Book Title: Dagger's Point

Review: Free

Blurb:

When I read the book title the first thing I thought was "dagger's point? that's a little obvious, daggers are pointy." and I thought it was going to be about an assassin with a pointy dagger or something aha I was wrong!

The opening paragraph is good, who shares their blood with the devil? A rider? A horse? oooh the suspense!

But the ending is a little bland. If her dad takes a job in New Jersey, maybe you could put a little extra as to what happens in New Jersey. Like, what does Ollie's journey entail? Give some more insight into the plot a little bit. What does she find? Who does she find? How does dagger's point play into her story?

Chapter 1:

It was a really good start! I'm really impressed and shocked by the detail of your descriptions, they were amazing. The pace was slow, but not too slow that it's boring, it was actually cleverly drawn out and added a great build up into the character's personality and her reluctance to be there. 

From the start it was clear she had been through some kind of trauma, but I liked that it was kept subtle for the reader and wasn't in your face. I also love the fact you wrote in first person-present tense, woo!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been yet to find another writer that writes the same tense as me, so I was pulled in by that.

Once I started writing present, I never went back. 

Ollie seems like a character that is still trying to make sense of things in her life and figure out who she is. I found her attitude interesting and alluring. She wasn't one of those over the top high school cliches that chats about every little thing, she was mature and smart, she thinks before she speaks; I connected to that so much. What a fascinating character!

There was one comment that mentioned something about her being a contradiction, and I do agree slightly. If she never wants to ride again, or be around horses again, then why would she agree to a tour around the barns? I just thought she carried the attitude that meant she didn't want to be part of that world at all anymore. Still, it was quite an interesting tour. And Jasper just makes top-of-the-notch tour guide! (sarcasm included) aha

Dagger's point is a horse! A stallion! Oooooh! This is reminding me of the movie "Flicka" where the girl has her pick of horses but chooses to attempt to train and ride the "nastiest" horse of them all and forms a bond with him after getting herself thrown onto her ass a few times of course aha it was a brilliant and powerful plot.

This is similar. But if it's the same type of plot I'm not sure yet. I kind of get the feeling she'll choose to keep visiting Dagger's Point and attempt to understand him. He seems so misunderstood, but if they can't release him into the wild and they can't put him into the field with the other horses and he most definitely can't be around humans without hurting them, isn't the only option left to put him down :'(

I feel like that might be what Jasper means by telling Ollie not to tell anyone she saw him. He's not supposed to be there.

Or, maybe, there's a deeper meaning to the plot and I'm missing something. 

That blonde woman, ugh! She made me so mad! You can't just "replace" a horse with another. You can't own a dog for ten years and when it dies get another just to "erase" the ten years you spent with your past best friend. Idiot! 

Your writing is so beautiful and poetic, I loved it. Everything was detailed and clear to imagine, you have such incredible talent. 

My only critique for the chapter is your grammar. I pointed some of the mistakes out with your dialogue, but I do suggest you learn a little more about dialogue grammar and dialogue tags.

"Impressive isn't it." The woman says to me. < example. "The woman says" is a dialogue tag. A dialogue tag's first letter is not capitalized. 

Correction:

"Impressive, isn't it," the woman says to me. < comma, not a period. 

Or, because she's asking a question:

"Impressive, isn't it?" the woman says to me.

Other examples:

"I couldn't see it," she says.

"Be there for ten," he whispers.

Example taken from your chapter:

"Are you sure you want to go in?" he asks, instead of answering my question. < make sure to separate the dialogue tag from the information that comes after it. 

There was one sentence that stated something like:

'He asks his footsteps loud behind me as he hurries to catch up.' 

I read that as though he was ASKING his footsteps something lol?! Do you see what I mean? 

Correction: 

he asks, his footsteps loud between me as he hurries to catch up* < make sure to separate! 

This was the only major issue I had with the chapter, just make sure you read up on the rules of grammar and then you can make the edits. Or, follow my guide, but not many tend to. Even though it's rules aha

Another thing I noticed, young one, is your lack of the wonderful dialogue tag "says." 

Hm.

'he says, she says, I say' < do you have a problem with "says"?? Including this as a simple dialogue tag form is actually more professional than not including it and it helps to show who is saying what. 

"To the stallion barn," I say.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he says.

Just something to think about. From a reader's point of view, it looks a little messy without including it. 

If you're confused about any of that, let me know :) Dialogue grammar is so difficult to get right, and I always find it creeping up in these critiques. 

Once you get the hang of the grammar, your chapter will be near perfection. Everything else is portrayed realistically and professionally and I really can see you as a published author one day just from those descriptions alone! 

You developed the character of Ollie at an incredible pace and took your time with bringing out her carefree and conflicting side of her personality. I do predict some romance might blossom between herself and Jasper though, who knows ;-)

I really enjoyed it. And you've made this hard for me!

Well done!

Overall Rating: 7/10

Recommended: Yes!