| 8 | The "L" Word

***

I had decided to spend the rest of the day at Jason's house once school ended. I'd prefer lounging on his couch rather than my own bed at "home" — could you even call it a home at this point? It was more like a place of bricks, stone, and wood; a place of discomfort and, well, fake I suppose. Sometimes I think of Isaac and his mother, their house is more of a home to me.

"Something on your mind?" Jason asked, plopping down next to me.

"Of course, there's always something on my mind. If not, I'd be dead," I replied, slyly. Jason released an obnoxious laugh.

"Yeah, sure. But hey, let me tell you something."

"Sure, what's up?"

"Have you ever fallen in—" I expected him to say mud, but oddly he followed up with: "—the L word?"

"Loser?" I questioned, not really following.

"No," Jason rolled his eyes. "Are you really this oblivious, Seto?"

"Lobster?"

"God, never mind," Jason shook his head with disappointment. "Actually, it's just—"

He took another pause. I was the one to shake my head this time, seeing as he looked quite uncomfortable. Frankly, I did want to hear what he was going to say, but then again by the time he finishes his sentence I'll be bored. "Just?"

"I don't know. I guess Adam and Ty," Jason finally finished, burying his head into his hands.

"What about them? Are they dating or something? I'm not really following, you've known them longer than I have. I've only been at your school for like, what, two or three days?"

"That's not it. I mean I'm completely fine if they fall in love with each other," Jason rolled his eyes, grunting. "It's just—I don't want to be left behind, that's all."

"Yeah right, like you could be left behind," I chuckled.

"Everyone's falling in the L word. It's almost as if all relationships are meant to be, and then there are people who are, well, alone."

"You're only in high school, Jason. It's not the end of the world. You're seventeen, you're going to find someone one day."

"You wouldn't understand, I mean you skipped a grade after all—a sixteen year old as a senior already, I'm turning eighteen soon. I mean you're already liked by most of the people in school, short and cute."

"You're like a mirror image of me."

"Well I'm boring, okay?"

"You're not boring to me, Jason."

"You know Seto—you're quite weird."

I paused for a moment, not really knowing how to follow up with that. "In a bad way?"

"Oh! In a good way," Jason snickered. "You're good company."

I released an exasperated sigh, "You are, too, Starboy."

"The hell? Starboy?" Jason's expression was unreadable, almost as if he was perplexed by what I had said.

"Don't know. You like space don't you?"

"Uh—yeah?"

"Then your nickname should be Starboy, it suits you."

Jason laughed, his cheeks turning feathery, almost like a light pink. If I had not known any better, I would have fallen for him at this very second. Yet most of me knows that love doesn't work like that—or at least I think it doesn't work like that. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows?

It hasn't been five minutes yet but I began to feel uncomfortable in the silence. "I'm going to head back home."

"Hey wait, before you go, could you meet me tomorrow at Cemetery Drive?" Jason requested when I was about to make my abrupt leave.

"The street near the graveyards?" I questioned, confused. Where was he going with this?

"Yeah, that's the place. Meet me there tomorrow at 10 in the evening, okay?"

"For what reason? We could talk now."

"I mean—gah never mind, just do it, Seto."

***

I headed towards the deepest part of the forest, trying to get myself lost. The grass smelled fresh again, and the trees swayed slowly. The sun had already set—although it was only around 5:30. Something about the forest had always calmed me. Being solitary wasn't something I had liked growing up, but now it's almost as if I had no choice. I went to go sit down near a large oak tree. Rummaging through my bag, I took out the pack of cigarettes.

I'll be graduating this June—no more school. I'll be shipped off to a foreign country perhaps and married to some bitch that I didn't even know existed. It wouldn't be love—at least for me it wouldn't. I took out my lighter and lit the cigarette, then stuck it in my mouth.

Smoking gives you lung cancer. I would be the type to tell people not to smoke, but then again I'm quite hypocritical. Smoking was an urge that drowned me, that made me gasp for air but would be greeted with a plethora of disease. Of course, I'm not the type to care quite frankly; out of the seven billion people on this earth and someone dying everyday, who would care? Love was just a tool for reproduction, that's all.

But why did it hurt so much?

You love your parents—you obviously don't want to have sex with them. The same could go for your siblings and friends, close relatives and pets. Humans are weird; we call our mates our only love, but then we love others around us. We fall for appearances, and ones that do not have a "picture perfect" appearance and we do not necessarily care for—we fall for their attributes. Maybe I'm just thinking too heavily on this.

My birthday is on December 26th; it is November. I'll be able to run away, soon. I just have to keep on living. A seventeen year old running away before the legal age shouldn't be that exciting.

I took the cigarette out of my mouth and watched the smoke dissipate. The air reeked. I stuck it back into my mouth, basking.

My thoughts eventually had drawn back to Jason. From the time I spent with him I learned quite a lot—maybe he has an interest in me. I shook my head, drowning the thought away in smoke. That couldn't be possible, we had only met a few days ago.

I had to eventually throw away the cigarette. I made sure to extinguish the fire so I wouldn't cause a forest fire by accident. I took another cigarette out of the box, lit it, and stuck it into my mouth. It was the same predictable process of grief and despondency.

Tiring; if I do say so myself.

I shut my eyes, listening to the sounds. The breeze was much slower now, the trees had stopped swaying in such a violent attitude. Leaves were crunching—maybe Jason had followed me here out of curiosity. It couldn't be an animal making those noises, it was obviously too dark for me to see who, or what, it was.

"Didn't I say you should stop smoking?" A voice above me questioned. I remember that accent from anywhere—that annoying fucking accent.

Purton.

"Shouldn't you go be flattering your annoying, abusive girlfriend?" I rolled my eyes. I saw his dark silhouette squat down beside me, then sit down. His shoulder touched mine.

I didn't want to move.

"I decided to take a walk but then smelled smoke. Of course I knew it would be you, who else?"

"You should so comfortable around me, Purton. Aren't we suppose to be like, I don't know, enemies?"

"Yes, we are."

"You're really showing mixed sig—hey!"

Before I could finish my sentence, he snatched the cigarette out of my mouth. The flame disappeared. He tossed it to the side. It was now more darker than ever; I could only hear his and my breathing. "Asshole."

"Well that wasn't very nice, was it? I guess you could say you're the Source of anger around these parts."

I grunted, ignoring his shitty pun and changing the topic, "Your girlfriend isn't nice."

"She's different. What are you, my friend now?" Within the darkness I could tell Brice had rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm your sworn enemy, obviously."

"I've only known you for a couple days and you already piss me off, you know that Source? Come on." I felt a tug at my arm before I was harshly lifted off the ground. I reached for my backpack, barely being able to grasp it, and had begun to be pulled away. I managed to swing it around my shoulder—god, good thing I didn't open it all the way.

"Are you kidnapping me or something?" I didn't know where he was leading me to, and frankly I could care less.

"Yes, I am," Bri—Purton was quick to answer.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see in a bit if you had walked a little bit faster." I hastened my pace.

I noticed we were exiting out of the forest and towards a more urban area within the town. There were cars, bright lights zooming by. It was only a few minute walk before we curved right, then it had became more quiet. I couldn't help but feel enticed—calm somehow. I wonder if Purton was like this around Shelby; taking her to places.

Another couple more minutes and it had appeared we had walked ourselves onto a bridge. It was a stone bridge, directly below a slow flowing river that emptied out into a large lake. He had let go of my arm and jumped onto the ledge of the bridge. He looked like he was going to jump off right there. Impulsively, I grabbed his arm. He looked at me, his eyes glistening in the silver strip of moonlight.

"It's not like I'm going to jump, sit on the ledge with me." It sounded more like a command. I jumped onto the ledge as well, then plopped down, listening to the rushing waves of the water.

"Why did you want me to see this? Are you going to push me or something?"

"This bridge is famously known as being called the Suicide Bridge around these parts."

"Are you telling me this information because you want me to jump?" I rolled my eyes.

"Not really. If you hear about people going missing around our school, they have most likely jumped off this bridge. Rumors have it that dying here in this specific place will grant you happiness in the next life."

I laughed, "You really believe in that shit?"

"Well, yeah. In a world that's ugly maybe there's going to be hope in the next life, you know? It's the ultimate way to go."

"By drowning?"

"You don't get it, but you'll understand what I'm saying eventually. It's better to stay on this ledge than punching trees in the forest."

I looked down. The stream was still slow moving, but it looked deep. Jumping off the bridge would result in either you hitting your head on some rock, drowning, or, if you manage to survive in the river, hypothermia. It didn't look like quite the pleasant way to go, but Purton seemed interested in it.

"Do you plan on jumping someday?" I questioned, interested in his opinion. He shook his head.

"Maybe. I've always liked the thought of dual suicide, it's like an art form I suppose," Purton's lips curved into a smirk. "Of course, I don't find anyone who would comply for that."

"Interesting."

"You don't find that creepy—or weird?" He sounded shocked, almost as if he was expecting me to overreact. I nodded my head.

"I mean, if that's what you want, I'm not stopping you," I rolled my eyes before giving out a short laugh.

"Shelby thinks it's weird," Purton began.

"I mean, she's a bitch after all," I replied. "I wouldn't want to be with a person like that. Why are you with her, anyway? She's abusive. Any idiot like you could see that."

The Australian bit his lip, "I'm just afraid she might do something to me or to anyone I know if I leave her, that's all. She puts me down a lot. But why do you care?"

+

My mind drew off. I couldn't really feel a true sensation of empathy—it felt more like pity towards Brice. I liked the dude; he was the mysterious and solemn type. On the other hand, however, he was a complete asshole. I wouldn't blame his behavior on him, though, it was mainly Shelby's fault. I couldn't imagine what was going through his head when he was with Shelby. Part of me wanted to help, but the other half drew away from Brice.

Pity or empathy?

I shook my head, releasing an exasperating sigh. Yeah, this school was nothing but normal, it was evident from the start. But while I was here I wanted to help fix things—I wanted to make things better and make a positive impact for once in my life. A secret for a secret—I promised that to Brice. Yet, promises can be broken, everyone that had the logic knew that.

Killjoys always made some noise—and promises are no exclusion.

+

"I guess it's part of me that wants to help you. Without her you seem like a decent guy," I scratched the back of my neck.

"No one's ever really offered to help me before," Purton chimed, murmuring.

"I mean, I do talk to you more than I talk to Jason, who's currently like, my only close friend. After all, I see you all the time because of the shit you're pulling in the forest."

He chuckled, "Then what do you consider me as?"

"An enemy acquaintance. I tolerate you."

Just like that, seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours. I had spent that whole night talking to that stupid blond as the waters below us began to get more rushed. We eventually moved away from the bridge and towards a hill that was nearby. It was quiet and the stars were twinkling, bright. Hell, I'd never think we would actually make it this far. Enemies to tolerance achieved.

It was around one in the morning when my phone had rang. We were in the middle of our conversation—video games and anime, when the ringing began to annoy me. I pulled out my phone to see missed calls from both my mother and my father. I grunted, shoving the phone back into my backpack. Purton gave me an odd look.

"Wasn't that—"

"Yeah, they were calling me. I frankly don't want to go back to the house, anyway."

"Why don't you want to go home?" He pursed his lips.

"It's not a home, it's just a house."

"I mean, you're lucky to have rich parents."

"Here we go with the deep conversation again," I chuckled.

"Well, you're here to listen and I'm not paying you, so it's free will. If you didn't care you would have left by now," Purton stated, shifting closer to me. I did enjoy his company, almost reminded me of how me and Isaac use to be.

Whenever I thought of Isaac my stomach churned uncomfortably. I erased the thought out of my head, "Continue."

"A lot of people would literally just die to have the privileges you have. I mean, it's surprising no one has found you out yet, your parents' companies and businesses are pretty huge. Why don't you go to a private school, or a better place to waste your time?"

I thought for a moment, "Public school has always amused me."

"Were you like this in your old school?"

"Not really. There was this one guy I was close friends with, ever since I was a child particularly, and he was the guy I considered as my closest friend. He kept me in check, but I had always ditched school."

"You? Ditching school?"

"Obviously, I smoke after all."

Purton sat in thought for a moment. I gazed at him again; his blond hair looked so gelled, yet somehow so smooth. His eyes were a bright blue, almost like Jason's but completely different. He always had a mien that was neutral. I took my eyes off him, gazing down at the lake that was still. I wondered how drowning would feel.

"Wanna ditch school tomorrow, then?" Purton proposed. "I mean, it's late anyway and I figured you don't wanna go back there since we're been staying up. Some shit like that I suppose. I could show you around town and stuff, we could go to the arcade too and win some prizes."

I smirked, "So you do tolerate me? What happened to the threats? The competition?"

"We'll have a hiatus of that," he rolled his eyes. "God, rich kids are so annoying."

"And mediocre kids are assholes," I retorted. "What about your prissy little bitch of a girlfriend?"

"Don't call her that, knowing her she could be watching us right now," he whispered. "I'm sure she won't find out."

"That literally just contradicts what you just said."

"Shut up."

I continued, "Why don't you just break up with her? Whatever she does, it's probably not going to be that drastic."

"I know but still—she could murder someone if she wanted to," Purton shook his head.

"Purton, you're weak," I hugged, crossing my arms. He perked up.

"You're still calling me Purton? I thought we were decently good enemy acquaintances now. Just call me Brice."

"Brice, you're weak," I corrected.

"Not as weak as your fringe."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Well, I'm the Source of puns after all."

I groaned, shifting away from him and grabbing my backpack, "God, I can't tolerate your shitty puns."

"I'm the Source of the party!"

I couldn't help but to shake my head, smiling a bit, "You're such a doofus, Solace."

"How many times will you not use my first name?" Brice rolled his eyes, shifting towards me once more.

"A lot," I chuckled, leaning against his shoulder.

The L word could mean a lot of things—and for now, I suppose it just means "like."