Day 1: Myths/Rain

warnings: some mentions of violence, blood and drug use

Somewhere. Someday.

Tiny fingers find their place in a fist, like a sparrow in a cage. The hands are warm but the cage is warmer. They burn like fire. Isn't it pathetic to remain inside the fire just because it's cold outside? Tiny fingers move ever so slightly, making themselves comfortable inside their fiery jail, somehow they fit perfectly inside. Was the cage built for them only, a perfect made mould, or were the tips and imperfections cut out instead?

"Do you know why there's no rain in a thunderful land?" The little fingers tremble slightly, danger is near them and they know it. They can not show it. "Rain washes away the mistakes and regrets, child. You will never know rain, my dearest." –a smile, the cage burns– "For the thunder will have already struck you down."

.

The myth goes like this; At the top of the Tower, resides the God of Destruction and Calamity. The being was born from bloodshed and now destruction cometh upon us. Pray, dearest reader, for a Chosen One to come and end the calamity. Pray for the Guardians' downfalls. Or pray for our own death to soon salve our souls.

.

There is a thunderstorm outside. The rain falls violently against the windows as if it's trying to break them, fall inside and drown everyone. Such a thing could never happen, yet his pulse quickens and his adrenaline rises. Had rain always been that violent? That demanding of attention? He looks at it falling, frozen in his place, the thin glass separating them.

"The weather is terrible today." Khun states. He hadn't even noticed him coming. Of course, it was expected. Khun had this strange gift of being by his side whenever he was in distress, ready to do whatever it took to put his mind at ease. His presence alone was enough to make him relax slightly.

"I don't like the rain." The words slip out without thought. Quick and easy without shame. Khun hummed as he took one step closer to him, letting their shoulders bump into each other, and stared at the falling rain.

"My mother used to say rain is for washing away one's sins," Khun admits. His reflection is seen briefly in the window. Mixed with the rain, the image is almost holy. He thinks having someone like Khun–beautiful, dedicated, the only beacon left–talk about sins, about the evil of the world, is heretic.

"You think she was right?"

"That rain is some form of a light divine punishment?" They both continue staring at the thunderstorm. The silence falls between them, the rain only becomes more violent, and yet Khun offers enough comfort to shelter him. He reaches out to hold his hand. It's cold. "I'm not sure," –he squeezes his hand, a promise that he's here– "but you already know, don't you?"

.

He keeps scrubbing to the point his fingers start to hurt. Despite the amount of water he's wasted, the blood remains on his fingernails. Some of it is most likely his. There is too much noise outside. The other man–the worm, the monster–is trying to say something but the injuries and blood loss do not let him speak properly. Outside, the rain gently taps the window. Both sounds irritate him but he must persist.

He glances outside. The soil absorbs the water almost immediately, and the small flowers look up and demand more. The creations of God are just as insatiable as he is.

He keeps on scrubbing.

.

The room is quiet; the windows are covered with pieces of wood and the walls are soundproof. It's meant to be peaceful, it's meant to protect him from the noise. Yet, possibly due to his lack of sleep, he can still hear the sound of the rain outside. He doesn't remember the last time the sky was clear. He shuts his eyes close and uses the pillow next to him to apply pressure on his head.

"I'm sure when they told you to lay down, they meant to sleep." Khun's voice makes him snap out of it. He has once again quietly come by his side near the bed. Despite his scornful tone, his smile is soft. He places a hand on his cheek–it's cold but the most tender a monster can deserve–and sighs. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

What else is there to do, he wonders. What else is left.

"I'm almost done," he ends up saying "and then the rain will stop."

Khun remains silent, simply smiling sadly. "I have missed the sunshine as well," he mumbles as he brings his hand back to his side "but Bam, all the light in the world wouldn't be worth you losing yourself."

"It'll be fine." then quickly "I'll be fine." Khun doesn't seem that convinced, but no fight can be won without suffering. "I have the best Lightbearer to keep me out of harm's way."

This earns a chuckle from the other. "Flattery will get you everywhere."

"I'm just stating facts."

"Of course you are." Khun smiles once more, a smile so vibrant it would bring the stars to shame. "Could you do your best Lightbearer a favour then and get some sleep?"

He immediately wants to protest. As long as it rains outside, sleep will not come for him. This is, after all, how it's meant to be. There is no sleep for the wicked, no sleep for the sinners, just eternal damnation. Khun must see through his fear like he always does because he holds his hand tightly and lays beside him. "I can talk to you until you fall asleep," he says "that way you won't hear the rain."

.

It's a lie, of course; the rain is always louder when he's around.

Still, God falls into slumber.

The last thing to be seen is a vase with chrysanthemums.

.

The Thorn takes her out.

He refuses to have his hand stained by her blood. How cruel was what they became. How cruel to have him lose everything that used to matter and everything that was meant to last. Unlike the others, hers is not a messy scene. A quick death. Some mercy because of the past. Some mercy, not for her, but for the boy he was.

He sits across her, hand on his knees like when he was a child, and weeps.

The rain continues falling, letting the soil absorb it entirely, letting him know that nothing has changed.

.

"I don't understand," He stands outside facing the storm, facing the sky and whatever godly power is above him "I did everything I was supposed to. It shouldn't be raining anymore."

Khun is behind him. He didn't hear him coming nor has he spoken but he knows the Lightbearer is near him. He doesn't dare voice out such a selfish desire but he hopes Khun will manage to comfort him. He prays he'll get him out. A secret blasphemy, though, is still a blasphemy and the Tower can not stand such arrogance.

"I need to leave," Khun whispers. A promise to stay by his side seems to be long gone and forgotten.

The sound of rain grows louder. His head is buzzing and something inside him is shaking, desperately trying to come out. He can't have Khun leave him after everything. If he leaves, his own fate is sealed and the road only leads to darkness. Before he knows it, he reaches for Khun's arm, holding it with as much power as he can muster. The rain is loud inside him but one thought remains equally loud; if he lets go, Khun will slip away like all the things in his life.

"You can't do that–"

"Bam,"

"–I can't bear it. You promised,"

"You're hurting me," Khun whispers as he tries to free his wrist. Rather than listening to him, or noticing how red his arm was becoming, he grabbed his other hand as well to stop him from moving.

"The rain was supposed to stop. I fixed it. You said it would be fine. I fixed it. I fixed it." he repeated. Khun stood frozen, holding his breath, the whites of his eyes large. Fear. Khun was scarred. The realization hit him like thunder. Still, he didn't let go of the other and instead let his head fall on his chest. Like then, he thinks and hopes Khun can read his mind, tell me it's going to be alright. There is no comfort this time, no shadow of a touch. They both remain like this, letting the rain fall on their faces.

Yet the ground is dry.

.

"Bam," it must be Endorsi who's speaking yet he finds himself unable to confirm it. His vision is blurry, tears streaming down his face, as he hugs Rak. His friend holds him tightly, patting his back. More people must be there. He can feel them staring.

"I hurt him," he whispers "I hurt him, it's my fault."

He recognises Shibisu's sigh from behind him, yet it's the only reaction he gets for the next minutes. He keeps on crying, and wonders if his tears are mixing with the rain. Eventually, Rak speaks. "The blue turtle could never hate you,"

Of course, he could. Everyone eventually did. "He's going to leave me," he says. Rak doesn't argue, simply stiffens for mere seconds, before resuming patting his back. He feels like a child.

"Bam," Shibisu calls out to him, his tone is sweet but his expression is weird. His smile reminds him of Rachel, of the smile you give to soften the blow. Meanwhile, his eyes shine as if he wants to cry. "have you been taking the pills?"

The pills, his mind repeats. He remembers Shibisu giving them to him, telling him when he's supposed to take them, but when he tries to remember if he's taken them, all he hears is rain. His silence is an answer enough. He pulls away from Rak's embrace and watches Shibisu's worried expression. Hatz also stands by the door, next to Endorsi, and refuses to meet his eyes.

"They are important, Khun agrees as well." Shibisu continues "They'll help you with the headaches."

Bam nods. "What about–"

"Rak is right about Khun not hating you, he was just a little shaken and worried about you." he smiles softly "Take the pills, sleep a while and then you can work it out."

Bam nods again. Anything to let Khun know that he didn't mean it.

.

"How long can we keep drugging him?" Endorsi asks as soon as they're out of the room. She stares at the closed door with longing.

"For as long as we live," Hatz replies "or if someone succeeds–"

"Don't say that."

"We're going to die before something like that happens." He corrects, softening his voice. Endorsi had always been hot-headed and now that someone she cared about was suffering, her reactions were bound to be worse. "But the fact remains. He must take the meds until he dies or everyone else will."

No one argues any further. After a while, Rak clears his throat. "I'm going to sleep as well, call for me when the black turtle wakes." He leaves before anyone can protest. Not that anyone would dare to.

For in the end, as long as Bam took the pills, as long as they kept him like that, Rak would be the one to suffer the greatest loss.

.

The reality goes like this; at the top of the Tower resides the murderer of Gods, the future destructor of life, a man-made monster. One day he lost something important. Nothing was ever the same. And sadly, my dearest reader, he will not suffer alone.

Notes-Trivia:

-the title is a reference to Last Words of a Shooting Star by Mitski because pain recognises pain

-I *am* hoping the 'twist' was clear but in case it wasn't, here it is; Khun dies (because Twitter is obsessed with Khun angst and I blame Vi)--in what I hope is Canon Divergence--possibly after getting separated from Bam around the current arc. Chestnut loses his marbles and since he's incredibly OP, there is much death, spice and everything nice. In order to not have the Tower crumble, team Bam decides to 'drug' him so he doesn't actually kill everyone. The guilt and trauma are too big, however, and combined with his sometimes unwillingness to take the pills, disasters still end up happening. Enemies try to take advantage of Bam's new state and try to murder him but his friends protect him any way they can. What happens here is that Bam starts hallucinating BOTH Khun and the rain and it's overall a slow and painful road to madness.

So really poor Rak losing both of his best friend--

-Chrysanthemums symbolize grief and although I didn't say it, Endorsi was the one that bought them.

-This was 100% inspired by that one part in Jack Stauber's Rain cartoon

Thank you for reading, see you tomorrow!