"I'm not sure if I'm depressed.
I mean, I'm not sad,
but I'm not exactly happy either.
I can laugh and joke and
smile during the day,
but sometimes when I'm alone
at night I forget how to feel."
~ anonymous

______________

[f i v e]

IT WAS NOW THE YEAR OF 1962. Stella had just turned 23 a few months ago, and we celebrated by letting that dirty-minded employee that had hired us, his name turned out to be Jacob, into our home. While the two of them played almost every game of cards in existence, and I'm sure there was some kissing in there too, I slaved over the kitchen oven to make a batch of angel cake cupcakes for her. It got to the point where I was so fed up, that I ripped off one of my gloves in an attempt to fix the third batch. But... Just seeing that turquoise pigment that graced the tip of my fingers so casually, it made me freeze.

How was it so easy for Stella to just live with her mutation? How come she didn't get haunting images flashing through her mind every time she thought about it? How come she didn't have the picture of a dead man tattooed to the back of her eyelids? How come she never got nightmares? Or migraines? How come she didn't get abducted by mentally ill unicorn heads?

While I had been staring at my ungloved hand, I never realized that instead of fixing the batch like I had wanted them to do, they instead baked an eyeball, buried deep inside the batter within every cupcake. Shaking my head, I had slipped the glove back on, but when I took them out, I just frosted them and served them to the 'adorable couple' while they sat so close together that there wasn't an inch of space in between them.

I hated angel cake flavoring, so I didn't eat any. Lucky me. Because the second those disgusting things hit Jacob's mouth, he screamed at the top of his lungs, which had caused Stella to lurch away from him. He had bitten into part of a pig's eyeball, and he claimed that the two of us were trying to kill him. He broke up with Stella, which, frankly, I found rather rude, and which Stella found pretty confusing, because they had never actually made it official.

So, out of pure anger at him, I ripped off my glove without thinking, ignoring Stella's protests, and threw my hand forward at his retreating figure. I had no clue what I was doing, I just acted on reflex to protect my best friend.

In seconds, a giant cloud of blue dust exploded from my finger tips, bringing back the familiar throbbing pain that existed in my wrist. Jacob's unibrow rose in fear as he watched what was happening play out before him. Stella even stood up from behind me, and took off her shirt, letting her fluffy wings and halo, that had turned red, show. Suddenly, a giant baseball bat appeared to the left of him, but by now, he was already screaming his head off at our exposed mutant figures.

"What are you two?" He cried out, the baseball bat flying down to smack him on the back of his head. Multiple baseballs appeared as well, and started hitting him in the crotch, stomach, biceps, face (especially the face), and, well everywhere, until an oversized fishhook appeared above him, and hooked him by the collar of his shirt.

"Stop it!" He had screamed, trying to block my hits while being reeled up into the air. "I will call the authorities! The scientists even! This is cruel and unusual! You two are monsters! I can't believe I ever even liked you, Stella Quartez!"

That last bit did it for both of us. I turned the giant fishhook so he was facing the door, and Stella used her wings to catch a breeze that blew him out the door, also causing him to slam into the wall in the hallway that led to the front door. We ended up chasing him until he tumbled down the stone stairwell, with cuts and bruises all over his body. I ran up to the door, and took one last disgusted look at his petrified figure before screaming, "don't ever come back to our house again! And don't ever talk to us, look at us, or even think about calling the authorities, or you will suffer a much more painful punishment next time," I threatened before changing my tone. "See you at work!"

On that ending note, I slammed the door shut before that piece of trash could utter another word. Turning around, I slipped my dark blue glove back over my hand, which, luckily, didn't have that disgusting pigment creeping up my skin. That was when I realized something was wrong. Stella, the girl that was usually the most happiest girl on the planet, had tears glistening on the bottom of her eyelids. Her wings were drooped, and her halo was a dark grey color (a/n: in case you didn't notice, Stella's halo changes color to match her feelings. For example, if she's happy, the halo will be green. If she's sad, it'll turn grey. If she's angry, it'll turn red. And so on.)

Taking a deep shaky breath, she walked back into the living room and slipped on her shirt, her wings folding up against her back and her halo sinking back under her skin.

"Stel?" I asked, worry dripping from my tone. I was so used to seeing her so happy and upbeat that I didn't really know what to do when she was down like this.

Walking over to her, I looked her right in the eye. "What's the matter? Is it that idiot, Jacob?"

She swallowed hard, trying to calm herself down. Reaching out, I put a comforting hand on her arm, and she didn't brush it off. When she was finally ready to speak, I was shocked by her words;

Looking away from me, her eyes filled with tears as she muttered, "I should just date women."

I raised my eyebrows. Stella, as she had told me before, had always had a hard time with her identity. Her parents had both been women who had adopted her from the orphanage, and while she had been growing up and just starting to get out of the 'boys carry cooties' stage, they began to develop crazy expectations from her. She was never allowed to have any friends that were boys, she could have girls for her friends. And she was never allowed to have a boyfriend, they had wanted her to grow up just like them, marrying another woman (a/n: I have nothing against the LGBT, I designed her parents to be this way to help describe her past life. Please no hate, I only did this for the backstory.). The only problem was, Stella had started to grow fond of a boy whom she was secretly friends with in her class. This eventually blossomed into a love, and the boy wanted to meet her parents. She hesitantly agreed, and once her parents found out, they kicked him out and locked Stella in her room for the rest of the year. She was only allowed to go to and from school, and she could only come out for the use of the restroom.

This eventually resulted in her running away, just like me. She had no idea what her parents had done to look for her, but she had always told me that I was much more of a family than hers ever was.

And now all of those memories were seeping back into her brain, I realized, as I saw a lone tear trickle down her cheek. Quickly, I swooped her into a giant hug, squeezing her so tightly that I swore I heard her neck pop. She took no time returning the hug, resting her forehead on my shoulder and letting it out, her body shaking slightly with every sob that fell from her lips.

"Stella," I softly began, rubbing her back, well, wings gently in attempts to soothe her upset state. "That... Was not your fault. Your mothers had no right to try and force you into wanting to date women." 

Sniffling, Stella slowly shook her head in my shoulder. "No. They were right. They always told me that guys never knew what they truly wanted in a relationship. I mean, I didn't even know we were dating, and just by a little slip-up (a/n: things like eyeballs appearing in cupcakes had happened before with Shinedown and Stella, so it was just pure knowledge that Stella knew it wasn't intentional. The pig eyeballs, I mean. Pfft, that guy deserved it though) he suddenly hates my guts. All we ever did was kiss! What if we had done something more? He would have been exposed to my wings and he probably would have done the exact same thing, but I wouldn't have had you to protect me. I'm sorry, Shinedown. I'm sorry that I let him in. I should have known better. I should have known that there's no way possible for humans to love a monster like us..."

For a moment, I forgot that she couldn't see my face when my eyes nearly popped out of my skull. Her words had pierced my heart a little there, each one piercing deeper and deeper until it went all the way through, like when you first get your ears pierced, only with an ice cube and needle.

Squeezing her tighter, I glanced down at the elevation that still remained on her back. It was there twenty four seven, I was shocked at how I always seemed to forget it was there. She was basically half angel, and I had the power to create anything I could set my mind to. Heck, I could even create a whole other universe if I were able to! But all that I had been able to do so far was creating satellite dishes and buildings. Another planet would be stretching it way too far.

Her words brought back memories for me, though, memories that she had forgotten about I'm sure.

"Who could ever love a monster like you?"

I let out a small, nearly inaudible strangled gasp as the dead man appeared in the far corner of the main room. He was leaning against the wall, in a slanted position, with his blood covered hand clutching onto his stomach. His tattered face expressed a look of pain and hatred, his liquid tar eyes glaring straight at me from across the room. He had a way of making it seem like he was always there, even if I wasn't thinking about him, waiting in the shadows for the perfect opportunity. He seemed to always appear in my nightmares. One night, I remember that I woke up in the middle of the night, and there he was. He was sitting on Stella's rocking chair that was usually piled high with dirty clothes waiting to be washed, just sitting there. He wasn't rocking in the chair, he wasn't saying anything. He was just staring at me, his hand still resting on his stomach, the area where the lightning bolt had left, dripping blood and liquid tar all over our clean carpet. I hadn't been able to move, it was almost like I had been paralyzed. But I was awake. I could feel the sheets scratching on my bare legs, and I could feel the wind brushing loose strands of hair into my face. I could hear my pulse pounding against my neck. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

I was having one of those moments right now, I realized. It almost seemed like Stella had disappeared and I was hugging free air. I couldn't rip my eyes away from his disgusting figure, leaving a putrid smell in our main room. It upset me how he was always haunting me, leaving me in so much pain that it was almost unbearable. I hated myself for what I had done. I had killed him and now he haunted me in both my waking life and in my mind. I had never been happy. And now I had lost all hope that I ever would be.

"He's right, you know," the dead man spoke in his raspy voice.

I decided not to answer him.

"No one will ever love you. Or Stella. You both are monsters. Freaks. You should be dead, like me. You don't deserve to be here. Living. Breathing. There is no one else out there like you so what are you waiting for? Huh?" He bared his rotten teeth at me, almost as if he were trying to spit.

I felt tears prickle behind my eyes.

"Admit it, Shinedown. You're waiting for some mutant guy to come and swoop you off your feet and save you. From me. From the world. From reality. Well, guess what?" He took in a giant gulp of air. "You're waiting for something that will never happen. Both of you. That guy should be thankful that he got to leave you two."

And with that, the dead man disappeared almost as quickly as he had appeared. Though it had seemed like it had taken hours to snap back into reality.

Taking a deep breath, I suddenly took notice to the still sobbing Stella that I was clutching in a hug. I thought back to the things that she had said before, the ones that gave my heart an old fashioned ear piercing. No one could ever love us... But what if she were wrong? What if the dead man was wrong? What if they were all wrong?

"Stella, just because some idiot like that guy freaks out over a simple accident, doesn't mean that we will never be loved. Nor does it mean that you should just give up on dating men. You love who you love. You can't pick and chose like when you're at the market. Your mothers were crazy to try and force you into liking women. If you like women, then I say go for it. But if you like men, I say go for it also. If you like both, who cares? It's love! And if people like your mothers don't have the ability to accept that, then they are crazy.

"And I am positive that there are other mutants like us out there. Somewhere... And I know that they're waiting for us. Everyone says that no one will ever be able to love monsters like us, but we are not monsters, Stel. We are mutants. We are mutants and we are proud of it. We love each other, we don't need other people to love us. We have each other. You're the one who saved me back there at the coffee shop all those years ago. If it weren't for you, I don't know what would have happened to me," I gently broke away from the hug, holding Stella's shoulders and looking her right in her red and puffy eyes. She had stopped crying and was now listening to me with a hint of a smile on her face. "Believe me when I say that I'll do anything for you. You're my best friend, Stel. We are mutants. Not monsters. And we love each other, we don't need someone else to love us. Anyone who goes against these words are hereby our enemies. Either that or they are very stupid. Okay?"

Stella looked at me for a moment before quickly nodding her head, a wide grin flying onto her puffy from crying face. "Okay!" She smiled, grabbing my hands from her shoulders and jumping around like a little girl.

After a while of jumping, Stella headed into the kitchen and I started cleaning up the pig eyeball cupcake and cards. While I loaded them into my arms, a smirk made its way onto my lips as I thought about the unbathed jerk himself.

Good riddance. She deserves someone way better.

................

Sorry that they didn't meet in this chapter, even though I said it would be in the fifth. In the next chapter, there will be a meeting though😉.

This chapter was pretty depressing, I know, but it's just to resemble the strength and bond of the friendship between Shinedown and Stella. In the next chapters, it'll be a lot more fast paced with fewer year time skips.

I appreciate those of you who are taking the time to read this and I hope that you at least consider hitting that vote button or letting me know what you think. Thank you!

❤️,

              Danalpswolf