CHAPTER II:     Welcome to the Reality of Life (Part 3)

XXVIII-XI-MMXIX

WW

"Hehehehehehe!" "Hahahahaha!" "Hihihihihihihi!"

          To laugh at jokes is a sign of intelligence according to my sister Dervla. However, in situations like these, laughter is not the best medicine.

*Spank!*

          Everytime we laugh at sister Dervla's jokes,

"Oooooouuuuch!"

          The pain was real...

"Owowowowow!"

"I'm not doing anything yet."

------

*Spank!*

          Really painful! 

          Me and sister Saoirse would quickly run onto our beds and hide under the wool, pretending to sleep. But when Mother Ma Mommy tried to...

*Slap!*

          One is enough to make sister Dervla...

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

          Whenever the trigger button was pushed, the music would start to play. Welcome to our reality of life. Even if you try to cover your ears, there is no escape. Their poetic MUSICAL argument would echo in our minds like a last song syndrome SINGdrome:

*Slam!*

*Clink! Clink! Clang!*

*Thump!*

*Clatter! Clatter! Clink! Clink! Clang!*

{Sister Dervla}     "Why is religion so serious?

I thought God was bored this moment

I can see through my lens

He made people to serve Him through entertainment

God loves the humorous for God is a genius!

Folks who laugh at my jokes

Isn't it a sign of intelligence?"

          If I were sister Dervla, I would just keep quiet and accept my punishment even if I feel that I don't deserve it...because...you know, in our uhmmm-monastic medieval is modern period, elders are always right, correct? The more sister Dervla would sing her heart out, the more Mother Ma Mommy would become mad. Really mad:

"Noooooooooo!"

*Whip! Whip! Whip! Whack!*

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

*Snip! Snip! Snip! Smack!*

"Enough!"

"Shut up!"

          Sometimes, we don't learn our lessons because we blame our anger, without blaming ourselves, why we do things we don't intend to do. (Really?) We used the imperfections of humanity as reason to cover up our true intention to what we brand the perfect. Yet we shout for God's forgiveness, without humbly asking for the victim's, knowing that God will forgive. But the consequence of your sins will return. Uh-I am not the one who said that.

          We just realize it when we have done it. I remember a day when sister Dervla's short hair become even more shorter. He, I mean, SHE looked uglier than a boy:

{Sister Dervla}     "What was that for?

Why do you hurt me so proud?"

{Mother Ma Mommy}     "Because I love you, son."

{Sister Dervla}     "I'm not your son, mother?"

{Mother Ma Mommy}     "Don't call me your mother!"

{Sister Dervla}     "I won't bother!"

{Sister Dervla}     "Can't take anymore

Why you have to scold me out loud?"

{Mother Ma Mommy}     "To teach you a lesson!"

{Sister Dervla}     "I feel I'm in prison!"

{Mother Ma Mommy}     "You're not allowed to cry!"

{Sister Dervla}     "Nor be angry, I'll try..."

          When we hear sister Dervla's voice become teary, it's a sign of her defeat. But it's not yet over! Mother Ma Mommy would continue reprimanding sister Dervla musically:

{Mother Ma Mommy}     "You've got Aaaattitude problem singdrome

You've got middle-child syndrome

Your illogical reason disrespects us elders

Don't wanna follow? Go on, get out of this shelter!

You think you can win if we rumble?

You have no right to slam the table

---

Always be humble

Always be teachable..."

          Mother Ma Mommy is not a monster mom. She just wanted us to grow well-disciplined through the 'monastic medieval is modern' way. But there were times when sister Dervla would become too rational and radical, Mother Ma Mommy would become too personal and emotional. Me and sister Saoirse would blame sister Dervla why our mom would lock herself inside her room for hours. From outside, we could hear her sobbing quietly. Sister Dervla would then pick the lock to open the door:

{Sister Dervla}     "Yes, I've got Uhttitude problem singdrome

Okay, I lack love and attention 

I know you're busy Mother Ma Mommy

I'm sorry for being naughty

Hope my wisecracks would make your day happy

Give me your hand, mother

Hit me, hit me

Hit me, yes, you can

Because I've got attitude problem singdrome."

          Instead, Mother Ma Mommy would hug sister Dervla very tightly. Of course, me and sister Saoirse would join the warm compress.

WW

          The following days, our alarm clock for school would be their poetic musical argument. Thank God when it's not Friday! I would rather go to school than hear their songs again and again. But even in school, the music kept playing and playing in my head. I think I'm having a last song syndrome singdrome:

Faith (in God)

Don't be late!

Hope (of the nation)

Wear your robe

Love (for the people)

Stand above

The core values of Kildare Academy

*Tangalang! Tangalang! Tangalang! Tangalang!* 

{Sister Dervla}     "You keep on saying school is not spoon-feeding

You took teaching for granted

Alphabet soup with silver spoon and golden platter

You force-feed those who never wanted

Though intentions are good, I won't buy that food

Teaching we need not baby-sitting

Your teachings are all that matter."

"Speaking fluently in poetry is not a sign of intelligence," said our teacher.

"I'm not speaking poetry. I'm SINGING poetry," sister Dervla replied.

The whole class laughed, "hahahahahaha!"

So, our teacher joined the musical balagtasan:

{Teacher}     "Who do you think you are?

I'll blame your parents."

{Sister Dervla}     "Don't involve my mother."

{Teacher}     "She didn't teach you manners."

{Sister Dervla}     "You know nothing how she raised me!"

{Teacher}     "You're a crazy lazy young lady."

{Teacher}     "Do you think you've come so far

With your achievements and talents?"

{Sister Dervla}     "I'm good. Don't make me bad."

{Teacher}     "You're a fool undergrad.

{Sister Dervla}     "You were once a student too, right?"

{Teacher}     "How dare you fight...with your teacher."

{Teacher}     "You've got Haaattitude problem singdrome

You've got extra chromosome

You're unethical, unprofessional

Above normal, paranormal

High grade that you want, I'll give you double

Wait till you see your real world like bubble

---

You're not humble

You're not teachable."

{Sister Dervla}     "Sometimes we learn from life, our teacher

The don'ts instead of do's

Sky becomes our limit

Has experience corrupted your views?

We look up on hard workers. You look down on student learners

Collar, blue or white, all work under the solar

Education will take us to the summit."

{Teacher}     "Can't hit your head with hand

I'll better walk out of this class."

{Sister Dervla}     "Take with a grain of salt...

{Teacher}     "Class, it's her fault---"

{Sister Dervla}     "...The bitter truth of my speech

{Teacher}     "---Why today I will not teach."

          Sister Dervla is an outstanding student. Literally, an outstanding student. She obeys when our teacher sent her outside the classroom to stand. But there were times when it's our teacher who walked out of the room. Sister Dervla and our teacher would race to the door. In one loud slam, she leaned on the door and then faced the class:

{Students}     "Face the students' trial stand."

{Sister Dervla}     "I'm just an inexperienced lass!"

{Students}     "Because you revolt---"

{Sister Dervla}     "Don't blame the victim the result!"

{Students}     "---Our seatworks multiplied!"

{Sister Dervla}     "It's all unjustified!"

{Students}     "You've got attitude

Attitude Attitude Attitude

Attitude Attitude Attitude Attitude Attitude

Attitude Attitude Attitude Attitude Attitude Attitude Attitude..."

{Sister Dervla}     "Whaaaattitude problem singdrome?

My vision is monochrome

(Unprofessional!) Good manners's not my profession

(Bad dog! Sit!) Right conduct's not my religion?

The problem with multitude is

They all wanted to teach you

Though everyone can be a teacher

Some only pretends to teach...you

You've got at-TEACH-tude!

Where can I find true teacher?

Come on, teachers

Teach me, teach me

Teach me if you can

Because you say I've got

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

Teach you'd problem singdrome?"

          Sister Dervla unleashed all her energy and fell on her chair with desks full of paperworks. Some of us in the class fell asleep because we can't answer the questions. Some copied answers from their seatmates just to have answers. Some even copied their seatmates' names unintentionally. 

{Sister Dervla}     "I'm helpless. I need you most

I need guidance. I am lost

Was it true, true teachers are becoming rare?

To all teachers out there

If you really have something true to teach

Teach."

          Sister Dervla stood in front of the class and faced her struggling classmates. When our teachers don't teach, it's sister Dervla who teaches us. Our classmates didn't feel shy to approach her and she was happy to share her knowledge. Because of her tutorials she won the trust and hearts of our classmates. 

{Sister Dervla}     "What are they afraid of? The dark?

Aren't they the dark afraid of the light?

To complain is not a crime

What's a school without the students, right?

After women empowerment, now's our moment, students

Schools must not treat us fools

Shine, students, shine..."

{Students}     "Say we've got Baaattitude problem singdrome

Teachers who don't teach, go home, stay home!

You are the reason why our generation

Don't believe in the power of education."

{Sister Dervla}     "The problem with multitude is

They all wanted to teach you

Though everyone can be a teacher

Some only pretends to teach...you

You've got at-TEACH-tude!"

{Sister Dervla}     "Where can I find true teacher?"

{Students}     "Teach don't preach"

{Sister Dervla}     ("Are you a true teacher?")

{Students}     "Come on, teachers"

{Sister Dervla}     ("Is disciplining your discipline?")

{Students}     "Teach us, teach us"

{Sister Dervla}     ("Are you a good role model to us?")

{Students}     "Teach us if you can"

{Sister Dervla}     ("You're just one. We're many")

{Students}     "Because they say our monastic medieval is modern generation's got"

"Baaaaaaaaaat"

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat"

"Teach you'd?"

WW

          "Wait till you see the real world!" Our teachers told us. But young as we are, we already knew we are in the real world. In school, if you are the student, you must study; if you are the teacher, you must teach. School is our preparation for what they call 'the real world.' 

          I wonder why some teachers fear student empowerment. Have they done something wrong to their students? To avoid stress, they stopped controlling us by force. Literally.

          One day, we just noticed sister Saoirse's belly became bloated. During lunch, we saw her teaching her belly the alphabet song. We saw her belly responds by moving. Really!

          "It kicked!" Sister Saoirse laughed, "Hihihihihihihi!"

          Sister Saoirse is very sweet, charming, cheerful, friendly, naive and a little gullible. However, her personality made her the subject of bullying. Whenever our classmates teased her because of her dark skin, flat nose and large nostril, sister Dervla would bravely stand up for her. Sometimes, sister Saoirse is a little detached. Could she be hiding a secret from us? There was this teacher who hated sister Saoirse. Really hateful. I wonder why.

          I have encountered different types of teachers. I want to give this moment to remember some of our teachers during the monastic medieval is modern period:

A teacher who is everyone's favorite;

A teacher who uplifts our spirit;

A teacher whom we greet when we meet;

A teacher who is always on teacher's seat;

A teacher who teaches religion even if the subject was logic;

A teacher who computes grades through magic;

A teacher who is a certified failure freak;

A teacher who loves playing hide and seek;

A teacher who is always sick;

A teacher who carries a stick;

A teacher who plays treat or trick;

A teacher who loves giving candies;

A teacher who respects the ladies;

A teacher who is a gentleman to gentlemen;

A teacher who is known for the abdomen;

A teacher who calls us children;

A teacher who is calm;

A teacher with lip balm;

A teacher with iron palm;

A teacher who preaches Psalms;

A teacher who gives alms;

A teacher who loves wearing red;

A teacher who gives more than a hundred;

A teacher who loves art;

A teacher who has a heart;

A teacher who is smart;

A teacher who wants you to restart;

A teacher who is passionate in history;

A teacher who loves telling story;

A teacher who speaks language fluently;

A teacher who is always angry;

A teacher who is very funny;

A teacher who is always absent;

A teacher who is always present;

A teacher who has unique scent;

A teacher who is Heaven-sent;

A teacher who is always late;

A teacher whom you are always late;

A teacher who loves chocolate;

A teacher whose next lesson we await;

A teacher who has high temper;

A teacher who does pamper;

A teacher who is our adviser;

A teacher we remember in the day for teachers;

A teacher whom no one remembers;

A teacher we describe through features;

A teacher who don't look mature;

A teacher who is creative in lectures;

A teacher who reviews related literature;

A teacher who loves fashion and couture;

A teacher with different culture;

A teacher who is not a terrorist;

A teacher who celebrates feast;

A teacher who loves long list;

A teacher who loves asking for donations;

A teacher who believes in the hope of of the nations;

A teacher who is from far location;

A teacher who gives citation;

A teacher who deserves recognition;

A teacher who has high compensation;

A teacher who has many complication;

A teacher who is a member of a cooperation;

A teacher who is known for degradation;

A teacher who leads us to starvation;

A teacher whom we always see at canteen;

A teacher who is known for wide grin;

A teacher who laughs at own jokes;

A teacher who shares hoax;

A teacher who always win;

A teacher who loves green;

A teacher who reminds us to take good care of our health;

A teacher who gives us strength;

A teacher whom we share crying moments;

A teacher who has a secret talent;

A teacher who don't know the names of students;

A teacher from our Third, Fourth, Fifth Sixth and Seventh;

A teacher who doesn't check works;

A teacher who gives unreasonable overworks;

A teacher who is a mother, mama, mom and mommy to us;

A teacher who cares for the classes;

A teacher who loves giving plus;

A teacher who wears eyeglasses;

A teacher who allows open notes;

A teacher who is known for quotes;

A teacher who has a sore throat;

A teacher who always emote;

A teacher who sings from the diaphragm;

A teacher who invented different sets of exam;

A teacher who hosts every program;

A teacher whom we always cram;

A teacher whom we had war;

A teacher who gives us star;

A teacher who loves formula;

A teacher who does not bring umbrella;

A teacher who loves birds;

A teacher who is a nerd;

A teacher who gives inspiring words;

A teacher who don't want to be remembered;

A teacher who wants us to learn the lesson;

A teacher who wants you to keep moving on;

A teacher who gives award and reward;

A teacher who told us to keep moving forward...

          Whew! I can't believe we passed through all of those types of teachers. After many years of schooling, we are finally graduating! Really! I've heard sister Dervla is a candidate for Latin honor. It's up for our teachers to deliberate if she deserved it or not. 

          I am now a step closer to what they call 'the reality of life.'

For all my achievements, I dedicate it all to:

My real Parents;

My real Mother Ma Mommy and real Grandfather Ricky;

My real sister Dervla and real sister Saoirse;

My real Teachers, real Professors and real Mentors;

my real family and real friends;

and to Almighty God the Father

Really.

---to be continued---

---The Wicked Writch

Bat-Hat-What?