Book Title: The King and The War Dancer

Review: Free 

Blurb, Chapter 1

Blurb:

So usually when I see a blurb that small I'm put off because I like to know a little more information about it before I take a risk. And when I'm doing a critique I'll tell the author they should probably make it more detailed. WELL. WELL. WELL. This blurb is bloody TINY and in just a few short words I'm blown away. You word it brilliantly, like perfectly. It's very clever and twisting and provoking. A princess that isn't a princess, a prince charming that isn't charming? WHO KNEW??

I love the dark element surrounding it, it's very fresh and intriguing. Will they kill each other? Will they fall for each other? Will she dance his socks off? Haha 

I can never get my blurbs right, I might recruit you to write mine haha 

Chapter 1

Eek, firstly, congratulations on getting to over 1,000 views! It really is amazing to watch your views go up and I'm so happy for you :-)

Moving on to the chapter!

Bloody hell did you swallow a dictionary? The vocabulary used in the detail was beyond incredible, you made a woman dancing seem like the only thing in existence. Throughout the chapter, I did keep wondering what might happen because it was a little repetitive with her JUST dancing, but then you bang the ending on me!

WHAT. HUH. HMMMMMM.

I have questions, suspicions and inquisitions! 

So first I was thinking a natural heart attack, because the "no blood spillage" came, but then you mentioned wine glass and I was like POISON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You sly, crafty. . . dancer. Haha! Ntami certainly knows how to use her body to get what she wants, get the man in a compromising position, get his guard down, strike. 

But did she kill him? Or is that what you want me to think? Hmm. Maybe someone else poisoned him and she ran before she got caught. She left with a group so perhaps the man was a target they were all given to take out. 

I DON'T KNOW. Is this girl an assassin? Or does bad luck just follow her around? Given by the blurb I guess it's the former aha 

Honestly, and I swear to God, I am envious of your writing style. You write beautifully. Magically. Professionally. You write in a thousand different ways that many authors would die to write like. I can't fault it, I can't even tell you how much that pains me to say because I know I'm supposed to give a constructive critique.

HOW THE HELL CAN I CRITIQUE THAT??? HOW??????????

So. . . as this chapter was quite short. . . I kind of went looking for more. . . and I read and reviewed the second chapter too :D Hope that's okay?

 Course it is.

Chapter 2

Ah, ah, ah! The veil of perfection has a flaw. I loved this chapter, and the King's introduction. When that carpet rolled, damn I held my breath. 

HOWEVER, there are many mistakes in this, love. YES I FOUND SOME. Firstly, many, many sentences are missing punctuation. Full stops, commas, some in your dialogue and some at the end of paragraphs, where's the punctuation????

I do suggest you give it a quick read through and add some dots to those words. 

But oh your descriptions. Your descriptions kill me. Dead. Died. Gone.

When Ntami was dancing for the King, and teasing him, I was wondering if she was going to try and kill him, but he saw straight through it. Protesting her innocence? Pft. I think they sent her on purpose. The King is so ruthless and sadistic, woah! Condemning an entire family to exile?! Someone give him a chill pill or two and send him across the ocean on a canoe. 

I really don't know how you're going to connect these characters because they're quite the same, but I guess that's the mystery that's surrounding the "dark fairy tale" and the world they're in. It was also nice to see Ntami talking in this chapter, she seems rather sweet. But maybe that's an act? Who knows ;-)

I can't praise you enough for your creativity and your detail, you are one talented homo sapien! The only thing I would suggest is just a little more thought processing. Either from the King or Ntami, put some thoughts in there! 

This looks like an amazing read and the "desert" people are always a brilliant bunch of characters to have in a story aha I wish you all the luck, not that you need it! 

Overall Rating: 8/10 

[remember to add those missing punctuation]

Recommended: Yes! Yes! Yes!