4.3.537

No one talked to me, or bothered me more than what was necessary.

I didn't desire their company anyways.

I wanted to be left alone. Alone from Roland and alone from the world. I rebuked their attention with deaf ears and silence. As time passed, the hopelessness began to set in even more.

I touched my cheek, where Roland's palms indented marks upon my face. It hurt to the touch; the surface swollen and dark. I was shocked to disbelief at his rage.

Had I really gone too far?

I've never tested his barriers before, and despite how often the others did, he reinforced them daily with me. I was fearful of stepping out of bounds. I should've reminded myself how dangerous It could be. No matter how ordinary I attempted to be, I was still weak. Too weak to be near outsiders.

In truth, I should be quartered in a public awakening with the rest of the sick and detective; shamed in front of all my relatives. I should be spat on, beaten, and drowned in darkness to starve like the ones before me.

Nowhere in society would a child with such weak genes be accepted.

I would never have a family.

Never live a normal life.

I didn't want to be free, as freedom would be worse than my condemnation. I'd die of disease or infection, or scream in pain for the rest of my life until paralysis keeps me shut. But at the same time, my heart was still driven with the will to fight for my existence, even if my existence was a deformity.

How does one handle the unspeakable turmoil of isolation?

I desperately wanted an answer.

I shuffled from my bed, unable to rest any longer. I placed on my shirt and headed for the hallway with no direction in my mind.

Silas awoke as soon as he felt the door nudge behind him.

He'd been here till midnight; the sky snuffed itself out like a candle. He had a collection of blankets and a pillow on the hallway floor, as well as a book. No one else was anywhere to be seen.

I sat next to him against the wall, everyone had forgotten me after dinner, and resided in their rooms. I was used to Roy keeping me well at night, so my fear of being alone in the dark began to add anxiety to my torture. But Silas stayed, I'm still not sure why. We'd been so distant before, but now he was showing sympathy. I didn't know what to say, so I leaned against him. He Instinctively wrapped his arm around me.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." I spoke faintly, not meeting his eyes.

"Everyone else went to bed."

"I figured." I muttered, pleased with his commitment.

He breathed and patted my head, "I've got you now." He promised me. I blinked my eyes, but my expression remained unyielding. I wasn't going to show my vulnerability. I didn't want him to think I was helpless than I already was. One day I'll get to the point where I won't need his or Roland's support...but in the meantime he placed his chin on me, nonspeaking, and unmoving. We stayed like this for several minutes, grasping on each other's security. It could be the last time we hug, until circumstances go back to normal. Thinking about that made me feel disheartened...

At any time, the past could resurrect...

The guilt of mom dying...

My insensitivity for not remembering her grasp..her sacrifice..

"You didn't have to stay." I whispered. 

"You needed me."

"I don't need you."

"You do need me."

"I don't."

"Shut up," He snapped, "Stop lying to yourself. You didn't deserve what Roland did to you. You're a child. You don't understand the world around you. That blame is on his own parenting."

I paused, and silenced myself. Our eyes met shortly, and I saw he was serious.

I nodded my head in acceptance, and he embraced me closer. After a bit of time passed, he opened a book he had been reading and placed it on his lap.  I shifted my arm and stretched comfortably, allowing the atmosphere putting an ease to my conscious. I leaned against him,  my eyes tracing the words on the pages as he read. I wasn't truly reading along although, I was thinking of what else I could say. This seemed like a prefect time to vent out my frustrations, but would it be worth approaching?

"Silas." I mumbled awhile after.

"Hm?" He responded calmly.

"I don't want to be here anymore." I whispered.

He was silent. Maybe I should've added more context. I hoped he would understand what I meant without hostility. After all  where else would we go? It was my birth that put us here in the first place. I looked at him for an answer, but what I received instead was a warm smile and humble eyes.

"Lets go out for a bit."

I paused, "What? Why?"

"You're not tired are you?"

"I-I don't know." I stammered.

"Lets go out then." He insisted, pushing me to the side so that he could stand. He stretched out his shoulders, and when he noticed I wasn't moving he crossed his arms. "Come on, lets go. Get your jacket." He ordered, waiting for me to get motivated.

"What about the curfew Silas?"

"We'll be fine."

"It's still dark."

"Are you scared?" He challenged with a smirk.

"No," I lied, standing up, "Of course not."

"Then meet me downstairs." He informed, before treading down the hallway.

Apprehensive, I went back to my bedroom and placed on the warmest jacket. Slipping on my shoes, I quietly made my way down the stairs and to the lobby where Silas awaited me. I wasn't sure where we were going to go, but excitement began to swell in my chest.

He patted my shoulder and lead me out the garage door. We walked on the the black drive; shadows shunning the ground around us. Everything was blanketed in a thin layer of ash, but much less than downhill. We headed towards the outbuilding near the wooded area of the estate. Tiny blue solar lights traced our trail as we walked by.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see."

He smiled at me, but I was too uneasy to feel optimistic. We got to the end of the path and to the outbuilding, which more or less had the capacity to be a guest house. The lights were out, and I could barely see the interior. He opened the door; ordering me to close my eyes as he guided me inside. I could hear him scrimmaging in his pockets; the jingling sound of metal echoed in the room.

"Open your eyes." He whispered, taking his hands off my shoulder. Something in front of me roared to life.

My heart stuttered, and I quickly opened my eyes; excitement flushing over me. Lights glared in my face, and I had to wince as I admired the beautiful engineering.

"Oh my god." I awed, circling around the black motorcycle. Amethyst lights traced the exterior of it, giving it an eerie glow. It looked as if it was carved out of a single piece of solid metal. It's sharp and sporty frame resembled somewhat the face an owl. It looked dark and challenging; just my taste. On the side the word Kotori was engraved into it.

"I thought you'd like to get around on something faster." He grinned, watching proudly as I adorned it.

"A Kotori?" I breathed.

"Yeah? What, too much for you to handle?"

I was speechless, mused by the thought of riding it. I allowed my hand to touch the cool handles; my face gleaming with happiness. This was truly in all sense of the word, amazing.

"When did you get this?"

"About two weeks ago," He grinned, "I was planning to use it as a get away ride."

"Not a bad plan at all." I awed, touching the seats. I wanted to explore how far my leash would take me. How many restrictions I could break. I looked up at Silas with desperately questioning eyes. He couldn't help holding back a small laugh.

"Don't look at me like that," He smirked, stepping towards me, "I told you we were going out."

"But," I gaped, "Roland-"

"Roland won't care about what he doesn't know." He assured me, giving me a quick wink before going into the closet on the far wall. I felt my heart race and my fingers tingle. I watched impatiently as he brought out two helmets; one for himself and one for me. I strapped it on and waited as he climbed first onto the bike. I got on next, the amazing tinge of fear pumping through me.

He kicked up the stand, took it out of neutral, then gave it some gas. The roaring of the engine was enthralling. He slowly let up on the clutch. The bike began rolling towards the door and into the dark evening. Once outside he gradually accelerated down the drive, until I could hear the wind screaming in my ear.

We didn't take the usual route out. Cameras surrounded the house and gate, making it difficult to sneak by. Instead we drove onto a narrow road towards the shore on the east end, where the pitch black sea lifted insidiously on the white beaches.

Grasses bended and winded as the bike rushed past them. I was tempted to let out a hand to touch them, but I held onto Silas for dear life. I was not about to die on my first ride. Instead I admired the lights of the towers as they appeared over the waters. It was beautiful; the adrenaline only adding on the scenery.

Ahead the main road came into view, and Silas made a dangerous turn towards the city. I looked back, panic rushing over me. I have rarely left the property, and now our exit seemed to even make my hands sweaty.
Silas noticed my demeanor, but didn't turn around. He shifted his head towards me, and I felt his silent comfort assuring his protection over me.

We crossed the bridge over the harbor; cars accumulating on the same road. Soon we were upon the highway, picking up enough speed to make tears fly out of my eyes. I pulled down my face shield; something I should've done much earlier.

The exit for the Skyway neared, but Silas stayed in his lane. My mind was boggling. We were going into the heart of the city, the world where fantasies were lived and conquests were made. It was also where the Elites Castle sits, towering over all the other structures in the capital district Edon.

I haven't been there since I was a toddler. I could only remember what it looked like from a distance. Anything besides it's shape and color was foreign and new to me. I was scared, as would anyone be. Mysterious people, and mysterious places.

As we got deeper the air felt heavier; not like the untainted and fresh air from above. It had a mix too it; a foreign aroma that made my nose twitch. At times I'd catch a whiff of some foul gas or exhaust, but for the most part the air smelt heavily of food, perfume, people, old things, new things and all things I hadn't explored.
I wondered how it felt to wake up to that aroma every morning. I probably would've lost my sense of smell by now.

Soon skyscrapers surrounded us, reaching further than the eye could see. The world below was hot and crammed, heat rising from the vehicles, shops, and pedestrians. We eventually had to slow down as traffic became harder to maneuver by.

"We won't be going all the way to the Elite's castle, " He informed, "We could always head towards Edon's outskirts though."

"Will we be able to see the Castle still?"

"Of course!" He proclaimed, driving forward as traffic gradually departed.

The further we got into the city, the less people we saw. Soon the aroma had vanished to the sweet smell of orchards and water. The ground was a lot less littered and the sky was a bit more clear.

"The grass is greener in the Capital, am I right?" He gleamed, speeding up the clear road.
As we closed in the distance, we came upon a stone wall blocking the path to the bridge. Upon us was a brass gate; decorated in roses, thistles, and shamrocks. In the middle there's a golden face of a lion; Terra's national treasure. This was where the Edon district officially separates from the rest of Terra.

The whole entire area is shaped like a halo, with the rest of the city surrounding it. Edon itself is separated into "districts" similar to the rings on a tree. Each zone represent a level, and houses different members of the hierarchy society.

Zone zero starts in the middle, where the Elite's castle is, then moves up from there. The higher the number, the lower the household. Fives, being the lowest rank hierarchy, reside closest to the outskirts.
If our family were to move into Edon, we would be in zone one. But the sacrifice of privacy was too great.

Silas steered close to the gate, and lifted his wrist under the entry code reader. It scanned the invisible bar-code printed on his skin, and blinked green before opening it's cages. Once the space became wide enough, we drove upon the bridge into district five.

The river was pathed with round lights, that bobbed in and out of the water. Flowers were blooming along the banks; some glowing hues of red and gold. Their petals danced in the wind and streets, making the ride feel like a trip in fantasy. White deer galloped in the Capital's yards and blue birds crowded, singing in the trees.  Animals that have long stopped existing in the wild, now roamed tame and free in the Capital's reserves. Despite still being in the city, it seemed like we drove into a whole different setting.

Even more astonishing was the Elite Castle. As we drove upon it's view, it seemed the evening had just turned into day. It was surrounded in light. Light bright enough to force the moon back into slumber.
It was enormous, it's empyrean walls shimmering like gold. I could only imagine what it would look like when the sun gleamed upon it. The top of each tower came to a pointed tip, and large glass windows covered the celestial exterior.

"Wouldn't it be dangerous to have such big windows?" I asked, awed-struck by its glamour.

"Bullet proof, missel proof, maybe even nuclear proof," He stated, bringing the bike to a halt near the sign that read 'Zone one'.

"The castle is one of the safest places in the world, and they're constantly changing it."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Best part is, the Elites never have to leave. Place is so big they have everything at their fingertips. They even grow their own food."

I blinked, and admired the castle one last time. Silas started the bike again, and we drove back out into the vastness of the city. It greeting us with clutter and noise.

"Lets try something new." He yelled, his voice nearly drowned out by the noise.
A car pulled up beside us; a group of young ladies who looked to have been heading towards a party. I was thankful my helmet was tinted, because my face was fixed in puzzlement.
They all had extremely colorful hair, and piercings that were more bizarre than Julian's. One girl looked as if she'd been frozen over; her lips, hair and eyelashes frosted in white. One wore a leather mesh body suit, its sheerness clearly doing its justice.
All four looked like they were once some human canvas, transformed and reanimated into some type of sci-fi creation. I could hardly believe they anywhere near human.

"Not that kind of new." He noted, reverting my attention.

"Why do they look like that?"

"It's just the way people diverse themselves." He replied, driving forward and turning onto a corner. He parked the bike at next to the walk and got off. I was hesitant at first, but eventually got off as well.

"There's so many people." I grumbled.

"Of course there is. Where else would they go?"

"I don't know; somewhere? It's so packed here. How can anyone get some space?"

"They don't," He replied, "People have to pack together because there's no room to spread out."

"They should just leave then."

"It's-It's not that simple." Silas mumbled. He sighed and looked at me, "Lets not talk about it now."

"Tell me." I pushed on.

"Tara is like...a religion to these people. There's no other paradise. Not that they know of. None the Elite will let them know of any others either." Silas ended, gazing at the crowd.

"So what happens when there's too many if they won't leave..?"

"Well...resources are low so...Tara recycles to make resources..." He whispered grimly.

I knew exactly what he meant...

A part of me wish I didn't...

It was horrible...

Disgusting..

In almost that second I felt the atmosphere turn into grievance.

"I shouldn't have explain it." He muttered, shaking his head at his recklessness.

"It's nothing I can't handle." I ended.

We continued on without further words.

I sighed as people inevitably brushed against me; making me unnerved. They swarmed all around us, like mice in a heated cage. Silas held his hand on my shoulder, making me feel more complacent. Soon he guided me to a restaurant, taking in the invigorating smell of fried food.

"Best part about the city is that you can get food pretty much anywhere." He beamed, taking out his wallet and looking at the menu, "I'll take four crescent hot dogs with cheese and jalapenos, and two fries. Make it a meal and I'll have a coke...what about you?"

"Coke?"

"Yeah."

"What's that?" I asked, curiously.

"What, coke?"

"Yeah."

"Are you serious?"

I nodded, slightly embarrassed.

"Hell," He sighed, mockingly rubbing the top of my head and scuffing up my hair, "I need to get you out more."

A man came up to the counter with a plate of fresh hot dogs, wrapped in strands of golden baked bread. Smoldering chili dripped onto my hands as I took a bite. I hummed in satisfaction; food savoring with each taste. Th intense piquancy of the cheese made my stomach growl for more.

We sat down at a booth near the window, so we could watch the pedestrians walk by. Rock and Roll played through the speakers, making the environment feel lighthearted. Silas would occasionally gaze at me while I ate, a grin gradually creeping across his face each time.

"What?" I asked, my mouth too full to form clear words.

"Nothing. Just been awhile since we've sat like this."

"Like..." I swallowed, wiping the cheese from my lips, "Just me and you and no one else?"

"Yeah." He breathed, contentedly resting his head on his fist.

I matched his expression, merry that he was sharing the same feelings as I was.

It has been a long time.

For awhile I thought he might've been avoiding me. We had grown distant; things weren't how they were when we were children. Our conversations were short, greetings forced, our relationship lost its fulfillment. I thought he hated me...

Hated me for killing mom..

But now, Silas' long hidden humor was starting to come out. Most of our conversations consisted of laughter, and him pointing out girls with "fine bodies" in the crowd. It was embarrassing, but he was uplifted, eager to get close to me like we've been away from each other for years.

We were talking when he flung a pickle at my face.

I was distracted by the window and had ignored him only for a second.

"Pay attention to me." He demanded, taking a bite of one of my french fries. I apologized, taking a drink of his soda in return.

"There's a park about a block away from here, " He suggested, "Want to walk there? Traffic may be bad."

I took another sip and nodded my head, "Uh sure? It's all safe right?"

"Sure." He affirmed, taking the drink from my hand, "Don't worry no one is paying attention to you but me."

He stood up from the booth and went to go throw my trash away.

The last bit of his sentence made me feel content.

Paying attention to me huh?

I guess that was an alright thing.

                               ***

We walked side by side through the depths of the city. A myriad of lights engulfed our surroundings, confining us to a world of zest. Silas stayed close to my right, keeping me comfortable through the crowd.

There was so much going on, I could barely keep focused on the path. Everything was chaotic, from the sounds to the entertainment. People performed and danced right in the streets, while others gambled or sold goods.
At one point I caught a glance of a magician, breathing fire and wooing a crowd. Everyone seemed mystified with one thing or another. The entertainment was endless.
Elaborate cars, modified to the drivers own persona cruised by like a color parade. Some with standout paint jobs and prints, others with large rims that glowed bright.

We crossed a busy street and onto the pavement, towards a sign that read Lairmont Park. The park was mostly dark, except for the lights the traced the pathway. Most of the glare of the city was shielded by trees. Everywhere we looked there were flowers, growing and blossoming in the gardens. When the wind picked up, the pedals will start whirling around us.

We finished off our hot dogs on the soft grass near the banks, facing off towards the sea. "You like it here so far?" Silas asked me.

"I could get used to it."

"Good," He grinned, "I'd really hate for you to stay at the estate."

"Yeah." I paused.

He waited for me to say more, but when he saw I was done, he continued. "Well, I'm glad you've made your decision. There's so much for you to see. I know people incline to travel past district five, or even outside Terra, but it's all about perception."

"Perception?"

"Yeah. It's not quite like any place you've ever seen. And the animals-"

"Animals?"

"Of course."

"But," I paused, "I read theres no more outside of Tara-"

"The Elites lie Kaur. The media lies. Only the winners write history. Of course they would say that. They want no one to leave."

I nodded my head quietly, a bit confused.

"We've seen some Desert Chital and Red Dingos on one of our patrols," He continued, "They weren't sick or starving either."

"We'll still have to kill them off though. It doesn't matter...They'll say they were sick."

"Maybe. Maybe not," Silas mulled.

The wind picked up and blew petals into my hair. We both stared at each other, our eyes frozen in empathy. He quieted and turned from me to face the pier. Unruly seagulls cried into the night, floating on the waves. We were leaning back on our arms, unwinding in the grass in silence. I watched the salt water brush against the beige stones.

"Mom used to take us out a lot when we were younger," He reflected, "You were still a baby, but I remember us going out every Sunday morning to this very place."

I didn't respond.

"We used to throw rocks right on that pier over there. Sometimes, if mom would buy food for us at a venue, she'd get a little extra for us throw at the Terns..."

He frowned and looked at me.

"They're only found in the capital now."

"Was dad there too?" I digressed. Like my mother, I had no clear memory of his character, and heard very little of him. He was a pilot in Terra's Air force, and ultimately during a terrorist attack had died a common death.

"No. He had already been stationed out on duty." He whispered.

"Oh."

The conversation grew quiet. Neither of us had more to say. I tried to imagine what my father might have looked like. Brown hair? No blonde, definitely blonde. His figure might've been that of someone who is strong, masculine, probably even intimidating.

I could only see glimpses. White rooms, warm hands, a familiar surrounding that I longed to step into. I wish I could've known him, to compare myself, to ask questions. No one spoke of him, neither did Roland.

"What was dad like?"

Silas looked at me and paused. He wiped the back of his neck with his palm and took in a deep breath. "Well, I can't exactly say that I knew him, I only knew parts of him. But I remember him being benevolent, kindhearted, and extremely family oriented. He wouldn't be home a lot, due to his work. He was a provider, ans always put our basic needs first."

"What made him gentle?"

"Well, I suppose it was him being very acquiescent. He spoke with a husky voice, yet it was kind of serene. He never raised his tone towards us. He was respectable, and very patient and exceedingly phlegmatic, not really showing anger or distress in rough situations. He's just a level-headed man."

"I remember when we all three fell asleep on the living room floor, under a white tent we made from blankets. We used to make tents all time," He regarded, "You were maybe three or four then, and I was about ten. We had literally stayed up all night playing games and watching movies in our little "fortress". Mom had to come into the living room and wake us up for breakfast, because we slept so late."

Silas mused over the last sentence, his hum filled with warmth and content. I wish I could've joined reflecting in his reminiscence. I tried to pull out flashes, but they were still bare.

"I wish I could remember him," I sighed, "I think I remember that tent though, or at least something white. Like white walls, you know? Sun shining through. Smell of lemons and vanilla."

"Impressive memory there, Kiyo. It must've been a pretty good one."

I couldn't say for sure, but I could definitely agree with him, it was a pleasant felt memory. We sat there remembering our boyhood, recollecting memories as much as our minds would allow us. Our integrated history gave us a bond that no one else will be able to reflect on. This was a reason Silas and I could never be completely separated.

"One more thing." He blurted. He dug into his pockets and pulled out a silver pendant. It was shaped into a carving of a wolf, with a crescent moon in the background. It's mouth was open in a snarl, showing sharp tiny fangs and teeth. It looked ancient, yet there wasn't a scratch or flaw on it.

"What is that?" I asked, as he slipped it into my hands.

"It was our father's."

I traced it edges with my thumb. I didn't quite know how to feel. My father had left a piece of himself behind. It was the only way I could acknowledge him. Why was I just now receiving it? I wanted to know more, so much more. But it seemed there was no place to start.

"Thank you." I gleamed fictitiously, placing the pendant and its chain around my neck. The cold metal against my flesh felt lifeless and empty. It seemed to emphasize the hole my Father's absence left in my chest.
Silas wrapped his arm around me, hugging me tightly. I jolted at first, surprised by his touch. He took no mind to it, and held me.

His arms were warm, surrounding me in that parenting affection I had missed and so much desired.

The affection of holding your own flesh and blood.