Can't believe that chapter number.😍

The next morning he woke up with a throbbing headache. He sat up holding his head, looking around. She was missing and the bedsheet was creased. The last thing he clearly remembered was seeing her face, lying over her and hearing her say, she loved him.

He didn't know when he had fallen asleep and how he was dressed. He turned to get off and noticed the aspirin on a tray. His heart melted. How much could she care? He was such a jerk last night. His headache wasn't all that bad, he decided to skip the aspirin. 

He quickly took a shower and went down, he wanted to see her. All other thoughts could wait, until he saw her. He felt better the minute his brain registered what his eyes saw. She was laughing at something Radha aunty was saying. "Oh she'll be here and then scold both of us. You get the room cleaned. Change the curtains also. Oh yes get the terrace also cleaned. Mumma will be mad at me if she finds dust on her vintage swing." The older lady nodded and left. When she turned she saw him standing at the entrance gazing at her. 

He looked sober, clean and fresh. She stood looking at him in the eyes. 

"Good morning!"

"Good morning!" She said turning back to the kitchen counter. He noticed something reddish on her neck as she turned, due to her hair swaying. He walked up to her and stood behind her. She could feel him. Her hold on the jug tightened. She didn't turn to face him. She sort of expected what came.

He pushed her hair aside delicately as he could. He caressed the blemish softly. "Does it burn, or..or hurt?" He asked concerned. 

She couldn't help but smile. She knew him so well. She however decided to eat that smile up. She turned to him keeping her poker face. "No."

His eyes fell a little above her cleavage as though scanning the damage he had done. He spotted a hickey. He immediately looked up at her. 

"Sorry!" He said feeling guilty. It was another thing if he had done it playfully. Last night was not playful. It was different. 

"I was such a fuc-"

"Language!" She narrowed her eyes at him. He gulped. "I feel so bad...I-"

"Stop feeling bad for what happened. It was mutual and we both know it was earth crashing amazing ."

He stared at her registering what she had just said. Was that her speaking, about sex? He couldn't deny, it was one of the best times he had spent with her. But he was embarrassed. For the first ever time his wife had got him embarrassed talking about the topic. 

He just nodded. His eyes trying to search for what she felt, by looking into her chocolaty eyes. He glanced at the cup she placed on the tray. She had drawn a heart with the cream. He was reminded how in the initial days of marriage she'd do that for him. 

"That's my cup." She said studying carefully what his eyes were looking at. "This is for you!" She said pointing to the glass containing bottle green juice. He simply stared. "Let's go." She said carrying the tray and he walked behind her. 

He stared at the breakfast. He really had no appetite for it. He was still so confused, so irritated, so annoyed and do guilty.

"Eat."

"We need to talk." He said finally. He'd go mad if she didn't talk to him. 

"We will. But first, eat. And have that juice."

"Are you not mad at me for whatever happened last night?"

"Of course I am. Not just mad. But very mad at you. " she said putting the paratha on his plate.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't have been so rough and harsh."

"That's not what I am mad at. I mad at other things you did last night. But that can wait. Drink and eat. " she said taking a sip of her coffee. She had prepared herself for this. Today was it. She would get whatever it was out of him. Enough of him holding back. 

"I am trying to talk."

She looked at him irritated. "Just eat. How hard is that for you to follow. You practically had half that bottle yesterday!" Her voice ended on a high. 

Ouch! He should have for once followed what she said. He did exactly that. This was the problem. He couldn't even stay mad at her even if he wanted to. He could feel her annoyance. But, he was annoyed too. He focused on the food. He had come to a point where everything in his usually organized head was in chaos. He had so many thoughts so many unsettled issues and he was beginning to get frustrated at himself. He should perhaps talk to her.

He should tell her he is not used to her having a friend except him. Was it jealously? No. He knew– Anika loved only him. Things between them were beyond the four letter word – L O V E. Maybe she had been right. He was insecure about him and her. He was too fearful when things came to her. He had no confidence in them. That wasn't exactly true. He did have confidence in them. If he hadn't he wouldn't have so strongly believed in their relationship and tested it by going so far. He was confident about her love. Equally about his for her. But then there was that twig of uncertainty poking him.

She cleared the table after breakfast. He silently helped her at it. He stood against the kitchen counter looking at her. 

"Let's go out!" She suggested. He nodded and followed her. 

They sat on bench in the garden. She smiled reminiscing the old days. After their marriage had been fixed, they'd often hangout in the park at evenings. They'd walk for sometime and then sit on a bench and talk. It was funny how initially they'd sit at the extreme ends of the bench. Just before the wedding their positions got closer. And after marriage when they'd go for evening or night walks, he would outstretch his hand on the bench's backrest and she'd lean her head over it. They didn't even know –when they fell so much in love, when they began understanding each other. Or when they became so comfortable around each other. And now if they sat, she would usually lean her head over his shoulder , her hand in his hand.

She looked at him. He seemed so lost in his thoughts.  She turned to look at him. Today, they had distance between them as they sat. 

Feeling her gaze, he looked a her. Suddenly, a wave of dilemma hit him. Should he ask her to sort out things or sort them into a better position before she could work at it. What did he want to tell her? 

"Speak." She said. She was always the talkative one in the two. She had too quickly got comfortable with him. She had no filter between what came to her mind and what fell to his ears. She knew he wouldn't judge her. She knew she had the liberty to be herself. That was the best and strongest part of her relationship with him. She did not need to think twice.

He, on the contrary, always thought over a couple of times before saying it. He barely had words to express himself. The best part about her was she looked at him and she knew. He was so lucky to have his soulmate in her. It was just magical how she understood him so well. 

Anika had never been bothered by the fact that he wasn't a talk it out person. One good speaker the other a good listener, they made an excellent team. He was expressive in other ways and at those places she was a observer. They were perfect. The friendship they had was one of the major reasons why they made a good couple. But, time had marred so much. 

She wanted him to speak. Enough of his bottling up everything. For once she wanted to listen to what he had to say. 

"I don't know..." His voice trailed as he looked at her. Unable to keep his eyes locked with hers. He drifted his gaze and once again made note of the hickey it reminded him how uncivilized he had been in bed the previous night.

"I am sorry for what, I did.." He said guilt evident in his voice.

She grew frustrated. She pulled his hand, unbuttoned the sleeve button and rolled his shirt up. "I did this but I am not guilty." She said pointing to the marks her nails had left last night on his skin. She had left her marks all over him, but wasn't a tad bit guilty about it. This was something he had taught her. To accept the bond a man and a woman shared in love and marriage. She had been so sensitive to the issue, she was so shy, so unwilling to accept the fact that she was attracted to him. He had made her slowly, eventually learn that it was a part of them and not wrong. 

"Yeah, you applied the ointment when I was asleep." He said looking at her squarely in the eyes.

She was caught off guard. She had assumed he wouldn't know by the time he woke up. She had felt slightly bad for those but not guilty. He stared at her, he had felt the greasy traces of it not jut at his arms but everywhere. She was a very caring wife. 

"Yeah so? I applied it here as well. " she said pushing her hair away. He gave a quick smile. "I just hope it fades away before Mumma spots it. She will turn me into a tomato soup with her comments. " he heard her add. He chuckled lightly. She was too cute at times. 

"But I am angry " she said folding her hands, her expression serious.

"I am mad too!" He said looking at the grass. The air was suddenly hundred times heavier.

"You had half the bottle last night. "

He closed his eyes. That was indeed a bad decision.

"And you left me at the hospital. " she said softly. She was really upset over that. 

"What did you expect me to do? Stand there and see another man so close to you!" He blurted out. 

She stared at him. 

After brief seconds of silence he looked up at her. "Anika... I trust you. More than myself. But...it just..."

"His grandmother passed away last night. " she said quietly. "Minutes after you went with the nurse, the doctor came out and announced that her heart had given up. He broke down and the least I could do was offer him a shoulder to cry on." She spoke with her heavy voice. " I know you don't like it. I knew you were hesitant last night. But Shivaay... I owe him. For the sake of humanity..."  She looked away there were tears in her eyes. She wanted to hate him for passing a judgement and leaving so fast. But she also knew, something was terribly wrong. He never jumped to judgments, especially not – when it concerned her.

He blinked. It was as though he was standing and out of nowhere, the ground where he stood was hit by a quake. 

"There is more you must know... Vishal is just....a friend. He lost his wife two years back, she had died of a stroke. He still is in very much love with her. He won't even look at me in any way more than a friend. " she stared at him. 

His eyes were left wide open. His throat felt dry. Suddenly, the only wrong person was he himself. 

He buried his face in his hands in despair. She got to his side, pulling him up.

He looked at her devastated. " I feel like a insensitive, inhuman, selfish animal." His words pierced her heart.

"No. It's not your fault Shivaay. You didn't know things. You were too much in love to see anything."

"I freaking... I am such a ..."

"Shut up. You are not at fault. " she gave him a side hug.

Disturbing silence fell. Suddenly he broke it, "Anika why are you here? Shouldn't you be with him? Last night...you should have said..."

"If you'd be in a state to understand. You were busy with that alcohol bottle and flooding anger. And I was mad at you for leaving me there. I had called Tanuja. As soon as she came, I had left. Couldn't leave this mad man on his own. He is the most precious thing I've got." She said a lone tear rolling down her cheek.  She certainly couldn't leave him on his own after the broken vulnerable and insecure Shivaay she had seen. Especially when he was angry. "I'd die if something happened to you." She said letting her tears roll down. The fear that had seized her heart last night was one of the scariest. It wasn't just him who was vulnerable last night, she was too!

Woah. 50 chapters! This is such a milestone. 

As a matter of fact this book has been such an achievement to me. 

Still remember starting this with thought of ending it at twenty.😂 (Never happens).

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