049. GRAVE

Rory was ecstatic.

She was dead.

Finally, she was dead.

Any sane person wouldn't be happy to be dead. But she was far from sane. She was the pure definition of insanity.

She had been waiting for this day for eight years. And now, she had finally been rewarded with her wish. Death. It was a beautiful thing to her.

Laying in the grass, staring up at the crystal blue sky, her cheeks ached from smiling.

Every night she dreamed of this day.

Finally, her dream had come true.

Rory was dead.

And she couldn't have been any happier.

Rory thought about this moment every day, yet nothing prepared her for it to happen. She wanted to scream with joy and cry out of relief.

Lifting her head off the grass, she looked around and took in the vast fields surrounding her. A white dress covered her body, and her hair was tied back with a ribbon in a matching colour. She felt like an Angel - a surprising feeling, believing her chances of getting sent to a place like this were considerably low. Rory was never religious; she frequently cursed at whatever higher power controlled her life, considering they made it the way it was. But that never stopped her from thinking that something was out there, watching her, protecting her, and would be her landing place once she died.

Whatever this place was, she didn't know. But she liked it. It felt like...

"My new home," she whispered.

And just like that, her thoughts and feelings towards her new home were confirmed, hearing a familiar dog barking in the distance. When Rory spotted the animal running to her, she wanted to burst into tears - cry like she did that one Christmas morning.

"Sandy!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around the golden-haired dog. Rory giggled as Sandy swiped her pink tongue across her cheek, slobbering her with kisses. "Calm down, girl! It's only been eleven years!"

Sandy didn't listen. The dog continued to cover her with kisses, whimpering with excitement. And Rory was more than happy to be the recipient of her puppy's love.

"I missed you so much," she whispered, scratching Sandy's favourite spot - the one right behind her ears. "We're going to have so much fun together again! We can go on walkies... and explore just like we used to back home... and I'll get you all the treats and toys you want. Wait. Can you get that here?" she asked, "I still don't know what even here is. Sorry, Sandy, I'm learning."

The dog tilted her head slightly to the side as if understanding her owner's rambling.

"Can you talk?" She let a few seconds of silence pass before whispering, "You can tell me. I can keep a secret."

Sandy looked down at the ground and sniffed a patch of grass.

"It appears you can't... I guess this place isn't magical with talking animals. Unless," her eyes narrowed, "You're just a really good actor."

Sandy chewed on a dandelion.

"I'll get the truth out of you one day," Rory warned. "Watch your back, Sandy-bear."

The dog raised her head, allowing the snack to drop from her mouth. Sandy's ears flopped as she spun in a circle and barked.

Rory laughed, watching her dog spin around. "What are you doing, silly?"

Sandy barked.

"Do I have to get up?"

Sandy barked again.

"I'll take that as a yes," she huffed, rising to her feet. Rory dusted herself off and smoothed out her dress, surprised to see no wrinkle left behind. "Alright, let's go!"

Rory followed Sandy through the grassy fields. She told her best friend all about the time they had spent apart. From the foster houses, ending up with Helen, Benny and Mia, and even small tidbits about her life now, she told Sandy it all. Sandy was always the one Rory told all her secrets to. Her Dad would always say that the two of them were as thick as thieves, so it was no surprise that she instantly fell back into old habits.

"And I just left," Rory said. "I saw my opportunity to leave, and I did it. At first, I thought it was a mistake, you know? Wishing I could just be normal and be honest with him about what I overheard. But I was worried that he would say all the right things and make me believe him yet again. Boys fucking suck, Sandy." She caught the side-eyed glance from her dog and winced. "Right, sorry. You already know that."

While Rory had someone she liked calling her broken, Sandy's significant other left her to fend for herself with a litter of puppies. There was no comparison.

"He came by my apartment that night. For a brief second, I felt like a character in those movies we watched together. Don't you remember? The scenes of the big romantic gesture? It was just like that," she explained, "Well, except without the romantic part. He was just yelling from the street while I pathetically cried on my balcony."

Sandy nudged her hand.

"Sorry, I know. I'm not pathetic." Rory let out a sigh. "He kept saying we were permanent... and I kind of liked that. Do you think I made a mistake?" Once the question left her lips, Rory was reminded of where they were. "I guess that doesn't matter anymore, right?"

Rory fell silent as they continued their walk. Attempting to focus her attention on the beautiful flowers planted in the grass, she couldn't help but think about him.

Harry said he hated animals, but she was convinced he would have loved Sandy. Everybody did. Sandy was impossible not to love - she would have turned him into a sucker within thirty seconds of interacting.

He called you broken, and you're thinking about how good of a dotting dog Dad Harry would have been? Pathetic, the voice in her head sneered.

Rory knew the voice in her head was right. Even if she was still alive, there was no chance she could go back to him. Harry hurt her one too many times. She had given him more opportunities than anyone else in her life, and that needed to end. It turned out that death was a perfect way to break the cycle.

I should have stayed single, she thought. I was way more fun back then... and made way more money.

Suddenly, Rory no longer thought about how she missed Harry. Instead, she thought about how she missed her life before Harry. That was the one thing that disappointed her about being dead - she assumed pulling out her old tricks would be frowned upon here.

"Is it always this nice out?" she asked, looking up at the sky. "I wonder if it ever rains."

Stopping to sniff a patch of grass, Rory waited by her animal's side. Her lips parted to speak, but she was taken aback by Sandy's sudden instinct to run off into the distance.

"WAIT! SANDY!" Rory yelled out. "HOLD ON!"

When the dog didn't listen, Rory took off running after her. The fear in her chest started to spread, worried she wouldn't be able to find her again. It wasn't like she knew where she was. Or had any idea of what this place had aside from never-ending fields. Sandy was her only hope, her only connection to the past. Without Sandy, she would be lost and alone.

And Rory never wanted to feel like that again.

Running as fast as she could, she began losing hope of finding her dog again. The further she went, the more worried she became. She slowed to a stop, needing a moment to catch her breath. She placed her hands on her knees and tried to regain control of her breathing. But she didn't give herself long; time was of the essence. Lifting her head and straightening her posture, she went to run but was taken aback by the scenery surrounding her.

No longer did the fields span to never-ending lengths. Large trees appeared, circling around the edges. She could still see the sky, bright and blue, spare of any clouds. She looked ahead. A smile of relief spread across her lips, spotting Sandy happily wagging her tail.

Just as Rory went to call out her dog's name, she noticed someone standing beside Sandy. Their back faced her, but she knew exactly who it was.

"Dad?"

The man turned around, confirming her suspicions. Rory could not hide her glee as she ran towards him, throwing her arms around his neck. Aidan picked her off the ground and spun her around, laughing joyfully.

"I can't believe it's really you!" she whispered.

Her face nuzzled against his shoulder, not wanting him to see her tears. He always worried whenever she cried - even if it was out of happiness.

"I've missed you so much, Peanut." Lowering his daughter back to the ground, his hands raised to her face, cupping her cheeks. "Look at you! You're all grown up!"

Rory went to speak, but a tear slipped the moment she tried.

"Are you okay, Peanut? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing," she managed, smiling at him. "I'm just... I'm just really happy to finally be with you again. That's all."

Her eyes roamed every inch of his face, taking all of it in. Aidan still looked the same, exactly how he was the last time Rory had seen him. Even his clothing was similar.

"I'm glad we get a chance to spend some time together."

Her brow furrowed. "Some time? Do you have a job or something you need to go to?"

Aidan cleared his throat and nodded to the side. Her eyes followed his, looking down at the gravestone in front of them. In large letters engraved was the name RORY YOUNG. But that was it - only her name.

"There's no date," she mumbled. "I'm not dead yet, am I?"

"You sound disappointed."

She smiled through the pain. "I just thought this meant I could finally be with everyone again."

"Not yet, Peanut."

"So this is just my don't look into the light moment?"

Rory felt her entire world crash down at that moment. Here she was, thinking she finally got the chance to die, yet she was still tortured with being alive. Realizing she was still alive felt so much worse than every other time. Rory never got to see her Dad back on earth; she only heard his voice. And now, seeing him and Sandy in the flesh, she never wanted to let this moment go.

Why can't I just fucking die for once? The voice in her head cried.

"You're here for a reason, Rory. Come on," he said, gesturing to the path in front of them. "We have some things to discuss before you go."

"Am I in trouble?"

"Have you done anything worth being in trouble for?"

Probably, she thought to herself.

"That depends..." her eyes narrowed, "what have you seen?"

Aidan chuckled, shaking his head slightly. "Oh, Peanut. How I've missed your witty personality." He placed his arm around her shoulder and guided her down the path. "Not a lot, don't worry. I'm not up here spying on you - it's not like that. I'm only there when you need me."

"But I always need you."

His smile faded seeing her pain. "I'm there on the nights you have that nightmare," he told her, "When you get so anxious, you can't think straight. Like when you hide away in the storage room at work and have a moment to yourself."

That's a nice way to say, "when I cry at work," she thought to herself.

"But that's when I'm at my lowest," she whispered, "Why can't you be there when I'm happy too?"

Aidan sighed. "Because you have a fascination with dying before you're ready. And I'm worried that if I make too many appearances, you may try something you'll regret."

"How could I regret being with you and everyone else again?"

"You still have a life to live, Rory, and I want you to live that life."

"That's not fair."

"Rory-"

She stopped walking, brushing his arm off her shoulder. "It's my decision! If I want to be with everyone again, I should be allowed to make that choice! My life has fucking sucked without you, and now I finally get to see you again, and it's not even permanent?" Taking in her surroundings, she marched over to the park bench and sat down in a huff. Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked at her Dad and said, "I'm not leaving."

"Rory-"

"No! I'm not leaving!"

Aidan let out a sigh and sat down beside her. "This isn't easy for me either. I want you back with us more than anything, Peanut. But it's not your time."

"I don't care."

"Think about the life you'll be leaving behind."

"Life?" she repeated in disbelief. "What life, Dad? Have you seen where I live? What I do for a living?"

"What would Benny and Mia think?"

Her eyes widened. "You know about them?"

"Of course I do. I know that they're the first real friends you've ever made... and I know how much they love and care about you," he said, "And I know how much fun you have with them."

"What else do you know?"

"I know about Helen and how well she raised you. I know that you often help her with money to pay the bills or groceries so she can put food on the table."

Rory chewed her bottom lip.

"I know that you are always the smartest one in the room. And I know that you are aware of that and make sure everyone else is too." He grinned. "You know you have people down there that love you and would hate to see you go. But above all, Rory, I know you're not ready to go. And you know your job isn't finished down there. Right?"

The last thing she wanted to admit was that he was correct. But he was. Aidan was the last person on earth she could lie to, so she acknowledged defeat and nodded her head, responding with a quiet, "Right."

"Think of it this way..." he said, "When it's your time, you'll get to be with all of us forever. But you only get that one life, and I need you to live that life. Can you promise to do that for me?"

Rory forced a smile. "I promise."

"I may not have been there every step of the way, but I want you to know that I've always been proud of you." Noting the way her smile faded, his brows creased with concern. "What's wrong?"

"Do you know everything about me?" Her nails dug into the palm of her hands. "As in... that I'm-"

Placing his hand over hers, he gently said, "Breath, Peanut. It's okay."

"It's just... this is the first time I'm seeing you since everything happened, and I've never said this to you before... and I don't think I can go back without telling you." She suddenly remembered his reminder to breathe and gasped for air before blurting out, "I'm bi!"

Aidan knew what she was going to say – but taking away her moment was the last thing he ever dreamed of doing. Leaning forward, he kissed her forehead and pulled her in for a hug. "I love you, Peanut. You know that, right? And I don't care who you love as long as you find someone that treats you the way you deserve."

Rory always assumed her Dad would have been supportive. But hearing his words confirm her assumptions wasn't something she could have prepared herself for.

He pulled his head back and reached a hand up to her face, wiping away the tear rolling down her cheek. "Have you told many others?"

"A few."

"Have they been supportive?"

Wanting to omit discussing one person in particular, she nodded and said, "I told Benny and Mia. They were amazing. And," she sank her teeth into her bottom lip, "I told Harry." Rory cleared her throat. "It's not something I hide. But, you know, I don't go around yelling I like women and men to anyone I meet. Well, right now, I hate men," she glanced to the side, "No offence."

"None taken," he said with a chuckle. "I'm just honoured you told me."

"You're the first person I wanted to tell."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be the first. But I'm glad you could now. And I'm very proud of you."

A smile tugged on her lips. "Really?"

"Yes. Always."

"Are you mad I didn't go to college?"

"Not at all," he told her truthfully, "I didn't go. Your Uncle didn't go. I hoped you would, but that was only if you wanted to. You could have aced college when you were ten, Rory. A piece of paper doesn't make me proud of you. You make me proud of you." His joy slightly faltered. "However, there is one thing...."

"Oh no," Rory mumbled.

"You need to stop smoking so much," he scolded. "You have picked up your Uncle's nasty habit, Aurora Young."

Aurora. She hadn't heard that name since the day he died.

"I know," she said quietly, lowering her eyes to the ground. "But it helps me stay... focused." Her head popped up. "Hey! You used to smoke with Uncle Carter all the time!"

Aidan raised his hands in defence. "First of all... I didn't know you knew," he confessed. "And second... Alright, I don't have a second point ready yet since you threw me off guard. But is a pack a day necessary, Aurora?"

"I've just been having a hard time recently," she confessed. Her eyes focused on the view, watching Sandy chase a butterfly. "Why did you tell me to trust Harry?"

"Because you can. Do you not think so?"

"How can I? Look at where it got me! I trusted him and opened up about you and the day you died... and I gave him back the locket because he made me think we were real... and then found out it was all a con to investigate me. Then I stepped away, only to let him slowly work his way back into my life, and I believed him when he said we were permanent... I trusted him to keep me safe... and then he went into business with Gio and called me broken."

"Did you talk to him about that?"

Furrowing her brows at the sudden question, she glanced to the side. "You know something... don't you?"

"I know he cares about you, Rory. And I know he would do anything to protect you."

"Then why would he call me broken?"

Aidan sighed and placed his arm comfortingly over her shoulder. "I can't tell you someone else's story, Rory. And it's not my intention to make you think you have to be with someone just because I say so. All I wanted you to know was that you can trust him, that his instinct to protect you is pure. That doesn't mean you need to be with him in any romantic sense. It's just for you to know someone is there for you."

"I don't need someone to protect me. I can protect myself," she muttered. "I don't need anyone for anything."

"We all need someone, Aurora," Aidan spoke sternly, but his voice still had hints of his lighthearted nature lacing every word. "When I was a kid, I needed my brother. Even though I was the older one, the one that was supposed to protect him, I still needed him," he explained. "When you were born, I needed your grandparents, and I needed them every day after that. Although she was independent as all hell in her young adult years, Grandma needed Grandpa. And Grandpa sure fucking needed her right back. The same goes for your Uncle and TJ...."

Rory's heart clenched.

"They needed each other and were a perfect pair - a beautiful balance. The two of them had a lot of struggles and hardships with an unfortunate end, but together, they were strong. They leaned on each other's strengths and were better for it." Not wanting to cry in front of his daughter, Aidan cleared his throat and looked ahead. "Needing someone doesn't take away your strengths, and it sure doesn't make you weak."

"I feel weak," she admitted.

"Hey, look at me." He waited until her head turned and their eyes met. "You will never be weak. Do you know why?"

She shook her head.

"Because you are Aurora Young. Your brains and strength make it scientifically impossible for you to ever be weak. Trust me; I had this thing," he tapped on her forehead, "checked the second I could. You were the smartest person from the moment you were born, and every day since, you continue to prove that. There may be hard days, ones when you don't know what to do, but even then, you will never be weak. And if you ever feel that way, call me, and I'll come down and talk some sense into you again."

A small smile curved onto her lips. "How do I call you? Do you have a special number for Heaven like nine-one-one?"

"No. But that's a good idea - I'll put it in our suggestion box," Aidan teased. "So, what have we learned today?"

"That I'm not weak."

"That you are strong," he corrected.

Rory rolled her eyes. "That I'm strong," she repeated. "And it's okay to need someone and to be needed."

"And?"

She blinked.

"That you promise not to go before you're ready."

Her lips parted to speak, but she couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"Peanut... come on now."

Swallowing her fears, her hands clenched into fists as she slowly said, "I promise not to go before I'm ready."

The trees above began to blow with the light breeze. Rory looked up, noticing how they moved further apart, allowing the clear blue sky to be visible above them. Her honesty was painful - she didn't want to promise not to go before it was her time. But the proud look her Dad wore was all she needed to know it was the right thing to do.

Rory never broke a promise to him. And she knew, no matter how much it made her heart break, that she couldn't start now.

"I'm so proud of you, Rory. And I love you very much." Aidan spoke like it was a goodbye.

Aidan stood from his spot and walked over to Sandy, scratching her head. He picked the stick off the ground and threw it for her to chase.

Rory happily watched from her seat. She missed moments like these, ones that were simple and pure. Sandy ran through the grass as fast as she could and returned with the stick, dropping it on the ground. Her tail wagged madly, waiting for it to be thrown again. The second it was picked up, Sandy was already off running.

Smart dog, Rory thought to herself with a smile.

There was a lightness to her, one she thought resulted from watching two of her favourite people play with each other. Quickly Rory realized there was no symbolic weight lifting off her shoulders. Something was happening to her.

"Dad?" she asked in a panicked state, looking down at her hand. Her skin began to fade, each finger slowly disappearing. "Daddy, what's happening to me?"

His smile radiated that sense of warmth she remembered all too well. "It's time to go back, Rory."

"No!" she yelled, watching as her other hand began to do the same. "No! No, I'm not ready to go yet!"

"It's okay, Peanut."

Jumping to her feet, she hurried to his side. Rory tried to reach for him, but she had nothing to use to grab hold of him. "No, please!" she cried, tears streaming down her face. "Ask them for one more minute! Please!"

"It won't be much longer, I promise you. We'll see each other again very soon."

"Soon? How soon?"

Rory was gone before Aidan could answer.

Be strong for me, Peanut.

Darkness surrounded her.

A faint beeping noise became more evident with each passing second.

Beep... Beep... Beep...

The noise became increasingly annoying to her ears. She wanted to scream at it, take her anger out on the unknown sound. The beep wasn't to blame - but Rory had nothing else to make her enemy at the moment. And so, the beep was chosen by default.

Her eyes slowly opened, adjusting to the light of the room. Surrounded by four white walls, Rory had no clue where she was. If it weren't for the stupid beeping machine beside her, she would have thought she was dead - floating on a cloud before passing through the pearly white gates.

Looking around the space she was in, her heart sank. 

Rory wasn't dead.

And the realization of that hit her like a tidal wave. 

Tears ran down her cheeks. Her throat was too dry to scream - and the attempt at doing so only made her cry more.

One of the doors opened, and a woman dressed in a pair of light blue scrubs walked into the room.

"Oh my goodness, you're awake!" she said, speaking in a light, comforting tone. "Oh, sweetheart, don't cry." The woman walked to Rory's side and brought a cup of water to her mouth. "This will help," she said, guiding her to take a sip. "There you go, better?"

Rory didn't answer - opting to remain silent as she watched the unknown woman with a close eye.

"You've been quite the little rockstar for me," she continued. "Sweetheart, don't cry. Everything's okay now! You're alive!"

Licking her lips to provide her dry mouth with moisture, Rory finally spoke. "That's the problem," she whispered, catching the woman's attention. "I'd rather be dead."

RORY'S ALIVE!!! or... is she?!