—Kayo

I slammed my fist into the punching bag over and over again. Taking out every bit of frustration, I punched the bag even as sweat threatened to spill into my eyes.

"You know, you could always take a break," the voice of my younger brother stated. I grabbed ahold of the punching bag to turn in the direction of the sound only for my eyes to meet Nikolai.

His arms were crossed over his chest as he leaned against the gym's enterance. The light in the gym was very dim, but I could still make out the smirk on my brother's face. He looked more mature than the last time I saw him. He had a buzzed out beard on his face and a lot more muscle on his arms.

"Nikolai," I said. A warmth spread in his chest as he began to walk over to me with his arms outstretched. I pulled him into my chest and wrapped my arms around my little brother.

He chuckled as we pulled away. There was a big smile on his face.

"I haven't seen you in a long time," he said. "Look at you, Sasha!" he laughed.

"I've been busy working out," I lied. To prove a point, I pointed over to the punching bag. He nodded his head in understanding.

"How's Mikhail, Dimitri, Adrien, and, uh, Ivan?" I asked him, referring to my other brothers that I hadn't seen in forever. I hoped they didn't think I abandoned them, especially little Ivan.

"How about you come see for yourself?" Nikolai asked.

I sighed. There was nothing more that I wanted than to see my brothers, but I couldn't look them in the eye and lie anymore. It was killing me inside. I'd rather go years without seeing them than hours lying to them.

I shook my head.

"Cut the crap, Sasha," Nikolai said. "You don't think we know what's going on with you and Hastings?"

I had a feeling Nikolai always knew. It was like he had some sixth sense. He probably knew from the time we were young children only because he would eye my bruises harder than anyone. He would leave a first-aid kit on my bed after my every fight-night. I felt like he knew, but he didn't want to believe it so he ignored it. So, it wasn't news to me that Nikolai was aware, but what was news to me was when he said 'we'.

I raised a brow. "What are you talking about?"

"Dimitri got involved with the wrong crowd. He was there at your fight the other night ago. He knows," he explained. It was like someone reached into my chest and physically squished my heart like a bug.

"Leave," I demanded.

"What?" he questioned. "I'm not leaving. You can't ignore us for the rest of our lives just because you're ashamed. We need you, especially now since..." his voice cracked. "...we won't have anyone soon. All we'll have is Hastings. Ivan has been freaking out, and Dimitri is gonna end up in jail if we don't figure something out. You can't just leave us like this!"

"I vowed to always protect all of you—my family. It's why I bust my ass out there every god damn fight to put food on the table and to make sure Hastings keeps all of you away from any of this," I said. "Trust me when I say the best thing I can do for you is stay away."

Nikolai laughed in disbelief.

"Don't you get lonely without your family? With having nobody?" he asked me.

I did. All the time. There was never anybody who understood. I vowed to silence and keeping to myself, pushing away any soul who dared tried to speak to mine. Even though I was lonely, I could complain to no one. As a part of me preferred loneliness over suffering. I lost everyone so I would never have to know what it was like to lose them.

"Get out," I stated.

I went back to my punching bag and hit it as hard as I could. Nikolai stood there for a moment as I ignored him despite how much I truly didn't want to. It was like he was contemplating something just before he walked out of the gym.

Once he was gone, I grabbed ahold of the punching bag and sighed. Nikolai's words kept playing out in my mind over and over again like a broken record. Ivan and Dimitri seemed like the two main concerns. I didn't like how Dimitri ended up involved in the arena—just stepping inside of it was illegal enough.

I ripped my boxing gloves off and went to my cubby to grab my keys and gym bag. Making my way out of the gym, I locked the door behind me and headed over to my car. It was sunny outside, the heat was slowly making its appearance seeing as it was only morning.

After opening my car door, I slid into my vehicle. The black leather seats were already warm and when I grasped the seat belt, it heated up my fingers. I turned on the ignition and was off down the road.

It didn't take me long to reach my old home. I parked on the other side of the road, a little farther back so I couldn't be spotted. As I sat there, I saw Ivan. He was much older, but not old enough to be a man. He couldn't have been older than fifteen. I watched as he slammed the front door and threw himself down on one of the chairs outside.

Not too soon after, Nikolai walked outside. He tried to console him, but Ivan wasn't having it. Ivan was a lot like me. All the consolation ever did was make things worse. 

A loud car drove by. Even through the inside of my car, I could smell it... weed. I watched as it pulled into the driveway and Dimitri got out of it along with a thick cloud of smoke. The last time I saw Dimitri, he was a nerdy boy... always wearing his glasses and hiding behind books. Now, he was covered in tattoos and looked like a train wreck. Hastings never let me behave that way. I didn't understand how these boys got away with so much.

I rolled my window down slightly just to hear them arguing right on the front lawn.

"Oh, fuck no!" Nikolai shouted. Dimitri rolled his eyes.

"Кто, черт возьми, эти люди (who the fuck is that)?" Nikolai yelled. Dimitri continued to walk past him as the car pulled off. I had my hand hovering over the unlock button so I could get out of my car, but I never had the heart to press it.

"Fuck off, Nikolai. You're not our daddy," Dimitri laughed, walking into the house. Nikolai stared off at the door. For as long as I knew him, I could tell when he was trying to hold himself together. I knew he was on the verge of collapsing.

"I give up. If Sasha can leave, so can I," Nikolai told Ivan. I watched him go over to his car and get in. He didn't hesitate to start it up and speed off down the road.

Only then did I look over at Ivan to see he was already looking at me. He didn't say a word but I could see the confusion in his eyes. I started my car back up just as Ivan continued to look at me, and without another glance, I drove off.

They're better off without me, I thought. Everyone is better off without me.

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