When I wake up in a white and black room, with blue covers, and the strong smell of Dean's cologne, I know I'm not home.

My heart starts beating uncontrollably. What happened? The first question that comes to mind.

I don't feel sick but I also don't feel okay. I'm very thirsty and everything around me seems to be moving very slow.

My head doesn't hurt so I'm guessing I'm not hung over. I do remember what happened last night though.

"I already love you."

As the words echo in my head my face starts heating up. My stomach feels queasy with butterflies.

"I already love you."

Every time I think about it the blush in my cheeks only deepens. He must've said that because he felt pressured not because he actually meant it.

A deep sadness suddenly falls over me. I wanted to tell myself he said it because he actually meant it but I know he didn't.

So why lie to myself?

One thing Seth taught me was to be honest with myself even if it hurts. I'm tired of making myself a fool.

Sudden footsteps down the hall snap me out of my thoughts. I quickly lay back down and close my eyes pretending to be asleep.

"I know you're awake." Dean says walking in.

I don't move I simply keep my eyes closed. "Aj, I can see you're breathing heavier and faster. I know you're awake."

My eyes open to meet his. He looks very different today. His hair is messier than usual, he's wearing a simple white tee and blue pajama pants.

He must really like blue.

"Come on I made breakfast."

"Can I use your restroom?"

"Sure. Right there." He points to a door on the corner of his room and I nod slowly as he steps out.

Walking in his bathroom I notice he's a very clean man. Not trying to sound stereotypical but some men tend to be really dirty.

Not Dean though. His bathroom is extremely clean. So is his room and I'm guessing everywhere else as well.

The first thing I do is rinse my mouth because I'm sure I stink. There's still a strong smell of alcohol I can taste it.

I didn't even drink that much did I?

There's a bottle of mouthwash beside his mirror so without second thought I grab some. Hopefully this minty taste will take away the awful taste.

After doing so I use the bathroom, then wash my hands walking out. My knees are shaky and it's not precisely because I feel weak but because I'm nervous.

Why am I even nervous?

I've seen and spoke to Dean a thousand times yet everytime I see him I feel so vulnerable. It's like I turn to glass and everything he says or does has an impact on me.

He breaks me so easily.

I've never met a person who had that much influence on me and that scares me to death. I wish I didn't depend on him.

"Do you have a headache?" He asks placing a plate on the table. I nervously wipe my wet hands on my sides and take a seat.

"No. I'm not very hungry either."

"I'm sure. You did eat a lot last night." He replies plopping on the seat in front of me. He starts eating his plate while keeping eye contact with me.

"Are you going to do it again?"

"No."

"Good."

"How did you even know where I was?"

I might've been high or drunk or whatever but I don't remember calling him or anything. It's not like I could've anyways because he blocked me.

"I went to your house." He mumbles looking down at his plate and stabbing a piece of egg with his fork.

"For?"

"I wanted to ... I wanted to apologize for not showing up at the cafe."

"You should really stop apologizing."

"I can't. I'm really sorry."

"Tell me what are you sorry about?"

He sighs and opens his mouth like he's going to say something but nothing comes out of his mouth.

"Exactly. You don't even know what you're apologizing for."

"I'm just sorry for everything. Just know that I care about you okay?"

"That's a funny way of showing it."

"This is just really hard for me. You don't understand."

"Well then explain it to me."

"It's just that before I met you my life was great. And then you came along and made it even better. But then I started to notice the little things in you that I adored. I have been with Layla for  a while and I thought I loved her, I thought she was the love of my life, but then ... then you showed up out of nowhere and you fucking hit me like a hurricane. My feelings and emotions got all fucked up and then when I kissed Layla I would think about you. When she got undress in front of me I couldn't help but to wonder what you looked like undressed. You got so deep in my soul it started to haunt me even in my dreams. I'd hold Layla's hand and would think to myself how your hands were softer. Layla wouldn't laugh at my stupid sarcastic jokes and I thought how you did. I thought of your smile and your laugh and your eyes and your everything. That terrified me. It still does. Until I met you I thought I would end up with Layla but now I don't know anymore. I'm scared. I'm scared to throw away all these years for something I don't know if it'll work out."

"Then why don't you try? Why don't you break up with her and give me a chance?" I'm on the verge of tears at this point.

He literally confessed his feelings to me but he still wants to be with her?

"It's not that simple, Aj.  If I break up with her then I hurt her but if I don't I hurt you. I'm in a tough position."

I swallow the lump in my throat and I'm about speak when there's a knock on the door. Dean immediately gets up and looks at me.

He walks to the door and looks at the peep hole. "It's Layla! You have to hide, please." He picks up my plate, my cup,  and throws it in the sink.

"What? We were just talking about this. Why can't you be honest with her once and for all?"

"I can't, I can't, just please hide. Please."

Unbelievable.

I get up from the table furiously and head to his room. As I walk in I slam the door angrily hot tears pouring from my eyes.

After curling in the corner of his closet all I can think about it Seth's words.

"Do you honestly want to be the girl he meets in the shadows? Do you want to be the one he meets when he's not with Layla?"

>>>

"Aj I'm so sorry-"

Before he even finishes his sentence I get up and walk by him.

"Aj I'm sorry!"

"Whatever." I mumble picking up Brie's borrowed heels and my phone.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"I'll take you."

"Don't bother. I'm taking a taxi."

"I'll take you."

"No."

"Aj-"

"I said no!"

Dean looks at me embarrassed and sad. "I'm really sorry."

I keep walking to his door as he follows me behind. I open the door and step out but something inside of me makes me turn around.

"You know Dean you should stop throwing words around like they're puddles when they're fucking tsunamis. You don't love me. You don't love Layla. You just don't want to be alone."

>>>

yaaaallllll i hate dean right now and i wrote his character lol. anyways i'll try to update soon if i don't get flooded with hw and work
:(( thanx for reading and voting much luv ;* ♡