{a bit of introspection and sad thoughts}

I'm terrified
I'm terrified that someday
The monsters I keep in check
Will burst out;
And the world I love so much
Will shun me.
We all have our demons,
We all have these pieces-
Pieces of our being,
That we try to curb
As we try to be
The best versions of ourselves.
Yet there are times
When the monster within
Craves expression.
I'm terrified
I'm terrified of such times
When I can't help but
Be the worst of myself.
There are different versions
Of this person that is me
And I love the best one,
The one that I
Keep making adjustments to,
The one that lives to learn,
The one that isn't afraid
Of accepting change.
And I hate the worst one,
The one that I
Do not entirely control,
The one that judges first,
The one that is cold,
The one that is stubborn.
I'm terrified
I'm terrified that someday
Those that mean the most to me
Will find these monsters;
They will realise,
They will decide,
That they don't like me-
Don't like an aspect of me;
And then I'll lose them.
And everything we've ever done,
Every place that we visited,
Every reference we laughed at,
Will have a whiff of them-
Of their memory,
And I'll be left behind
With nothing but bittersweet
Nostalgia.
But right now,
I will myself into thinking-
I will not be terrified
I will not be terrified because
If we live in our fears all our lives
Would we really be living?
Would we experience happiness?
Would we be able to smile?
I will push away my fears
Because I don't have to face them now.
For now, they are irrational,
Irrelevant, not worth any thought.
I'm terrified, yes,
But what is a human
Without hope?
So I wrap up these thoughts
And tie a little bow;
And I say to myself-
You are strong,
Just focus on the good right now.
We'll cross that bridge
When we come to it.