Song: Fear by Blue October

I look down at my arms. I have deep scratches all the way up them on both sides. I also have new bandages around my wrist from where I was clawing at them.

"They had to redo the stitches...so it may be a few more weeks before that heals all the way." She gestures to my arm with her hand. "Those will heal in time. Katana, what happened last night?"

I shrug feeling defeated. "I don't know," I say honestly.

"You sure about that; look it's just me alright; I'm not judging you."

"I don't know. I was sleeping and he was there."

"Who was there?"

"Mr. Harper, he was there. I was trying to escape."

"So, this Mr. Harper, he is the one that hurt you. What was he doing?"

"Very bad things." I reach for my neck and she looks at it. I have a few scratches there as well but also a faint scar from the belt. Hopefully it will fade in time but who knows when that will really be. Even if it ever does I will forget about it.

She gets up and grabs something from the shelf and then comes back over to me. "You want to play a game?"

"Seriously...a game." I look up at her and she is just giving me that look. "Sure...why not," I sigh. "It's not like I have anything better to do."

"So this is a deck of cards, on each one it has a question. Some are simple, some are hard. You play who has the highest card. So it's like whoever has the highest number card replies to the question on their card and you keep the cards in play." She is dealing out the cards between the two of us, while she is going over the so called rules.

One the first round she got a ten I got had a two. She replies to the question, simple as that. Guess this isn't too bad. We play a few rounds answering back and forth. I tell her my favorite color and hobbies and other things. This is a more as a getting to know you type of game. So I am starting to relax a little.

The question comes up."What are you afraid of?"

 I look up at her and bite my bottom lip.

"It's ok, we are all afraid of something; there is nothing wrong with being afraid. I'm afraid of being alone at night." She looks back at me waiting for my answer.

"I'm...I'm...afraid he will come after me."

"Who, Mr. Harper?" she asks.

I nod my head.

"I heard that he is locked up, may be there for a long time."

"What if he gets out? What if he comes after me again?"

"I hope he never makes it out. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"What that night or the dream?" I ask her, even though I really don't want to talk about either.

"You tell me, I'm listening."

 "I was stupid. I made the biggest mistake in my life." I shake my head looking away from her. "You see the squad likes to go caroling at Christmas to cheer up the neighborhood and his was on the list because his son Anthony played on the football team. His little brother came out to watch and I...being me picked him up so he wouldn't get hurt. When I took him to the door he was sleeping and Mr. Harper asked if I would put him to bed."

Her eyes slowly look up to me. "So you took him to his room?"

I nod, "Stupid right?"

She doesn't say anything.

"I knew the moment the door shut behind me that I made a mistake. My dad taught me better than that. I tried fighting him off of me, believe me I tried but he was so much stronger than me and...and..." I reach up to my neck and touch the sore flesh with my fingers. "He wrapped the belt around my neck so I couldn't breathe. I started to lose control of my body, my thoughts, everything was fading in and out. He ripped my cheer outfit off of me and I tried so hard to fight back but...but...he won in the end." I wipe the tears away. "I thought he was done. I thought it was over but he called his son in there. No one knows about Anthony because I didn't tell anyone."

"Why did you keep it a secret?"

"He was supposed to be a friend. Hell he was one of my boyfriends best friends for crying out loud; how do I tell everyone at school that Anthony did that and then carried me out of the house to leave me for dead. I woke up in a cornfield. I almost died; he left me...to die."

"Oh my, I bet going back to school with him being there was hard."

"You have no idea, rumors were all over the damn school. The whole town for that matter. Jake was pissed off at me, my dad couldn't freaking look at me, my friends...hell they left me there at that house. They could have waited on me; they could have went in with me."

"You felt abandon by everyone."

I slowly nod my head again.

"So you tried to escape, that's why you hurt yourself." She looks down at my wrist.

I roll my eyes and take a deep breath. "Can we please talk about something else?"

"Sure." She drops the subject just like that and we do two more rounds and then she puts the cards away. "So I want to try a different medication alright. I don't want you having nightmares like that again."

"I don't remember what even happened. I was out of the bed and crying and I...I...don't remember scratching my arms. You got to believe me; I wasn't trying to hurt myself."

"I know, we are going to try our best to work out the meds alright. It's going to be alright."

Clara walks with me to the cafeteria to eat breakfast. Most of everyone is already gone. I was in Sarah's office for longer than I had planned. Today afterwards we go to the art room and the teacher in there seems to be pretty nice. She hands me a sketch book so I can draw whatever. She also turns on the radio. I doodle while listening to the music. I don't see anyone that I know so I keep to myself.

 At lunch time, I make my way to the cafeteria and they are all sitting at the table already. Raine sees me and comes over with a twinkle in his eye. "Well there you are...I was wondering about you today." He grabs a tray and starts piling on food without even asking what I would like to have.

"Sorry, it's been a rough morning. Thanks for helping me out...again."

"Yikes...well hopefully the rest of the day will be better." He says as I follow him over to the table. Everyone says hi about the same time as I do. Then they go back to talking about whatever it was they were talking about. I try to eat but every time I take a bite I feel like I'm going to puke so I push the tray away.

 Halfway through Clara comes over to me. "Katana you need to try to eat something. We have to mark that you ate."

"Clara...I can't; I feel sick." I wrap my arms around my waist.

"Just a few bites, come on you can do it."

"Clara, seriously...I...I..." I look around for the nearest trash can and try to make my way there before puking my guts out.

 She is right behind me along with Raine. "You are really hot." She is touching my forehead and pulling my sleeves up to get me to cool down. She also tries to fan me while someone gets a wheel chair for me to sit in to take to the nurses' station.

They help me sit down and as they are wheeling me away I happen to look down at my arms and hurriedly pull my sleeves back down. I look up and he is looking the other way. I know he had to see. Just great...I don't want to have to explain it. When we get to the nurse, Clara looks at Raine. "We got it from here, go on back now."

"Are you sure; is she going to be alright?"

"She will be there shortly. She's just not feeling well at the moment." Clara gets out the thermometer and checks my temperature and then she reads my vitals. "You are a little warm but not really a fever. How do you feel?"

"Better since I puked." Which wasn't a lie. I did feel a little better.

"Maybe it was from a panic attack.  Would you like to lie down for a little bit before going back?"

"I guess so." I lay down on the bed and she leaves me there.

She comes back about two hours later to check on me. "Hi sunshine, so you feeling any better."

"I just feel tired. I should be fine though." I sit up and grab the crutches. I walk with her back down to the commons area.

"Oh today is group therapy. You have about twenty minutes alright and then I will show you where to go."

The guys are sitting over at a table playing some kind of card game. I don't bother them instead I take my notebook and go over to the far window and sit. I look out the window and envy all of those that are outside. I watch a group play volleyball and there are a few people off to the side kicking a ball back and forth. I am lost in my own thoughts when I feel him next to me.

"Hey how are you feeling? Is everything ok?" He seems really concerned about my well being.

"Yeah, I'll be ok. They think it was related to stress or an anxiety attack; I don't know." He looks down at my arms that are now completely covered back up. I wait for him to ask but he doesn't. I want to explain about it but do I have to, I mean it's not like I owe him an explanation or anything.

"Well we got to go to group therapy; are you going?"

"Actually yes. Clara said I had to go today." I stand up and walk beside him.

 Clara comes over to get me and he tells her that he can show me the way. So I walk with the group and of course she walks not too far behind us. I guess to make sure that is where we are going.