FIFTEEN

I couldn't just sit around and wait for something to happen.
I couldn't just expect that Brianna would come to her senses and call again saying she was overreacting and that it was a joke.

Was I the one who fucked it up? Maybe.
But she couldn't just forbid me to see my son.

I was not going to let that message be the end of it.
I couldn't just do nothing.

So, I took my car keys and sneaked out of the office with the intention to drive all the way to my ex house to talk to Briana.
Face to face.

That way she wouldn't have a way to avoid me, to avoid talking to me.
I was going to continue seeing my child.

There was no other way around it.

Once I got there, I stood at the front door for a while, figuring out what I was going to say to her exactly.

I needed to be precise, truthful and firm.
This could actually be the last chance to make things right with her.

When I finally decided to do it, I rang the bell.
I rang the bell about six times before she answered, opening the door with a straight face.

"I believe I told you to get the fuck away from us."

"And I believe I told you that I'm going to fight for my son. You seriously expected me to listen to that message and obey to you?"

"You know very well you lied to me. And honestly, I don't want anything else to do with you. Since your new phase of being a present father started, Freddie has been violent, anxious and misbehaving. Do you think is a coincidence? It's all your freaking fault, Louis. Yours and that teacher's. So yes, I now I have the right to decide for the wellbeing of my son. And the best decision is to be as far away from you and your idiot of a new boyfriend as possible."

"You don't know Harry. He's been nothing but lovely towards Freddie."

"Oh, look at you. Defending your boyfriend." - She cooed, sarcastically. - "He's corrupting my son."

"Our son." - I corrected her.

"Louis, you never cared about him!"

"Yes, I did! I do! I just never had the time or figured how to show it. Besides, I didn't realize how important it was to be next to him and that I didn't need to be in love with you or living in the same house to actually have a connection with him. That I could be his father even if you and I never got along!"

"Why are you here?" - She sighed.

"Because I want to see him."

"I told you, you're not seeing him anymore."

"Brianna, you can't continue with this. I can promise you..."

"You're not promising anything. I don't trust your words."

"Brianna, please."

"No, Louis, just stop. Freddie is sleeping and I'm really tired today."

"He needs me too. Please, you can't separate me from him. If you don't want him to be in contact with Harry, then okay. I can just spend time with him alone." - I begged.

"This isn't even about Harry anymore." - She chuckled. - "Don't you get it? You lied to me."

"And I'm sorry."

"And you definitely care more about that new boyfriend, than your child."

"That's not true."

"Your son wanted to spend time with you! And you took him to your boyfriend's instead!"

"Because Harry knows. He knows how to deal with children and these things."

"I don't want to hear about it." - She stopped me. - "You know what, I knew that everything you've done for Freddie these past weeks weren't because you were reconnecting with him and all that shit you said. You were using him to get to his teacher, to look like the perfect father, weren't you? You were never interested in your son's life before, but now suddenly you meet his teacher and you're all over him." - She snorted. - "I'm so naive, I thought for a second that you were changing. But it was all a big lie to get what you wanted. Well you got it, congratulations. So now, I'm not going to let you see Freddie anymore, not when you're using him. And, ruining him."

"I wasn't using him!"

"I'm done with you, Louis." - She said, almost closing the door in my face, but I stopped it.

"No! You need to hear me. He is my son. I'll get to see him if I want to. I don't love him any less just because I'm dating Harry."

"No Louis! You said he needed therapy, well now he's going to need it to get over the fact that his father is gay!"

"Why are you saying that?!"

"Because he can't have those images in his head!"

"That's... That's so fucked up!"

"Dad?" - Freddie's little voice interrupted the discussion.

"Hey little lad." - I tried to smile at him, showing up behind his mother's legs.

"What's happening?"

"Nothing, buddy, go back to sleep."

"Actually, baby there's something happening." - Briana started, getting Freddie up in her arms.

"Briana don't get him in the middle of this."

"Say goodnight to your dad. You won't be seeing him anymore."

"What?" - Freddie said between tears.

"That is not true!" - I gasped. - "Freddie, son, I love you, I'm not leaving you." - I tried to get to him and clean his tears but Briana took him away from me.

"You stay the hell away from him!"

"Briana you're making him cry. Stop this. Let's talk like adults."

"You don't get to tell me what to do."

"Ok, you're right." - I raised my hands in the air. - "But leave him out of this."

"Why? So you can get into his head later?"

"No, why would I want that?"

"I don't know, why does he want to go back to your boyfriend's house? Maybe because you forced him or Harry forced him. That pussy teacher of his, I never liked him." - Briana left Freddie on the couch and turned back to me.

"Don't say that. He's a person, and he treated Freddie better than anyone else I've met. They got on really well, that's why he wants to come back, we didn't force him to do or say anything. Please get into your senses. You're acting like a maniac."

"You come into your senses. Get the fact that this is the last time you're going to see him. You know why?"

"Please stop. I don't want him to be traumatized about this fight, he's scared, look at him." - Freddie was crying out loud and sobbing behind the couch.- "We can talk this through, please." - I begged, finally allowing myself in and getting closer to the couch to look over my son.

"Actually, Louis." - She stood between the couch and me, covering my view of Freddie. - "Were leaving the country, we're moving."

"What? Where?"

"You know, the other day I got a job offer in the states. I was still doubting about taking it, but now? You just gave me more reasons to do it. All my family is there, Freddie gets to have a new start, with a full family that loves him, and away from you."

I almost collapsed, holding myself together as much as I could.
Breathing slowly and processing her words, trying to come up with a reply.

"You can't do that." - I simply said, trying to breathe.

"Yes, I can. And I will."

"Brianna..."

"Freddie, say goodbye."

"Dad!" - He cried.

"It's okay, baby. I love you. I'll see you soon, okay? I'm not leaving you."

"Dad!" - He screamed again in between sobs.

"Let me hug him, please." - I begged her.

"Nope." - She faked a smile. - "Get the hell out of my house."

I swallowed the knot in my throat. Nodding.

"Fine." - I huffed. - "Freddie, buddy? Just know that I love you, yeah? I'll come back."

Brianna shrugged.

"We won't be here anyway."

I looked straight at her, there was no way to fight the tears that were starting to fall.
I took a step back and left the house, allowing myself to cry all I wanted.
All I needed.

And then, after I got better, after I let out all the frustration and anguish, I was going to come up with a plan.
Because I wasn't going to give up.
That's for sure.