Book Title: Locked Inside

Review: Free

Chapter 1:

It was a good start. Short, but brutal. There were a few mistakes that I pointed out, just be careful with your dialogue grammar and sentence structures. 

In the second paragraph you wrote that her husband suffers from "consumption" which is alcoholism. It isn't. Consumption is a term for a life-threatening disease called pulmonary tuberculosis, which isn't related to alcoholism at all. So please change that.

As it's only the beginning, I'm interested to know who the killer is and why he/she has chosen this couple to target. In the last sentence though you put "they" which is plural. It'd sound better to word it as "the person pulled the trigger" otherwise it's confusing because you're making it appear like there's more than one intruder.

When the killer says: "You won't have to worry about him anymore" I'm thinking maybe he's some kind of vigilante that's trying to help victims of abuse by murdering the abusers, but because the woman was a witness he had to kill her too.

That was my first impression of the killer, someone trying to do good for the wrong reasons aha I could be wrong. 

The writing style is neat and great, it was clear to read and I really felt for the woman in the first half, putting up with a drunk husband can't be easy. It was good mystery and could be a great plot. Just try not to make it that obvious, cliche detective story as it's getting very overused at the moment. Stick to an original story line with some psychological twists and make it stand out. That's my advice for writing a mystery lol. Pretty simple :P

Great start though!

Chapter 2:

Sorry but there were a lot of mistakes in this chapter, it confused me from start to finish. The very first opening confused me when the detective was trying to find a way to prove we all have different finger marks. Huh?? Every single person on the planet (including identical twins) have individual unique fingerprints, none are the same. That's already been proven, so I didn't understand that. 

There were a lot of constables and inspectors mentioned, too many were mentioned. I couldn't grasp who was who. 

In my very blunt opinion (which I'm sure you love me for) this chapter looks rushed. I'd recommend reading it properly and checking it over before you publish it. There was tense switches, spelling mistakes, plot mistakes (why would the inspector care that the detective's daughter is doing her homework, why doesn't the detective do that instead?) and the POV switches made it unbearable. 

Why not just write in one POV? Why not just leave it as the detective's POV? It all switched around and over-whelmed me. There isn't any thought processes for the detective so I don't even know if it's his POV or not, try to include thoughts. 

Adding the child into it was sweet but please don't tell me she actually assists her father at crime scenes? She's seven-years-old, it's against protocol and what father would take his daughter to a crime scene he hasn't seen yet? He doesn't know what he's exposing her to because no one was briefed on the murder before they all ran off. That's unrealistic and it just doesn't wash with me. But I like Briar and she seems very brave. 

You know that I adore your book Dragons of Egypt, but this chapter feels like it's written by a different person. Take your time, stop rushing, proof read!!! and slow it down. Detail. Thoughts. Descriptions. Information. 

I don't know much about Detective Oswold to comment on him but I hope you can write him as a presentable and intelligent character seeing as though he's taking on a murder. Just make sure you do extra research into your plot to make it believable and come to life, which I know you can do because your other book is amazing. Keep working on it and proof reading and I really hope you turn it into an epic mystery!

Overall Rating: 6/10

Recommended: Yes