"Fuck you, fuck you very very much!"

I sing along at the top of my lungs while driving the small rental van, trying to block out the gut-wrenching cries coming from the carrier on the passenger seat while the smell of wet cardboard boxes and cat pee fills my nose.

My eyes sting a little and I bite the inside of my cheek. Don't you dare cry! You're driving towards your independent future! Smile!

I catch a glimpse of my face in the rear-view mirror and scare myself: I look like a psycho killer on her way to her next victim. Smiling was a bad idea. Stop it. My face drops and I try to focus on the road in front of me, the window wipers desperately trying to keep the rain from the front window.

I snap when the gray-furred monster next to me screams like he's getting murdered, hit the brakes, and swerve to the side of the road before beating up the steering wheel with my fists as the first tears stream down my face. A wail wells up from deep inside of me and I completely break down, shaking all over with frustration as my throat closes up, my nose runs, and my cheeks burn from the salty water coming from my eyes in a steady flow.

After opening the glove box and checking every pocket, I'm sure I don't have a handkerchief, tissue, or napkin anywhere near. Desperately avoiding the view in the rear-view mirror because I'm positive I look even worse with my make-up everywhere, red puffy eyes, and blotchy skin. Pathetic.

I pull my hand into the sleeve of my sweater and rub it across my face angrily, my war paint ending up on the fabric, smudged into a shade of brown. So much for making a good first impression with my immaculate makeup. A small meow snaps me out of my self-pity and I turn my head to look into the green eyes of my best friend, who pressed his nose through the bars of his prison. I boop his nose and smile a tiny bit.

"I'm sorry, cutie. I know you hate driving and that I'm being all kinds of emo right now. I promise you're going to love our new place."

Images of the small trailer in the woods fill my brain and the corner of my mouth pulls up a little, imagining myself sitting on the steps with my morning coffee, watching Antonio disappear in the distance as he embarks on a new kitty adventure.

A few slow, deep breaths later my heartbeat is back to normal and the pouring rain has turned into a drizzle. I wearily peek into the rear-view mirror and stare at my face. It looks like I sat too close to the fire and it melted right off.

Fucking hell, woman! You're going to scare every living creature with that face!

The hesitant giggle escaping me turns into a laughing fit, wetting my cheeks all over again. What a mess. My emotions, my life, my appearance... everything in this van is a downright mess. Fitting for a woman who cleans for a living, right?

My own thoughts make me laugh even harder as I hold my belly and feel the jiggle. I allow myself to laugh freely until I'm spent. I wipe my cheeks haphazardly and bend down to Antonio to rub my nose against his.

"Let's go, handsome. We can only go up from here."

After a few minutes of meowing together, we arrive at our destination. I park in front of the small office building and jump out of the van. I'm already one step from the door when I suddenly remember my appearance and turn on my heels to power-walk back to the vehicle.

By the Gods, I almost made a spectacle out of myself.

I open the back of the van and crawl inside, looking for my makeup bag between the soggy boxes, shuddering when my skin brushes against the wet cardboard. The red rose pattern that catches my eye, makes me smile.

There you are.

I pull the makeup bag towards me and zip it open, sighing with relief when I find a pack of wipes in it. Looking into the blurry built-in mirror I try to make myself a tiny bit more presentable as I wipe my makeup off but it only reveals more of my red, blotchy skin.

Fuck it. I'm going in. Can only go up from here, right?

I close the bag before climbing out of the van and closing the door with a loud bang. My feet are already moving toward the office before my brain completely agrees but I'm too tired to argue with myself.

A bell jingles as I push the door open and a squeaky voice greets me."Gooooood morning! Welcome to Creek Mountains! How can I help you?"

Only go up, huh?

The overly friendly attitude of this girl instantly makes me grumpy and I avoid her gaze by staring at her name tag.

Lulu? Seriously? Poor girl.

She clears her throat and I realize I haven't answered her question yet. I quickly speak up, afraid she'll repeat the whole routine. "I'm here to pick up the keys for number thirteen."

"Oohhh, Miss Scarlet! We were expecting you earlier today but I guess the weather slowed you down. I see you've already filled out all the forms online. I'll print them real quick so you can sign them. That's all there's left before you can check out your new crib!"

I cringe while she speaks to me. This girl is so damn annoying with all her happy, squeaky, petite blondness that it takes all my self-control to not punch her in the face.

I sign the forms and force a smile onto my lips. It's not Lulu's fault that I'm so cranky. She is only doing her job, the best way she knows how. I bet most people are happy when they come here, ready to spend their holiday in the woods, and have time to relax.

Lulu hands me the keys with a wide smile. "Enjoy your stay at Creek Mountains! Feel free to call reception if you need any help at all. Byeeeee!"

I take the keys, nod, and quickly make my way back to the van. A short meow lets me know that Antonio is happy I'm back. I scratch his chin and quickly start the van to make my way to the trailer at the edge of the camping ground.

The cerulean color stands out against the trees and a sigh of relief escapes me as I park in front of it. I grab Antonio's carrier and climb the two steps to the front door. I open the screen door and slide the first key into the lock. Of course, the last key I try fits and I open the door, closing my eyes as a weird smell enters my nostrils.

Antonio meows a bit sad and I open his carrier, thinking he will run inside. But he is not a fan of the smell either and disappears into the forest behind the trailer. I sigh and feel a little jealous, I wish I could do the same. I take a deep breath of fresh air before entering my new home.

All the built-up stress leaves my body as I take in my surroundings. This is alright. Small, but functional. A little kitchen, table, two chairs, sofa, and tv. All are placed in a smart way.

I open the cupboards and find plates, mugs, and glasses. There's cutlery in a drawer, and pots and pans in the bottom cupboard. Even a cupcake tin and a batter bowl.

I hum softly as I walk over to what should be the bedroom, finding a clean mattress and clean sheets in plastic wrapping, ready for me to make the bed. The bathroom doesn't disappoint either. It's small but it has everything I need.

I step outside and walk over to the van to get my instant coffee, which I put on top of my last packed items. I walk back inside and get the electric kettle going to drink my first cup of coffee in my new house. Once it's ready, I take a seat on the steps in front of the trailer and sip it carefully, moaning softly as I swallow it down.

The rustling of the leaves and the songs of the birds, soothe me into an even more relaxed state, my mind drifting to an uncertain future. But one without him. The man who made all of the decisions and took me for granted. I shake my head because I don't want to get lost in sadness. That's the last thing I need right now.

I hear something on my right and turn my head, to find a happy Antonio jumping around in the bushes. I chuckle and try to tell myself I will be fine here. We are. I finish my coffee and get up to grab my cleaning materials from the van. Let's start by cleaning everything before I drag my stuff in.

I turn on the tiny radio I've had since I was a kid and sing along while I clean every inch of the trailer. Cleaning is something I'm good at, something I make a living out of, and something I truly enjoy. Instant reward, you wipe it down, and it shines. And the air smells clean and fresh. I always close the door behind me with a smile on my face, knowing I left the place in a way better state than I found it.

At the end of the day, the funky trailer has turned into a home. My stuff has found a place and it smells clean, it even feels cozy with all my favorite, colorful items bringing a happy vibe into the small space.

I feel anything but clean and happy myself though, so I give the shower a go.

I take my clothes off, toss them in the hamper and turn the water on before squeezing my sizeable ass into the small shower stall, squealing as my skin touches the cold tiles. The hot water makes up for it immediately and I stand there with my eyes closed, enjoying the massaging drops hitting my skin. I squeeze an abnormal amount of shower gel onto my hand and rub it all over my body, the smell of hibiscus flowers filling the bathroom.

After washing my hair, I side-step out of the shower, holding my belly in to make sure I don't touch the cold tiles again. I dry my locks a little and braid them while they're still moist before rubbing my skin dry.

I walk over to the chest of drawers and grab underwear and my favorite, flowwy dress, sticking my feet into the boots that were hiding under the bed, wiggling my toes inside. I love these fur-lined boots. Warm and comfy feet are such a blessing.

I hum on my way to the kitchen trying to cover up the fact that my stomach growls loudly.

I left the house this morning without breakfast and I've been busy ever since. It's definitely time to eat something. I open the fridge, hoping something miraculously appeared in it, but it still looks as empty as it did this morning. Now what?

I pick up my phone from the table and dial the number Lulu gave me, already bracing myself to hear her voice. But a grumpy, gritty voice answers, making me check the display of my phone to see if I dialed the wrong number.

"Um... hi... I'm Hannah. From number 13. Um... I was wondering if I can still get some food somewhere around here."

"Are you new? Cause everybody knows the shop closes at six. It's seven now, in case you can't tell time either."

Wow. From a way too chipper Lulu to this grinch.