Book Title: Dracula's Tempestuous Bride 

Review: Free

Prologue, Chapter 1

 Prologue:

Oh bloody hell! (pun intended) this was fabulous! If you've seen the vampire diaries it reminded me of when Amara first came to life from stone after 2,000 years, I was expecting the Count to be like "I cannot live another day, I must die" but nope, the dude's on a killing spree aha 

Okay, what's with the spacing of the paragraphs? It's giving me a head ache! There's double spaces between them and there should be one. 

I've read so many vampire stories (like so, so many) that sometimes it becomes unbearable to read another, but this one has elves?! What?! That in itself gives you points for originality, I love it when a vampire book goes down the old magical root. I really want to meet this witch that cursed him, seems powerful! 

Poor Toby! That did make me laugh though. You've got a very good dynamic of humor in your writing, as well as making it eerie and scary, so well done for that. The Count's just thirsty, who could blame him? Toby should have had a few blood bags in storage. You know, just in case. Can't have eternal life if you're dead... oops.

Pacing was excellent, very realistic (as can be with a vampire scenario) and the grammar (apart from what I pointed out) was professional. 

Oh the ending! Got a knack for mystery, aye? 

"to find her"

Find who? What for? After 2,000 years in a paralysis state why is he not thinking about alcohol?! I'd be straight to the bar! Aha jokes aside, it was great. I can't really point anything else out that can be improved, you got me!

Well done!

Chapter 1

Bold the "17 years later" so it's more clearer. Again, WHAT IS WITH THE DOUBLE SPACING OF PARAGRAPHS?

LIKE THIS. 

Stop!!!

Okay, this chapter was SO short. Like really short, which I do prefer, but this was insanely lacking in detail. I know they're in a room in a tower, but what does Erinna look like? What is she wearing? What is Melissa wearing to make it an obvious difference? What IS Erinna? Add detail!

I liked the little insight to her feelings, how she dreams of the world outside the tower. So is she trapped there? Has she been trapped there all her life? What is the tower of? A castle, palace, mansion? Could maybe include some backstory there.

More mystery! Their conversation spun my mind. A cloud, stars... a lightening strike? Oh my gosh! I don't know what the heck's going on, but that's certainly a good thing. Where did she go? Where did the lightening strike take her? Did she die? Ah!

Your writing is very good, the potential is certainly there, just needs more detail, a little more back story. The dialogue is excellent, I understood it all (which is sometimes rare on Wattpad) haha and it all coexists to create a very nice pace. 

What is with the author's note literally AFTER the last sentence? No, no, no! Leave a few spaces with a separation like + + + between your author's note and the ending because it will just pull your reader directly out of the story.

Critique? MAKE IT LONGER! 

Because the chapter's so short, I'm reviewing chapter 2.

Chapter 2

Here we go!

Are you ready? I'm ready!

Okay this was much better, you finally described her, and it was amazing. It was amazing from start to finish actually. So, did the bolt of lightening take her to the Count's bed? Hehehe and they say romance is dead.

I think they're so cute together. The conversation was very mature and well-paced, she didn't kick up a fuss or start screaming, it was enjoyable and funny. The insight to the Count's feelings of her was adorable.

"want to protect her, even from himself" < powerful phrase!

I'm starting to think that they HAVE to be together. Like, some kind of weird fate thing? But he's already got genuine feelings for her anyway, which just melts me. She's just so laid back and innocent. She wakes up next to Dracula and the first thing she says is "I know you" I'd be FREAKING OUT. I'd be like "dude, why are you in my BED? Wait...where am I?"

Her reaction is just so elf-like ;-)

I want to see some fight in her though, I hope to see some fight in her, but I just think she's going to fall for him. 

Again, I don't really fully understand what's going on, I'm just enjoying trying to piece it together. Just please for the love of God stop double spacing. I don't know why it gets me worked up, hm, I must have issues. 

Great plot, awesome dialect and you as a writer I can tell is very skilled. 

Overall rating: 8/10

Recommended: Yes!