EIGHT 

It's too damn early in the morning.
And in days like this, where the weather is so cold you don't even want to set a feet from under the blankets, is when I regret my new arrangement with Brianna.

Too cold and too early.
But still, my boy needed to get to school.

And taking him to school also meant seeing Harry.
So, in the end it was a win-win situation.

A week had passed since Harry and I went to the arcade, we only saw each other in the mornings when I dropped Freddie, but even in those short moments, we were able to steal a smile from each other.
So now, I was absolutely looking forward to our new date on Friday.

Our real first date.
Like, proper first date.

With a guy.
A guy I know very well I have a crush on.

It's pretty obvious to say that I've never been more anxious in my life.
But at the same time, I couldn't wait.

With Harry in mind as my motivation to drag myself out of bed (not that I didn't want to see my son, it's just different), I quickly put on some warm clothes, picked a cup of tea from the coffee place nextdoor and got into the driver's seat, buckling myself up and turning the engine.

Surprisingly, I arrived at my ex house earlier than usual with an strange good mood.
Also, inside the house, things were quite different than every other morning. Brianna wasn't ready to leave for work yet and Freddie was nowhere to be seen.

Leaving my things on the table next to the entrance, I looked around.
Brianna didn't have her make up on, she wasn't preparing Freddie's breakfast and the tv wasn't on.

"Hey, good morning." - I said, walking closer to her.

"Oh, you're early."

"Uhm, yeah. Where is Freddie?"

"I couldn't wake him up yet. He doesn't want to go to school." - She shrugged. - "You can try though. See if you are luckier than me."

"Ok, I'm on it." - I nodded.

Going over to Freddie's room and carefully opening his door, I found him just as his mother said, still beautifully sleeping.

It was almost hurtful to think about waking him up.

"Hey, buddy. Time to get up." - I whispered, kneeling down by his bed.

Freddie didn't move or even aknowledged my presence in the room.

"Hey, c'mon. You have to wake up, little lad."

I started tapping on his shoulder lightly, lowering the blanket a bit from his shoulders.
A few seconds later he was opening his eyes.

"Hello, buddy. Good morning." - I smiled.

"No. Bad morning." - He mumbled. - "I don't wanna go school."

"Bad morning, huh? I know, it's cold outside. But you need to go to school, buddy."

"No, don't." - He mumbled against his pillow.

"C'mon, you're going to see your friends. You're going to play with teacher Harry too. Don't you wanna play with all of them?"

"No." - He said again, turning away from me.

"C'mon, Freddie. You're going to be late, buddy."

"I'm not going!" - He yelled at me and I almost jumped from my place.

"Hey, why are you yelling?"

"I don't wanna to go." - He said again, his voice muffled by his pillow.

"But you have to, little lad." - I said, sighing when he continued to ignore me.

I turned around in my knees, looking for something around the room. Something to use as trade for him to get up.
But instead of finding something useful, my eyes landed on a drawing on the nightstand.

A red and black drawing and two people in the middle.

Shit.

"What's this, little lad?" - I asked, reaching for the piece of paper and seeing it from close.

As imagined, Freddie continued to ignore my words and pretending to be asleep once again.

Shaking my head, I stood up back on my feet and gave Freddie a little pat on his back.

"I'll be back in five minutes to get you out of bed."

With that said, I returned quickly to the living room, Brianna still in the kitchen, her back turned to me while drinking on her own cup of coffee.

"Hey." - I said softly not to startle her.

"You couldn't get him out of bed either, huh?"

"No. he refused. But, I found this." - I told her, handing her the new drawing I'd just found.

"What's this?"

"Another drawing. A pretty violent one. Just like last week's."

"I won't let him watch any more tv then. He must have seen something and tried to replay it."

"I don't think that's the problem."

"Don't tell me you still think it's because of us." - She rolled her eyes. - "We are not fighting, are we?"

"No. But maybe he still has the ideas of it in his mind."

"He doesn't. Stop worrying so much."

"Brianna, please. At least we should try with a therapist. Maybe he isn't communicating with us and needs a professional. In my opinion I think it's actually a great idea."

"No, we are not taking our kid to a therapist."

"Why not?"

"Because he's still a kid! He's not old enough to go to a shrink."

"Harry says therapy on kids is more common than we think."

"Harry also thought we traumatized our kid. He's clearly not the voice of wisdom."

"What? He's just worrying about Freddie. And right now, seeing these drawings and how he's behaving lately, maybe it's for the best."

"No, you don't know anything about what's best for him. And that teacher shouldn't be getting his nose where he's not invited either."

"He's just trying to help! Don't you get it? He could call authorities if he notices something threatening."

"See? He is an intruder. Just as I said." - She snorted, now leaving her cup on the sink and turning fully to me. - "I have the last word here, Louis. I'm his mother. Not you, nor Harry. Maybe it's better he stays in today so that teacher of his won't say anything else about our family."

"Are you even listening to yourself?"

She smiled, nodding.

"He's not going. I can't allow my son to be around someone who'll only fill his head with lies."

I huffed, shaking my head in annoyance.

"Are you going to at least call the daycare and let them know?"

"No, you can do it. Since they communicate more with you than with me."

"What?" - I sighed. - "You know what? Fine. I'll do it."

Grabbing my phone form my bag that was still laying on the table by the door, I walked over to the gallery of the house, as far as I could from Brianna's prying ears.

Only then, I called Harry's number.

"Louis?" - He answered almost immediately, a worrying tone underlining his voice.

"Hey, Harry. Yeah, it's me."

"Why are you calling? Did something happen?"

"Uhm... Freddie won't be going to school today. I wanted to let you know that."

"Oh, is he okay?"

"I think so, yeah. Just..." - I sighed, running a hand on my face. - "He doesn't want to get out of bed and Brianna is allowing him to stay today. I don't want to argue with her."

"Okay, I get it. It's alright, he can miss a day." - He chuckled. - "You got me worried something serious had happened."

"Oh, no. Sorry. He's fine."

"And are you?"

"Me?" - I snorted. - "It's nice to hear someone worrying about me for once." - I smiled. - "I am kinda okay, yeah. I'm trying at least."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, alright? We've talked about this." - He said in a soft tone, making me smile yet once again.

"I know." - I bit my lip.

"Alright." - I could almost hear him smiling on the other side of the phone too. - "Are we still going on that date tomorrow?"

"Of course." - I said, containing my excitement. - "Been waiting for it the entire week."

Harry laughed.

"Good. Me too."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely. Yes."

I bit my lip and nodded, even though I knew he wasn't seeing me.

"Can't wait, then."

"Me neither. See you tomorrow then?"

"Yes. Bye, Harry."

"Bye, Lou."

After stealing one last smile from my lips, Harry hung up the phone and I returned inside the house.

"So, who's staying with him?" - Brianna asked.

"What?"

"One of us has to skip work to stay with Freddie here."

"And you think I can do that?" - I snorted. - "It's your idea that he stays here."

"He doesn't want to go."

"And you're spoiling him by agreeing."

"He never miss a day. Something must have happened if he doesn't want to go. So, I'm giving him today. Now, who's staying here? You or me?"

"Sorry Brianna, but I can't miss work today."

She smirked and nodded.

"Alright." - She shrugged.

"Alright?" - I frowned.

"It's fine, Louis." - She sighed. - "You told me we shouldn't argue anymore. I'm not arguing with you then. Go to work."

"Oh." - I hummed. - "Okay, thanks."

She shrugged again, now not even looking at me as she scrolled down on her phone.

Wanting to say goodbye to my son before leaving, I returned to his room.
I was surprised to find him seated on the floor, pencils and crayons splayed on the floor, three blank paper sheets and one ripped drawing on the side.

"Hey, little lad. You got up, huh?"

"Yes." - He mumbled, not looking at me.

"Don't you want breakfast? I can prepare your milk and..."

"No."

"Okay, then. But you need to eat something later, yeah? I'll tell your mom you're awake."

Freddie just ignored me.
I sighed, moving closer to sit on the floor with him.

"Are you mad at me?"

He only shook his head in response.

"Okay, that's good. Are you mad at someone else?"

"No."

"Alright." - I nodded, thinking about how to approach him and make him talk to me. - "What were you drawing?" - He ignored me. - "Freddie?"

"My family."

"Oh yeah? Where is it? Is that one?" - I asked, pointing at the ripped pieces that were put away.

"Maybe." - He mumbled, his eyes fixed on the blank sheet.

"Can I take a look?"

"If you want." - He shrugged.

"Okay, thank you." - I smiled softly, reaching out to grab the pieces and putting them back together.

There, it was clear as day for me to comprehend what he wanted to show.
Two kids in the middle. A boy and a girl.

Then, on the sides, two adult figures.
Scratched.
Doodled over and covered by odd colours that didn't match the family's original ones.

"Why did you throw this one? I'm sure it was lovely." - I softly said, sitting closer to him and resting a hand on his knee.

"It's wrong."

"Why?"

"I don't have a sister. But I want a sister."

His response left me speechless for a second, I thought over what I was going to answer to him, but nothing remotely appropriate came to my mind.
So, I swallowed and nodded.

We were having this conversation.

"You know why your mother and I can't give you a little sister? Not because we don't want to, but... Because uhmmm... Your mom and I aren't together, Freddie."

"Why?"

"Because we don't love each other. And to give you a sister, we need to be together." - I explained. - "But, that doesn't mean we don't love you."

"I want a sister." - He frowned, crossing his arms on his chest.

I sighed.

"It's complicated, little lad. We're happy with just having you as our son. We don't need anyone else but you right now. Do you understand that?"

"No." - He huffed, grabbing the red pencil and doodling over the paper.

"Okay. Mhm... Maybe when one of us, your mother or me, find someone that we love, we can give you a sister. But it won't happen now."

"When?"

"We can't know." - I smiled sadly and Freddie sighed.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Can you paint with me?" - He asked, now finally looking up at me.

I bit my lip, glancing at the clock and knowing I should leave for work soon.

"I can't now, buddy. I'm going to work now, but we'll see each other tomorrow and then we'll also have the whole weekend just for us, little lad. And we can do whatever you want, okay?"

"Okay." - He shrugged.

"Hey." - I nudged his side softly, smiling as I was finally feeling that security inside my chest, that happiness of being important for this kid, the feeling that I was his father, that I was a father, for the first time. - "You know dad loves you, right?"

There, I could finally express it.
I could finally feel it fully after five years.

"Yes. I love you too, dad."

I smiled at him.

"I'm never going to leave you, ok? I will always come back for you. If you miss me when I'm at work, you can tell mama to call me, and we can talk. Yeah?"

"Yes, I'll tell Mama." - He said, returning his attention to his crayons and pencils.

"Alright, I'll see you very soon. Okay?"

"Okay."

I stood up from the ground, kissing his temple and walking towards his door as he waved at me goodbye.

The strong feeling of proudness after having a real talk with my son for the first time lingered, still warming my chest.