'I am seemingly free, but I am a prisoner inside of me.' clarice lispector.

season 1, episode 12
is to die

The moon light trickled down, casting a ghostlike mask over Beacon Hills Quarry. The frigid night bit at the uncovered skin of those who dared to leave the warmth of the indoors. Soft winds still carried the frightening weather.

In Neviah's eyes, it was perfect.

Moonlight pierced through the dead branches that clogged the forest sky at strange angles, scattering across the brown leaves and dead grass. As it left her blue lips, her breath was clear as was the truth. She was a prisoner of the cold, it terrorized her skin, and yet she embraced it as if it was a friend.

Much like her relationship with her cracking mind, she was a servant to it. To the reflection in the broken mirror. No matter the amount of pain it brings, she would follow it to the end.

The last few days gave her an insight on the truth she hid from herself. She wanted the truth to it all. While Neviah did love a good lie, this was one she would have to undo. Even if the price was high.

"How much longer?" she inquired, holding her bare arms as she ducked her head from a branch. Her formal dress did no help for her arms, in all honesty, it did no aid to any of her parts. It was her own fault for leaving her jacket behind.

"Not that far," he said. He spoke sparsely, only when he wanted to and then some. He was secretive and quite annoying, but Neviah had to deal her cards for the right prize; the truth.

She rolled her eyes, nose stinging from the weather. "Can you just start explaining it all to me now? It'll save time, and I'm freezing my ass off."

He chuckled, pausing to hold a branch for Neviah to pass. She muttered a small 'thanks'. "You need to work on your patience."

There was no point in continuing with him. She clenched her jaw and followed him towards the sound of water. In all her years of being in Beacon Hills, Neviah had never been to the quarry. It was a hot spot for drug addicted teens and adults, and a place for returning Beacon young adults to hang out without their parents watching them like hawks.

It was utterly depressing.

But on that freezing night, Neviah had never seen anything so beautiful.

Fog crowded above the water. In some open spaces, the moonlight laid above the black water. If they hadn't been far above, Neviah would have knelt down to gaze at her own reflection. Would it still be broken? Would it waver and be unrecognizable with the gentle waves, or be still and true?

"This is the last place I saw her," he began, staring off at the treeline across. His hands stuffed into his black slacks, not a wrinkle in sight on his suit.

A question formed on Neviah's tongue, but she kept it from slipping out.

"She asked me to keep you safe, and well, I haven't been able to do much of that until now," he joked, smiling for the first time. His smile felt familiar as did his voice. He looked to her, joy and pride residing in his dark eyes. "Now, I know you can keep yourself safe."

"Who asked you to keep me safe?" Neviah asked quietly, she almost thought he wouldn't hear.

But he did.

He had heard everything.

"You'll remember," was all he said before continuing his story. "This was the night before the fire. I didn't know what she was going to do, nor did I question her. It was my job to protect you, regardless of if she asked me that night or not-being your Godfather and all."

"Godfather?" she repeated with wide eyes. "No, my dad would have mentioned you. I would have remembered you."

He laughed, peering down to the water. Small pieces of the cliff snapped off, tumbling down the rocky side until Neviah was unable to see it. "You would have remembered me, yes, but you don't. Not yet, at least."

"Can you stop speaking in metaphors and riddles and get to the point?"

He sighed, looking at her with a flat smile. He grabbed the sides of her head. Neviah's heart pounded, fearing the lack of emotion his eyes had. Everyone stored their emotions in their eyes. It revealed the truth when their tongue spewed out lies.

His eyes didn't anymore.

"You are impatient and demanding. You think you deserve the world handed to you because of what you were forced to believe," he explained roughly, squeezing her.

Tears welled in her eyes from the pain. She let out a weak and quiet, "Stop."

She thought he couldn't hear her, even if he could see her lips moving.

But he could. He only chose to ignore her.

"You want everything but don't give enough. You think you are perfect, but in reality, Neviah," he muttered, glaring down at her as if she was the reason for his problems, "you are a monster."

A tear slid down her cheek.

He smiled, and wiped it with his thumb. He loosened his hold, but not enough for her to escape. "But it is okay. You can be reborn into the person you wish to be."

"Please, stop," she cried. Her knees shaking as he steps forward, forcing her to take a step back. "You don't ne-need to tell me anymore, okay? I can go."

His haunting smile continued. She was his pride, but also his defeat. "You will learn the truth and you will be good again,"

The night stood still. Howling winds froze as time slowed. Neviah feared many things, despite hiding them all meticulously. She feared his words to be true, that she was a monster. She feared that there was no way to fix herself. She feared herself.

And he knew that.

"Because to be reborn," he started, leaning his forehead onto hers.

"is to die."

A snap was silent, but the sound of her body crashing down the side of the quarry echoed, shaking the birds from their comfort, alerting the night. And as her body met the water, sinking as there was nothing left to fight for, the world shifted.

He watched as the bubbles stopped. A sigh left him. His gaze flickered to the moon, bright and glorious.

Only tinted red.