fifth time that we will meet each other."

"And if we do?" determinadong tanong ni Ragh. "Maniniwala ka na bang itinadhana tayo?"

Sa ilalim ng makulimlim na mga ulap, sa buwan na nagmamatyag, sa gabing malamig ay tila ba nagising ang puso ko sa lumbay.

"Ano naman kung itinadhana tayo?" muling balik ko ng tanong sa kan'ya.

I finally found the courage to look at him. His demeanor gravely changed in this lifetime, he used to be meek and very neat with his words. However, the Ragh in front of me is blunt and flirty. Parang magkaibang tao na talaga.

"Ayaw mo no'n?" Ragh smirked. "Destiny tayo?" sinundan n'ya ito ng halakhak. He found this funny? How annoying.

Umirap ako sa kan'ya. Bahala na siya sa buhay n'ya! Mas lalong nanaig sa akin na huwag na lamang siyang pansinin. I would rather not get involved with him anymore.

"Uuwi ka na ba agad?" tanong ni Ragh. "We can go to the bonfire place. Wala man party ngayong gabi, the ambiance is still the same."

Hindi ko siya sinagot ngunit hinabol ako ni Ragh. Bawat hakbang ko papalayo ay papalapit naman siya sa akin.

"Bakit ba ang kulit mo?" Lumingon ako sa kan'ya. Ragh only shrugged off. A playful look plastered on his face. Nagtaas-baba pa siya ng kilay sa akin.

"Bakit ayaw mo ba magpakulit?" sabi ni Ragh na tila natutuwa pa.

"Lahat ba ng babae ay gusto na kinukulit mo?"

"No," Ragh honestly answered. "Hindi naman lahat ng babae ay kinukulit ko, ikaw lang."

My heart raced for a bit. Natutop ang labi ko dahil sa naging sagot n'ya. I was sure that Ragh wasn't this flirty in our past lives. Ngayon ay tila ba mamamatay siya kapag hindi n'ya ako nabanatan kahit isang linya lang.

"My name's Raghnall Lastimosa," sabi n'ya. Nilahad n'ya ang kan'yang kamay sa akin.

I should have avoided his touch. Subalit sa puntong 'yon ay may gusto akong patunayan. Gusto ko itatak sa sarili ko na ibang tao si Ragh ngayon at ibang tao na rin ako.

I accepted his hand and it was one of the vile mistakes that I made in my life.

"Cerenia," pakilala ko. I shook his hand and withdrew my hand immediately. A short circuit of electricity made me feel numb.

"Cerenia," ulit n'ya sa mas malamyos na tono. "Nice name."

"P'wede mo na ba ako lubayan?"

The corners of his lips tugged up and he shook his head. "You know what they say about naming an entity? Once you give them a name, it means you're acknowledging their presence and it means you're letting them stay with you."

My forehead knotted. "Bakit? Engkanto ka ba? Bakit kailangan mong manatili sa akin?"

"No, what I meant was—" Ragh laughed. "I'm gonna stick with you too. By giving you my name, I want you to acknowledge my presence from now on."

Nanatili ang tingin ko sa kan'ya. Seryoso lang ang balik ng kan'yang tingin sa akin. My knees felt weak and I wanted to just run away. The same dark haired boy is making me doubt the barriers that I created.

"So, Cerenia? Won't you mind spending some time with me?"

Wala namang M sa pangalan ko pero bakit ako marupok?

I grabbed his hand when he offered it to me. And for the first time ever since I was reincarnated as a human, I felt my heart hammering against my chest because of someone else.

Dinala ako ni Ragh sa dating pinuntahan namin. I hesitated at first because this wasn't part of the plan. Ang dapat kong ginagawa ngayon ay nilalayuan siya ngunit tila ba kasalanan ang hindi sumunod sa kan'ya. His charming smile beguiled me that this was the right choice.

A soft melody slowly welcomed us as we went inside a bar. Hindi tulad nung isang araw na halos parang sardinas na ang loob nito. It felt peaceful as the bartender greeted us while he was wiping the glasses.

"Bago na naman babae mo ah," the bartender shamelessly said. Nilaglag agad si Ragh na mukhang nagulat pa sa bungad.

My eyes widened. "The girl! 'Yong babae mo sa CR!" I hissed at him. Walang naging reaksyon si Ragh at bahagya pang natawa dahil sa akin.

Nakalimutan na namin 'yong babae sa restroom!

"She'll be fine," Ragh assured me. "Di ko nga 'yon kilala e."

"Pero nakikipaghalikan ka?!"

"Bakit ba galit ka na naman?" kalmadong balik n'ya sa akin. I only huffed and proceeded to sit on one of the available chairs.

"Kakain ba kayo, Ragh?" The bartender diverted our topic, medyo nagtatago ng mukha.

Agad na tumango si Ragh. "Yup! Bill's on me."

"Kaya ko bayaran 'yong pagkain ko," giit ko sa kan'ya nang maupo siya sa aking harapan. "You don't have to pay for my food."

"May pera ka bang dala?"

"Wala," I answered and realized how absurd it is that I claimed I could pay for my own meal. Ragh chuckled and quickly covered his own mouth. Bigla n'yang pinilit maging seryoso ang kan'yang mukha, he failed miserably though.

"Tactics ba ito? You'll want to pay me back so we can meet again?" he asked, amusement plastered on his face.

Umirap naman ako sa suhestiyon n'ya. Agad din na umiling dahil nayayabangan na sa kan'yang inaasta. He was very different from the Ragh that I knew.

I studied his face and his features, halos wala namang nagbago sa kan'yang itsura. His dark hair, expressive eyes and how his biceps showed how strong he is made me gulped. Hindi rin nakatulong na kanina pa siya nakatingin sa akin. His eyebrows rose slightly while his mouth parted upon noticing me.

"Staring is rude, you know. . ." he nonchalantly said, a smirk forming in his lips. "But I like rude girls."

"Shut up," apura ko sa kan'ya. Tinakpan ko ang aking mukha gamit ng isang menu. Narinig ko ang masaganang halakhak ni Ragh nang gawin ko 'yon.

Humalili sa buong bar ang isang malamyos na kanta. It sounded romantic but it scared me because the song was playing while the only people inside the bar were the both of us. Sinilip ko ang reaksyon ni Ragh ngunit nagulat ako dahil hindi pa rin pala n'ya tinatanggal ang tingin n'ya sa akin.

Bahagyang napalunok na naman ako. "Kukuha lang ako ng tubig."

"I could order for you," he volunteered.

Umiling naman ako sa kan'ya. "I want to go to the restroom."

Nangunot naman ang noo ni Ragh sa akin subalit matapos magbitaw ng isang buntonghininga ay tinuro n'ya ang isang silid. "Go to the right corner, nandoon ang restroom."

I nodded and abruptly went towards the direction where he pointed at. Nagtatahip-tahip ang dibdib ko sa kaba. Bakit ba kasi ako pumayag? I could have rejected him! Ngayon tuloy ay para akong ewan na hindi makapag-desisyon.

I shut the door tightly. Humilig ako sa mismong pinto at unti-unting pinikit ang mga mata. Ano na naman ba itong pinasok mo, Cerenia? Even in your second life, you're still indecisive and impulsive!

Naghilamos ako upang kumalma. I breathed in and out to calm down. Tiningnan ko nang matagal ang sarili sa salamin bago tuluyang lumabas.

I'm okay, I can do this. I could prove that I'm not the same person anymore. Whatever he does will not concern me. This will be the last time that we'll meet each other too.

Pagbalik ko sa pwesto namin ay may mga kausap na babae si Ragh. Unlike how he approached me, he was meek towards them. Napapahawak pa sa batok na tila ba nahihiya.

"I'm with someone right now," Ragh said, unti-unting lumingon sa akin.

"She can come with us," giit ng babae kahit hindi ako tinitingnan.

"Kung may lakad ka, Ragh. P'wede naman na unahin mo sila." I told him, straight in his eyes. Nakita ko ang bahagyang pagdaan ng gulat sa kan'yang mga mata. His eyes gradually dwindled.

"Okay," he replied and slowly ascended from his seat to entertain the girls. Lumabas silang tatlo habang tuwang-tuwa ang dalawang babae.

Pinanood ko ito habang papalabas sila ng bar. Naiwan akong mag-isa sa loob na tulala. I was still trying to prove myself that it was alright. I was okay. At hindi pa pala.

The melody of a slow dancing song made me feel more gloomy. Hindi ko na dapat siya sinundan. I was disappointed because I expected a little too much from him. Why did I push him and expect him to stay? Sino ba ako? Ni hindi nga n'ya ako kilala nang lubusan. He probably just finds me. . .challenging?

I should probably go home.

Unti-unti akong tumayo at lumingon sa bartender na kanina pa nakatingin sa akin.

"Did he order something? Babayaran ko na lang po."

"May pera ka bang dala?"

Napailing ako. "Wala po pero babalikan ko na lang."

"No need," the bartender shook his head. "Bayad na ni Ragh. He was actually waiting for this."

"Po?"

"He wanted to eat with you ever since he met you. Bukambibig ka nga n'ya kaya naman tingnan mo pati kantahan namin nagiging corny na dahil gusto n'ya sanang magpa-impress sa 'yo."

Nagtaas ako ng isang kilay. What? He was preparing for me?

"Sabi ko na nga ba mabubuking ko siya e," the bartender laughed. He was in his mid-thirties. "Hindi bale, hindi naman sanay magtago ng damdamin 'yon si Ragh."

The bell on the door rang, indicating that someone came inside. Napalingon ako rito at nakita si Ragh na nakatingin sa akin.

He smiled at me. "I told them that I was with you. And why would I put them first? When I want to be with you."

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