A/N: Shitpost time, let's go!

Bakugou's POV

"Now, are you done editing, you fuck?" I hissed as Kirishima aggressively typed on his laptop.

"Gimme just a sec... and... done!" Kirishima beamed.

"Lemme read it then, fuck face!"

"No need to be so aggro, man!"

Kirishima handed me his laptop and I glanced over his essay. It looked fine, but one word caught my eye.

There was no way to stop the ugly laugh that was building up in my throat.

I snickered, closing his laptop and putting it down so I didn't accidentally drop it.

"What? Is it bad?" Kirishima asked me.

I kept laughing at his confusion as he looked for an issue.

"I don't see anything wrong,"

I almost choked on my laughter at this point.

"Why are you laughing?" He asked with a small chuckle himself. "I don't understand,"

"Understoond,"

"Excuse me?"

"Look, just look,"

Kirishima looked over his essay for the misspelling and facepalmed.

"Do you understoond your mistake?" I ask.

"Yes, I understoond now."

♡♡♡

"H-hey... uhm, Bakugou? I... uh, have something I need to... get off my chest,"

"What is it, shithead?"

"I... like you,"

My heart stopped as my eyes widened.

"You what?"

"I like you. Just, your fiery personality that you have is oddly alluring. Not just that, but under all that rage is a good person," Kirishima rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke. "If you don't feel the same way, it's cool. It's whatever. I'll live. But if that is the case, could we at least still be friends?"

"You... you like... me?" I asked in bewilderment. "You like my personality?"

"Yeah, I was surprised too."

"OI--"

♡♡♡

"Ow! Fuck!" I hissed, pulling the knife away from the carrot I was chopping up.

I looked at my index finger, which started pouring out a little bit of blood.

"Fucker." I murmured, putting my finger under some cool water.

"Uhm, Bakugou? What're you doing?" Kirishima asked me, a concerned smile on his face.

"Just fucking cut myself." I muttered, drying my finger on my T-shirt.

"Oh, lemme see, man. I can help." Kirishima walked over to me.

"No, I'm fine, shit face--" I cut myself as Kirishima pecked my finger with a kiss.

"Uhhh, what?"

"When I was younger, I'd kiss my younger sister's bruises and cuts to make her feel better. It always worked," Kirishima explained with the sweetest grin on my face.

I felt my cold, dead heart melt a little at the thought of Kirishima with kid's and felt a small grin spread on my face.

"Welp, I'm off. Kami, Sero and I are gonna go to the park in town and play football with Awase, Tsubaraba and Tetsu. Seeya, man!" Kirishima said, walking off.

"Bye...." I murmured.

"What was that about?" Half and half asked from beside me.

I went to snarl an insult at him when I came to a revelation.

"Todoroki, I need you to punch me in the fucking face."

♡♡♡

"YOU CAN'T FUCKING WEAR CROCS TO A FORMAL EVENT, SHIT FOR BRAINS!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! PUT THEM IN RELAXED MODE AND BOOM! FORMAL ATTIRE!"

"Pfft, yeah. Whatever, dumbass." I scowled.

"Strong words coming from the guy who called his mom, sobbing after he stepped on a lizard."

"What?" My scowl fell.

That was supposed to be private!

"Yeah, I seen that shit. You best watch yourseld, Blasty McSplodes,"

♡♡♡

"If you add "uwu" to the end of any sentence, it sounds, like, ten times cuter." Mina said, making me roll my eyes.

"Really? UwU," Sero asked before gasping.

"You're right! UwU," Kaminari whooped.

"Whoa, holy shit, uwu," Kirishima murmured.

"I'm gonna kill all of you, uwu," I snarled.

Kirishima fell out of his chair as Tokoyami said "Don't, uwu,"

"Fuck you, uwu," I flipped him off as he bit into an apple.

The bird flipped me the bird back.

♡♡♡

"Four months...." I growled at Kirishima, my arms crossed over my chest.

"What's going on?" I heard Invisabitch ask.

"Listen, Hagakure, it's not that big of a d--" "DON'T MAKE THIS SMALLER OF A SITUATION THAN IT ACTUALLY IS!"

"Seriously, are you two okay?" Tail asked us.

"HE FUCKING SAT BY AND WATCHED ME WATER A PLASTIC PLANT. FOR FOUR. DAMN. MONTHS."

"It really isn't a big deal--" "CAN IT, SHIT FUCK!"

♡♡♡

"The best part of the Oreo is the black part," Kaminari said. "Deal with it, wenches."

"Darkness without light is an abyss, light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side." Kirishima deadpanned.

"Hey, Socrates," I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's a fucking cookie."

I smacked him upside the head lightly.

"Ow! Why?!"

"Deal with it, wench."

♡♡♡

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, there's nothing to do.

I sat in the common room, doing nothing, awaiting my inevitable demise when my phone vibrated.

Looking down, it was from Kirishima, so I opened up my messages.

I wish I didn't.

Left side red, right side blue, Kirishima was wearing crocs and Dorito socks, both sticking with the color scheme mentioned at the beginning of this damn shit show.

Call me ranch, cuz i b dressin

"Kirishima, what the fuck..."

♡♡♡

"Baby, please, for the love of God, imagine a plate of spaghetti--" "Nope, fuck that."

I didn't let Kirishima finish his spaghetti bullshit when I started dying.

Not gonna lie, felt like I was gonna asphyxiate in a few minutes, but I managed.

"Now, may I finish?"

"Sure."

"So, imagine a plate of spaghetti."

♡♡♡

"Holy cologne, Katsuki." Kirishima coughed when I left the locker room.

"You like it? It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne", I got it off of that introverted Big Three member," I said.

"Dear fuck, I'm gonna choke."

♡♡♡

"Oi, Shi--" "That's what I thought you'd say, you dumb fucking horse."

I blinked at him in shock and confusion.

"What the hell did you just say to me?"

"What?"

"What did you say to me, fuck face?"

"I didn't say anything."

"What about you calling me a dumb fucking horse?"

"... WAIT, I SAID THAT OUT LOUD?!"

A/N: Most of those came from _JellyBelly360_, so thank you. She did send me more, but I didn't think they fit perfectly with this and they could totally work as solo oneshots as themselves. So, anyway, that's it for the oneshot.

I do have more to say in this A/N, though. So, I won't be going to school for the next two weeks because of fucking COVID-19, so yeah. I might just be doing online classes, so I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm gonna be home and bored. So do bot hesitate to send me requests, as long as it's not rape / non-con, pedophilia (including Teacher × Student. I'm sorry if you guys like that stuff, I just don't feel comfortable writing that.) So send me requests on my requests page or you can PM them to me as well! Remember, smut is allowed, and I have preference as to who's on top or who's on bottom. Seriously, I don't care. But I will also do angst and fluff. I'll do just about anything, except for the things I've already mentioned.

Thank you so much for the support, and I'll see you guys soon! - Septic / Spark