Yo it's a vent?? Wow! I must be psychic

So yes

Feel free to skip this

It's just my emotional 4 AM self

Me at 4 AM is probably the equivalent to a drunk person okay,,, I do dumb stuff and I get really emotional

So,,,

I'm always ignored??? idk why it just happens

Like I'll be at school and I'll say something and literally no one will acknowledge me (thank God that school is out, I was ready to stab someone) and then another person says the same thing and they get praised or something

And even at family/friend/most social events

I end up sitting in a corner

Drawing or texting or something

Or flat-out doing nothing sometimes

Just staring

Occasionally getting up for food or the bathroom

And people don't even see me??

Like

I swear I'm from the Far Shore

People only see me when I do dumb stuff too

Once I ran into my sister (who was sitting in a chair in the middle of the floor) (I was also being chased by small children) who was eating cake and I got it all over my sleeve and it fell onto the floor or something (smh it was really good cake)

And she starts yelling at me?? And everyone is like "omg" and idk

My aunt helped me get some of it off but my sister was mad at me for freaking running into her dumb ass while she was sitting in the middle of the floor in a chair?? She wasn't at a table and idk I'm just bubbling over with anger and loneliness and shizz right now

And then I went back to being unnoticed and trying to draw in the food area

I got some Doritos

But yeah

My English table in second quarter was made up of complete assholes

They never paid any attention to me, and if they did, they just nodded and smiled or blew me off like I was a little kid

Like

Bitches

I'm smarter than all of you combined and you have the fucking audacity to treat me like a child?! I'll beat your ass right here right now m8

But they made me so angry and depressed and idk man,,, I was too stressed to deal with them ever and I'm surprised I didn't cry at any point bc when I was telling my friend about it I almost cried

But yeah

I get excluded in a lot of conversations too

Like

My family will decide where we're eating or what we're doing without my consent or ideas

And when I try to talk

I get talked over and nO ONE CARES!?

How fucked up is that

My family's supposed to be the group of people I fall back on and all they are is just a group of people I hate most of the time

Reasons??

1) Dad

He's nosy, talks over me, pokes fun at me, judges me, insists on knowing what I'm doing on phone and irl, thinks he knows everything about me, and just ughhhhhhhhhhh

Like ily but you need to stop

2) My sister, Madison

She's stereotypically girly (so we're polar opposites and generally hate each other), dumb most of the time, focused on outward appearance, childish, interrupts me constantly and doesn't care, hypocritical, judges me all the time, mean, annoying, and jajejsjjsndnxnxn

Sometimes I love her but she seriously has no chill

3) Mom

Actually my mom is pretty chill

But yeah I always end up venting to my friends because I have trust issues with my family lmao

Whenever I tell my dad I'm feeling sad, he blows it off by saying "That sucks" or like "It's just hormones, don't worry. You'll feel better soon." Like bitch what do you mean

And when I tell him about something that made me angry he justifies the other person's actions and makes me feel crappy because I apparently did them wrong because "Hey! This one thing about them says they didn't know they were doing it wrong!" or something stupid af

And then I just feel like the villain and I'm always made into the villain in any situation and I hate it and don't know how to stop it because I think everyone just hates me it's probably a conspiracy to get me to kill myself or something 😒

idk I can't stop typing this is a word-vomit and I'm getting choked up because no one listens to me?? And whenever something happens I'm the bad guy

Like when I'm humming and my sister asks me to stop, I keep fucking doing it because she never stops when I tell her to stop

And then she yells at me

And my mom/dad yells at me too

Saying

"I should be the bigger person"

Well maybe your younger daughter shouldn't be such a fucking hypocrite maybe then I'd be the bigger person

Maybe you shouldn't choose favorites?? Because whenever I tell Mom to tell Madison to stop humming when she doesn't, Mom says "It's okay, she can keep humming if the song is stuck in her head" or something stupid like smh

Also when we're in the car and a song comes on that Madison doesn't like (when we're listening to the Octane station [lmao just kidding they never agree with me] or when it's a song she just doesn't like on Mom's playlist or something) Mom will skip it

But when I say I don't like a song

They keep fucking playing it and that pisses me off so much

Like if you say we're treated like equals

Then actually treat us like equals

And whenever I bring this up to my parents they're like "You're treated exactly like your sister!" like lmao no??

And my family always manages to put me in a bad mood somehow

One time me and my sister were fun-wrestling (this'll end well) and everyone was having fun and she pulled my hair since idk it's so long and easy to grab??

And so I pulled on the bow that she had on her hair tie

And lo and behold

The hot glue came off with the bow

And my entire family yelled at me, saying that pulling hair wasn't cool and that I shouldn't have done that

She pulled my hair first??

And they always are like "You should be more present! Come downstairs more!" and then when I explain that my room is my safe place and they're taking that away from me they don't care

And whenever I'm mad they assume it's about something they did recently or something like ??? Not everything is about you?? Maybe I'm pissed because I had a sucky day

Maybe you need to stop being a FUCKING IDIOT

Or maybe both

But seriously my family is so judgmental and dumb and ughhhhh

I just want to go outside and look at the stars but I'd have to go all the way to the barn and it's too far to walk at 4:40 AM even though I live in the country and no one is here (except for the two people who just drove by w tf)

But seriously I'm always ignored or antagonized

That's a quick summary of whatever the hell this mess was

ily guys don't be like me ✌🏻️💙💙

Also I keep thinking of Ava and it makes me freaking mad because I hate her so much and ughhhhh I just want to cry...