Book Title: The Killing Game

Review: Free

Prologue, Chapter 1

Prologue:

I really enjoyed it. It was suspenseful, action-packed, Ava is a bad ass in the making, I wouldn't want to mess with her!

I loved how out of all those students in that classroom, including the guys, she was the one that stood up and had courage and followed survival instincts to save them. It's true that remaining calm and thinking fast in a situation like that will save your life.

However, some parts were a little unclear. She hit him over the head, but there must have been a fair few of people in that classroom, it just wasn't realistic that they'd all manage to leave without him firing his gun, even aimlessly. If she had knocked him unconscious then it would be believable, but if she just distracted him for a moment, turning that gun in an instant no matter the pain would have been an instinct. 

It would have been a stampede to get to that door, people would have been crushed, people would have been left behind, people would have been too slow to get there in time. I think this is a situation which could be expanded on and made accurate. 

The action itself though was exciting and thrilling. Why were they there? Why were they shooting people? What changed in that day to cause this? 

For improvements, just add a little more detail. What did the man look like? Was he wearing a mask? Was he tall? Did he resemble a student? 

It just happened a little too fast in the classroom, so take your time with it. 

The ending was interesting. Why would they be followed Ava and her friend? Is it Ava they're after? 

The woods? NO!!!! That's never a good idea!

Also, I don't really think holding a pointy rock against two armed gunmen would evoke a reaction like "I may actually have to murder someone" if they're in front of her, how the heck is she going to take them out with a rock?

Now, if she had picked up the gun from the man in the classroom, that would be more exciting. There's just some small holes that need filling to make it more impacting, but other than that it was written brilliantly and I can't wait to see what's happened to her 7 years later!

Chapter 1

So the point of me doing these free critiques is to review the first chapter and let you know if it's hooking or not. Well, it's written well, no mistakes except from a small error with a tense switch, and the fire and fight in Ava is fascinating. 

All throughout this chapter, I was intrigued by every encounter she had with people. I kept expecting trouble at some point, but it was always a harmless person. I like her. I like her spirit, her aggressiveness and her determination to avenge her friend's death. 

You made it clear from the beginning why she was in Los Angeles, and I can't be sure whether or not that's a good idea or bad idea. Revealing information too early on can put a reader off because they want to read some mystery. 

I'm surprised this is categorized as a romance, the cover is dark and resembles horror. I genuinely thought this was a horror or thriller novel, I don't think romance is the right genre, mystery/thriller's can still have romance. I just think the plot is more on the dark side than the romance side and not what romance seekers would be looking for, but it's your choice. If this is a mystery, then it should be labelled as a mystery. There's THOUSANDS of mystery readers out there that won't find your book because they can't ever come across it. Again, it's your choice, but this was just something that was bugging me aha

Okay, so, another thing that I'm going to pick up on. This chapter, and plot, seems to be about her avenging her friend's death. What is also bugging me, is the little information we know about Dana from the prologue. Because the prologue starts with the action straight away, it isn't clear how close they actually were. As a reader, I would have liked to see a friendly conversation between them before everything went wrong. Just to show their connection a bit more and then I can connect to it, even if it's just for a few short moments.

I think the plot is a creative idea. I'm curious to know how she knows it was gang leaders that were shooting in the high school, and more specifically, which gang it was. Has she been gathering information for seven years? Has she been living off the grid and travelling between states? 

I'm sure this will come up later in the book, but I can't hold in these burning questions :-D

Ava strikes me as someone that doesn't trust easily, and lives day after day plagued with a vengeance she can't control. Sometimes, taking justice into your own hands is the only option. Maybe it gives her a certain purpose of living at this moment, until she finds something healthier to focus on. 

I admire your writing, it was smooth and paced great. Another suggestion is to include more of "I say, he says," in singular sentences because you seem to write dialogue and then include an action. This is okay occasionally, but try not to include it so many times in a row. Something as simple as:

"What was that?" he says, smirking as he takes a step forwards.

Is more professional than:

"What was that?" He smirks, taking a step forwards. 

So include more of "says." 

This seems like a very interesting read, and with the right direction and plot I'm sure it will be a unique read that will become very successful. You are a very talented author, and I wish you all the best!

Overall Rating: 7/10

Recommended: Yes