Author: TheConfusedTurtle

Book: Of Spellbooks and Thieves

Genre: Fantasy

Chapters Read: Prologue - 2

Kat Tails: 8

Thank you for your patience in waiting for this review and for your work as a judge! Let's get started, shall we? This review will contain spoilers for the chapters read. Please keep this in mind if you are going to continue past this point!

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Cover: 5/5

Vivid colors, readable text, cleanly structured, genre suitable, and with an image that matches title and gives idea of content—your cover really has it all! It's eye-catching and appropriate for fantasy and your chosen audience (text in another language immediately gives me high fantasy vibes). I also like the slightly spiky font of the title contrasted with the flowing script of the author name.

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Title: 4/5

The title accurately represents the content and genre of your story. It's straightforward, which can be both a good and bad thing. On one hand, I can know—quite literally—that your book is a tale "of spellbooks and thieves" and it's appealing because I can vibe with the fantasy elements. On the other hand, it doesn't hold a great amount of mystery or hook that will make me say "I need to know more".

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Blurb: 4/5

Your blurb has all the necessary bones that a blurb should have: main character, settings, conflict, and stakes. It lays them out in a clear and precise structure. However, I think certain aspects could be more specific or elaborated on in order to further draw in the reader. 

For example, I know very little about Tobias from the blurb and the first detail ironically highlights the sister whose shadow he grew up in. It could be helpful to give him a title that the reader can connect to him in their heads—a simple description or a positive trait that lets us know who he is as the protagonist. (For example, we'll relate Eira to "the thief" within the first chapter, though she's the antagonist so the description is understandably negative.)

I would also suggest giving us more of an idea on how Tobias' world—which is turned upside down—and the dangerous world contrast in order to raise the stakes. Why is the world around him so dangerous? Maybe the thief has threatened his life. Maybe the world abounds with killer reptiles or something along those lines xD

For the "blood-stained secrets of the past", perhaps specify what past? I sort of assume it's not Tobias', because his past is a sheltered one. But is it Eira's? Their kingdom's?

Last is a question about your tenses. I'm not sure if you noticed that the first two sentences of the first paragraph are in past tense before switching to present? It's completely up to you, but I think the meaning is the same and the flow is improved if the tense is steady all the way. (Also, slight suggestion for the first sentence's structure because it reads slightly off.)

Original: In a world ruled by magic and dragons, Tobias grew up in his older sister's shadow and sheltered from harm. Though grateful, he was never content with this life. When a mysterious spellbook lands in his hands, he accepts it as the key to something greater.

Suggestion: In a world ruled by magic and dragons, Tobias grows up in his older sister's shadow, sheltered from harm. Though grateful, he is never content with this life. When a mysterious spellbook lands in his hands, he accepts it as the key to something greater.

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Writer Interaction: 5/5

Disclaimer: This category does not reflect on a writer's skill at all. It is merely given points as it shows the writer is invested in their readers' opinions and suggestions and can be used to project future growth. (Also, Miya is using her judging rubric and doesn't want to change it because it totals to a neat 100 points as is XD)

Writer is highly invested in their readers' interactions and responds positively to constructive comments.

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Plot/Pacing: 9/10

The plot starts off quickly and we're pulled into the conflict of Eira stealing Tobias' book. The plot progression and the goal is clear and interesting. My only reservation is that I think it almost starts too fast, in that the inciting incident happens before much groundwork is laid. The prologue helps with this in some part, but I believe what I'm feeling is that Eira stealing the book has little surrounding context. The norm is but vaguely established before it is, in effect, upset by the act of burglary.

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Description: 8/10

There are some *chef's kiss* moments of description that I have to bring up because it would be a crime not to, namely: Eira's eyes, Kase's intro (srsly Turtle, I can tell he's your favorite from his description xD), and Smoke! I suggest adding those little dashes of flavor to other areas and not hoarding it to yourself along with that tear water tea stash. An example that comes to mind is when the sky is described as blue (once in chapter one and once in chapter two), because I know you can do so much more than "[deep] blue sky".

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Characters: 7/10

You introduce your characters well and I enjoy the air of mystery that surrounds both Eira and Kase. By contrast though ... I don't know how I feel about Tobias. I'm not sure what changes have been made this draft so please accept this chunk of salt to go with what I'm about to say. I suspect that the reason why he doesn't feel quite ... real say, to me is because his backstory doesn't seem to be there. Like, what did he do for a living or what is his daily life like? What are his interests and what is he good at? I know that he's studied that book for years and his older sister is his role model but where's the rest of his family and does he have friends? It's fine that much of this info isn't given, especially if it's an important reveal later, but it can become difficult to bear with him when I don't know where he's coming from or have context clues. Maybe having a chapter at the beginning with Talia could help with this?

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Vocabulary/Syntax: 9/10

Pretty airtight and clean. *tips my hat to you* 
There's slight repetition when it comes to character actions (e.g. Tobias leans against the tree twice in the first chapter and during dialogue, there's a tendency for the action beats to feel like they've been blocked out like in a movie script). Nothing a little added variety can't freshen up.

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Grammar/Punctuation: 10/10

No errors to be found! Nice job <3

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Style/Formatting: 9/10

Chapters have a great sense of completion and end on a cool line each time. Paragraphs are equally well formatted. The writing style (as I believe I've mentioned before) reminds me of The Hobbit. Very much a tale of a bookworm who's perfectly cozy at home being forced to go on an adventure but who comes back with a tale to write of his own.
There are points where I think metaphors could come in handy for a little added prose and description. They would also provide more insight into Tobias' background since they can be related to past experiences.
Tobias' direct thoughts feel a tad awkward a couple times when italics are used. It may be because he also speaks out loud to himself and with third person, most of the narration is still his. I think it's a matter of balance and won't be too hard to fix. Here's one that I remembered—the paragraph with: Which would be the point of her going far.

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World-building/Concept Originality: 9/10

I loved the details you added to your world, like Classes of dragons and Kase's pin, how gold in the eyes can signify mage powers. You've clearly put a lot of thought and planning into how your world and magic systems work. Even the mentions of the hybrids let us know that the world is larger than our starting place at Tobias' tree. Dragon riders bonded with humans and magic powers with spellbooks are well-loved tropes that I'm happy to find here.

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Personal Enjoyment: 9/10

You know how much I enjoy your writing xD Enough that I suffer the pain train more than once as well as having my heart ripped out of my chest ... and the antics of our lovable idiot (though he does have more braincells now! :D)

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Total: 88/100

Congratulations, radiant one! You've obtained the rank of an eight-tailed kat. Besides the ability to perpetuate much arson through flames, the eight-tailed are also capable of causing destruction via lightning! Use your powers wisely (or chaotically, as kats often do). Thank you for your work as a judge (and for being my forced friend) <3 I hope this review is of help to you in your writing journey!