Song: Coming Down by Five Finger death Punch (piano mix---sorry no lyrics)

Anthony:

I passed out in my car in Blake's driveway. The sun blinds the hell out of me, waking me up. I head on home but to my surprise when I pull up it is gone, burnt to the ground. Cops are everywhere.

One sees me and he walks over to my car with his partner. "Can we help you sir?"

I get out of my car and my eyes scan the whole house looking for my family.  "This...this is...was my house. What happened?"

"You live here?"

I nod frantically.  "Yes...well did. Where is my mom?"

The two officers look back at each other. "Son...your mom and sister did not make it out. Your little brother was taken in to the hospital for inhaling smoke. He should be alright. Can we ask where you were last night?"

"I was at a friend's house; he was having a party."

"We will need to verify that later...just for the reports. Do you have anywhere you can go?"

I shake my head no but then nod yes. "I can stay at my grandparent's house." I lied to them. This is the only home I have and it is gone. Who in the hell would have done this. It's payback it has to be. Every day someone is making some kind of comment related to what happened to Katana. It was all my fault and I know someone is trying to get back at me for it.I should have made her leave that night. I should have told her to just go. Then none of this would have ever happened.

After she left the room last night, walking back through the house everyone was looking at her and back at me. Everyone was talking about what happened in the room. No one really knows but the two of us and we did not have sex; it was nothing like that. We had words that's all. Of course I had blood running ggv out of my nose. All the rumors were spreading around so fast.

Jake came up to me. "We need to talk." He pulls me to the side. "Are you and Ana hooking up what the hell man?"

"No...it's not like that."

"Really man, everyone saw you two go to the back room, don't tell me it was just to talk."

"I'm serious man. She doesn't like me that way."

"Really, tell me you haven't slept with her?"

"Well I...I..." He swings at me hitting me in the jaw. I don't hit him back because I probably deserve to be hit for what I have done to her. There is no way I can tell him the truth.

"Get the fuck out of here man, just go!" He yells at me. I walk out taking a fifth with me. I sit in my car and drink the rest of the bottle only to pass out in the damn driver's seat.

Now I look back at the house that I grew up in...what freaking house. What happened? I have nowhere to go. We haven't talked to family in years and I really don't have friends any more not since the word got out that my dad almost killed Katana. They all look at me like all of it was my fault. Hell maybe it was. I haven't told anyone that I raped her too...that it was me that took her out to the field and left her for dead. Everything is my fault.

I skip school the first part of the week. I just don't feel like facing everyone. I can't take this shit anymore. I mean here I was, a part of the team, a part of something and now they all are dissing me like I never belonged there. Friends...what fucking friends. I have no one.

My mom and sister died in the fire. They took my little brother away; I'm sure they will put him in foster care now. It may be just as good for him to go there anyway at least he won't have to grow up in a house full of hate...full of fear like I had to do.

I don't care to go see my dad but I hear he is requesting to see me. I wait for him in the visiting area at the jail.When he comes through the door, I see it in his eyes. This is also my fault.

"Where the fuck where you?" He blames me for everything.

I don't say anything to him.

"I said, where the fuck where you. You are the man of the house now it is your responsibility to take care of them...you...their dead because of you. You were not there; where were you?"

"I was out with friends, I'm sorry I wasn't at home."

"Sorry! Boy, you think that is good enough? Your mother is dead, your sister and you are just fucking sorry."

I look around the room to see if anyone else is paying attention to us and no one really is. They are all in their own conversations. "I know I should have been home. I should have been there. I should have saved them."

"Yeah, well you didn't now did you. You're just a fucked up loser. You can't do anything right. This is all on you son; why the hell did you leave her out there alive."

"I never thought she would make it through the night."

"Yeah...well that just goes to show you how stupid you are. What did you think was going to happen? She fucking survived. I bet that fucking father of hers had something to do with the fire."

"We don't know that for sure; it could have started by anything...anyone." I think about everyone at school and why they would do something like that just to get back at me.

"Yeah...well this is on you. You do you understand me."

"Yes sir."

"Get the fuck out of here; you worthless piece of shit."

I stand up and glare at him. I will show you how worthless I really am. I walk out not even thinking about looking back at him.The rest of the morning I think of ways to end all of this. I am so done with being called worthless. Even when he is behind bars he still gets to me. I have never been good enough. I do everything wrong. All I am is a fucked up mess. I will never be anything or good enough.

I go back to the house and walk out to the shed. I find his secret stash of guns that I am surprised the investigators did not find. I hold the one, a Glock 22 it holds several rounds and will do the right damage that I need. Then I pull out his old 9mm Beretta it holds several rounds as well. I place them in my backpack and head to school. I walk in and make my way down the hallway. I hear hushed voices. I see the glares and I know everyone here knows what I really done. They all know it was me; it was all my fault. All of it.

By lunch time I am itching to do something about it. I will never be what my father wants me to be. Even the thoughts that go through my mind at the moment. I set the backpack down next to my table. I unzip it like it is nothing. I pull out the two guns and hold them in the air. I fire the first few rounds in the air to get everyone's attention. Really I just want to see their reaction. That scared look on their faces, that look I have had most of my life living with my dad.

He use to beat the shit out of me. It was on a daily basis and when he started to molest me and do things to me that no father should do to his son, no one ever stopped him. My mother was scared shitless of him and wouldn't dare try to stop him. My sister and I lived daily in fear of him. And even now with him behind bars he still has control over me.

All the screams collide into one. Everyone is starting to run for their lives. I don't think as I pull the trigger. I don't think who all is around me. I guess that is selfish of me. I watch blood splatter everywhere and I don't give a shit. I aim mostly at my team mates; they should have been there for me. They fucking dissed me like I was nothing. I no longer belonged with them. I aim at the cheerleaders, hoping that she was one of them. But I don't see her. Where the fuck is she? I should have never let her live that night then none of this would have happened.

I stop shooting and walk down the hallway.  I know I only have a few more rounds and I want her. "Katana, where are you?" I yell out. "Katana...where the fuck are you?" I get madder by the second.

I go to several classes looking for her and everyone screams. I shoot a round into the crowd and everyone ducks down. I go to the next room and the next. I guess word got around and classroom doors are locked, all the lights are out and I can't get into them.

As I'm walking back towards the cafeteria two officers are in the hallway pointing their guns toward me. "Son...put the weapons down."

"I ain't your son...I'm no one's son!" I shout back irritated.

"We won't ask you again; come on now you don't want to do this."

"I need to find her?" I search the area around me looking for her.

"Who?"

"Katana, I should have never let her live that night."

"We will help you find her, if you put the gun down." They yell down the hallway.

"No! No you won't. You think I'm that stupid. She fucked up my life; I should have never let her go."

"Son, I mean...Anthony, come on put the weapons down now. We can talk this over."

I shake my head no...no we can't talk this over. There is nothing to talk about. "I have a confession to make. I...I...was there that night. I raped her too! My dad made me. I did it. Then I carried her out to leave her to die. I should have killed her though. Then none of this would have ever happened. I should have killed her that night."

"Anthony!" His voice comes out calmer than I expected.

"Shut the fuck up! Just shut up." I shake my head. I did this. I hear the screams coming from the cafeteria. I know what I have done. I will not go to jail for this. I will not end up like my father. I hold the gun to my head and I don't hesitate to pull the trigger.

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Author's Note:There is so much talk about school shootings and being bullied and such. I wasn't going to add this part because it is not ok to take other's lives. But this is reality...in the world we live in today. If you have these thoughts of hurting others or yourself please find someone to talk to. Life is precious....once it's gone it's gone, there is no going back. Also there are lots of websites to visit about Safe schools and suicide prevention if you want to check those out.