Book Title: Darkened Perceptions 

Review: Free

Blurb, Prologue, Chapter 1

Blurb:

The blurb is very bland and short. Are the Barlow twins girls? Boys? Boy and a girl? What are their names? Placing some specifics into the blurb will draw more readers that can connect. Are they alike, are they different in personality? I know you're writing it short to make it more hooking, but readers on Wattpad like to read a lengthy blurb to fully decide if it will interest them or not. There's hardly anything to go on. So just add a little more information to hook us in.

Prologue:

I'M IMPRESSED. You won't hear me say those words often but there they are! There was so much excitement from reading it; from the archangels, to the nephilim, to the school to the darkened. Ooooh, the darkened don't sound too nice! I like this bit - "they can help us go after the darkened." Training children to fight the dark side? Tut tut!

I love books about angels. Literally love them. They're my favorite. I've already mentioned before in a critique that the Fallen series is one of my top favorites, and this is reminding me of that! Well, more the second book, in the second book there's a school for nephilim too aha but that book is just chaotic with the whole Lucifer and reincarnation bla, this is fresh and exciting. Did I say exciting?!

I think I already did. Ah well. IT'S EXCITING.

Your writing is amazing. Couple of mistakes, but only by letters. Grammar is perfect, THIRD PERSON is perfect. You guys are really impressing me with this third person perfection! The pace, the flow, dialogue, description, it's all brilliantly balanced. 

Because it's set in 1803, I have a feeling the schools are now up and running in present day, but are the darkened more powerful :O? Shall have to see!

Chapter 1

Ooh, I like the change into first person. Okay, ACTION. Woo! Who doesn't love some action, right? Bailey is my kind of girl. Feisty, rebellious, reckless, sarcastic, thinks fast on her feet, you wrote her character perfectly.

I liked the subtle hints that she's kind of supernatural. The way she can see long distances clearly, and can know anyone's name. Interesting. 

There were a few mistakes, just little errors that can be fixed easily. Remember it's "should HAVE" not "should OF" and you're = you are, your = belonging to someone.

As the chapter progresses we meet her father, who comes out of nowhere as this detective that nearly runs her over aha I wasn't expecting that.

What's confusing me, is why she's on the run in the first place? What did she do? 

Because, and this is where my god-awful bluntness comes out to play, you wrote this:

"A big understanding that started with the night of my fifteenth birthday. A woman officer ran up to me, gun raised."

The way you phrased that is making me think she's explaining the night of her birthday, like she's recalling a memory. It's not clear whether that's the case or if it's present day, and a police woman has just run up to her when she's talking to her father. If you get me?

Make that clearer! Memory or present day? This is sometimes the hardship of writing in past tense, and it's why I only write in present tense, because you have to be super careful with the way you phrase things.

Why is she suddenly in the back of a different police van? What did she DO?? Give details :) Or if it's coming in the next chap and you're leaving mystery there then ignore what I've said. I'm just eager to know! Hehe

I love your writing technique. It all feels very realistic and bold. Just edit through those tiny mistakes and it's golden! The plot is very intriguing, and you've got a good view of story telling which many fantasy stories lack. 

Well done!

Overall Rating: 7/10

Recommended: Yes!!!