[𝟏𝟑] 𝐈'𝐦 𝐀 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫

"Ｔｈｅｙ ｗｅｒｅ ｌｉｋｅ ｓｔａｒｓ ｏｆ ｔｈｅ ｓｋｙ ｓｈｉｎｉｎｇ ａｔ ｍｅ． Ａｎｄ ｔｈｉｓ ｓｉｇｈｔ． Ｔｈｅ ｓｉｇｈｔ ｏｆ ｔｈｅｓｅ ｓｔａｒｓ ｍａｋｅｓ ｍｅ ｗａｎｔ ｔｏ ｄｒｅａｍ．" － Ａｓｈ
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𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐝 𝐒𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐳

I put my hands inside my jacket's pocket while watching the sunset go down here on the hilltop. The same place where Felipe brought me after we went to Caravan. Ganoon pa rin ang naramdaman ko kahit pang ilang beses ko ng bisita dito. 

Which is tranquility.

The breeze was cold and you can still hear the sound of birds chirping. The memories here started to play in my head on how I overreacted when I saw the view, how I cried in front of Felipe and comforted me, and confessed his true feelings about the audition. 

"It's not the same without you," I whispered to myself. 

Nakakatawa nga eh, this place—his place became my serenity. He used to go here to relieve stress and the pressure he had from people's expectations of him. And now, I'm here, filling his spot. 

Today is Cora and Alana's graduation. Since our school have 2,450 graduates this year, they had to adjust their program and ceremony, para matapos agad. Nagsimula siya ng 11 am at matatapos mamayang 9 ng gabi. Hindi kagaya nung dati, nagsimula ng alas tres natapos ng madaling araw.

"Iha, kung ako sa'yo, bumaba ka na habang may araw pa, madilim ang dadanan mo pababa," I turned my back and saw a 50-old man, who's looking healthy, riding a mountain bike. I appreciate his small gesture so I smiled at him.

"Okay lang po, 'tay. Kabisado ko naman po ang daanan." He nodded and went off.

The sun went down and the night enveloped the sky. Isa-isa nagpakita ang mga bituin sa langit at sabay sila kuminang. Totoo nga na mas maganda tignan ang gabi dito dahil makikita mo ang buong kalangitan. 

The reason why I'm here is to think how I am going to say to my parents about me being a trainee for ShowBT. I am super aware that the audition will start on Saturday and we have to go to Manila this Friday. 

I have four days left before D-day. 

I really want to get this opportunity. Feel ko isang beses lang 'to darating sa akin, kaya gusto ko na agad kunin. Cora left me with two options: One is to wait the remaining year for me to graduate before I join ShowBT. The second one is to take a Leave Of Absence for 2 years and can come back after debut.

Of course I will definitely pick the first option, pero hindi ko alam kung papayagan nila ako pagkatapos. I gave them high grades, credentials, achievements and the competitions I won outside the school. Ano pa ang kulang? Ano pa ang kulang kaya ayaw nila ako bitawan?

Lord, kung para sa akin 'yon, bigyan niyo po ako ng sign.

I felt a sudden vibration from my back pocket and pulled my phone from it. I immediately answered Alana's call, "Oh?" 

"'Oh? Oh?' mo diyan? Punta ka dito bilhan mo kami ng C2, kanina pa kami nauuhaw ni Cora," she ordered.

"Kapal ng mukha niyo, ha? Gagawin niyo pa akong yaya," I replied with an irritated tone. 

"Dali na kasi, darling! Hindi pa kumakain ng lunch," she whined. I put my phone on my lips and said, "Nandiyan naman sila Yvette, sila ang utusin mo!" 

"Huwag mong hintayin na si Cora pa mismo mag-sabi sa'yo, ha."

"Wala naman ako sa school, Alana. Maya-maya pa ako pupunta diyan."

"Nasan ka ba?"

"Sa bundok ulit."

"Para mag-emote? Mag-wish? Ano naman iwi-wish mo diyan?"

"I wished na sana matapilok ka!" I ended the call. Hindi ko sadyang tignan ang phone ko pero napansin ko na mag aalas sais na kaya sumakay na ako sa motor ko at nag-drive pababa. Dumaan muna ako sa Mcdo at tinake out-an ko sila ng tig-isang burger, sundae, fries at boteng tubig, pati na rin tig-isang plastic bag. This should be enough, right? Since they haven't eaten their lunch yet. 

I went to the school and saw our school director giving her speech before the graduates fall in line to sing their graduation song. I brisked walked to their lane and good thing Alana and Cora are both sitting on the left side and there's only one gap between them. I handed first Alana's food and she was shooket when she saw me and what makes her shooket more is when she saw the food. 

"Ang bait mo talaga, darling! Kala ko sa handaan ka lang magpapakita," napa-pout ang gaga nang makuha niya ang pagkain niya. 

"I'll wait at the back," I said and she slowly nodded. 

Next, I went to Cora and she first looked at the food before she put her gaze on me, she gave me a wide smile and said, "Good dog," after she took the plastic. 

I scoffed at her and she said, "Thanks, dear. Ma'am Karen is at the back," and took a bite on her cheeseburger. 

Pumunta ako sa likod at nakita si Ma'am Karen nakaupo sa first row. Inalis niya ang nakapatong na Kate Spade handbag niya sa upuan nang makita niya ako parating. I sat besides her, since wala na ring ibang mauupuan. Hanggan ngayon na a-awkward pa rin ako tuwing kasama ko si Ma'am, pagdating kasi sa akin napakastrikto niya, minsan sisigagawan ako at pinapaala ang mga mali kong ginawa. 

"Ms. Suarez," she called me without looking. Everytime she calls my name, parang nangunguryente ang buong pagkatao ko.  I leaned myself at her to hear her clearly.

"Does your parents know that you're going to Manila this Friday for the auditions?" 

I suddenly froze. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin kay Ma'am, should I tell the truth that I haven't yet? She turned at me waiting to answer her question. I gulped and thought, 'Bahala na'.

"Uh, about that po. Hindi ko pa sila nasabihan pero alam kong papayag sila," I gave her a bitter smile which made her to raise her right eyebrow and said, "Are you sure? Mr. Geong, the president of ShowBT, are expecting your visit."

May tumulong pawis sa palad ko galing sa noo ko, "He watched Prisma's intermission number through Facebook. He already commend Alana, Cora and you to be part of the trainees," Ma'am Karen said. 

"Kung nahihirapan ka, Ms. Suarez, sabihan ang mga magulang mo, mag-sabi ka lang sa akin at tutulungan kita." Wala akong masabi. Ayaw ko rin maabala si Ma'am Karen, sa tingin ko hindi niya maiintindihan magulang ko kung bakit hindi siya papayag. 

"Kung gusto mo," tumingin ako kay Ma'am, "Gusto mo ako nalang ang mag-sabi sa kanila?"

Napailing ako ng maraming beses, "Huwag! Ako nalang," I suddenly raised my voice at her and calmed myself after, "Ako nalang, ako nalang po magsasabi." She softly nodded multiple times as if she gets the real situation behind my words. 

"Kung ganoon, then I tell you this. Kailangan niyo rin malaman ito," Ma'am Karen's tone went serious, "Ngayon lang kayo bibigyan ng kumpanya ng ganitong tsansa, there will be no next year, Ms. Suarez," she emphasized.

"Sa tingin ko dahil, naniniwala sila na pag gusto ng tao, gagawin nila despite the unknown challenges that the person will face. If the person rejects it, sa paningin nila na iniisip mo na you're still unsure of this path or you think that this career is really not for you. If a dreamer wants it, she will definetly get it," she added. "They think, along the long run, they'll find someone better, that's why they only give you one chance."

Then this leave me with one option, the second one. 

I really, really want to follow my dreams, but I also don't want to disappoint my parents. 

"So, Ms. Suarez, will you risk everything to follow your dreams? Do you think it'll be worth it to take this path?" 

Syempre . . 

. . hindi. 

Isa itong suntok sa buwan. Siguro, isang sign na 'to na binigay ni Lord, na hindi talaga para sa akin itong daan. Makinig nalang ako sa magulang ko. 

"Kung may problema ka, Ms. Suarez, you can approach me," 'yan ang huling sinabi ni Ma'am bago ibalik ang tingin niya sa unahan. Everything sink in—left me speechless. I still don't know what to reply. 

"Ash! Ash!" Namalikmata ako nang may dalawang babae nakasuot ng toga tumatakbo palapit sa akin. Alana pulled my hand. Before we ran, I took a quick glanced at Ma'am Karen and she gave me a heartwarming smile. What does that mean?

"Bilisan mo takbo mo!" Alana commanded with annoyance. Me, Cora and Alana were running hastily towards the stage.

"Ano meron? Bakit tayo tumatakbo?" I bawled at Alana. 

"May special performance ang Prisma ngayon, dear, pagkatapos mismo ng Director's speech," Cora calmly said while trying to run the same pace with us. 

"Put—what?!" Muntik ko pang murahin si Cora. Good thing I held back, baka murahin rin ako nito wala sa oras. Nakakainis lang isipin bakit ngayon lang kami sinabihan, as in sa mismong Graduation? 

We arrived at last at the side of the stage, the girls removed their togas and their cap. The personnel quickly gave us each microphone. I can still hear Alana's rants my left, "Pucha talaga si Madam Faye, demonyo talaga!"

"Alam niyang 'yong flow ng program, ngayon lang ako sinabihan! Jusko, dapat siningko nalang kita sa Evaluation hindi kwatro!" At patuloy ang pag-mumura ni Alana sa gilid, kaya hindi ko na ito kinausap pa baka ako na ang murahin niya. This is the second time seeing Alana like this. Una noong nakaaway niya ang kalaban ko sa soccer. I've never seen her being aggrieved since I knew her for being a laid back person. 

Akala ko nga si Cora ang maiinis ngayon dahil sa palpak ng pag-organize ng program. O maybe she doesn't want to add fuel to the fire, since Alana's reaction is already making the flame bigger. Tsaka nangyari na rin ito ng dalawang beses sa Prisma, kaya siguro sanay na si Cora sa ganitong sitwasyon.

"Paano sila Yvette? 'Yong iba?"  tanong ko naman kay Cora habang inaayos ang suot niyang damit. She looked at me looking unbothered, "Tayo lang ang nahugot ni Alana. We don't have much time left to find the others, dear." 

"Ano ang kakantahin natin ngayon?" Hindi natatapos ang pagbabato ko ng tanong sa kanila. We came unprepared, but what the hell, bahala na. 

"Young Forever daw po sabi ni madam Faye," ani ng personnel sa likod namin.

"Wow! Siya pa talaga ang pumili ng kanta namin? The audicity!" Alana said with her clenched jaw and baring teeth. 

"Young Forever..." I said while recalling the song, "...kaya 'to, kaya 'to. We sang this one time in Samgyeopsal House, right?" I remembered. "Correct," Cora replied. 

Nagkumpulan kaming tatlo para mag-dasal. I lead the prayer while the emcee introducing our group, "They won K-pop National Summit 2020 at Manila for three consecutive years. They have also won K-pop CDO Summit and K-pop Cebu National Convention this year, performed at SB19's concert and they are the first female group. . ."

"Lord, our performance is not only for us but also for the people, for our family and for You. We thank you for giving us a chance to rock this stage once again. In Jesus Name, Amen." Natapos rin ang pag-dasal naming tatlo. "After 3," sinimulan kong ilagay ang kamay ko sa gitna namin at pinatong ng dalawa ang kanilang kamay sa ibabaw ko.

"1, 2, 3, Prisma," matamlay naming sabi as we held our arms high. 

The crowd clapped. Kilala ng mga tao kung sino ang tinutukoy ng host kahit hindi pa niya nababanggit ang pangalan namin. "Let us all welcome the school's pride, with their tagline: 'Be a rainbow. Be a prism.' PRISMA!"

The lights turned dimmed. Isang stage light lang ang nakabukas, inalis ang ilaw sa likod at sa unahan.  We went up to the stage and went to our positions, I stood between Cora and Alana.

Tinutok ang spotlight sa amin nang makita nila na ready na kami. I sighed. I wasn't getting tensed or excited na magpeperform kami ngayon, wala lang talaga ako ngayon sa mood. Dahil naalala ko ang pinagusapan namin ni ma'am Karen kanina. 

"Will you risk everything to follow your dreams? Do you think it'll be worth it to take this path?"

Iniisip ko na baka ito na nga ang huling pag-kanta ko sa stage. Magkakaroon na ng sariling buhay si Cora at Alana. I knew they're offically going  to Manila this Friday, tutuloy pa rin sila kahit kasama ako o hindi. I mean, who wouldn't get this golden opportunity, right? 

As soon as the music started playing, Cora started singing the first line at unti-unting binubuksan ang ilaw sa unahan.

"I am happy with who I've become," Cora sang.

Next was Alana and the lights were added on the stage. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako papasok dahil hindi namin ito prinaktisan, sinusunod ko nalang 'yong pasunod sunod namin pagkanta sa Samgyeopsal House. 

"I stand in the middle of the empty stage, and suddenly feel afraid of the void."

Teka lang, ha. Ba't parang itong kinakanta namin sums up the whole dilemma I have today? What a coincidence naman. Does this mean na ito na talaga ang huling pagsasama naming tatlo? 

"I tell myself so shamelessly,

Raise your voice higher

Even if the attention isn't forever, I'll keep singing.

I want to stay this way for life.

I want to stay young forever."

When I sang the chorus, the lights turned on instanstly. I flinched a little when it flashed at us simultaneously. Even though madam Faye suprised us with an unexpected intermission, she did a great job setting the lights up for the song. 

"Forever, we are young. Even when I fall and hurt myself

I keep running toward my dream

Forever, ever, ever (hope, dreams, forward, forward)

Forever ever ever, we are young."

After singing my part, I came to realize that maybe this is a sign. The sign I've been asking awhile ago. Bilis naman, Lord, ah? 

The crowd took their phones out and opened their flashlights. The waved their phones back and forth, following the rhythm of the song. And for that moment, I mistook them as stars. They were like stars of the sky shining at me. And this sight—the sight of these stars makes me want to dream. 

My jaw left in awer. I felt Alana and Cora's gaze at me. They sang the chorus repeatedly for me. I was still mesmerized by the view I'm seeing. 

Sige, Lord. I'll give it a shot. I'll tell my parents about it today. Thank you. Our song ended, gumulo ang expression naming tatlo, because there were no claps and no one is making a  noise. The place was quiet until someone sang the chorus and everyone sang it with her. Their voice echoed in the field.

"Forever, we are young
Even when I fall and hurt myself 
I keep running toward my dream."

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it. Congratulations to my batchmates year, 2019-2020. I am excited to see all of you guys become Accountants, Engineers, Nurses, Doctors, Architect, Teachers and other professionals. Padayon!" The crowd yelled 'Padayon!' back at Cora, they clapped after. We took our bows and went down from the stage. 

The graduates started to fall in line for their song and have their reccesional next. The ceremony ended with taking group photos and selfies and throwing of graduation caps, medals, and diplomas.  'Bahala kayo niyan mag-pulot' I thought. 

The PAS family, together with Prof. Steins and the high school members were reuinted for the first time. We took several pictures and hugged and congratulated Cora and Alana, even Mike and Kris and other PAS seniors who graduated today. 

"Ate Cora mamimiss ko po kayo pati mga sermon ninyo," Yvette said while crying on Cora's arms. Yvette is the youngest member of Prisma and an incoming Grade 10 student this year.

"Hindi na po kumpleto ang Prisma, wala na po kasi kayong tatlo," pangiyak na sabi naman ng isang naming member. Alam rin nila na sasabak kami sa ShowBT ngayong Biyernes. 

"Mawawalan na po kami ng leader, main vocalist at visuals," she added. 

"Well, pwede niyo naman ituloy ang Prisma kahit wala na kami," Alana replied while tapping her head. 

"Hindi na po magiging 'Prisma' ang 'Prisma' dahil wala na po kayo. Si ate Ash po ang gumawa ng grupo, ayaw po namin kunin ang credit. Naisip po namin gumawa nalang ng bagong grupo.  Dreamers po ang pangalan," she replied to Alana. 

Dreamers. Maganda siya. 

"Pwede naman Prisma New Born, diba Cora? " sabi ni Alana at binatukan naman siya ni Cora, "Pangit pakinggan, gagawin mo ba silang bampira?"

Natapos ang gabi sa kuwentuhan at sa walang katapusan ng pagkukuha ng mga litrato. Gumitna ako sa dalawa, kinuha ko ang graduation cap ni Cora at pinatong ito sa ulo ko. First time namin magkaroon ng matinong picture. 

Nag-paalam na kami sa isa't isa dito sa parking lot. Kasama nilang lahat ang pamilya nila. Bago ko isuot ang helmet, napunta ang atensyon naming lahat kay Alana dahil sumigaw ito ng, "Invited kayong lahat bukas sa bahay! May tatlong lechon kami!" Akala mo magpapakain ito ng buong baranggay. 

"Punta ka bukas sa bahay, dear. 6 pm," banggit naman ni Cora sa tabi ko bago siya sumakay sa kotse nila. Tumango ako at sinarado na niya ang pintuan. 

I'm the first one to go off. 

While driving on my way home, pinapractice ko na ang mga sasabihin ko pauwi. It's been a while since I talk with them on something serious. Hindi naman kasi kami nag-uusap, lalo na pag kumakain kami sa lamesa. Kadalasan si ate Minna ang kasama ko kumain. 

As I got home, I saw a lot of cars parked outside of our house. The lights of inside were all open and I can hear their cheers and noises from here. I am not infrormed that we're having a party here, ah? 

I quickly parked my motorcycle at our garage. Every time I stomp my feet on the floor, I can feel the weight of my body. I'm actually dissapointed, I don't want to be rude to their visitors that I'd be coming home late at kung ano pa ang iisipin nila. Edi sana, I have time to groom myself. 

When I opened the door, mabili kong sinuklay ang buhok ko gamit ang kamay ko at tinuck in ko ang suot kong blouse.  Coz, damn, all my relatives are here!

'Yong mga tito ko na hindi nagpapakita sa mga family occassion at reunions ay nandito. Pati 'yong isa ko pang tito na laging busy 'daw' sa trabaho ay nandito rin, nakasuot pa rin sila ng formal wear. 

Why would they attend such a small gathering?

"Astrid, anak! Andito ka na pala!" My father, who don't usually greet me like this, happily waved his hand. He calls me to introduce me to his workmates, who are chit-chatting at the kitchen. I went near them with an unexplained expression. Nawe-weirdan pa rin ako sa pakikitungo ng tatay ko sa akin. Mostly, naka poker face lang ito sa bahay at hindi niya ako kinakamusta kahit saan. All he do is work, work, and work. Same goes to my mother. 

All of them are wearing suit and ties, looking like the CEO of what companies, then there's me, wearing a sweater, jeans and converse. Baka isipin nila na I don't deserve to be a 'Suarez' because I look like this. 

"This is my daughter, soon to be an architect and obviously my successor," dad proudly introduced me to his friends, I gave them each a handshake and greeted them, "Good evening po. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Isa-isa niya ako pinakita sa mga kamag-anak namin at nakisabay ako sa pagbebeso ng mga auntie at tita ko. Kung makibeso sila sa akin, kala mo hindi nag-aagaw ng lupa. 

"Nakikita ko na na napakagaling na Arkitek ang anak mo, William. You must be proud of her," said auntie Lucia. 

"Oo naman, ate. Sino ba naman ang hindi? Ang galing galing kaya ng anak ko. She aced the exams in her previous..." Nakinig nalang ako sa usapan nila while making several sighs besides aunt Lucia. Kung sana lagi kang ganyan sa akin, daddy. I hope I really make you and mom proud. 

"If you need any help, darling, matutulungan ka ng auntie mo," she said in a genuine tone as she placed her hand on my arm.

"U-uh, thanks auntie," I awkwardly replied. 

Everyone stopped from what they're doing and their attention went at my back, my aunties gasped. As I turned my back I saw my mom wearning a dress holding a white helium balloon. 

She was smiling then she closed the door. 

"I would like to extend my utmost gratitude to our families who need to flew from Manila to witness this great adventure of mine. Thank you Suarez and Imperial family. My apologies if I took your important time just to be here. The reason why all of you are here is because I'm making an announcement."

"After two decades, I'm blessed with another angel," she smiled and looked at dad. "Welcome to this world, our family, and your new home!" She pop the balloon and a pink confetti burst out. 

"It's a girl!" Almost everyone in the house shouted. Everyone cheered and shouted with glee. They congratulate my parents ang took pictures with my mom. 

While I left at the back standing while watching their happy faces celebrating.

End of [12]