Mood: swipe left and tap the media box above to listen to "i love you" by Billie Eilish. Yes, that's how the song is spelled.

Lydia

There we were, Jake and me. By the jacaranda tree on the sidewalk of a busy street. The night was warm, but a cool breeze was passing through.

"Missy, look at me."

"No!"

"Missy, please!"

I looked up and glared at him. His eyes pleaded to me for mercy.

"Missy, I want to be with you."

"Jake, no."

"I want to sleep with you. Have you sleep in my arms. Wake up next to you. Can we at least try?"

Jake's violet-blue eyes stared into mine intensely. His hair was ruffled, and his laurel was displaced. He looked delicious in his toga, sandals, and nothing more. I wondered if he was naked under the cloth.

Snap back, Lydia. Bad idea.

"Bad idea. The friends-with-benefits thing doesn't work."

"I'm not talking about friends with benefits. I'm talking about being together. Actually being together."

"Jake, I can't do this." I was crying.

"Missy, we can do this. Together," Jake pleaded eagerly.

"I can't. I have cold sores that break out now and then."

"Hey! Missy, hey, sweetie, I told you that my mom gets cold sores too. No biggie, right? Your cold sore's gone, anyway. We'll be careful."

"I don't deserve you. I'm not sure if it was even Marc who gave me the cold sore. I kissed and made out with so many college guys at campus parties towards the end of last summer and before I hooked up with Marc. I even let them feel me."

"Lydia, I don't need to hear this."

Neither of us spoke for a while.

"Jake, I really can't," I cried.

"Why not? Give me one good reason why not," Jake argued. He sighed. "Missy... Lydia. I love you."

"Jacob, please."

"Please, what?" His eyes searched mine. His hands were caressing my cheek and hair.

"We've been dancing around the truth long enough. I'm in love with you. I'm pretty sure you feel the same for me too. Be with me, Missy."

"For how long, Jake?" I asked him. "For how long? Until the next woman comes along and steals your heart away from me? Remember senior year, Jake?"

He was still touching me and embracing me. Refusing to let go and needing me. His head was lowered and touched mine.

"It's not just senior year. How about everything that's happened up until now? All the girls you've been with?" I asked.

Jake placed his lips on my forehead and started kissing me. His kisses worked down to the tears on my cheeks. Then my nose. Then my lips.

"There is no one else. Just you. Just me. Just us." He kissed my tears away hungrily. I felt his body heat warming up.

"You're my soul mate," he whispered in my ear.

"Jake..." I could barely breathe as his name escaped from my lips.

"You'll get bored with me," I replied.

Jake laughed in disbelief. "Bored? With you? Are you out of your mind? I could never get bored with you! You're the most lively, exotic, and interesting person I've met! We've gone through so much together!"

"This will ruin our friendship, Jake. It's something we've worked on so hard together," I whispered. More tears sprung from my eyes.

"It will bring us closer," Jake said, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. "We're more than friends. I always felt that way for you, Missy. These feelings... You can't deny it."

I looked up at him with hunger. He saw that. I craved for his lips and kissed them with fervor. He kissed me back, with needy devotion. His tongue explored my mouth and danced with my tongue. His body was pushing against mine.

"I'm not experienced like you, Jake. You'll get bored with me, I promise. I've only slept with two people in my entire life," I confessed.

"You don't belong to them," Jake said.

I was shaking with nervousness. I didn't know what I was doing. I was scared, but this deeper connection felt so right.

"You are mine," Jake growled.

He pulled me to him. My body was locked into his. His.

That's what I was becoming. His.

A sudden flashback of prom night memories stormed into my heart and mind, disturbing the peace in my heart. I suddenly felt sick. I jerked back and yelled for Jake to stop. I walked away and was about to break into a run when Jake, who was calling my name, grabbed my arm.

"Let go of my arm!" I slapped Jake's hand. "I don't belong to you!"

His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped down in total shock.

"It's the trauma I dealt with from prom night. I spent last summer trying to forget it." I held my chest as I had trouble breathing. The stress of prom night caught up with me.

"Lydia! Tell me!" he pleaded. "Tell me what happened to you between prom and that summer. I know something happened."

"Jake... I can't. It's bad." I broke down and fell to the ground. My body couldn't carry the burden anymore. All those hours with Dr. Sykes didn't prepare me for tonight.

"I'm here," Jake responded. "I'm not going anywhere. I've got all night. Heck, I've got the rest of my life."

I looked at him, searching his eyes for sincerity. It was looking right at me.

---

Jake

Lydia was cold, shaking like a leaf. I put my arm around her and tried to warm her up with my body heat. We caught a cab back to my place. We passed Peter Tran, who was deeply engrossed in playing Assassin's Creed on PlayStation. Trust Pete to be at home on Saturday night playing video games.

I brought Missy back to my room, went to the kitchen to get her a cup of warm cocoa-just as she always liked it, with tiny marshmallows, which I bought just for her-and returned to my room to sit by her side.

"I love you, Lydia. I want you to know that whatever you tell me, no matter what, I will always love you," I assured her.

She looked at me with such pain in her eyes. Shit. I had no idea.

"Jake, there's something I need to tell you," she said. "It's Devon."

Devon Declan. Fucking hell. I hated that guy. Whatever she was going to tell me was not good.

---

An hour later, I stared at the ceiling in disbelief. I wanted to punch a hole in a fucking wall. I wanted to hunt Devon down, string him up and skin him alive. Castration crossed my mind. I hated him before. I hate him even more now.

Missy was asleep on my bed, snuggled up to my chest. I had her in my arms.

Carrie told me months ago that something went down with Missy between prom and summer vacation, but that was all she would say. I wanted to know what happened, but Carrie said I should ask Lydia.

I should have known it was Devon. Prom night. It made sense-the locked room at the after-party when I went to look for Lydia. I wanted to apologize to Missy that night for being a jerk friend. I wanted to start over. When I went up to find her at the party-Greg had told me she was upstairs with Devon-I was faced with a locked door. I thought they were at it. I didn't think anything more. I didn't know she drank too much. That she was completely out of it. I didn't know, honest to God.

I was full of emotion bottled inside. Mainly regret. I regretted not being there for Missy. I was blinded by the throes of being a high school hero. Of being Elsie's beau. My infatuation for her blinded my love for Lydia. Fuck my life. I've made mistakes. Now I'm paying for them.

"Thankfully, I was clean after getting myself checked at the doctors, following the assault," Lydia said earlier that night. "I was given the morning-after pill too."

I was sorry for my angel. No one should have to go through this shit. What hurt me most was Lydia telling me tonight that she couldn't do a relationship with me right now. She said she needed time. We shed tears together. I told her I would be waiting for her when she was ready.

I felt a sharp stab in the heart. It hurt like hell. Love is pain, Missy said before she fell asleep.

I wanted to show her that love was an endless landscape full of possibilities.

A/N: Please vote and/or comment if you like this chapter. ⭐️