As a guy who deals with depression almost 24/7 I’ve felt many times that little shadow, that
dark side of me that yells and cries for help, that wants me to give up, surrender and forget
about the next days, that sinking moment when things seem to break down and take you
with the falling. And I do know I’m not the only one.
There are moments when you feel overwhelmed, like it is too much for a single person to
handle, that you wish things to disappear and take a break, the ultimate one, to escape and
give up on everything, whatever it may be.
It is normal to be tired and to need a rest, it is okay to feel like things are getting out of
control, that we have nobody to help us, but the biggest mistake is to start thinking we have
no choice, that life is not meant for us, we don’t deserve it, or whatever other similar thought
you have. That’s when we start losing the battle for real.
We all carry a cross, a weight on our shoulders, we all have our responsibilities and difficult
times, the right to feel like we don’t deserve what we’re going through, but we also have an
option, always, and no one can tell you otherwise.
When things start to get darker than ever and I feel like I’m a dead end, that this is it, I know
it is time to forget about everything, everyone and the whole damn world, not taking my life,
but reclaiming it, pushing back all of the demons and fighting back.
The first thing you need to do is not to overthink, don’t let your mind turn against you, neither
your feelings. Cry and scream if you feel you need to, if you know that a single, just a single
cut, could help you, go ahead, a little wound is okay if it prevents you from doing a bigger
damage, but don’t keep yourself in your own cage.
Breathe, listen to music, write everything you feel, talk to someone, put on some clothes and
go buy something you like, but under no concept put your life at risk. Remember we all have
a purpose, and those who make it through the worse of the worse and destined to big things.
Remember the good times, those happy moments when nothing mattered and there was a
smile on you face, when you felt free, when things were brighter than ever, there was
nothing to worry about and everything was fine. Think about all of this, imagine you’re there
again and feeling the same things.
If you smiled, or if you felt a little spark inside, which I’m sure you did, keep doing it.
Darkness is nothing but fears, and there’s nothing to be afraid from, there are no monsters
you cannot fight or bad memories you won’t overcome with a little help of time.
What works the most for me is writing and listening to music. I cry the hell out of me and
sometimes I surprised myself screaming, letting it all get out of me just to breathe again, and
there’s nothing wrong with it. Don’t be afraid of let it go.
There are many songs out there that help you, many books that distract you, many stories
you can write, many games you can play or places to go if you need a vacation from life. I’ve
done all of that, and it is not a must to go to the other side of the world to do that, an evening
in the mall with a friend will help more than what you think.
If you’re not in the mood to see people, respect it, but be sure that it’s your decision and not
the demons’ who chose for you. You can spend the day in home, see a movie on the
internet, put the music as loud as you want, clean a little, take the best bath of your life, try a
new hobby, and many more options to keep yourself safe and sound.
However, if there’s too much for you, if you know you can’t handle it, take the phone and call
for the friend you know you can talk to. Speak, cry, scream, feel everything you need to feel,
and hear what they may have to say. It will help a lot to hear someone telling you how brave
you are, how strong and how much they love you. Sounds silly, but it works.
There’s no need to be alone during this times, allow yourself to break, to lose it for a while
and that others fix you. We are not made of strong, and fake it like we’re a super human will
only make things worse. It is enough to deal with our own demons, but to create more is
unnecessary.
If others want you to change, if you are becoming someone you are not, if you’re living
something that makes you feel bad, then change it. Who cares what other people say? Who
cares if they don’t like you? Who cares if you quit a job that makes you unhappy? We’re
talking about your wellness, not what they expect from you.
The only thing that matters is that you feel good, that you can trust yourself, find a light in
your life and something you love doing and living with. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it, because
at the end of the day it is you who feels bad, who feels like there’s something wrong in what
you do, but you can change it and turn up the light.
Take a deep breath, over and over, distract your mind until you’re relaxed, and take that one
thing you know will lift your mood and make you smile again. Life’s too short to live as other
people say or to give up unto its darkest side.
And one last thing you need to remember: Never, ever, stop smiling.
Written by @AlanDD