We're back with today's quotes from C.

*Looks at book report he wrote last week on When You Reach Me, which he hated*
"I was nice enough to give it a 5? This book's not a 5, that's just being nice. It's not even a book. It's just a bunch of notes....they could have picked any book, any book, and they pick the one that cusses. I was like 'woah, bud, we're only in sixth grade.' I mean, I coulda care less, but still, I guess they thought sixth graders would think it was cool and were like *goofy voice* 'huhuhuh isn't this fun.'"

*His mom comes in and sweeps crumbs off, flustered* why are there crumbs all over the table?
C: *confused* it's not like we don't eat here

C: lower case m's look like butt cheeks pointing up
His mom: oh my god don't say that out loud

*mom comments on how sloppy his handwriting is*
C: Mom, it's not that bad! I've seen other boys' handwriting. If you could see other boys' handwriting you would be like 'hallelujah my kid.' *raises hands in praise*

Mom: *questions why E and her friend are dragging couch cushions upstairs when there are already other cushions upstairs*
C: Maybe the cushions weren't deep enough for their butts.

Mom: *proofreading* I feel like you say "because" too much

C: *slams hands on table* I'm southern! I say because!

C: *writing book report on how Gabriel became more brave during TBOS (a topic he chose)* I don't really know what to say. I mean, he ran away from the castle while guards were shooting at him.

Me: You can put that. Do you want to say that showed he was becoming more brave?

C: Well actually it's because he's dumb if you wanna know the truth.

Me: *explodes laughing*

C: *ignoring my laughter* It goes both ways, though. He also escaped the castle because those guards were teenagers with crappy aim and couldn't hit him even though he was standing right there.

E: *does magic tricks that involve telling us to close our eyes while she makes something disappear*

C: *flat voice* wow. what a magician.