This chapter sucks.

Buuuuuuut, I moved to the US just six days ago, so put up with me.

Next chapter will be better.

I love you all, I'm planning a lot of things for you, I promise.

Mag 🦋

TWENTY-FOUR

After I picked Freddie from daycare on Friday's afternoon, he insisted we should play with his Legos, so, not wanting to deny anything to him, I sat down beside him and tried to enjoy the rest of the day by his side.

He was such a wonderful kid, I didn't know why I kept him out of my life the past years, why did I push him away, why I was so absent; but I knew I must have done something right because somehow he still admired me.

And even if I wasn't too present during the first four years of his life, I could feel he loved me; and I loved him right back.

This week I spent with him entirely, I got to step back and admire him, enjoying his personality and his funny occurrences.

He was such a smart kid, so humble and also really charismatic.
I was really proud of him, he was growing up, and I knew someday he would be a great man, and for that, I would be with him every step of the way from now on.

But for now he's still my little boy.

"Dad?" - Freddie got me out of my thoughts.

"What?"

"Why isn't Harry with us anymore?"

I sighed, just sitting a bit closer to him.

"Harry and I aren't together anymore, buddy." - I smiled sadly. - "We broke up."

"But Dad." - He pouted. - "You liked Harry."

"I know." - I chuckled.

"Then why?"

"It's complicated, little lad. It's an adults problem."

"Sorry." - He pouted and extended his arms at me. - "Dad needs a hug."

I swear I melted right there.

I leaned towards him and pulled him in a big hug. How do kids understand so much while being so little?

"Thanks little lad."

"You better?"

"Yes." - I smiled at him, kissing his cheek. - "You're the best, you know that?"

"Am I?" - He smiled.

"Yep." - I poked his nose. - "Best son in the world."

"And you're the best Dad in the world too!" - He exclaimed, hugging me again.

I laughed, shaking my head.

"What do you say, should we call your Mama? She's been wanting to talk to you all day."

"Okay." - He shrugged.

"Okay." - I poked his nose and took my phone out, dialling Brianna.

"Oh, finally." - She smiled. - "How was school today, baby?"

"So much fun!"

"It was so much fun? That's good."

"Yes! We played in the football field!"

"That's awesome."

"And all my friends were there, Mama!"

"I know, baby." - She chuckled. - "Did you guys had dinner already?"

"Probably in a few minutes." - I answered her.

"Mama?"

"Yes, baby?"

"When are you coming back?" - Freddie asked, getting closer to the screen.

"Next week. Why?" - She smiled. - "You miss me, baby?"

"Yes Mama!" - He exclaimed, jumping in my lap.

"I miss you too. Don't have too much fun without me, okay?" - She said and Freddie giggled.

"We'll try." - I joked.

"Okay." - She smiled. - "I'll try to call you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Sure." - I nodded.

"Great, okay, goodbye baby." - She said to Freddie. - "Mama loves you."

"Love you too, Mama!"

🌈🌈🌈

Thank God the weekend was just around the corner, because after seeing Harry all week long at the daycare, I needed a break.

Not from him, don't get me wrong; it's just that I can't be fully myself knowing we're still in that weird position where we couldn't be exactly together but, because Freddie kept being his student, I still needed to see him everyday.

It made me really happy that Freddie could be back in school, but we all knew that now his relationship with Harry was stronger than before and that they couldn't turn back to how the things were. Even if Harry tried.

He stopped me after I picked up Freddie, just to tell me that he had been clinging to him all morning, that he had to stop him more than once from climbing on his lap during reading time and that even if he had a soft spot for him, he couldn't let him be his favorite.
At least not inside the classroom.

So, Harry was trying.

I was trying too.
But still, I hadn't come with a plan to fix things with Brianna and Harry, I knew that.

And it was kinda driving me crazy as well.

"It's no use, Harry and I are over." - I whined, falling backwards on Niall's bed after putting Freddie down to sleep.

"You know that's not true." - Niall sighed.

"But it is! How am I supposed to convince Brianna that Harry is good for Freddie and that he could be the best step dad in the freaking world?"

"I think first you need to be the best Dad in the freaking world. Maybe then you can add Harry."

"That's why I'm trying to do!"

"I know, mate. But, maybe she doesn't see it yet."

"Then what the fuck am I supposed to do then?"

"I mean, she is probably waiting for you to show her that with actions. And we all know that actions speak louder than words. You have to show her that you really want to be a present father, and that you also love Harry. And maybe that way she would see that you care enough to fight for them both, and that he's good for Freddie."

I rolled my eyes.

"I literally don't know what else to do to show her with actions. I swear, I don't want to give up, Niall. But if I had to choose between Freddie and Harry, damn! I don't fucking know." - I hit my head back on the mattress. - "I need to have the control of my life back."

"Don't be so dramatic. You won't have to choose, you'll see, I'm sure she'll come to her senses, Lou." - He patted my shoulder.

"About moving to the US or about Harry?"

Niall sighed.

"Fuck, you really are screwed, right?" - He chuckled.

I whined.

"I hate you."

🌈🌈🌈

I was frustrated.
My head was killing me.
And I just couldn't stop thinking about Harry.

Even by seeing him just for a short amount of time every morning at daycare was more than enough to remind me how damn in love I am with him.

Harry specifically asked me not to reach out to him, but it was getting so damn hard.
I was itching to text him, to hear from him, to have him a little closer.

So I did.

I know you told me not to do this. But I miss you. All of this will be over soon, I promise. I'm sure you miss me a little bit as well. Goodnight love.

I actually wasn't expecting him to reply to me, I actually hoped he would ignore me just to get an excuse and force myself to clear my head from him.

But, this time, after all these weeks, he did replied.

I miss you more than a bit.

He never failed to make me smile.
I bit my lip, knowing I was so gone for this man.

I knew it.

Shut up. Don't get used to this ;)

I won't ;)

Stop replying then.

Alright love. Hope you had a good day. Sweet dreams. :)

My day had just gotten better.
Bye, Lou. <3