Book Title: Luna

Review: Free

Blurb, Chapter 1

Blurb:

The blurb is messy. It doesn't look professional at all, it's all over the place. Yes, you've included essential information and the overall plot, but the way you've written it just makes it look rushed and scattered. Don't swear in the blurb, that just looks amateur. I'd also be careful with the excerpt that you use, the one you used at the top doesn't give us much mystery or insight into the plot. An excerpt like that is pretty common and overused. Maybe use something darker from the book? Something about what she is? Or a fight between them? Just something that gives more.

Preface?

Okay, first thing I'm going to say, why the HECK is the preface in the first chapter?? No, no, no. The preface needs to be its OWN chapter before chapter 1. Indicated by the chapter title not by a line inside the chapter. 

The preface itself, it's okay. A few spelling mistakes that I pointed out but it's not too bad. They're all kind of... dead. Or dying. Interesting! I'm guessing this is futuristic? I liked the detail of death and how it's taking over her, and how she's struggling to fight it. It was very well written. And the "glances" she gives him, knowing what's to come, or might come. It was sad, and mysterious, I'm wondering what happened. Just make it its own chapter!

Chapter 1

Well, well, well. Hm. It was good. Better than I expected. The detail at the beginning was AMAZING to read. How Dahlia seeked out the humans and foretold their futures/desires, like she was some supernatural people-watcher. You really made me connect to her and I instantly fell in love with her character.

How she left her birthday party to read a book ahaha! What on Earth! I'm more intrigued by this "Angela" person. Is that like a person inside her mind? Her wolf-side? She describes her as her wolf, hm, interesting.

Okay, missy, grammar. 

Most of it is great. The flow, the pacing, the detail, the balance. All good. Just be careful with dialogues. I say this in almost EVERY critique. What is it about dialogues???

New line for new speaker, don't put two different speakers into one paragraph. CONFUSION OVERLOAD.

When someone is speaking, don't end it and then write Dahlia's thoughts or actions as though she's the one saying it. NEW LINE.

Maya is such a typically nice best friend. Making Dahlia enjoy herself, dragging her out to a human bar that she gets bored with quickly but goads at her to loosen up. I'd really like to see a "supernatural" club, oooh! 

So Dahlia has daddy issues, just like most protagonists. I guess being the Alpha means he has a lot to deal with and a lot on his plate, it's sad that she doesn't think he cares. Then again, maybe he doesn't. 

I liked it. I like her personality, her powerful perception on humans. It was a really good introduction! 

Just edit the little mistakes and you're good to go. There's a lot of werewolf books out there, and on here, so just try and make it unique and put your own stamp on it. Going by the blurb, I think you've done that, as Dahlia is about to find out she's not JUST a werewolf. Just try not to fall down the cliche road.

She gets mated to another alpha, they hate each other, they begin to love each other. It's over used and it's unbearable. Try and stick to an original idea and an original plot, it's what will make it stand out.

You as a writer, awesome talent. It shines out of your writing. I have no doubts that you're a good writer and will grow to be even better. Werewolf books, however, are not my thing and I don't read any on Wattpad unless through critiques because of the cliche thing. BUT, this has a certain spark to it, something different. 

I wish you luck, well done!

Overall rating: 7/10

Recommended: Yes!