Book Title: Witch Hunt

Review: Free

Blurb and Prologue

Disclaimer: By the length of your prologue and chapter combined, I've made the decision to only critique the prologue. It's taken me two hours just to do that, and I'm not even going near the first chapter until I know you're listening to my advice. Sorry if that's harsh but I'm not spending several hours on a free critique to be ignored. (which sometimes happens.) I'm not saying you will, but you get what I mean aha

Blurb:

Ugh. Ok. Don't take this the wrong way but I'm meant to be reading a blurb not a step-by-step summary. You have way too much information. It's like watching a trailer that kind of reveals the whole movie. Keep it sweet, keep it mysterious. Example:

Normal, hard-working girl Filia has tried her best to avoid talking to people at all costs. She's sour, she's ignorant and she's still got a long way to go before she becomes sociably polite. An attitude that goes in her favor when she joins a secret group of assassins that are hired to shoot and kill anyone they perceive as hostile.

When her team is assigned a mission over seas, Filia embarks on a dangerous and mysterious journey that opens up a conspiracy theory that Filia will do anything to unlock, even if she has to take matters into her own hands.

^ Just keep that mystery there and word it so that it doesn't reveal too much. In all honesty, I wouldn't read your book based on that blurb. There are also several spelling mistakes, such as "an novel" should be"a novel" and "blatantly" should be "blatant." To name a few. However, the plot itself sounds engaging and interesting. 

Prologue:

You probably know what I'm going to say. Never have I read a prologue so long. I know that some writers like writing long prologues, I respect that, but that's just wow. Just get the vital information in there and get out. 

A prologue is, essentially, a pre-book chapter or a post-book chapter. Yes, you've set it as a different date to your first chapter, but you've literally included everything about the book. Why should I read your book when I know she's going to end up alive and going through all that later? 

There wasn't any mystery there, even though I had no clue what was going on. In all honesty, you lost me half way through. I have a short attention span at the best of times, but I'm literally sat on the garden getting distracted by butterflies and birds at any given moment. You focused on too much stuff that should be happening on like the twentieth chapter. I don't know these characters yet. I don't know Filia, I don't know her back story, I don't understand the situation so how can you expect me to pay attention???

I'm sorry if I'm getting harsh but I'm really frustrated. 

Make it shorter. If you want people to click to read chapter 1, that is my honest advice. Shorten it, just write around 500 words about her searching for something in the destruction and then end it with a cliff hanger. You can write all the extra action later in the book.

Only important information should be included in a prologue. So, I don't know why she's spending half of the chapter looking at her surroundings. 

Now, on to grammar and spelling. Oh gosh.

I'm sorry aha, the good bits will be coming! I just like to get these parts out the way first.

The use of "an" or "a." You really struggle with this. Just repeat it in your mind, does it sound right?

"an dog" < does that sound right. 

No.

"a dog."

"a event" < does it sound right.

No.

"an event."

I pointed some of these out, but for future reference just keep it in mind. Moving on to the "it's or its"

Okay.

it's = it is. 

"It's not my fault."

its = belonging to someone/something/describing.

"Its blue diamonds sparkled."

"Her book was beautiful, its pages were soft as snow."

Now the tenses.

Your tenses are everywhere. 

She walks towards the door and picked up the gun. < EXAMPLE OF MIXED TENSES.

"walks" = present.

"picked up" = past.

Is your book in present or past? See, I can't tell lol.

If present:

says, does, walks, picks up, towards, shouts, aims, is, plays, jumps, screams etc..

If past:

said, did, walked, picked up, toward, shouted, aimed, was, played, jumped, screamed etc...

Please keep your book in one tense, unless recalling a memory.

There was something that confused me. When Filia was knocked unconscious and the Widowmaker wakes her up, she calls her Sofia?? Who is Sofia?

Now, the detail. I loved the detailed. You have an amazing talent for description, it was clear what was around her at all times, even if you repeated it a lot. I have no clue what any of those guns are, so I'm not sure why you keep repeating the name of the gun. I'm one of those that would just rather see the word gun lol instead of "A-K23" or whatever.

So much action and so much to comprehend. I was already lost by the time the Ice Queen was introduced. 

It's very fast paced, probably why the chapter length conflicts with it, too much is happening at once. 

You've over-whelmed me. That's not good. 

From what I got from Felia's character, she's very closed and doesn't like to talk. But what I'd like to see more of, is Felia's thoughts. What is she thinking? There's a lot of moving and seeing and talking but not enough from Felia's perspective. Try to write some thoughts in there. 

The ending was epic. Is she dead? Did she get off the zipline? Who's firing at her?? See that would have made an awesome ending about 1,000 paragraphs up.

Aha!!

Okay, on a very serious note, your writing style is very cool and unique. I'd recommend running through your sentences on Grammarly so it can correct any mistakes for you, because there are a lot. However, I think you've got a very exciting plot and I do adore a character like Filia who is an observer rather than a speaker. 

They do say the more intelligent you get, the less you speak.

It does open up a very thrilling insight to how ruthless and brutal the world can get. I'm not sure if Filia is good or bad yet, but I know that she joins an assassin group by the blurb so I'm guessing she's bad aha

I see talent in you for sure. I'm going to be bias and say that this particular genre isn't the type I'd read, but for others that do they'll love it. 

Just work more on your grammar, spelling, thought processes and of course, if you wish, shortening the prologue and cut out irrelevant information so that it's more clear of what is going on.

I wish you the best!

Overall Score: 4/10