Song: Please don't say you love me By Gabrielle Aplin

That was not the last time that Andy kissed me. Every night he makes sure to stop by to make sure that I have taken my pills and then he kisses me good night. There are occasions where we ride Thunder and Lightening out in the fields and we find ourselves holding hands and kissing.

 We try not to do it around others in the house due to talk and honestly I think it may be against the rules to date anyone that lives here. I think Anna and Mark have an idea that we like each other, but maybe just as friends.

But anyway...today we are all alone in the field and he brought a blanket. I watch as he lays it out on the ground. He sits down and the lays back to look up at the clouds.

"You know you want to join me." He smiles.

I walk over and squat down then turn my body around to sit and lay beside him.

"Look at that cloud...it looks like a cat playing with a ball."

"Yeah...either that or fuzzy sheep." I smile and point to a different cloud. "What about that one...it looks like dragon shooting out flames."

"Ahhh...yeah...I see that." His hand finds mine and we are holding hands. He rolls over on his side to look at me. "Can I kiss you?"

I nod.He leans over and his soft lips send chills down my spine. He glides his body over mine and continues to kiss me. One hand is in my hair while the other is itching its way down my side and then back up under my shirt. My hands hold on to his hips and then grab his back pulling him closer to me.

"God...I want you." He whispers.

"I know..." I kiss him again. This time his mouth opens and his tongue finds its way inside of mine; I'm about to lose it. I quickly move my hands between us. "Andy...wait."

"What is it?"

"It's just...do you have any protection...I...I can't get pregnant while on my meds."

"Oh...I figured you were like on the pill or something."

"No...it interacts with my meds and it's pointless to take if it's not going to do anything."

"Oh...well I guess we better keep in PG13 then." He laughs and kisses me again.

"Haha...you so freaking cute." I kiss him back.His hand finds its way into my shirt and he is groping my breast. He rises up and pulls my shirt off and then takes snaps the front of my bra to expose my breast to him. He engulfs one and I moan out. I am not even paying attention to his other hand as it unbuttons and unzips my jeans. His hand glides down to my sweet spot and I cry out when it slides farther in.

He stops to take his shirt off and then comes back down on me kissing my breast and then my stomach around my belly button. He stops to look up at me before pulling my jeans the rest of the way off. "I thought we were keeping this PG13?"

He grins. "I was trying to but....but you captivate me Sophie...I don't think I can stop myself."

He pulls off my lacey panties and sets them to the side. He looks down at me...admiring my fucked up body. He traces a few of the scars with his lips as if kissing away all the pain as I continue to melt. He goes down on me and in that moment I lose myself. Holy...Shit...I grab the back of his head and massage his scalp...pushing him to go deeper. I let go and hold my breast, caressing them and he continues to make me feel like I have never felt before.

When he is done he kisses back up my waist, toward my breast and then he is looking down at me. I see the desire in his eyes...the want. I lick my lips and fight back the thoughts that keep running in my head.

"I love you." He speaks softly while kissing me again.

I want to say it back but instead I let him kiss me. I feel his hand between my legs and I know what is going to happen next and I can feel myself fighting inside...I want this...but I don't...I want him I do but I'm starting to get scared of what if this happens...what if that happens. And I don't even realize when I push him off of me.He rolls over lying on his back and I sit up.

"I'm sorry...Andy..." I take a deep breath. "I'm so sorry...I do want this...I do...I want you that way...I just can't right now...please understand." I look over at him, thinking he would be laying there with his eyes closed or looking up at the sky...instead he is looking at me.

His eyes tear up...and it's not about what I just said...or what happened...it's about the scars on my back. Of all this time I thought he would have known but apparently he didn't. I reach down to snap my bra back in place and grab my shirt. As I am putting it on his hand touches my back. "What happened? Who did this to you?"

I jerk away and stand up to grab my panties, lifting up one leg then the other and pull them up. I grab my jeans and do the same. He is already standing beside me. His hand finds mine and he holds it tightly. "Sophie...what happened?"

"You wouldn't understand."

 "Sophie...please..."

I sit back down on the blanket, folding my legs up, Indian style. I can feel my eyes fill up with tears and my chin begins to quiver. "It's his way of punishing me."

"Who...who did this to you I will kill him?"

I shake my head and look down. "It's not that simple. No one really believes me so you won't either."

He gives me this look and I don't know why I feel so obligated to tell him but I do.

"Fine...I don't know what all my mom talked to you about. I'm sure she never mentioned that I was kidnapped. This guy Kade he jumped in my car and took me to this cabin. He never hurt me though...he was nice to me. However the doctors say he wasn't real...I created him in my mind. He helped me escape when I couldn't deal anymore. Anyway...who knows if he is real or not? While there I was off my meds the whole time and we got into an argument he left. That's when the dark shadow came."

He sits there taking it all in.

"The dark shadow rules over me...whatever he says goes. If I misbehave, go against him this is what happens. It's not just that." I hold out my arms that he has already seen...self inflected wounds. "This too...he talks me into doing stupid shit to hurt myself. He talked me into jumping off the cliff and I ended up in the hospital with a few broken bones. Did my mom tell you...while I was at the mental hospital...this guy helped me escape."

He shakes his head no.

"Yeah...Jasper was nice at first but then we started to have our arguments, mainly because I got off my meds and he had his brothers over one night. Well they recognized who I was because I was on the news apparently because my mom was looking for me. Anyway the dark shadow helped me kill him. I would have killed Jasper too but I don't remember what all happened. I was found later back at the cabin. I was looking for Kade hoping he would still be there."

"And I'm sure he wasn't."

"No because apparently he is just in my head. But the dark shadow came along. I don't know what really happens much when he is around because it's like he just takes over everything. He even knows how to get rid of Emily and Ava."

"I'm sorry...I didn't know...thanks for telling me."

I shrug my shoulders. "I can't be on birth control because it messes up my dosage on my other meds and it causes it not to work. And if I ever decide to get pregnant I have to be off my meds for at least three months...but then the dark shadow will come and I can't have that either."

"Oh." He looks down and then over to Thunder and Lightning.

"Andy...we need to talk about this if we plan on being together. I mean if you want kids I totally understand but honestly I don't think I would be a good mom. I just never know when I am going to start losing myself and I can't be off my meds and I can't get pregnant while taking them."

"I see...well can we just see how things go for now. I will get some condoms alright...and we don't have to think about having kids for now."

"For now...Andy this is a lifelong thing. I need to know that you will be alright with me not ever having kids."

He leans over and places both hands around the bottom of my face, pulling me into him to make me stare into his eyes. "OK...we don't have to have kids...I just want you."

"You say that now...but I guarantee that you will change your mind later. You will be wanting more."

"Sophie...I only want you." He pulls me all the way in to kiss me.