A/N: Today's a freebie! So, this is some sort of... monster AU, of that makes sense? We've got Bakugou as a siren (I'll explain him better in a sec) and Kirishima as a vampire. I'm basic, I know, shush. But when I say Kiri's a vampire, I mean like Marceline the vampire queen (or maybe more like Marshall Lee, idk) and Bakugou is a siren (using the mermaid looking ones) who can transform for a certain amount of time and walk on land and shit. Anyway, with that, we'll begin!

Bakugou's POV

"Oh my god, stop fucking petting my fins, or I will bite you," I growled, getting a laugh from my boyfriend as he floated over my tank.

"Aw, c'mon, babe!"

"Don't yoy fucking "babe" me!" I yelled.

"Why?"

"... you know it makes me all soft," I pouted, going closer to the bottom of my tank.

"Wait, Katsu, I just got the best idea," Eijirou said with a grin.

"Oh, this is gonna be catastrophic," I sighed, swimming back up to the top and breaking the surface to give my boyfriend The Look ™. "What is it?"

"Wanna make pancakes?"

"Give me two minutes, sunshine. I'll have pants on and we'll be good to go,"

•••

After the uncomfortable transformation of turning my tail into legs, I put on a pair of Kiri's boxers and pants.

"Kiri, you grab the stuff?" I asked, walking in.

"We need more eggs!" was all I heard before a screech. "Nevermind! Got us more!"

"Did you open an interdimensional portal to your mom's fridge in hell to steal her eggs?" I asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Aw, you know me so well," Kirishima gave me a grin. "I always forget you've still got your fins and gills. You're so cute, my li'l piranha,"

"I'M NOT A FUCKING--" I took a deep inhale before sighing. "Fuck it, sure,"

"You know I'm only teasing, sardine," Kirishima said, wrapping his arms around me and swaying us side to side.

"Eat a dick,"

"Okay,"

"EIJIROU, NOT IN PUBLIC!"

NOT IN FRONT OF THE EGGS!

•••

Leaning against the counter, I sighed as Kirishima drank a glass of water.

"So, wanna get started?" he asked with a grin.

"Sure," I panted out.

"Cool. Butter's probably a little melted at this point," Kirishima grinned devilishly, his fangs on full display.

"SHUT UP!"

"Could you grab the measuring cups?" Kirishima requested, entirely ignoring my flustered state.

"Fine," I hissed.

I went to grab one of the measuring cups, but the webbing between my fingers made holding them very uncomfortable.

"Okay. How much flour do we need?"

"Like, 1 1/2 cups, I think," Kirishima shrugged, looking at his phone for a moment before nodding. "Yeah,"

After dumping the flour in, I grabbed a teaspoon and started dumping in spoonfuls of baking powder.

"You ever crack an egg with one hand?" Kirishima asked.

"Eijirou, the only eggs I've ever come in contact with before I came here were fucking fish eggs, and you see how I crack normal eggs," I deadpanned.

"Riiiiight! You completely shattered one into the sink this morning, then got salty when there weren't enough eggs for you to make scrambled eggs," Kirishima laughed.

"CAN IT, SPARKLES!"

"Sparkles?!"

"Your stupid skin,"

"Who am I, Edward Cullen?" Kirishima mumbled.

"Shut. Your. Fucking. Fuck,"

•••

"THEY SAID 1/4 CUPS, NOT FOUR CUPS, YOU DUMBASS!"

"SHUSH, MORE CAME OUT THAN I WOULD'VE LIKED!"

"YOU FLIPPED THE WHOLE FUCKING CUP OVER! OF COURSE THE WHOLE THING IS GONNA COME OUT!"

"IT'S FINE, SEE!"

Looking between my stupid as fuck boyfriend and the frying pan, I couldn't decide where or how to start yelling at him.

"YOU FILLED THE WHOLE FUCKING PAN!"

"EVERYTHING IS DAIJOBU!"

•••

"EVERYTHING IS NOT DAIJOBU!" Kirishima screeched as he attempted to flip his goliath of a pancake.

"NO, IT'S NOT! YOUR PANCAKE IS IN ABSOLUTE FUCKING SHAMBLES,"

"EVERYTHING IS NOT DAIJOBU, KATSUKI!"

"THEN FUCKING MAKE IT DAIJOBU, YOU DUMBASS!"

"I CAN'T! I'M STUPID!"

"I MEAN, WE BEEN KNEW, BUT COME ON. JUST TRY FLIPPING IT WITH JUST THE PAN!"

"A VERY PARTICULAR VINE HAS SHOWN ME HOW THAT WILL G--"

"GIVE IT TO ME, LOSER!"

I grabbed the pan with both hands, which was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done.

One... two... three.

I brought the pan up quickly, which made the pancake go up into the air.

Everything was just in slow motion as I prayed that this goliath would land on the other side so we could cook it.

It flipped twice before landing on the uncooked side.

"HOLY SHIT, THAT WORKED?!" I screeched.

"EVERYTHING IS, ONCE AGAIN, DAIJOBU!"

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?!"

•••

"Okay. Grab the spread butter," I said as I plated our goliath pancake.

The amount of anxiety that caused was honestly more than I felt when I was kidnapped, but here we are.

"How much syrup are putting on this?" Kirishima asked with a butter knife between his teeth while holding the butter tub and the syrup bottle.

"Some. Not half the damn bottle," I said, grabbing some forks. "Think a butter knife will be enough to cut through this thing?"

...

"Grab a steak knife, just to be safe,"

"On it,"

Grabbing two steak knives and two butter knives, I sat down as Kiri drizzled some syrup on the pancake.

We had more batter, but we decided to save it for another meal. Because this thing... was bigger than both of our faces combined.

Like, it was fucking huge.

"Katsuki, can we do something?" Kiri asked, cutting a bit of the pancake.

"What?"

"Get some on your fork,"

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

After doing what I was told for once, Kirishima grinned.

"Link arms with me,"

"What the fuck?"

"Please!"

After linking arms, he pressed lips against mine for a few seconds.

I flushed a bright pink at the dumb vampire sitting in front of me.

Then I turned red from absolute rage at the dumb vampire who just stole my bitE OF FUCKING PANCAKE--

A/N: I enjoyed this one! Some wholesome fluffy stuff! Stay safe and healthy! - Septic / Spark