HIRAETH ni PlayfulEros, winner ng Di Ba Ito Ang Iyong GHOSTo? ng WattpadRomancePH

HIRAETH by PlayfulEros

October 18, 2014

"Happy birthday," abot ko sa kaniya ng regalo. Napahinto siya sa paglalakad, napalingon sa akin. Unti-unting kumurba ang mga labi niya.

"Thank you, Rave. Pero hindi ka na dapat nag-abala."

I inhaled. This is my only chance. Ki-kidnapin na siya mamaya ng mga kaibigan niya para sa surprise birthday party niyang alam ng lahat maliban sa kaniya. Felix is oblivious like that... everybody knows except him.

"Gusto kita."

Natigilan siya.

"Gusto kita, Felix."

"Actually, no'ng high school pa."

"I thought you were aware of it. I know your friends were aware of it... even now. They were aware, everyone else was aware that I liked you... except you."

"Raven," lumapit siya sa akin.

"I know," he smiled. "I've always known and I—"

"Halika na rito, birthday boy!" sigaw ng isang lalaki, lumabas ito mula sa sasakyan kasama ang tatlo pang lalaki. Hinila nila si Felix.

"Jas, sanda—"

"Rave, hatid ka na namin?" lingon sa akin ni Jasper. Umiling ako.

"Ingat kayo." Naglakad na ako palayo.

***

October 18, 2022

Naiinis ako kapag nakikita ang petsa. Bukod sa Martes pa lang at matagal pa ang weekend, pinapaalala nito ang taong halos sampung taon ko nang sinusubukang kalimutan pero hindi ko malimut-limot.

"Nandito na siya!" bulong ni RC pagkapasok ko.

"Happy birthday!" sigaw nila.

"Ano, nagparamdam na ba?" tanong ni Daniel, nang-aasar.

"Paramdam? Ano 'yon, multo?" komento ni Pat.

"Huwag kayong ganiyan, baka ma-tempt na naman 'yang i-unblock 'yun. Paano nga 'yun? 'I-uunblock ko na siya, hindi ko na kaya!'" ani Kyle.

"Uy, grabe na kayo kay Raven. Gusto niyo bang mag-'akala ko 'yun na, eh! He was about to tell me something pero bigla siyang hindi nagparamdam! Huhuhu...' ulit 'yan?" iyak-iyakan ni RC.

"Ano 'yon?"

Napalingon kaming lahat kay Dino na wala pa nga pala rito four years ago.

"Nademonyo ni Kyle si Raven sumama sa inuman no'n. Nagku-kuwentuhan kami tungkol sa mga ex namin tapos itong si RC kinulit si Raven magkuwento. Ayun, kaya pala nananahimik kasi may amats na kaya nung magkuwento siya, ayun umiyak," kuwento ni Cherry kaya nagtawanan sila.

"Kuwento mo kaya para maka-relate si Dino," sabi ni Kyle na sinang-ayunan ng iba kaya huminga ako nang malalim para magprotesta pero bago pa ako maka-exhale ay nang-guilt trip na sila na ino-OP ko raw si Dino. Wala na akong nagawa kung 'di pumayag.

"Walang iiyak this time, ah," tatawa-tawang ani RC kaya napailing na lang ako.

"High school no'ng makilala ko siya, he's three years older. Pa-graduate na siya samantalang kaka-start pa lang ng high school life ko. I immediately liked him the moment I saw him. Noong grumaduate siya, sinumpa kong susunod ako kung saan man siya mag-aral. Three years later, I entered UP."

"Hindi kami pareho ng course pero napalapit ako sa kaniya. I honestly don't know if it was fate or what pero saktong 'yung org ko noon, may partnership sa org nila dahil may sponsor kami na pareho. I had to work with him and I swear to God, hindi ko plinano 'yun."

"Ayun, naging close kami. Last year na dapat niya pero made-delay raw siya ng one year. We grew closer together, well, at least for my part, that's how I saw it and felt about it. Kahit tapos na 'yung event ng orgs namin, kapag may sabay kaming break, nagkikita kami at kumakain. Hinihintay niyang matapos ang klase ko kahit minsan 2:30 pa lang tapos na siya at hanggang alas siete pa ako."

"It was hard not to assume something was going on when he made me feel so special."

"Anyare?" tanong ni Dino.

"Umamin ako no'ng birthday niya."

"He didn't turn me down," saad ko kaya nagtaka siya.

"He ghosted me."

"Awtsu. Mas masaklap 'yun," react ni Dino.

After work, sabay-sabay kaming bumili ng costume para sa Halloween party next week at mabilis na dumating ang araw ng Halloween party namin. Naki-party pa kami sa ibang lugar at pasado alas dos na ng maulang madaling araw nang makauwi ako. Lasing.

Sumalampak agad ako sa kama at tuluy-tuloy na sanang makakatulog nang may kumatok. Hindi ko pinansin.

Mahuhulog na ako papasok sa dreamland nang marinig ko ulit ang katok kaya padabog akong bumangon at naglakad papunta sa pinto.

"Sino 'yan?!"

"It's me, Rave..."

Parang nawala ang kalasingan ko. Dali-dali akong sumilip sa peephole at nagsitayuan ang balahibo ko nang makitang siya nga 'yon.

Felix...

Napalayo ako sa pinto.

Am I dreaming?

Sumilip ulit ako at nandoon pa rin siya. He's wearing a navy blue polo and even though I can't see him eye-to-eye, I know he looks so handsome.

"Rave?" tawag niya at kumatok kaya napalayo ulit ako sa pinto.

"W-Walang Rave dito!" sigaw ko sa pinakamalalim na boses na makakaya ko at tumakbo papasok sa kwarto, nagpasak ng earpods sa tainga ko, at nagtalukbong.

Gawa ng kalasingan ay nakatulog din ako.

Pagkagising ko, napatayo ako sa gulat nang makitang may lalaki sa loob ng kwarto ko. Kinuha ko ang lampshade at ibabato na sa lalaki nang humarap siya.

"Felix?"

Nang makita niyang ibabato ko na ang lampshade sa kaniya ay nagulat siya.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to trespass! Nakabukas 'yung pinto kagabi kaya pumasok na ako. It was wrong, I know but I didn't do anything, I swear! I just looked around!" dire-diretsong sabi niya kaya binaba ko na ang lampshade at hinablot ang kumot para itapis sa katawan ko.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

"Gusto lang sana kitang... makita."

"Nakita mo na ako, actually you've seen more than enough. You can go now."

I'm still wearing a slutty nurse costume and I probably smell bad because of all the alcohol I choked on last night. This is embarrassing!

"C-Can we... go out?"

"What?" kunot-noong tanong ko.

"Please... just today."

Wow, so after today, iiwan na niya ulit ako?

"No," tinulak ko na siya palabas ng unit.

"Rave, please..."

"No." Binagsak ko ang pinto sa harapan niya.

I took a bath, pampered myself, and relaxed the whole day. I'd be lying if I say I wasn't thinking of Felix the whole time and that I wasn't thinking of what could have been. If I didn't throw him out of my apartment, if I agreed to go out with him today.

But I guess those will just remain what-ifs.

Pagbukas ko ng pinto para kunin ang pina-deliver kong dinner ay nagulat ako nang makita si Felix na nakaupo sa lapag, nakasandal sa pader ng kabilang unit sa tabi ng sa'kin.

"Felix?"

Napalingon siya sa akin at dali-daling tumayo nang makita ako.

"Hi," kaway niya.

"Okay na po, ma'am," sabi ng rider at umalis na.

"Bakit nandito ka pa?"

"Hinihintay kita."

Napabuntong-hininga ako. "Ano bang gusto mo?"

"Gusto ko lang sana makipag-usap... to catch up."

"Fine." Pinasok ko sa loob ang pagkain ko at lumabas na ulit. I made sure I locked the door.

"Nagagawi ka pa ba sa QC? Sa Diliman?" tanong niya at lumingon sa akin habang naglalakad.

"Hindi na."

Napatangu-tango siya.

"So... I went to Spain."

Hindi ako sumagot dahil alam ko. Bago ko siya blinock at mag-deactivate ng lahat ng socials ko, stinalk ko siya. May pinost siyang picture na nasa Madrid siya, naka-caption pa na, 'I want you to be here, in Spain, with me.'

He didn't even bother to send a message the day after his birthday tapos makikita ko na lang na may pinariringgan siya sa social media. I got hurt that's why I created new accounts. To completely cut him and everything and everyone that reminds me of him.

"How are you?" lingon niya sa akin kaya napatingin din ako sa kaniya.

It's unfair how good he looks tonight. I know I matured, eight years 'yon. I saw how my face changed but him? It's as if he didn't age a day since the last time I saw him.

Mukha na siguro niya akong ate ngayon.

"Ayos naman simula nang iwan mo."

Napahawak ako sa bibig ko. Why did I say that?!

I heard him chuckle. I looked at him and he was smiling.

"That night..."

Parang tumigil sa pagtibok ang puso ko nang magsalita siya ulit. Parang alam na alam ko kung anong tinutukoy niya.

"I was going to tell you that..."

"I've always known you liked me and I love you."

It's my turn to laugh.

"Felix, please. You don't have to feed me crap. It's okay that you ghosted me, I've moved on. Ang hindi ko lang ma-gets ay bakit nandito ka ngayon. Hindi ba kayo nag-work out nung gusto mong makasama sa Spain?"

"Can you let me finish first?" seryosong saad niya kaya tumahimik na ako.

"I was going to ask you out on my graduation day but when you confessed, I knew right then I had to confess too but I didn't get the chance.

"Alam kong alam mong may sasabihin pa ako no'n pero umalis ka, hindi mo ako pinatapos."

"Paano ako magsi-stay noon, eh nandoon 'yung mga—"

"And that's the one thing I regret the most in my life."

Napatitig ako sa mga mata niyang nakatitig diretso sa'kin. He sounded so sincere.

"After my birthday party, I went to Spain. That was part of the plan. I was going to stay there for a few months until my aunt's wedding. I didn't contact you because I wanted to surprise you. Gano'n naman uso no'n, 'di ba? Hindi magre-reply sa text tapos nasa labas na pala ng bahay. I thought I'll ask you out when I come back. I'm a romantic like that, you know?" he laughed, "I'd surprise you with some flowers, chocolates, and balloons then I'd ask you out. I had it all planned inside my head. I was going to do all that when I come back."

"But I never came back, Raven."

I stared at him as tears were falling down his cheeks.

"I died there. I died in Spain."

Kusang tumulo ang luha ko nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko.

"It's not possible... I can touch you, I can... feel you." Kumapit ako sa kamay niya.

"Just for today," he smiled, tears running down his face. "Just today, Rave."

"After today, you'll never see me again."

"W-Why today?"

"Actually... I don't know. Maybe because today would've been the day I ask you to marry me. Exactly 13 years since I fell in love with you."

"What?" halos pabulong na tanong ko.

He didn't love me. He never did. He left me.

"October 30, 2009, San Isidro Labrador Parish. You were 12, I was 15. You were wearing a navy blue dress. You were laughing and that was it. I fell in love for the first time. You even pretended that you were praying too when your mother was done with her rosary. Five years later, you introduced me to the girl you were laughing with at the church. You said she was your cousin, Anne."

Hindi ako nakasagot. I don't know about the dress he's talking about but before high school, I usually go to church on weekdays with my mom. Nagro-rosary siya nun lagi. Minsan kasama rin ang pinsan kong si Anne.

I can't believe it.

"I even arranged our orgs to work together so I could get closer to you. I wrote tens of emails to the sponsor just so my org could be at that event too. That's how crazy I was," he chuckled while looking at the sky, then back at me.

"That's what I've always wanted to tell you... that I loved you first."

"And I love you more because you'll get to love somebody else but for me... you'll always be my only one. The first and only one I ever loved."

He wiped my tears and kissed me.

"Goodbye, Rave."

And he was gone... forever.